Meet the parents of a psychopath
Since I’ve just spent the week in the company of my parents, and had the intention to write about them anyway, what better time than right now?
They primarily came to move some of my belongings home to England (I won’t be here for much longer) but out of that they gained a vacation in France with their beloved son. On top of that, further gains for me were: free accommodation in a pleasant rural setting and free food and alcohol for a week including several restaurant meals, which are unspeakably good round these parts.
As I write, they are still in the country but are driving up to the coast to catch the ferry. They left about 3 hours before the time of writing, and although I spent about 20 minutes mourning their departure, I no longer miss them. Instead, I’m looking ahead to the next month or so and the plans I have.
Anyway, my parents. I still have two of them, though at nearly 60 years old they’re getting on a bit. My mother is a geographer, loves gardening, books and I struggle to think of a third thing. She’s a pushover. My father is a former guard of the Queen, war veteran, and retired police officer. He’s also an alcoholic, a PTSD sufferer and has a very nasty temper. I have a mixed relationship with my dad; we can go from joking to fighting to cold silence in the space of an afternoon. The relationship between my mother and I is much more stable and as a consequence is closer, though I lie to and manipulate both of them equally.
Because I don’t miss them for long when they’re not around, I don’t keep in touch as often as they’d like, in fact one of my favourite games is to set a specific time to call or skype and then not show up, subsequently ignoring all texts, phone calls and emails for weeks until they think I’ve died or am in trouble.
In general, however, it pays to keep them on my side:
- Parents are the biggest supporters you’ll ever get and perhaps the only people you can rely on to be selfless most of the time.
- They do all sorts of useful favours and jobs and expect little or nothing in return. And they can’t replace me! A psychopath’s dream…
- They teach life lessons. From my mum, I have learned patience, co-operation, negotiation and temper control. Thanks to her, I will (probably) never go to prison. From my dad, I have learned manipulation, persuasion, cooking and all sorts of interesting tips for criminal activity, as well as physical and psychological torture. Thanks to him, I will (probably) be successful in life.
- They give me money, almost without question. And the Bank of Dad doesn’t recall its debts.
- Despite everything, I do love them. Not in the same way as you love your parents and certainly not in the way they love me. While my dad would “walk over hot coals” and mum would “do anything” for me, I would, to quote myself like a true narcissist, “greatly inconvenience myself to save my mother’s life”. That probably doesn’t sound like much, but it’s more than I would do for anyone else. What is love anyway?
P.S. While I was finishing this off, I got a quick phone call to say my folks have arrived at the ferry port. It was good-natured and polite. I lied at least twice in the 2 minutes we were talking.
How would you feel if you had a psychopath for a son? How would you mould and guide him? Would he make you proud of his success or ashamed of his crimes? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.
@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 16:00 on May 16, 2015 Permalink |
James, why did you tag your post “child abuse”?
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James 16:03 on May 16, 2015 Permalink |
“He’s also an alcoholic, a PTSD sufferer and has a very nasty temper.” – You do the maths, sweetie.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 17:05 on May 16, 2015 Permalink |
My daughter (a psychopath) tells people she was abused at home. She gets people to sympathize with her based on lies. People don’t bother to ask the parents about it, do they? When my daughter was in high school, she would write papers about herself that were complete fabrications. At the time I didn’t know she was a psychopath, and it was bewildering – why would she paint her family in such a bad light? Now I know. People are easier to use if they feel sorry for you.
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James 17:19 on May 16, 2015 Permalink |
What your daughter does / did is no concern of mine. If I wanted sympathy, I would have made a big thing out of it. Everything I just wrote is true, except that being nearly 60 is not really “getting on a bit”, that was a light-hearted remark.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 18:05 on May 16, 2015 Permalink |
Did not write that part for you. I was not suggesting that you want sympathy from this article. I also was not suggesting that you were lying. I was simply writing my experience since I had nothing else to say.
