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  • James 21:10 on January 12, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: aura, , crying, Discard - the final frontier, , , , feelings, , , No Psychos - now with more boobs, , , , , , , tears,   

    No need to cry about it 

    What is your problem?

    I’ve always found it odd that very young children cry. I think “What have you got to cry about? You have no responsibilities. You can play all day. You’re intellectually a simpleton, so there’s little chance of getting bored and the littlest things can keep you entertained. You have no concept of morality, and the normals haven’t even infected you with the misery they live with yet, so you can quite literally do whatever you want. Compared to this, the rest of your life is going to be a disaster zone. Wait until high school! Wait until mortgages and bill repayments and supermarkets and annoying coworkers. Wait until you’re mopping up the sick and poo of your own child, and wondering why they’re always fucking crying. Wait until you’re old, and your body and mind both start decaying before you’ve finished using them, and you keep putting baking soda in your tea and your cat in the dishwasher. These, your carefree days of childhood, are the good times. It’s all down hill from here. And yet, there you are – bawling like a, well, like a baby.”

    Then someone was kind enough to point out: “they have no other way of communicating.” Of course! It’s obvious. Silly me. But that is true primarily of babies, and it does beg the question as to why psychopathic babies (God, is that even a thing? A little cherub from hell come to devour your life savings and personal freedom.) don’t cry. Psychopaths are good communicators, or at least they’re good at communicating their needs to others and getting those others to provide for them, so why don’t they cry? That’s not rhetorical. Hey, I don’t have all the answers!

    Still, once we get into late toddlerhood, most kids have been talking for a couple of years and are getting quite good at it, and especially at asking questions. And we’re still in “Everything in life is great” territory, so what’s with the crying? Note that we’re talking genuine tears here, not tantrums or other such manipulations. Why do they cry with emotion?

    Now, having met and spoken with at least one person claiming to be an “empath”, the answer to this puzzle might be teased. I am still skeptical as to the existence of empaths, i.e. people with an abnormally heightened empathy such that they can almost read minds (or certainly hearts, if hearts be the organ of emotion). To me, it all sounds a bit Star Trek, a bit Deanna Troi. But I’ve met and spoken with a self-proclaimed empath, and since I’m the one claiming to be something most people believe only exists in slasher films, who am I to judge?

    Worst counsellor ever.

    According to the empath, most people are noisy. She doesn’t mean that they’re loudmouths (although I would attest to that also being the case), but that they’re emotionally noisy. Apparently, most people give off a kind of aura of emotion and for this empath at least the aura manifests itself as noise. Maybe the ‘noise’ is just metaphorical and other empaths choose to use more visual or tactile descriptors of auras, or maybe it’s all bullshit. I don’t know, but what I do know is that I am apparently not noisy. I am very quiet. Being around me, says the empath, is calming. Being around me is like when she’s alone. She can just be who she is, and focus on her own mind and her own emotions, without a constant onslaught coming from other people.

    I have never denied that I have emotions; all humans are by their nature emotional beings. But I have noticed over the years that mine are more level and altogether less bumpy than others’. I don’t get wound up easily, I don’t jump with fright, I don’t go to pieces under stress – indeed if anything adverse circumstances excite me and get me fired up. Knowing this about myself, and have it be recognised by this empath unprompted, does give a clue as to why, even in infancy, a psychopath may be far less prone to crying than others. The frequent crying of even children old enough to speak may not be nearly as much of a puzzle to others as it is to me; and indeed, given the apparently different emotional worlds we inhabit, this, I suppose, is to be expected.

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    • nowve666 23:15 on January 12, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      ROTFLMAO!!! So you didn’t cry as a baby? Do you remember? Have you asked your mother what you were like then? One reason babies cry is physical discomfort. They get things like colic. They wake up hungry with wet diapers. They get diaper rash. And they might get lonely if they are left alone in their crib. They cry when they are startled with loud sounds. And I understand they need their mothers to “mirror” their facial expressions and get upset if their mothers don’t do it. Also, I understand most babies have empathy. So if another baby outs crying, the baby who hears it can start crying out of empathy. Obviously, we didn’t do that, I guess. Why do you call babies little psychopaths?

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      • James 05:42 on January 13, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        I don’t remember being a baby, but there are videos of me. I didn’t call babies little psychopaths; I was referring to babies who are psychopaths later in life, and was wondering if they already were psychopaths even as a baby.

