Is it safe to date a psychopath?
Not loving these ugly blobs of grey all over the page. It’s all because I’ve quoted an external source, but here they fuse with the border around my French graffiti picture to create something hideous. Dear readers, please know I did everything I could to tone the effect down, but failed miserably. We’ll just have to accept the grey is a part of all our lives now.
So I recently came across this question on Yahoo! Answers:
Is it safe to date a psychopath?
Mille mots d’amour, version psychopathe.
I know that most of you will ask me, ‘Has this person been formally diagnosed?’
And yes this person has been.
Even if they hadn’t been, they show all the signs of being psychopathic.What (if there is any) way is the best way to date a psychopath without getting hurt too badly?
[I get that there will be hurt somewhere along the line, but that happens all the time.]
Frankly, I respected the cautiousness of the OP, but still I thought she (you can tell from the writing tone it’s a she) retained a certain misguided idealism that was ripe for popping. My answer:
Oh yes, we make really considerate partners.
We never manipulate or sweet-talk you into doing things for us. We don’t threaten or abuse our ‘loved ones’ and we don’t pressure you into doing illegal things with us. We definitely don’t choose the gullible and the easily dominated as partners and we would hate to hurt you physically or mentally. We promise to love you and be there for you forever, to remain faithful throughout the relationship and we swear there will never come a time when we get bored of you and chuck you away like last night’s takeaway.
What’s more, we always tell the truth.
(https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20150217075103AAyFqIN)
I’ve made a habit of answering psychology-related questions on that website. I am helpful at least twice as many times as not, though I’ll admit sometimes I abuse the format and lack of proper admins to mess with people. This answer is a little bit of both, as although the message is clear enough, I was obviously in a sarcastic mood at the time. Obviously.
I get just as much satisfaction from helping as harming, as whether one or the other, I am influencing somebody else’s life. It’s a power thing. What’s interesting is that I have noticed other psychopaths doing the same, for example the sidebar of my question links to this little gem https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100414134339AAtEIwU
So, contrary to popular belief, psychopaths can be wilfully helpful, despite apparently not possessing any altruistic tendencies.
Are you surprised? Has your worldview just been radically altered? Do you have lots of opinions and a big mouth? Then leave a comment below!
No Psychos, No Druggies, No Stooges 
A Psychopath and a Scholar 16:06 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
Psychopaths can make great partners, the issue is just figuring out whether they actually care for you or not. I’m a psychopath and my two longest relationships were opposite. With one, I actually liked the person and I was honest, didn’t cheat, and did my best to be a good partner. With the other, I just needed a place to crash for awhile, and I never even liked her and lied constantly. However, they couldn’t tell the difference. If you’re paying the rent or the relationship is all about sex… you’re probably being used. Psychopaths can “care” for someone though, it’s just on a logical level rather than an emotional one.
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James 18:13 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
So you didn’t make the one you disliked subconsciously miserable. Would you mind explaining, for the benefit of our readers, what you mean by logically caring for someone?
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A Psychopath and a Scholar 18:58 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
Logically caring for someone is much like friendship. In this case, I liked who the girl was as a person. She had characteristics that I respected, and she was enjoyable to be around. Because I respected her, I treated her as well as I could. In the case of the other girl, I was obviously just using her. Both of them I broke up with, and both of them would take me back. I didn’t destroy their lives or make them miserable. I only made them sad when I left. Not all psychopaths are out of control. Just because I wouldn’t feel bad about hurting someone doesn’t mean that it makes me feel good or that I hurt everyone I can. I don’t feel bad or good outside of the physical sense. I just do what makes sense to me. I’ve never had a girl break up with me or even realize that I was a psychopath. In fact, people generally love me as long as I pretend to be normal. A psychopath dates people for one of two reasons: either 1) it benefits them, or 2) they enjoy being around the person. If a relationship isn’t benefiting me, than the only reason I’d be there is a genuine logical attraction, and that is stronger than the chemical attraction that goes away after 1-3 years. I still like that same girl from 7 years ago and I wouldn’t have left her if I didn’t have to move out of state.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 19:32 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
Physically makes me queasy. I wouldn’t live in an emotionless void like this for a billion dollars.
