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  • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 17:08 on December 29, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , divorce, , , , , , , infidelity, , , , , , , secrets,   

    What Would a Psychopath Do? A Victim Tells 

    rage

    In response to Daca’s letter, “Dear Chump Lady, He apologized to the OW for not leaving me”:

    Someone who wants to keep things secret – and who has successfully done so for so long – doesn’t just accidentally leave his email open one day when he goes out of town, leaving you unfettered access.

    Until I went No Contact, I didn’t realize that many of my discoveries were orchestrated. He would “accidentally” leave his Facebook account open, his phone unlocked, etc. It was part of the mindfuck – always just enough information to make me feel crazy while allowing him to rage about my “trust issues” when confronted. He got to feel important in a very sick way for a very long time.

    Your husband set this one up, Daca. That’s my theory.

    I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have any advice to give you, since it took me a really long time to leave and it’s too fresh for me to make sense of yet. But I remember those days/nights of feeling sick to my stomach, so anxious I’d be shaking, knowing a huge blowout was coming if I confronted him on what new information I’d found. But I could never stay silent and he would be steadfast in his lies; I once had an email from one of many OW admitting to sex and he still called me crazy and denied it all. On top of it, he’d turn it all around, literally screaming about how awful I was and how much he hated me until I would relent to salvage my own shards of sanity for just that day. Then he’d punish me with distance I could never breach, no matter how much I begged. Your letter takes me back to those sad days and I’m really sorry that you had such a terrible Christmas, knowing what you faced. Just know you’re not alone.

    I also 100% understand your paralysis. Leaving three years after Discovery Day was like chewing off my own arm – I didn’t want to do it (still don’t) and was desperate to find signs of change in his every action, even to the bitter end. It’s so counterintuitive to suddenly grow boundaries and standards after years of neglecting them, especially when we’ve been so isolated. I don’t know about you, but I spent a lot of time lying to other people about the marriage, since I knew I’d come off as unstable if they knew what I had put up with for so long. It’s too “heavy” for the good, normal people to see the inside of such a sick relationship so their typical reaction is to run. The average person doesn’t get the whole sociopath, narcissist thing – they dismiss cheating and the associated gaslighting as you being bitter, at fault, etc. You learn to stay silent and keep your distance.

    So then you’re left with having to muster incredible, super-human strength at your lowest point with nowhere to turn anymore. You have to dust off the boundaries and self-worth you perhaps never even had in the first place in a really isolated place, giving up everything you know to leave someone you still love. You have to call lawyers, fight over assets, move, sell the house, explain to children and loved ones, all while struggling to keep a job and not simply roll over and die. Then you have to weather life alone and suddenly have to do everything you’d previously shared responsibility for, even it if was with a total asshole, alone – from carrying groceries and sharing bills to decorating the Christmas tree and planning for retirement. It’s fucking brutal and breathtaking in its pain. And as the final act of cruelty, you get to watch your former spouse, the person who had promised to love you forever, skip into the sunset with their true love while you contemplate spending life alone. You realize you probably never really meant anything to your X anyway and all your suffering was for nothing – they just picked up and soldiered on to their next target(s) with their laserbeam of sparkles in tow, like the past decade or two meant nothing.

    I don’t have any answers for you but there are many people on Chumplady.com who have been through all of that and have come out the other side.Their mightiness and clarity is what keeps me coming back to Chump Nation. Today is six weeks of No Contact for me. It’s sick and counterproductive, but, I still check out his social media and am heartbroken with every stupid Instagram picture of him having fun in his new fabulous life, each eliciting dozens of “likes” from his followers. Yup, I’ll just eat my oatmeal alone this morning in my tiny apartment with nowhere to be and no one to see.