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    • nowve666 09:01 on January 13, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Oh. OK. I read this very late at night. I don’t blame babies for crying a lot. After all, finding themselves thrust into this world. They don’t even known where their bodies end and the world begins. They can’t coordinate their arms and legs or even see in the beginning. They suddenly depend on an outside person, the mother, usually. She controls when they eat, when they are warm or cold, when their diapers change, etc. Then they begin crawling and then walking. Everything is really difficult. Fortunately, it’s not in the nature of a baby to be a quitter. They keep trying until they succeed. As for “the normals haven’t even infected you with the misery they live with yet,” I knew at an early age that adults were full of shit. I assumed most of what they told me was a lie. One of my earliest memories was distrusting what I was told. It’s not that they were necessarily lying. But they seemed to be deceiving themselves. I distrusted even things that later turned out to be true. For example, I was told New York, my hometown, was the biggest city in the world and the Empire State Building was the tallest building in the world. I immediately thought, “I’ll bet everyone says that about the city they live in.” I was also told over and over that childhood was the best time in my life, just like you are saying. I thought, “I don’t believe it.” Guess what. I grew up and discovered that childhood was not the best time in my life. I enjoyed adulthood much more. Sure, there are hassles. But there is also more freedom.

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    • Christopher Flore 15:30 on January 13, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Their parents’ struggle. I’ve always been interested about them crying, i figure sometimes they are born and don’t cry and other times they cry into the world, the other part is if the birth itself isn’t smooth but the two go hand in hand sometimes. There is a need to cry when there is sometimes btw and it takes the sadness out of you.

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 10:55 on January 14, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Good point. Thanks for your comment, Christopher.

        Like

    • Critter 07:51 on February 14, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      “…And we’re still in “Everything in life is great” territory, so what’s with the crying? Note that we’re talking genuine tears here, not tantrums or other such manipulations. Why do they cry with emotion?…”

      Crying with emotion over seemingly trivial stuff just happens to be a useful way for a developing brain to find ways to make those emotional responses be useful by the time they reach adulthood. That behavior is just a sign of impulse control and emotional regulation developing in a young brain. Good thing that process starts early isn’t it?

      “According to the empath, most people are noisy. She doesn’t mean that they’re loudmouths (although I would attest to that also being the case), but that they’re emotionally noisy. Apparently, most people give off a kind of aura of emotion and for this empath at least the aura manifests itself as noise. Maybe the ‘noise’ is just metaphorical and other empaths choose to use more visual or tactile descriptors of auras, or maybe it’s all bullshit.”

      I honestly don’t belive in the whole empath consept. Although to her credit, people probably do have the neurological equivalent of both a signal amplifier and noise filter, both somewhat adjustable, otherwise it would be extremely hard for people to adapt to different social environments. If that happens to be the way the brain does works, then empaths probably has a noise filter dialed to minimum and an amplifier dialed to max. In that sense, I would have to compromise and agree to empaths being ~ 50% right, lol.

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      • James 09:59 on February 14, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Hi, welcome back (assuming you’re ‘Typical Critter’ from before)

        The noise filter concept definitely seems intuitively like it must exist. If you had the same level of focus in a large crowd as you did in a small group of people or in a one-to-one exchange, the stimuli would likely be overwhelming. As it is, a lot of people find large crowds stressful, but it must help a lot not having to listen to everyone’s conversations or keep track of what everyone in the crowd looks like, smells like, what they’re doing, what they’re wearing, various non-verbal cues such as body-language, expression, gait etc.The fact that we mostly don’t do this would strike me as evidence of a filter in action. Indeed, people I know who are most on edge in crowds (generally there is a past trauma behind that) report that they’re unable to tune everyone out; if they’re in a restaurant, they have to keep an eye on all the customers, staff and anyone else who comes through the door.

        “That behavior is just a sign of impulse control and emotional regulation developing in a young brain. Good thing that process starts early isn’t it?” Is that rhetorical? I don’t see much or indeed any use for crying over spilt milk or dead puppies. The emotional responses are not useful, they’re wasteful. While weak neurotypicals waste time leaking salty water out of their faces and grimacing, psychopaths (and indeed pragmatic neurotypicals) are working out how to solve the problem they’re faced with. So I would have to say that no it is not a good thing children learn how to be emotional wrecks from a very young age.

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        • Critter 17:39 on February 15, 2018 Permalink | Reply

          I have one anecdote when it comes to people who claim to be empaths, they seem to have a tendency to overinterpret things when it comes to other peoples emotional responses.