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James 18:08 on May 16, 2015 Permalink |
Leaving your comment in reply to mine indicated you were in fact talking to / about me, but since that was not your intention it was just a misunderstanding.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 18:22 on May 16, 2015 Permalink |
This comment is for you. You said what my daughter does/did is no concern of yours, yet your question at the end of the article asks about people’s children. Are you specifically looking for hypotheticals? You know I find it funny when you contradict yourself.
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James 18:34 on May 16, 2015 Permalink |
And please do continue to point it out when I do, won’t you? 😀
Yes, I am specifically looking for hypothetical sons, NOT daughters…
In all serious, what I meant by “is no concern of mine” was “has nothing to do with me”. I was attempting to distance myself from your daughter’s blatant lack of respect for you because, as you know, I thought you were implying I was lying. Now we have established you were doing no such thing, the comment about your daughter can be recognised as relevant to the questions I posed.
Any more knots to tie me up with? 🙂
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 18:50 on May 16, 2015 Permalink |
I don’t have a psychopath son, but if I did, he would get my love just the same. I have no thoughts on moulding and guiding psychopaths specifically. It appears nothing can be done about the lying.
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James 19:00 on May 16, 2015 Permalink |
It’s fine, you don’t have to have an opinion on everything! But childhood is no doubt a critical phase in anyone’s life, so it stands to reason a properly-guided psychopath will be more successful and less destructive later in life.
Of course this thread is open to anybody with any manner of real or imaginary children; I shall have to give up making jokes if nobody can understand them.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 19:42 on May 16, 2015 Permalink |
I understood your joke about the gender, etc… I thought it would be funny to proceed with a response anyway. 🙂
I would like to go further into the topic of what you consider to be successful, and what is your view of destructive, since I think that our views don’t coincide. Maybe that topic will require a separate article.
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James 20:05 on May 16, 2015 Permalink
Yes, it would. Perhaps a debate article, or something co-written by the two of us?
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Amaterasu Solar 11:04 on May 17, 2015 Permalink |
Without reading above comments, I will give Mine… Sorry if any of this is covered above.
I note some pride in the fact that You chose to lie twice. This leads Me to ponder on what the basis of that pride is. [smile] You gave no detail, so I ask Myself… What? Did His parent(s) ask a question and He thought, Gee, I can lie here! I’ll make something up! Hahaha! Or was it a matter of being asked about something where an Ethical issue was involved and He lied to cover that up…?
Or is there something I’m missing? I still do not grasp that pride. Care to illuminate? [smile]
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James 12:14 on May 17, 2015 Permalink |
Actually you’ve just read into it wrong, there was no pride attached to the statement. I said it because I thought it would further illuminate our relationship.
“Gee, I can lie here! I’ll make something up! Hahaha!” This made me laugh, if only it were that simple 🙂
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Amaterasu Solar 16:25 on May 17, 2015 Permalink |
I see. And I’m glad I provoked a laugh. Laughter is good.
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James 16:49 on May 17, 2015 Permalink |
You should indeed be proud of yourself.
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Amaterasu Solar 21:45 on May 17, 2015 Permalink |
LOL! No pride. Merely pleasure that I added laughter to this co-creation We are bringing forth. [smile]
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James 21:52 on May 17, 2015 Permalink |
“Co-creation” What’s that, just life in general?
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Amaterasu Solar 10:50 on May 18, 2015 Permalink |
We co-create this life. It would not be what it is without all input.
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James 10:55 on May 18, 2015 Permalink |
I completely agree.
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Phuccessful Psychopaths (Who are they?) | No Psychos, No Druggies, No Stooges 11:41 on May 20, 2015 Permalink |
[…] discussion came about because, in one of his comments on Meet the Parents of a Psychopath, James […]
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Amb 09:19 on August 5, 2015 Permalink |
I have to admit that I have a hard time relating to your blog, however, it is interesting. This post made me think of a word in Buddhism called bodhicitta, which is essentially a term that describes the compassionate or “soft spot” that every human being has. It implies that even the cruelest of human beings have this-just in varying degrees. So for instance, you may have a complete disregard for “morality” in regards to 99% of the people you encounter, but for your mother you’d greatly inconvenience yourself to save her life, thus confirming that you do in fact have bodhicitta. I was just intrigued by this application of the theory that I’d been on the fence about when reading this post. I hope you’re well.