    All that being said, one thing I think about on my better days, and it may help you, is that staying meant I would never have been OK – ever. As Chump Lady says, this pain is finite. I’d still be waking up at 3 a.m. in a panic, knowing I had to get out. The devil I knew was still the devil. I’d still be engaged in the battle for remorse and change, trying to extract love from someone who had none for me. I’d still be begging for affection (literally), trying to convince him I was worth loving through years of fruitless efforts – I think we saw four therapists in the past decade, maybe more.

    Stone cold - uncaringNothing worked – not therapy, or vacations, or new lingerie. I couldn’t love him out of it, I couldn’t hate him out of it, I couldn’t cry him out of it, or beg enough, or try hard enough, or pull another 360, or dye my hair a different colour, or lose weight, or get a better job, or find more friends, or wear better clothes, feign indifference, pretend it never happened, pretend to be cool with it, and on and on. I kept getting angrier and older, farther down the rabbit hole. And he was OK with it all. He was, frankly, very Meh about me, as long as I didn’t encroach too much on his space with my expectations. He was OK watching me slowly wither and die.

    Eventually, I faced a decision. It was like that movie, 127 Hours: cut off my own arm [my husband] to save my life or die stuck. I definitely wish I didn’t have to make it. But I have my dignity and a second chance now. It’s up to me to make something of it.

    Excerpt from a comment by Sad in Seattle on Chumplady.com “Dear Chump Lady, He apologized to the OW for not leaving me”

    Photos courtesy The Atlantic, and  Shop Equipment

     

    Psychopath TEST Politicians

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  • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 09:46 on December 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , terrorists!!!?, ,   

    The Sky is Falling!!! TERRORIST Propaganda 

    Overreaction to terrorism is the true threat

    The TERRORISTS are Falling!!!?

    Terrorism is a passing phenomenon. It is not likely to become a permanent fact of American life. Nonetheless, it is a threatening part of today’s reality, and society must find ways to respond. The greatest danger is not complacency. Worse is the prospect that in our panic over terrorism, we willingly surrender some of the values that make our society worth defending. The true threat to our democracy is not terror, but our reaction to it.

    Since the 2001 attacks on the Pentagon and World Trade Center, about two dozen Americans have died as the result of terror attacks inside the United States. During that period, more than 100,000 Americans were shot to death [here]. Four times that many perished in car crashes. One hundred Americans die every day from opiate overdoses. Forty thousand commit suicide every year. Yet terrorism is the threat that galvanizes us.

    Part of the reason is that although guns, highway crashes, overdoses, and suicide take many more lives than terrorism, most of those deaths seem like private tragedies. They unfold as if inexorable. Terrorist attacks are the opposite: shocking public spectacles that rivet our attention with bloody mega-theater. As a result, the epidemics that truly devastate our society have faded into the background of national life. We are infinitely more determined to “fight” terrorism than we are to fight far deadlier scourges.

    Terrorism is frightening because it is an attack on a community, a nation, even a way of life. One of its modern variants, the sort carried out by Muslim militants, seems especially scary. Behind every act of Islamic terror, some see the stirrings of a global army that can rise to destroy our country and civilization.

    This is the way most Americans saw Communism during the 1950s. Politicians and the press portrayed it as an ultimate evil, capable of wiping away humanity and liable to do so at any moment. In retrospect, we can see Americans’ embrace of Cold War fears as a form of collective hysteria. Yet today we are panicking in much the same way.

    We are told, that to deal with the threat of terrorism, we must profoundly reshape our approach to privacy, security, surveillance, and criminal justice. Many “counter-terrorism” projects are designed and run in secret, so, informed debate about them is difficult. They are “on autopilot,” as Secretary of State John Kerry has said. Politicians clamor to support obscure and costly security measures rather than risk being portrayed as weak after the next attack.

    Some Americans, driven by a high-energy news culture and instinctively suspicious of the outside world, seem to delight in conjuring mortal dangers that they imagine threaten the United States. Last year the arrival of child refugees from Central America set off national alarm; now it is forgotten. Later we were scared into fearing that the Ebola outbreak in West Africa would poison us. Our over-reaction to those stories, however, was relatively harmless. When we overreact to the threat of terrorism, we risk irretrievably changing our society.