          “…While weak neurotypicals waste time leaking salty water out of their faces and grimacing, psychopaths (and indeed pragmatic neurotypicals) are working out how to solve the problem they’re faced with…”

          Most adults don’t get an emotional breakdown every time life throws shit at them, lol. Teaching children the basics for how to sort out their problems by themselves is kind of what parents are supposed to do. Kids aren’t as emotionally stable as adults because that makes it easier for their brains to develop. Pragmatic neurotypicals are just people who have figured out how to overcome fear, not give in to anger, not take themselves too seriously and especially not take everything people say too seriously either, but rather pay attention to their behavior in the longer term.

          Like

  • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 10:45 on October 3, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , , , feelings, , , , , , , ,   

    10 Ways Manipulators Use Emotional Intelligence for Evil 

    evil grin

    Emotional intelligence is nothing new.

    Sure, the term was coined in the 1960s, and popularized by psychologists in recent decades. But the concept of emotional intelligence–which I define as a person’s ability to recognize and understand emotions and use that information to guide decision making–has been around as long as we have.

    This skill we refer to as emotional intelligence (also known as EI or EQ) is like any other ability: You can cultivate it, work to enhance it, sharpen it.

    And it’s important to know that, just like other skills, emotional intelligence can be used both ethically and unethically.

    The dark side of emotional intelligence

    Organizational psychologist and best-selling author Adam Grant identified EI at its worst in his essay for The Atlantic, “The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence“:

    Recognizing the power of emotions…one of the most influential leaders of the 20th century spent years studying the emotional effects of his body language. Practicing his hand gestures and analyzing images of his movements allowed him to become “an absolutely spellbinding public speaker,” says the historian Roger Moorhouse–“it was something he worked very hard on.”

    His name was Adolf Hitler.

    The last thing anyone wants is to be manipulated, whether it’s by politicians, colleagues, or even those who claim to be our friends.

    Below, I’ve listed 10 ways emotional intelligence can be used against you. Of course, these actions and characteristics don’t always identify a lack of ethics; a person may practice them unintentionally. Nonetheless, increasing awareness of these behaviors will equip you to deal with them strategically, and sharpen your own EQ in the process.

    1. They play on fear.

    A manipulator will exaggerate facts and overemphasize specific points in an effort to scare you into action.

    Strategy: Beware of statements that imply you lack courage or attempts to instill a fear of missing out. Make sure you have the whole picture of a situation before taking action.

    2. They deceive.

    All of us value transparency and honesty, but manipulators hide the truth or try to show you only one side of the story. For example, consider the manager or employee who purposefully spreads unconfirmed rumors and gossip to gain a strategic advantage.

    Strategy: Don’t believe everything you hear. Rather, base your decisions on reputable sources and ask questions when details aren’t clear.

    3. They take advantage when you’re happy.

    Often, we’re tempted to say yes to anything when we’re in an especially good mood, or jump on opportunities that look really good at the time (but that we haven’t really thought through). Manipulators know how to take advantage of those moods.

    Strategy: Work to increase awareness of your positive emotions just as much as your negative emotions. When it comes to making decisions, strive to achieve balance.

    4. They take advantage of reciprocity.

    Manipulators know it’s harder to say no if they do something for you–so they may attempt to flatter, butter you up, or say yes to small favors…and then ask you for big ones.

    Strategy: For sure, giving brings more joy than receiving.

    But it’s also important to know your limitations. And don’t be afraid to say no when appropriate.

    5. They push for home-court advantage.

    “A manipulative individual may insist on you meeting and interacting in a physical space where he or she can exercise more dominance and control,” says Preston Ni, author of How to Successfully Handle Manipulative People.

    These people may push to negotiate in a space where they feel ownership and familiarity, like their office, home, or any other place you might feel less comfortable.

    Strategy: If you need to negotiate, offer to do so in a neutral space. If you must meet the person on his or her home turf, ask for a drink of water and engage in small talk upon arrival, to help you get your bearings.

    6. They ask lots of questions.

    It’s easy to talk about ourselves. Manipulators know this, and they take advantage by asking probing questions with a hidden agenda–discovering hidden weaknesses or information they can use to their advantage.

    Strategy: Of course, you shouldn’t assume wrong motives in everyone who wants to get to know you better. But beware of those who only ask questions–while refusing to reveal the same information about themselves.

    7. They speak quickly.

    At times, manipulators will speak at a faster pace or use special vocabulary and jargon in an attempt to gain advantage.

    Strategy: Don’t be afraid to ask people to repeat their point, or to ask questions for clarity. You can also repeat their point in your words, or ask them to name an example–allowing you to regain control of the conversation.