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James 09:31 on August 5, 2015 Permalink |
Ah fuck, I’m busted.
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Amb 09:49 on August 5, 2015 Permalink |
It’s just an interesting concept. If accepted, it doesn’t allow us to accept the fact that some people are just “bad.” If everyone has bodhicitta then it means that everyone is in part “good,” even if it’s just to smaller degrees than what we believe is “acceptable.”
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nowve666 09:45 on December 25, 2015 Permalink |
This is the worst Christmas in my life. Reading a new blog by a psychopath was the best Christmas present I could have received. It’s comforting. Soothing. Unlike you, I would not have “greatly inconvenienced myself” to have saved my mother’s life. But I agree with you that parents are the biggest boosters one will ever have although grown children can do a lot for one too. I never had one but many partner, Vickie, has a soon and daughter-in-law who do a lot for us. We didn’t get an invite for Christmas dinner this year. I feel quite abandoned. Maybe I AM borderline after all. (I’m reading “I Hate You. Don’t Leave Me.”)
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James 18:16 on December 25, 2015 Permalink |
Yeah, I’ve been thinking Borderline. Especially in light of all the love I’ve been getting from you today.
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nowve666 13:54 on December 27, 2015 Permalink |
I have just taken about five tests for personality disorders. I always score low for Borderline. My highest is Narcissistic. I plan to write a blog comparing Borderline with Psychopathy and examine the similarities and differences and discuss how they pertain to me.
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James 14:02 on December 27, 2015 Permalink |
The trouble with the way you do it is that you are biased. You want to be a psychopath or narc and don’t want to be borderline. And of course having true self-awareness is very difficult. Before you point it out, yes the same problems apply to me, which is why I don’t bother taking these sorts of personality tests. You would really like to just go and get a formal diagnosis from a psychologist, wouldn’t you? Well then you should.
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nowve666 14:16 on December 27, 2015 Permalink |
But I did that. They gave me two diagnoses. One was for “my life as a whole” and the other was for present time. The one for my life as a whole was ASPD. The one for present was NOS (not otherwise specified). I looked this up and found this grab bag includes Depressive, Passive Aggressive, Sadistic, Self-Defeating and Psychopathic. This came from Wikipedia. ” You’re right about the overlap, but that also means that the polar opposites (I would say the continuum goes Borderline – Histrionic – Narc – Antisocial) are very different from one another. And Antisocial shares some similarities with Cluster A, while BPD is similar to Cluster C.” This shows how flaky psychology is. I do see some aspects of Borderline in myself but I also see qualities I don’t have at all. I do plan to examine the differences as well as the similarities.
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James 18:40 on December 27, 2015 Permalink |
That was how many years ago, though?
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nowve666 09:20 on December 28, 2015 Permalink |
This year.
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nowve666 21:39 on December 26, 2015 Permalink |
I certainly hope not if it’s what the book I’m reading is accurate. I recognize some of their traits in me but not enough. Do Borderlines tend to love you? Cluster B has so much overlap, I sometimes think it should be one “disorder.” But the brain scans are different. Borderline brains look very different from psychopathic brains. I’ll just have to get a brain scan. Maybe Tina will spring for it. 😉
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James 14:07 on December 27, 2015 Permalink |
Do Borderlines tend to love me? Well I’ve only ever known two close enough to realise they were Borderlines, and one of them loved me (as in she was actually in love with me), the other was indifferent. Scientifically speaking, that’s inconclusive data! You’re right about the overlap, but that also means that the polar opposites (I would say the continuum goes Borderline – Histrionic – Narc – Antisocial) are very different from one another. And Antisocial shares some similarities with Cluster A, while BPD is similar to Cluster C.
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nowve666 14:20 on December 27, 2015 Permalink |
What similarities does Antisocial have with Cluster A? I can see what the similarities are between BPD and Cluster C.
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James 18:40 on December 27, 2015 Permalink |
Mainly the distance from emotional connections.
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