    The next bombing or shooting will not erode our liberties. Only we, ourselves can do that. The true threat of terror is that grotesque provocations will lure us into self-defeating choices. If we react by creating a surveillance state, abandoning the due process of law, and intensifying our military campaigns in the Middle East, we give terrorists victories they can never win on their own.

     

    Excerpt from “Reject the surveillance state” by By Stephen Kinzer, Jan 2015

    Photo courtesy: Sub Sonix

     

    Psychopath TEST Politicians

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    • James 12:12 on December 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      “Terrorism is a passing phenomenon” – okay then, nice interpretation of history. Typical American ignorance to think the very first act of terrorism occurred on September 11, 2001.

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      • James 12:18 on December 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Ignorance and arrogance, I should say. The terrorist threat is real and ongoing, but we are only terrorised if we allow ourselves to be. In that sense, I agree with the writer here.

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        • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 16:35 on December 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          The real terrorists are right here in the U.S. Death by cop is far more likely than death by foreigners. And we do nothing about that. We just keep pouring money into a war that the corrupt system doesn’t really want to win. The politicians just line their pockets with lobbyist money from weapons manufacturers. Terrorists are bullshit compared to our real problems.

          Liked by 2 people

          • James 19:02 on December 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            I agree. Though terrorists cause more harm internationally than your police officers do (let’s not forget who arms them though)

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            • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 22:25 on December 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              Sure terrorists have always been in existence, and the white people killed the Indians, etc, etc, etc, terrorism forever.No white country cares about African wars. People are evil everywhere. My main position is that “terrorism” is in the news every day and people put “terrorists” into every conversation, and the fear of terrorists around every corner for 15 years and into eternity is ridiculous. Nobody’s getting rid of terrorists. People will always suck. The propaganda is used to take rights away and keep the citizens in the dark as to our real reasons for conducting illegal warfare. I understand your desire to keep “fighting”. Another psychopath I know just wants to go Genghis Khan. Well, psychopaths just want to “win”. Whatever that means. But he didn’t know that we already conducted over 8000 airstrikes this year alone. Which should have wiped them off the map, except for the corruption and suspected expenditure of bomb drops into empty desert. It’s a scam.

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              • Amaterasu Solar 11:13 on December 29, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                I will agree that SOME People everywhere are psychopathic/evil, but MOST of Humanity choose to behave Ethically. The psychopaths in control do things and then blame “Human nature,” as if society could function if even half of Us behaved as They do. Humans do NOT “suck” as a rule.

                And is it possible that the 8000 air strikes (at least a large number) are REPORTED but never really happened? Like the ISIS BS? (In Aleppo, a reporter interviewed many “Humans on the street” asking about ISIS/Daesh. Though We are TOLD that city was “overrun” by ISIS, every single One said, “Nope. No Daesh…” So clearly We cannot take a single thing We are told by the (now legalized) propaganda/psychopathis control machine.)

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                • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 15:22 on December 29, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                  Humans do not suck as a rule, but enough of them are antisocial, if they aren’t psychopathic. There are numerous hate groups in the world. Take this website as an example: http://www.dailystormer.com/an-explanation-as-to-why-we-should-all-support-donald-trump/

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                  • Amaterasu Solar 17:08 on December 29, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                    Yes, there are hate groups – fomented by and promoted by the psychopaths in control – but… The percentage of Humans that fall into such groups is really quite small. The perception that “everyOne” is hateful is pushed in the media, but again, that is what the psychopaths want Us to believe, for it dispirits Us.

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                    • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 17:12 on December 29, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                      I think hate comes from ignorance and lack of exposure to a different culture -perpetuated by insecure people, not always psychopaths.

