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  • James 10:53 on January 14, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , charm, , , just for fun, , lying, M.E. Thomas, , Parlez-vous bullshit?, , , , social mores are so moreish, , , When this baby hits 88mph..., Ziggy played guitar :(   

    The Psychopath Translator 

    Decoding the bullshit

    It’s true. Psychopaths (and sociopaths, if you like) aren’t the most straight-talking people in the world. Almost everything we say has some subtext or hidden layer to it, in which we say one thing but mean another. There I go doing it again. What I meant to say is we lie a lot.

    This can render effective communication with a psychopath very difficult, but no longer! Now you too can access your very own Psychopath – English dictionary, fully tailored for all your present and future dealings with God’s chosen people.

    We’ll start with a smirkingly good contribution, courtesy of M.E. Thomas over at Sociopath World:

    The Empath’s Cheat-Sheet for What a Sociopath Really Means

    1. I love you: I am fond of your companionship and put you above most, but never above me. Consider it an honor.

    2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.

    3. I’d do anything for you: I’d do plenty to keep you right where I want you to be

    4. My condolences for your loss: *crickets* … It’s just a body. See you later when you aren’t being an emotional train-wreck.

    5. S/he fills my heart with joy: I haven’t had this much fun playing in a long time, and the sex is more than acceptable.

    6. I love my family: They’re mine.

    7. That’s simply shocking: You’ve touched my morbid bone. No need to stop now…

    8. Deep down, I feel I’m a good person: I’m not in prison and I stopped abusing animals, mostly. What more can you possibly demand of me?

    9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.

    Thanks, M.E.!

    I’ll continue the list myself:

    • 10. “How are you?” – Reply with something interesting or don’t bother.
    • 11. “Please could you…? / Would you mind…? / If it isn’t too much trouble…” – DO IT NOW!
    • 12. “Thank you” – Ha, sucker.
    • 13. “Thank you very much!” – You may be useful later.
    • 14. “Thanks ever so much, mate / buddy / love / dear / baby / hun etc…” – You will be useful later.
    • 15. “I hate you” – Your reaction to hurtful things amuses me.
    • 16. “Yeah, that’s really interesting!” – I stopped listening a while back and am now planning what I’m going to say to you when you finally stop.
    • 17. “It sure was nice meeting you” – I have plans for you.
    • 18. “The pleasure was all mine” – One day that will be true.
    • 19. “Yes, Sir / Madam / Mr X / Mrs Y” – You like getting your arse licked, don’t you? That slight tickle, deep in your anus? That’s the tip of my tongue.
    • 20. “Wow, you’re really [e.g. funny]” – I have recognised that you think you are [e.g. funny] so I will validate that belief and pretend to like it too in order to get you to like me.
    • 21. “Were you close to [deceased relative / pet]?” – All this crying is tedious. How long until you become fun again?
    • 22. “Allow me / Let me help you” – I haven’t got all day, so stand aside, human scum.
    • 23. “Have you thought about…? / Why don’t you try…?” – Are you really this stupid?
    • 24. “I’m really passionate about x” – I don’t give a shit about x, but for some reason you do, so…
    • 25. “Oh no! That’s terrible news!” – Ha! Tell me more! Wait, let me just grab some popcorn and a beer, then I’m all ears.
    • 26. “I’ll be in touch” – I may be in touch, if I can be bothered, or I need something.
    • 27. “I promise” – For as long as you continue to please me, you have nothing to worry about.
    • 28. “It’s my fault” – It’s your fault.
    • 29. “Sorry to change the subject, but…” – You’re boring, shut the fuck up.
    • 30. “I’m bored” – I am really, really, really fucking bored. Rustle me up some entertainment, quick!
    • BONUS! *Winks or pulls stupid face while looking into your eyes* – Either I don’t know what emotion to do, or I’m worried you caught me staring.

    Like that

    If you have anything to add to the list, or if there other phrases you’d like the Translator to decode, put them in the comments down below.

     

     
    • Rita 07:48 on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Hey, did you have to buy a new tire?

      How much of my money have you spent?

      You are more interested in someone who loves you than material things?

      I hear wedding bells.

      Translation from the other side:
      I’m sorry you’re feeling bad.
      Ha ha ha — well, see, you can too feel pain.

      Like

  • Barbara 06:55 on May 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , lying, , ,   

    TOXIC HOPE 

    Three Reasons Your Relationship
    Will Never Get Better

    L.A. couples therapist featured in Time Magazine uses unique approach to marriage therapy including the acceptance that things won’t change.