    8. They display negative emotion.

    Some people purposefully raise their voice or use strong body language to show they’re upset, in an effort to manipulate your emotions. (Basketball coaches are masters at this.)

    Strategy: Practice the pause. If someone demonstrates strong emotion, take a moment before reacting. In some instances, you may even walk away for a few minutes.

    9. They give you an extremely limited time to act.

    An individual may try and force you to make a decision within a very unreasonable amount of time. In doing so, he or she wants to coerce you into a decision before you have time to weigh the consequences.

    Strategy: Don’t submit to unreasonable demands. If your partner refuses to give you more time, you’re better off looking for what you need somewhere else.

    10. They give you the silent treatment.

    “By deliberately not responding to your reasonable calls, text messages, emails, or other inquiries, the manipulator presumes power by making you wait, and intends to place doubt and uncertainty in your mind,” says Ni. “The silent treatment is a head game, where silence is used as a form of leverage.”

    Strategy: After you’ve attempted communication to a reasonable degree, give your partner a deadline. In situations where alternatives are unavailable, a frank discussion addressing his or her communication style may be necessary.

    Putting it into practice

    There will always be those who work to increase their emotional awareness–in both themselves and others. Sometimes, they’ll use that power for manipulative influence.

    And that’s exactly why you should sharpen your own emotional intelligence–to protect yourself when they do.

    (If you’d like more tips on how to make your emotions work for you, instead of against you, make sure to sign up for my free monthly newsletter.)

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  • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 10:37 on April 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , feelings, , , , , ,   

    Is there a psychopath in your life? 

    Women in green

    What is a psychopath? Do you know one? Ever been the victim of one? The chances are that the answer is yes, even if you may not realize it. The scientific consensus is that one in a hundred people is psychopathic and this breaks down evenly between men and women. (1)  Scary thought, huh? What is your idea of a ‘psychopath’? A serial killer? A crazy person foaming at the mouth? Think again.

    Movie madness – muddling psychosis and psychopathy

    Hollywood loves psychopaths and psychotics because they make such wonderful (or terrible, depending on your point of view) baddies. But if you think that because you’ve seen lots of movies featuring baddies who are ‘mad’ in some way you will therefore be able tell a psychotic from a psychopath, you are mistaken, because the movies regularly mix them up. Perhaps the most famous ‘mad’ movie baddie of them all, Norman Bates in Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho, is regularly branded a psychopath, although he was no such thing. He was a delusional psychotic. ‘Hearing voices’ or ‘seeing things’ that aren’t there can be symptoms of psychotic illnesses like schizophrenia, but does not mean that you are a psychopath. Of course, schizophrenia itself is another condition often misrepresented in the movies, which pursue the dramatic possibilities of ‘split personality’ while failing to acknowledge that it has nothing whatever to do with schizophrenia.

    To see a more accurate movie psychopath, turn to the eponymous cold hired assassin ‘the Jackal’ in The Day of the Jackal, or the scheming and manipulative Tom Ripley (brilliantly portrayed by Matt Damon) in The Talented Mr Ripley.

    In reality, most psychopaths are not criminal – although many criminals are psychopaths – but they are certainly amoral. The great majority are not killers; they are ‘bad’ rather than ‘mad’. So how do you tell if there is a psychopath in your life?

    The charming manipulator

    The socialized psychopath is likely to be too smart to end up in jail.

    The socialized psychopath can appear extremely charming. You have to know them really well and have a fair amount of insight yourself to spot that they always and only ever do what suits them. As long as they are getting their own way, they can be as charming as you could wish, and the most delightful company. But they will lie at the drop of a hat, without the slightest twinge of anxiety or guilt (so the old ‘lie detector’ polygraph test wouldn’t be likely to catch them out). They will use other people for their own ends without the smallest concern – treating them as no more than chess pieces in their ‘game’. They have no sense of guilt or remorse and will always be able to come up with plausible rationalizations for their behavior which allow them to lay the blame for any subsequent disaster on other people. And, of course, once chess pieces have served their purpose, there is no reason why they should not be discarded.

    Is it surprising that politics and show business are thought to have more than their fair share of socialized psychopaths?

    Cruel yet magnetic

    The socialized psychopath can be very attractive for the very qualities that make them psychopathic. This is not as contradictory as it sounds. A person whom we sense is not encumbered with the same inhibitions, doubts, uncertainties and sensitivities that plague the rest of mankind can seem very attractive. They can have such an aura of confidence and freedom about them. They may be enormously fun sensation-seeking risk takers. There are ‘no strings on them’ – or so it would appear. They may even seem like heroes to us. And they will keep us onside while we are useful to them. If you watch them carefully, however, their humor will tend to be on the cruel side.