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                      • Amaterasu Solar 17:18 on December 29, 2015 Permalink

                        While I agree that those are factors, and that the psychopaths are not ALWAYS involved, the focus in the “news” on such groups IS deliberate and serving Them. And many groups are specifically fomented, or infiltrated and diverted in such directions, or otherwise created (some completely fabricated for the “news,” no doubt).

                        Liked by 1 person

              • James 09:52 on December 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                Umm, I have no desire to keep fighting. I am too cowardly and selfish to be a soldier and have no desire for others to continue to risk their lives in pointless middle eastern wars. And if the west does eventually ‘win’, then that is not my win anyway. So you’re barking up the wrong tree.

                But I agree, paranoia and fear about terrorism is the real enemy. It is used, by terrorists themselves and more importantly by our own governments, to control the population. IS is Emmanuel Goldstein made flesh.

                Liked by 1 person

                • Amaterasu Solar 10:21 on December 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                  Few see the Goldstein element… Yes, indeed. But ALL the “terrorists” are governments, whether directly, fomented, or in the case of ISIS/ISIL/IS/Daesh, fully manufactured.

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            • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 22:28 on December 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              Isn’t it obvious to anyone else that the U.S. took over where the Nazis left off?

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              • Amaterasu Solar 11:15 on December 29, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                It’s VERY obvious to Me…

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              • James 09:54 on December 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                Perhaps…

                Though the two regimes don’t resemble each other much, except for massive militaries and world domination.

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                • Amaterasu Solar 10:30 on December 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                  Once One looks past the superficial trappings, the heart is identical – what They are aiming for here is for the US to look like WWII germany. It’s not there yet, but wow, They are working on it. One “national emergency” and the pres will contend all those executive orders have power and He (or She) will become dictator and steal everything from Us. (Do take a look at the exec orders O has made! Truly ugly.)

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                  • James 17:28 on December 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                    We’ll see. But he’ll have to hurry it up, Obama’s getting kicked out in 10 months.

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                  • James 17:28 on December 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                    And you’ll be left with Trump or Clinton

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    • Amaterasu Solar 10:15 on December 29, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Indeed, “terrorism” is a passing thing. When the psychopaths in control get what They want from Us They will stop manufacturing the “terrorists.” The fact that it rather suddenly appeared in the quantity the “news” reports is one clue that it is manufactured. ISIS is manufactured – and what is REALLY there, in anything, is the Israeli Secret Intelligence Service. The psychopaths recently (re)legalized propagandizing Us here in the US. Do We suppose They are not using this power? And 9/11 was done by the psychopaths, and ALL of the “about two dozen Americans [that] have died as the result of terror attacks” in the US since that false flag have either been complete fraud (no One died at Sandy Hook), or sacrifices if anyOne died…which even in both Paris attacks, is unlikely based on the evidence.

      Indeed We should not “overreact.” We should clutch Our freedoms all the more tightly and call out the true terrorists: Those who would wrest those freedoms from Us through the fraud, false, propaganda the “news” now feeds Us full of.

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  • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 18:11 on December 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , competition, , education, , , , , , , , , ,   

    How Psychopaths Manipulate Society 

    Control the herd

    They have told us that, like domestic cattle, we need their fences (controls) and their oversight (surveillance) to protect us from the wolves (or terrorists) that would come and decimate us and our little ones and we have been told that the world is a terrible hostile place and that life is fraught with adversaries, a self–fulfilling prophecy when societies and cultures are governed by psychopaths. Their measures are in reality to make us defensive, terrorised and so easily influenced and ultimately such fear will intellectually infantilise us, divide us and then herd us like cattle for a more thorough and systematic control and exploitation.

    Psychopaths and their constructs (ie corporations, political parties) need to be identified, avoided and isolated in such a manner that they have no further destructive influences over places of control, or critical decision-making. Competition spawns few winners and many losers, in an insidious hierarchy of exploitation. The organs of society, which have been perverted to reflect psychopathic ways and objectives should be rebuilt, eradicating competition and using our empathetically acquired higher intelligence, focussed on mutual benefit with true environmental synergy and creativity as its new core.