    There are three reasons that your relationship cannot improve, even though you keep thinking it will. These are primary problems that are so influential that they are an obstacle that must be cleared before real progress in the relationship is possible.

    #1 Someone is frequently dishonest and that person is unwilling to identify that behavior as an individual problem that he or she wants to work on. An ongoing affair whether it is known or secret.

    #2 Psychological or medical disorders that are not treated. (Or personality disorders that are untreatable)

    These include: depression, manic depression, or menopause disorders, post traumatic stress and anxiety disorders such as obsessive-compulsive or post-traumatic stress disorder. (Include narcissism, psychopathy, sociopathy or borderline personality in the personality disorders category)

    Post traumatic Stress is often a result of abusive, neglectful or violent experiences in childhood. These can experiences can profoundly affect how someone later experiences issues of trust and conflict in current relationships. If symptoms from any of these illnesses are present and the person is unwilling to get treatment for it then there is a much reduced prospect for significant change in the relationship. First things first.

    #3 One partner uses physical violence, verbal abuse, psychological manipulation or emotional intimidation and is unwilling to say that this is their individual problem that s/he wants to work on it separately from the relationship.

    Saying, “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” is a good thing to hear from your partner. More importantly though is whether the intimidation ceases. The frequency, intensity or duration should be getting better. If it doesn’t then you may have ‘Toxic Hope.’

    Toxic hope is waiting for someone to change when there is no realistic reason to believe that it will happen. Battered women, or men, who keep hoping something will change, perhaps even when their partner has never even admitted that they have a control problem; are in toxic hope. Even though there is a fair effort made; the frequency and magnitude of the continuing offenses are severe enough that the other partner does not feel safe enough to continue within the relationship.

    We emphasize ‘progress, not perfection’ so the issue isn’t that slips or mistakes are made. The important thing is does the person eventually recognize his or her responsibility in the conflict and can the person show some concern for how that affects you. Or, if one person is unable to reasonably follow the guidelines and is not willing to seek further help.

    What do I mean when I say “an individual problem that he or she is willing to work on separate from the relationship?” Or what is meant by getting ‘further help’? A person can work on the issues they struggle with alone by reading books on the subject of violence or lying but few people are able to do this without the help of others.

    Using the help of others could mean going to a professional therapist who specializes in the area that needs work or it can mean going to a self -help group for that particular problem. If physical violence is the problem then my recommendation is to attend a professionally led anger management or domestic violence group. Having worked for ten years in these groups I can say that the men are pleasantly surprised that they can learn useful methods that benefit their relationships. For most of the men it is the first time that they are exposed to the principle that being vulnerable will not result in being hurt.

    • One partner refuses to ever consider forgiving the other for some past wrong committed by the other, even when that partner has humbly asked for forgiveness.
    • Alcohol or drug dependence or abuse (prescribed medicines too!) Other addictions such as food, sex, spending, gambling or work are huge impediments to progress in a relationship which are sometimes overlooked or simply denied.

    • Leaving a psychologically violent or abusive relationship. If you feel scared that you will be hurt, pursued or injured if you leave then trust your feelings and seek help from a women’s shelter or hotline before taking action. Talk with them and consider the advice or recommendations that is given to you. The most dangerous time, physically, for the abused wife (or husband) is at the time of separating. There were armchair quarterbacks saying Nicole Brown Simpson should have left O.J. and divorced him. She was leaving him! It was then that she was killed.

      If you are physically abused by your partner call 1 800 978-3600 FREE to talk to a domestic violence counselor to learn about resources in your area. You are not alone!

    If violence is occurring in your home then break the isolation. And for the person whose anger is out of control, please seek the competent help of anger management specialists. Why wait for a neighbor’s phone call to initiate your criminal record? Do something courageous and positive NOW! Seek the help of professionals who can help you. Stop saying “I’m sorry.” and take some real steps toward repeating what probably happened in the family you grew up in.

    Checklist Before You Leave:
    If you have done these things then you can leave knowing that you did everything you could before deciding for sure to leave. These do not apply if there is violence, addiction, continuing adultery or unrepentant lying in the relationship. Things to think about when you consider ending a relationship:

    • When your partner apologizes does s/he mention both what s/he did and how s/he’s hurt you?
    • If any form of physical control, intimidation or violence occurs, does it get justified (ie. “I wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t….”)?
    • If apologies are made is there reference made to the person’s intention about changing future behavior, or is there further justification for the disrespectful behavior?
    • Are you growing in this relationship?
    • Does this person have all the signs of having a personality disorder (they can not be fixed or cured)?
    • Is the other person growing in this relationship? Is there improvement? It’s a process. Is there an expressed willingness to grow? Or are you wishing & assuming your partner wants to change his/her behavior and attitudes. Remember we’re looking for ‘Progress and not Perfection’.