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James 19:45 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
What is it about his answer that makes you feel queasy? There’s nothing unusual here. He didn’t mistreat the girls. He even liked one of them, without any additional benefits. What’s your problem?
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 20:14 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
Dating someone is an emotional investment. You depend on your chosen one to look out for your best interests. You depend on your partner to share truth. It is supposed to be mutual, not one-sided. It must be the off-balanced aspect that makes me queasy.
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A Psychopath and a Scholar 22:08 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
Genetic psycho, you have to remember that being emotionless is not a choice that the psychopath made. It is simply our nature. You want us to attempt to fit into your emotion-driven society, but then we are the bad guy because we pretend to be nice? My nature, like most animals, is to kill anything that threatens me and to take what I need and want. The fact that some of us attempt to “fit in” is something you should be thankful for. Your emotion is based on what you were taught, not what is in your nature. Your nature is the same as mine, I just don’t feel guilty for not following unnatural norms.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 22:40 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
I am not trying to make you fit. I accept you the way you are. In addition, I was not taught emotion, I was raised in a family of backstabbing psychopaths.
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A Psychopath and a Scholar 22:52 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
It seems that you are under the impression that all psychopaths are bad people – no doubt due to the fact that your family hurt you emotionally. Nature is only part of the story though. All people live based on what they believe to be “right”, and that comes from their own observation of the world. Some psychopaths want to burn the world, some want to save it. But there is no shortage of emotional people who have guiltlessly killed in the name of god or country. Everyone justifies their actions, psychopath or not. Hurting others may not make us feel bad, but it also doesn’t make us feel good. Like everyone else, we do what is right in our own eyes.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 23:01 on April 24, 2015 Permalink
I would not use the word “bad.” I judge on behavior, not inherent neurology. The people who have done me wrong are on my shit list, but not all psychopaths in general. I love my family, from a distance. i don’t give them the opportunity to mess with me because I know what they do to each other. And as far as violence goes, that is not a psychopathic trait. I am probably more likely to be violent than you are, if I react badly. Society’s all about treating people right, so we can all have peace. Not about whatever thoughts are in your head. I don’t have pure thoughts, so what, I’m not going to go around hurting people. Psychopathy maybe puts the thoughts in your head, but you don’t have to act on them.
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A Psychopath and a Scholar 23:18 on April 24, 2015 Permalink
But alas, what behavior is unacceptable? Your desire for peace speaks of your fear/insecurity. Not that this is bad – most people feel the same way. However, nature provides us with no reason to believe in right and wrong. We are all designed to kill. To survive. In Vietnam, the slaughter of puppies for food is normal and good, whereas in the U.S.A., it is wrong. In some places, cannibalism is acceptable, and in others, it is horrifying. What is “right” and “wrong” is based on what you believe. Nature only commands us to survive and procreate. In today’s society, the weak have merely banded together to fight the strong and give themselves a better chance of survival. Psychopaths are stronger willed, and thus at a disadvantage in today’s society. Your idea of society is built on submission, but mine is built on freedom. Freedom and safety are opposites though, and one cannot have both.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 23:22 on April 24, 2015 Permalink
Fear and insecurity? Huh? Peace means leave me the hell alone and I won’t shoot you. That’s peace to me.
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A Psychopath and a Scholar 23:28 on April 24, 2015 Permalink
Peace isn’t realistic. Nature demands that we kill in order to survive. Everything that gives you calories was once alive. Even if humans don’t kill each other, they have to kill something. And realistically, we’re designed to fight each other over the best food and mates. I actually have a full article about this on my blog if you’re interested. You feel defensive because I said you were afraid, which seems to be an insult. It isn’t an insult though, just an observation. Almost everyone is afraid. This is why people worship gods they’ve never seen and are kind to people they don’t like. Everyone’s nature is violent, most just try to ignore it to feel safe. If there were no punishment, we’d all be killing each other.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 05:33 on April 25, 2015 Permalink
Peace is realistic. I am atheist.
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A Psychopath and a Scholar 11:27 on April 25, 2015 Permalink
I’m not sure how being an Atheist has anything to do with the probability of world peace, but think what you like.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 11:48 on April 25, 2015 Permalink
According to your statements, everybody is restraining themselves from killing, and only holding back from fear of punishment. BS. Your views are projections of yourself on others. Nobody is like you. Nobody is like me. During this conversation you are putting adjectives on me such as fearful, and insecure for no reason whatsoever. You made those up in your head. You are the one who brought religion into the conversation like that was proof of mass fear. Fear is not as big of a deal as you try to make it.
