Random musings of a psychopath (I)
Boredom. It’s a killer. Right now I’m the most bored I’ve been in a while. It’s fucking hateful bullshit, really the worst part of being alive. Fortunately tomorrow I have a change of scenery. Strasbourg for a week, gonna pop in and see the Germans, maybe do a Hitler salute and get arrested. I’m not a nazi, but I find it fucking hilarious that the entire nation of Germany has banned a gesture that’s been in use since before the Romans.
My grandfather is in the hospital, he’s been in there over a month now. He had a stroke which has completely wiped his mind clean. Most old people, they start by forgetting minor details of their lives and get steadily worse until they leave the oven on all day and burn the house down or are found wandering the aisles of Tesco naked and are then taken off to be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Then they’re put in a special care home where the nurses hit them and leave them lying in their own shit all day and everyone’s surprised by how quickly they go downhill and become completely helpless. My grandfather skipped all that bullshit and went straight from bitter old schemer to semi-conscious puddle of brain matter in a few minutes. He’ll be dead soon, he doesn’t even know his own name, and still he manipulates his sons into caring for him. Apparently he gets them to smuggle in booze and treats, to convince the nurses to give him preferential treatment and when he’s got what he wants for the day, he tells them all to fuck off home. Psychopathic resilience: his brains are mashed potato and he still knows how to make people jump and do his bidding.
Have you heard the one about Vincent Van Gogh? No, neither has he.
Have you ever eaten a tagine? It’s a Moroccan stew of meat, usually lamb, with a load of vegetables and exotic fruit. I had one the other day and it was quite simply one of the tastiest meals I’ve ever had.
The last girl I fucked was Moroccan. She failed at being a student and is now “taking a sabbatical” at Buffalo Grill. But she was hot and she really digged my good old-fashioned English charm so we fucked.
I thought I was going to get it on yesterday with a girl I know from New York City. It was her last day in France before moving home and she called me to ask a favour. She had rented a flute for the year (yes, apparently that is possible) and wanted me to take it back to the shop for her which was closed all week because France is a whiney bitch about May Day. So she asked me to meet her at this café near her hotel, and I was all ready for a nice date but COCKBLOCK! Her father had just flown in from the States and was there in the café with her. Like a true Manhattanite, she offered me 20 € “for my trouble” but I ain’t no flute whore, so I said the favour was on the house, since we were “friends” and all. Anyway, she’ll be waiting to get her 250 € deposit back once I’ve returned the flute to the shop but the trouble with that is I snapped the thing in two and chucked it in a dumpster.
Did you know psychopaths say ‘um’ and use connectives like “and” and “so” a lot more than normal people? Apparently that’s one of our most diabolical traits. People are fine with the dishonesty and the occasional murder, but as soon as we know how to tell a story a bit more logically than Average Joe Loser, we’re hated. It’s all true, bitchez.
If this all seems like the delusional ramblings of a crazy person to you, it’s because I’m writing stream of consciousness. You should try it, see how you look on paper, you fucking judgmental piece of shit. This is perhaps the most honest it is possible to be, since I’m just typing anything that occurs to me straight away. No charm, no lies, no manipulation, just thought. Anyway, I’ve enjoyed this post and am no longer bored, so if it gets published I will certainly write another one like it in the future.
Amaterasu Solar 13:32 on May 4, 2015 Permalink |
I do not judge by anything but Ethics, James. I could see the stream easily. [smile] I grasp the ease at which You shift from a dying kin to the food You like. I might even think there was a deliberate switch there, consciously or not, to hammer the point.
I learned a bit about psychopaths I did not know – the and and um part – though I might tend towards that Myself and I am not a psychopath.
As far as the flute incident, that fails the Ethics test. You chose to do that specifically and willfully, only because it would create problems for Others. That kind of behavior is unEthical – and I’m sure You’re bright enough to grasp the clear lines drawn by the three Laws and choose to choose Your behavior within those parameters? Or do Ethics ask too much of You?
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 15:30 on May 4, 2015 Permalink |
Psychopaths can’t be bound to any set of rules.
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Amaterasu Solar 15:40 on May 4, 2015 Permalink |
I would not set Them to be bound by anything They don’t choose Themselves. I really want to know if a psychopath could grant Others the willingness to choose Their behavior within three very clear Laws. James says that He is intellectually aware that there are Others, each a Being of Consciousness (maybe not in those terms but I think that was the gist), if He does not feel it. I wondered if a psychopath would feel a thrill at being so…noble, perhaps.