    Marc Sadoff, MSW, BCD
    PACIFIC SKILLS TRAINING CO.

     
  • James 15:58 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: alcoholism, , , , , , , lying, , , , parents, , , , PTSD   

    Meet the parents of a psychopath 

    Since I’ve just spent the week in the company of my parents, and had the intention to write about them anyway, what better time than right now?

    My father was one of these.

    They primarily came to move some of my belongings home to England (I won’t be here for much longer) but out of that they gained a vacation in France with their beloved son. On top of that, further gains for me were: free accommodation in a pleasant rural setting and free food and alcohol for a week including several restaurant meals, which are unspeakably good round these parts.

    As I write, they are still in the country but are driving up to the coast to catch the ferry. They left about 3 hours before the time of writing, and although I spent about 20 minutes mourning their departure, I no longer miss them. Instead, I’m looking ahead to the next month or so and the plans I have.

    Anyway, my parents. I still have two of them, though at nearly 60 years old they’re getting on a bit. My mother is a geographer, loves gardening, books and I struggle to think of a third thing. She’s a pushover. My father is a former guard of the Queen, war veteran, and retired police officer. He’s also an alcoholic, a PTSD sufferer and has a very nasty temper. I have a mixed relationship with my dad; we can go from joking to fighting to cold silence in the space of an afternoon. The relationship between my mother and I is much more stable and as a consequence is closer, though I lie to and manipulate both of them equally.

    Because I don’t miss them for long when they’re not around, I don’t keep in touch as often as they’d like, in fact one of my favourite games is to set a specific time to call or skype and then not show up, subsequently ignoring all texts, phone calls and emails for weeks until they think I’ve died or am in trouble.

    My mother likes these.

     

    In general, however, it pays to keep them on my side:

    • Parents are the biggest supporters you’ll ever get and perhaps the only people you can rely on to be selfless most of the time.
    • They do all sorts of useful favours and jobs and expect little or nothing in return. And they can’t replace me! A psychopath’s dream…
    • They teach life lessons. From my mum, I have learned patience, co-operation, negotiation and temper control. Thanks to her, I will (probably) never go to prison. From my dad, I have learned manipulation, persuasion, cooking and all sorts of interesting tips for criminal activity, as well as physical and psychological torture. Thanks to him, I will (probably) be successful in life.
    • They give me money, almost without question. And the Bank of Dad doesn’t recall its debts.
    • Despite everything, I do love them. Not in the same way as you love your parents and certainly not in the way they love me. While my dad would “walk over hot coals” and mum would “do anything” for me, I would, to quote myself like a true narcissist, “greatly inconvenience myself to save my mother’s life”. That probably doesn’t sound like much, but it’s more than I would do for anyone else. What is love anyway?

    P.S. While I was finishing this off, I got a quick phone call to say my folks have arrived at the ferry port. It was good-natured and polite. I lied at least twice in the 2 minutes we were talking. 

    How would you feel if you had a psychopath for a son? How would you mould and guide him? Would he make you proud of his success or ashamed of his crimes? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

     

     
    • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 16:00 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      James, why did you tag your post “child abuse”?

      Like

      • James 16:03 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        “He’s also an alcoholic, a PTSD sufferer and has a very nasty temper.” – You do the maths, sweetie.

        Liked by 1 person

        • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 17:05 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          My daughter (a psychopath) tells people she was abused at home. She gets people to sympathize with her based on lies. People don’t bother to ask the parents about it, do they? When my daughter was in high school, she would write papers about herself that were complete fabrications. At the time I didn’t know she was a psychopath, and it was bewildering – why would she paint her family in such a bad light? Now I know. People are easier to use if they feel sorry for you.

          Like

          • James 17:19 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            What your daughter does / did is no concern of mine. If I wanted sympathy, I would have made a big thing out of it. Everything I just wrote is true, except that being nearly 60 is not really “getting on a bit”, that was a light-hearted remark.

            Like

            • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 18:05 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              Did not write that part for you. I was not suggesting that you want sympathy from this article. I also was not suggesting that you were lying. I was simply writing my experience since I had nothing else to say.

              Liked by 1 person

              • James 18:08 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                Leaving your comment in reply to mine indicated you were in fact talking to / about me, but since that was not your intention it was just a misunderstanding.