I was not insulted, I am just none of the things you are trying to ascribe to me, therefore, your attempts to converse don’t sound logical at all. The world is not a black and white place where there is all peace or no peace.
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A Psychopath and a Scholar 12:09 on April 25, 2015 Permalink
Analyzing people is what I do, so I tend to point out motivations like fear. And everybody IS restraining themselves from killing. Everything you eat was once alive. You’ve probably never killed, but only because you’ve never had to. Someone killed every plant and every animal that you eat. They were slaughtered, sometimes in “inhumane” ways, just so you could sustain your life a little longer. This is not a projection, but merely an observation. You are afraid and angry from being emotionally hurt, but you still have a lot to learn about the world. Death and hurt is the nature of this place. For one life form to survive, it must take the energy of another life form. It is a cycle. Ignorance to that only puts your emotions on a roller coaster.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 12:58 on April 25, 2015 Permalink
Again, you make statements about me that are off the wall. So what I eat meat, and so what I will kill. BIG DEAL. Your points are useless. Doesn’t make me hurt or angry or afraid. Why do you insist on assigning obscure “analysis” on me or anybody else? You don’t know how little sense you make?
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James 12:59 on April 25, 2015 Permalink
You sound angry to me
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 13:02 on April 25, 2015 Permalink
I am laughing because dude is entertaining me.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 13:03 on April 25, 2015 Permalink
Pardon me, I need to leave and go out on my fear-induced killing spree now.
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A Psychopath and a Scholar 13:27 on April 25, 2015 Permalink
I analyze everything. I have an IQ that is higher than Einstein’s. As for why I called you hurt, angry and afraid: You felt the need to tell me that you were “raised in a family of back-stabbing psychopaths.” If you only wanted to say that you were not taught emotion, than you would have simply said “psychopaths” without adding the adjective. You called them back-stabbers because they emotionally hurt you and you’re angry about it. (Side note, you still learned emotion from school, tv, the internet… somewhere someone taught you emotion.) You also said “Society’s all about treating people right, so we can all have peace.” You then claimed peace was realistic because you are an Atheist… your logic is horrible. You even made obscure claims like “I am probably more likely to be violent than you are.” You feel defensive because you pretend to be strong to hide your pain, and my calling it out is interpreted as a threat. The fact that your replies are poorly put together and constantly mention anger over being labeled as something suggest that you are emotional as you write them. The problem with people like you is that you are so afraid that you cling to your beliefs as truth. You don’t seem to care to possibly learn anything. Debates are meant to enlighten, to show people something that they might have overlooked. There are holes in your logic, and I am illuminating that for you. If you were logical, you’d analyze my statements and possibly use something I said to better understand yourself. The true thinker is glad to be wrong occasionally, because this means that they’ve now learned something that they didn’t know before. I’ll quit filling up this guy’s comment section with unrelated comments, but you really should think about the things I said. Might help your logic.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 23:01 on April 25, 2015 Permalink
All you are doing is assigning traits to me that don’t apply. It’s like me sitting here and telling you that you have big fangs and beady eyes and that’s why you are angry and hurt and afraid. Nothing you say makes sense since you are making it all up. I called my family backstabbers, not because they hurt me, they did not, I watched them do it to each other. I witnessed the actual stabbing of backs. Is that plain and logical enough for you. However, I don’t think you will understand, and you will continue to tell me how afraid and hurt I am. You have no idea. But at least you provide insights into the psychopathy disorder and how it colors your thoughts.
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A Psychopath and a Scholar 23:37 on April 25, 2015 Permalink
Tina Taylor… you seem to think you know so much about psychopaths due to being raised with them, and yet you say you were married to a psychopath. Didn’t see the signs? Yet you claim to be an expert on spotting psychopaths? Your sporadic job history and poor logic seem to hint that you have some issues of your own. Perhaps borderline personality disorder would fit? 5 months ago you were a luxury cruise consultant, and now you seem to fancy yourself to be a psychologist. You petition to use psychopath tests on politicians, and yet any research would reveal that psychopath tests are inaccurate, because we can fake emotion and our brains will light up like we feel it. It’s unfortunate that a woman of your age is still trying to figure out her life. But some advice – trying to make a living by attacking psychopaths is not a great career plan. Especially with your personal information so readily available online. I hear some of us are crazy 😉
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James 23:48 on April 25, 2015 Permalink
Alright, Hannibal.