    The psychopath is operating cognitively at what Economics Nobel prize winner Daniel Kahneman called “System1” or fast thinking, this is a cognitive template that is in place in infancy, the processes of which are situated largely within the limbic system, memory based and emotionally controlled. This type of primitive “fast and dirty” thinking, when amplified through trial and error experiences, is ideal for operating in chaotic and conflict based environments such as on the battlefield or in video games.

    “System2” thinking or slow thinking, on the other hand, is rational, considerate and logical, so being both analytical and constructive, it takes time. The cognitive processes of “System2” take place largely cortically, in the areas of higher brain function and when fully evolved, utilise those higher cognitive functions acquired only through seeking mutually beneficial relationships with others and the environment. This type of advanced slow and empathetic thinking is ideal for dealing with relationships, creativity and complexity.

    “System1” or thinking “intuitively” (more like presumptuously) utilises formulae, recipes, scenarios and scripts for actions memorised and recalled in part from past experiences or mimicked from observing the “successful” actions of others in similar circumstances. As Kahneman points out, it is fraught with impulse, assumption and error. Its ONLY real advantages are for fast reflexive responses in conflict and competitive based survival environments where immediacy is the critical factor.

    Psychopaths are not just identified by their lack of empathy and conscience and their ruthless, manipulative, single-minded, narcissistic and opportunistic ways, but also by their almost total lack of application of “System2” thinking. This means that they have a severe inability to deal with complexity, the welfare of others, or with any further effects of their actions beyond their immediate self-serving objective!

    Competition/Conflict is the life’s blood of the psychopath and the ultimate psychological contagion that can only be eradicated through a clarity, understanding and then avoidance of the cyclical processes between psychopathy/sociopathy and competition as a human dynamic. Instead we must choose a different path through the conscious development of empathetic mutuality and the consequential maturation of the “System 2” thinking, creativity and complex thinking that gradually arises from such a choice.

    To understand the effect of the psychopath fully, we must be aware that the retarded infantile nature of his thinking and behaviour and his incapability of creative endeavour, keeps him in an infantile dependent state. He can only take, or be given what he needs and desires, so he focusses greatly on his infantile skills of manipulating others to meet his needs. He does this in a way that is amplified and sophisticated by many years of trial and error experience at “pushing people’s emotional buttons” using the emotional tactics of seduction, rejection and menace in all their variations.

    Unfortunately the psychopath’s attributes of control are uniquely successful in divisive competitive environments like politics and economics, where whole populations have been both intellectually and empathetically suppressed in their development through the cradle to the grave application of competition. For most of us, in order to compete, we have been coerced into attempting to apply seriously faulty “system1” thinking to every aspect of our lives, literally “in the heat of battle” and as a result have abandoned our fertile and complex cognitive potentials.

    Education has now been perverted to where its major function is to prepare us for employment in very competitive environments under the direction of psychopaths or their processes and so, by default, pedagogy focusses on the simplistic and “quick and dirty” “system1” limbic memory based cognitive template and the competitive tactics of the psychopath. It is further based on the unspoken assumption that working life is about taking instruction from authorities in the form of recipes, formulae, scripts and scenarios, remembering them in detail and then following them accurately to get the result the instructor demanded.

    The price we pay for an education based almost entirely on system1 thinking is that we have severely stunted our cognitive potentials to where most of us are unable to conceptualise or build our own matrixes of understanding about any subject and then going on to create integrated maps of reality. Instead we rely on supposed “authorities” like mainstream media, politicians and “accredited sources” to inform us about their values, their worldview and what they deem should be considered important in life. And, these authorities are most often controlled by psychopaths.