I’m very curious.
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James 16:41 on May 4, 2015 Permalink |
I could set my own rules and follow them. You could also motivate me to follow rules if they were in the framework of a contract for specific situation I benefited from
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Amaterasu Solar 16:55 on May 4, 2015 Permalink |
Fair enough. What do You consider to be the things that benefit You. Again, very curious.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 18:18 on May 4, 2015 Permalink |
My understanding of your position is that as long as you are in control of the rules, you will follow them. (Rule #1, the maker of the rules may change the rules without reason, and without warning.)
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James 18:33 on May 4, 2015 Permalink |
Very good, you worked it out.
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James 16:32 on May 4, 2015 Permalink |
No, it’s just that I don’t feel the need to follow your Ethics Principles; they don’t have any significance in my life.
The food switch wasn’t intentional, it was just a delicious meal I really liked. Though I do see what point you thought I was hammering (callousness, right?). I think the speech detection thing is bullshit, who doesn’t ‘ummm’ occasionally and use words such as “and” and “so”?
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Amaterasu Solar 17:06 on May 4, 2015 Permalink |
I agree with the assessment of the and and um. I see about the issue of Ethics. The Laws are ancient, You know. I didn’t make them up. It’s sad to Me and meaningless to You, I suppose, that the value of Ethics as a seed parameter in choice of behavior choices eludes You. I must say I was hoping.
The only thing I can offer as a “benefit” is My respect to the psychopath who consciously chooses to choose that One’s behavior within Ethical parameters. Hardly worth a thought, I might suppose. [smile]
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James 07:22 on May 5, 2015 Permalink |
Amaterasu Solar (that’s such a cumbersome title, can’t I please call you by something else?), I’ve given a lot of thought to ethics and morals (and their potential differences) and am very satisfied with where my thoughts led me. So I will be making a post about ethics in the near future, which you will appreciate no end. Just to whet your appetite, the words “universal” and “cultural” will both be appearing.
Tina, prepare to meet the philosopher I previously claimed to be without providing any proof.
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Amaterasu Solar 10:58 on May 8, 2015 Permalink |
People call Me Amy. [smile] Do feel free. I look forward to Your thoughts on Ethics.
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James 15:07 on May 8, 2015 Permalink |
Do they indeed? That’s not very kind of them, unless that’s your name 🙂
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James 16:56 on May 4, 2015 Permalink |
You know what, this isn’t working out. The wifi in my current location (I really am in Strasbourg) is too poor to continue this conversation. You all leave whatever comments and questions you like, and I’ll get back to you in a few days’ time.
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Amaterasu Solar 16:57 on May 4, 2015 Permalink |
Thank You for letting Us know of the expected delay. [smile]
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Kathi 02:39 on May 6, 2015 Permalink |
James i liked reading UR thots and UR replies to comments. The few I read (just found this) were easy ones. U know wat I mean? I’ll call it the ‘easy’ category. Sweet but pitiful attempts to set u straight failed. I see thru u like glass. U remind me of my pussy brother who got away w running his mouth cuZ my mommy let him. Wat does a punk like u do wen a woman like me brings a man (a real one) to punch u in ur face as many x as I say? Hm? I’m a borderline hav no doubt I can manipulate but a coward like u using UR mouth to show women how cruel and clever u r? It be my pleasure to show those same women how easy it is to make cool cowards like u run like a bitch. Thanks I feel better already !!
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Boredom | No Psychos, No Druggies, No Stooges 16:25 on August 28, 2015 Permalink |
[…] in a while. It’s fucking hateful bullshit, really the worst part of being alive.” – myself (yes, I am really that […]
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Random musings of a psychopath II: childhood memories | No Psychos, No Druggies, No Stooges 10:25 on August 30, 2015 Permalink |
[…] the same lines as Part I, but I’ve ditched the freakier elements of the ‘stream of consciousness’ style, […]
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nowve666 10:14 on December 25, 2015 Permalink |
Loved this blog. Did you know Judge Judy gets very mean when litigants say “um?” She says “‘Um’ isn’t a word.” Your comments on the joys of old age made me LOL. Vickie couldn’t understand why I was laughing. Doesn’t she know that all humor is graveyard humor? This place takes most of my money and I just learned that the fees are $115.00 more than I thought. But the unit for severe Alzheimer’s costs an unbelievably high fee. Just so as not to be hit and left in one’s own shit all day. I’m counting on my psychopath’s resilience to see me through.
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