    Cult leader Jim Jones was very magnetic and attracted a great number of followers to his ‘Jonestown’ settlement where they met their tragic deaths. He was reported to have enjoyed dissecting live animals as a child – a common childhood indicator of psychopathy. Other people’s suffering does not shock the psychopath as it does ordinary people, although they can look as shocked as anyone on the surface. How so?

    Feigning empathy

    A psychopath is not ’emotion blind’. They can ‘read’ other people’s emotions perfectly well, and mimic them perfectly well. And for them, other people’s emotions are just another counter to use in their games. They themselves rarely get worked up about anything except not getting what they want.

    How do you deal with someone who has no empathy, guilt, remorse or fear?

    A psychopath may understand other people frighteningly well. They can watch dispassionately, with a cold and calculating mind, going convincingly through the motions of empathy on the surface while focusing on how to turn the situation to their advantage. The only way to spot them is to observe them carefully over a significant period of time. Do they regularly say one thing and then do another, more than other people? Do they use people emotionally, sexually, professionally and then discard them casually? Do they sometimes seem strangely un-shocked by shocking events?

    Cold hearts

    Not surprisingly, many two-faced bullies show strong psychopathic tendencies. As they say: ‘You can’t turn a lion into a vegetarian by throwing veggie burgers at it.’ Trying to appeal to the better nature of a person who hasn’t got a better nature is a losing strategy. Psychopaths do not feel guilt or shame. They won’t feel genuinely sorry for you and will only put up a front of convincing looking sympathy for as long as it suits them.

    If you suspect there is a psychopath causing havoc in your life then you need to avoid them as much as possible. Collect and record evidence of their manipulative behavior. Try to avoid seeing them except when other people are around. Psychopaths leave a string of broken hearts, disappointment, bewilderment and empty wallets in their wake. Romantic relationships with a psychopath (of either sex) are fraught with dangers to your emotional and even physical well-being.

    How do you treat the psychopath?

    Traditionally psychopaths have only been ‘treated’ when they have been caught in criminal misdemeanor, and that ‘treatment’ has often been no more than punishment. Psychopathy is seen as a ‘personality disorder’ and therefore pretty much untreatable. Psychopaths may be very happy with being the way they are and there is some evidence that their brains, in some respects, work quite differently from other people’s.

    In a fascinating study, researchers at the Institute of Psychiatry, Kings College London (2), showed six psychopaths and nine healthy volunteers’ pictures of faces displaying different emotions. When looking at happy faces (as opposed to neutral faces), the brains of both groups showed increased activity in the areas involved in processing facial expression, although this increase was smaller in the psychopathic group.

    In contrast, when processing faces full of fear compared with neutral faces, the healthy volunteers showed more activation and the psychopaths less activation in these brain regions. Psychopaths can be very emotional themselves if they feel thwarted, but they are less concerned with other people’s emotions except as a hook by which to manipulate them.

    The psychopathic continuum

    We can all behave psychopathically sometimes, given extreme enough circumstances. Even whole cultures may be more psychopathic than others. Societies that encourage individuality, material gain and personal power while glorifying violence at the expense of the community display psychopathic tendencies just as surely as individuals do. And some people may manifest some psychopathic tendencies while still on occasion having genuine empathy and consideration.

    The vast majority of people do care about others, are shocked and upset by the suffering of fellow creatures and won’t tread over all and sundry just to get to the top. And we can all be manipulative, calculating, selfish or ladle on the false charm at times. But for the psychopath this is par for the course.

    Notes

    1. See Robert D Hare’s excellent: Without Conscience: The disturbing world of the psychopaths among us
    2. This research was conducted by Professor Declan Murphy and colleagues at Kings College London and published in ‘Facial emotion processing in criminal psychopathy’, British Journal of Psychiatry, 2006 189: 547-555

    EXCERPT from “No strings on me: Is there a psychopath in your life?” by Mark Tyrrell

    Photo courtesy bryancrump

     
    • revengestar 21:01 on June 1, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      It’s way more than that percentage since psychopathy is a spectrum. Although the main psychopath in my life is…well me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 21:22 on June 1, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Curious – how many do you know? Are they in your family?

        Like

        • revengestar 21:24 on June 1, 2016 Permalink | Reply

          all my family members are narcissistic sadly. I know 4 psychopaths in real life who drop the mask in private and we talk like psychopaths. Many others who act even when i see what they are. As for online, well dozens.

          Like

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