    Excerpts from “The Way of the Psychopath” by Duncan MacMartin, July 2015

    Image courtesy of truthdig.com

     

    Psychopath Test Politicians

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    • nowve666 13:52 on December 17, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Dear Tina,

      I went to the original source of the article you quoted in order to read the whole thing. What strikes me at once is the complaint that we are “domesticated like cattle” so much like a complaint a psychopath might make. I guess anyone with spirit would feel disgusted at the tameness of the average citizen, how easily he/she is controlled by the government, the media and the educational system. The article says psychopaths are on the top, running the whole show, something you have often said as well. I’m sure some psychopaths are in the 1% running things but I think the machine which runs “civilization” contains a multiplicity of personalities, just as the 99% has its fair number of psychopaths. Isn’t the “anti-social personality” just a label for those who refuse to play along with their assigned role?

      I agree that the 1% are parasitic and that the 99% is a lot like cattle with the exception of a small number who try to lead a revolution. Getting these “cattle” stirred up to do anything besides enrich their masters is what optimists would call “a heavy lift” and pessimists would call “impossible.”

      Having described the ills of society and not psychopathy, Duncan MacMartin quotes an economist to describe our “pathology.” Odd to rely on an economist to paint a psychological portrait of a class of people. But, since this article really is more an indictment on our economic system than anything else, it is appropriate. Psychopaths engage in what the economist, “Daniel Kahneman called ‘System1’ or fast thinking, this is a cognitive template that is in place in infancy, the processes of which are situated largely within the limbic system, memory based and emotionally controlled.” So infants are not the innocent and trusting creatures we thought them to be? They are powerful manipulators? Hard to believe Daniel Kahneman really made such a preposterous statement. If so, he really needs to stick to economics and leave the understanding of both infants and psychopaths to those more qualified.

      Psychopathic thinking is “primitive ‘fast and dirty’ thinking when amplified through trial and error experiences is ideal for operating in chaotic and conflict based environments such as on the battlefield or in video games.” In other words, it is the thinking of people or animals living in a wild, survival-of-the-fittest situation. Interesting how the article compares most people to cattle, domesticated animals, and psychopaths to wild, undomesticated animals who thrive best in the jungle. Somehow, I don’t see wolves controlling cattle. It would be very clever of them, if they could but beyond the ability of any creature of the jungle.

      But somehow, these “cattle” are superior to the wolves in sheep’s clothing that control them. As opposed to psychopaths, their thinking, “‘System2’ thinking or slow thinking, on the other hand, is rational, considerate and logical, so being both analytical and constructive, it takes time. The cognitive processes of ‘System2’ take place largely cortically, in the areas of higher brain function and when fully evolved, utilise those higher cognitive functions acquired only through seeking mutually beneficial relationships with others and the environment.” These highly evolved souls have somehow ceded their power to wolves, or psychopaths. “They have told us that, like domestic cattle, we need their fences (controls) and their oversight (surveillance) to protect us from the wolves (or terrorists) that would come and decimate us and our little ones and we have been told that the world is a terrible hostile place and that life is fraught with adversaries, a self–fulfilling prophecy when societies and cultures are governed by psychopaths.” I quite agree that the way the ruling class rules through fear is contemptible. For this reason, I despise society with it’s sheep-like constituents. I don’t blame psychopaths for the average person’s cowardice. People need to take responsibility for themselves. Until they do, they deserve the inglorious title of “sheeple.”

      Interesting how similar our thinking can be while leading to such opposite conclusions on the subject of psychopaths. I maintain, however, that we cannot shed light on psychopathy by examining the pathology of society. Most people are not psychopaths and they sustain the status quo. I also can’t really blame the 1% to letting a bunch of suckers allow themselves to be milked as the cattle that they choose to be.

      Sincerely,

      Fran Nowve

      Liked by 1 person

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 11:00 on December 18, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        All good points except I think you went off the track with the passage on infants being manipulative. You appear to have misunderstood what “in place” means.

        All it takes is for complete domination is a few psychopaths appointed to the Supreme Court.

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