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A Psychopath and a Scholar 23:52 on April 25, 2015 Permalink
Lol. I have to admit, I have been compared to Dr. Lecter before. It’s really just logic though, I enjoy enlightening those who care to learn, and mocking those who are ignorant. I’ll attempt to quit filling up your comment section, it’s just… laughable and disgusting at the same time. It’s interesting to taunt people who are ignorant of their ignorance.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 00:53 on April 26, 2015 Permalink
Boo hoo my feelings are hurt. You win. I am a crazy person who doesn’t have a clue. You are such a great teacher and I have a spotty work history and live in a box on the street. I am a bum, begging for scraps, and you are the mighty knower of all things. Oh, the pain in my heart. Oh, the pain, Now I see.
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James 19:40 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
I fail to see the difference between “logically caring for someone” (as you see it) and any other type of “emotional” friendship. If you like someone, you like them; that is emotion not logic. When you apply logic to a relationship, you treat your partner in a manner that pertains to achieving your goals. There is no caring involved.
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A Psychopath and a Scholar 22:00 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
I think the difference is that I have to work to treat someone well. My nature is to do what is best for me. I have to make an effort not to lie or manipulate. Emotional people will feel bad if they hurt someone, but I do not. If my best friend suddenly hated me, I’d simply move on. There is no connection that makes me need them. So for me to be honest and treat someone well, it has to be because I really want to. Not because I feel attached or feel guilty, but because I logically want to treat them well.
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James 22:11 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
Of course I understand the logic of “I like you so I want you to stick around, therefore I need to treat you well”, I apply the same logic with people I like, no need to explain. But the fact that I / you like someone at all is emotion, not logic. It’s okay to admit it. Psychopaths are not robots.
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A Psychopath and a Scholar 22:15 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
I guess it depends on what you consider to be emotion. I often am “angry” which is an emotion, but I never raise my voice or get excited. It’s a different type of emotion. I don’t feel anything, I think it. If I’m angry, it’s because I analyzed a situation and felt that someone was disrespectful. It’s very emotion-like, but some people would argue that it isn’t real emotion. But I agree, psychopaths are not robots. We just aren’t emotionally weak.
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James 22:28 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
Yes, that’s more like the way I think about it. There are many ’emotions’ which I consider to be more states of mind or thoughts, that perhaps to others are real feelings. ‘Surprise’ is a good example. For me, being surprised* is just recognising something unexpected has happened, and deciding how to react, there’s no feeling that I associate with “being surprised”.
*startled / shocked / whatever else
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 19:36 on April 24, 2015 Permalink |
I would never again date a psychopath. Way too much work.
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littlebitcold 08:42 on April 25, 2015 Permalink |
Thanks for such a great article. People can use the label ‘psychopath’ who are just users and you are a number to them something they can mock for their entertainment and they have no good intentions at all. If you can’t respect someone then you should be by yourself rather than even consider dating.
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nowve666 12:35 on December 25, 2015 Permalink |
A Psychopath and a Scholar: Do you really believe emotions are taught? Did I get that right? I think emotions are inherent. Even babies show emotion. Perhaps empathy is taught. People don’t show that until they are old enough to have been “educated” a bit.
I agree that most people kill to live. But not fruitarians. You can eat fruit without killing the plant. Of course very few can live that way.
James: I would reply to the question if it’s safe to date a psychopath by saying dating isn’t supposed to be safe. Every time one connects to people, even just to go out with them, one is taking a chance. One is also opening hir life to new possibilities. I think a completely safe date would be boring.
One of the great things about dating psychopaths is the danger. Even Robert Hare said an encounter with a psychopath could be thrilling. Coming from him, that’s a big admission.
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Cluster B | kiasherosjourney 16:57 on January 22, 2016 Permalink |
[…] Is It Safe to Date a Psychopath? by James […]
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