                Like

            • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 18:22 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              This comment is for you. You said what my daughter does/did is no concern of yours, yet your question at the end of the article asks about people’s children. Are you specifically looking for hypotheticals? You know I find it funny when you contradict yourself.

              Liked by 1 person

              • James 18:34 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                And please do continue to point it out when I do, won’t you? 😀

                Yes, I am specifically looking for hypothetical sons, NOT daughters…

                In all serious, what I meant by “is no concern of mine” was “has nothing to do with me”. I was attempting to distance myself from your daughter’s blatant lack of respect for you because, as you know, I thought you were implying I was lying. Now we have established you were doing no such thing, the comment about your daughter can be recognised as relevant to the questions I posed.

                Any more knots to tie me up with? 🙂

                Like

                • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 18:50 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                  I don’t have a psychopath son, but if I did, he would get my love just the same. I have no thoughts on moulding and guiding psychopaths specifically. It appears nothing can be done about the lying.

                  Like

                  • James 19:00 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                    It’s fine, you don’t have to have an opinion on everything! But childhood is no doubt a critical phase in anyone’s life, so it stands to reason a properly-guided psychopath will be more successful and less destructive later in life.

                    Of course this thread is open to anybody with any manner of real or imaginary children; I shall have to give up making jokes if nobody can understand them.

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 19:42 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                      I understood your joke about the gender, etc… I thought it would be funny to proceed with a response anyway. 🙂

                      I would like to go further into the topic of what you consider to be successful, and what is your view of destructive, since I think that our views don’t coincide. Maybe that topic will require a separate article.

                      Like

                      • James 20:05 on May 16, 2015 Permalink

                        Yes, it would. Perhaps a debate article, or something co-written by the two of us?

                        Liked by 1 person

    • Amaterasu Solar 11:04 on May 17, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Without reading above comments, I will give Mine… Sorry if any of this is covered above.

      I note some pride in the fact that You chose to lie twice. This leads Me to ponder on what the basis of that pride is. [smile] You gave no detail, so I ask Myself… What? Did His parent(s) ask a question and He thought, Gee, I can lie here! I’ll make something up! Hahaha! Or was it a matter of being asked about something where an Ethical issue was involved and He lied to cover that up…?

      Or is there something I’m missing? I still do not grasp that pride. Care to illuminate? [smile]

      Like

      • James 12:14 on May 17, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Actually you’ve just read into it wrong, there was no pride attached to the statement. I said it because I thought it would further illuminate our relationship.

        “Gee, I can lie here! I’ll make something up! Hahaha!” This made me laugh, if only it were that simple 🙂

        Like

    • Amb 09:19 on August 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I have to admit that I have a hard time relating to your blog, however, it is interesting. This post made me think of a word in Buddhism called bodhicitta, which is essentially a term that describes the compassionate or “soft spot” that every human being has. It implies that even the cruelest of human beings have this-just in varying degrees. So for instance, you may have a complete disregard for “morality” in regards to 99% of the people you encounter, but for your mother you’d greatly inconvenience yourself to save her life, thus confirming that you do in fact have bodhicitta. I was just intrigued by this application of the theory that I’d been on the fence about when reading this post. I hope you’re well.

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 09:31 on August 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Ah fuck, I’m busted.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Amb 09:49 on August 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          It’s just an interesting concept. If accepted, it doesn’t allow us to accept the fact that some people are just “bad.” If everyone has bodhicitta then it means that everyone is in part “good,” even if it’s just to smaller degrees than what we believe is “acceptable.”

          Like

    • nowve666 09:45 on December 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      This is the worst Christmas in my life. Reading a new blog by a psychopath was the best Christmas present I could have received. It’s comforting. Soothing. Unlike you, I would not have “greatly inconvenienced myself” to have saved my mother’s life. But I agree with you that parents are the biggest boosters one will ever have although grown children can do a lot for one too. I never had one but many partner, Vickie, has a soon and daughter-in-law who do a lot for us. We didn’t get an invite for Christmas dinner this year. I feel quite abandoned. Maybe I AM borderline after all. (I’m reading “I Hate You. Don’t Leave Me.”)

      Like

      • James 18:16 on December 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Yeah, I’ve been thinking Borderline. Especially in light of all the love I’ve been getting from you today.

        Like

        • nowve666 13:54 on December 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          I have just taken about five tests for personality disorders. I always score low for Borderline. My highest is Narcissistic. I plan to write a blog comparing Borderline with Psychopathy and examine the similarities and differences and discuss how they pertain to me.

          Like

          • James 14:02 on December 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            The trouble with the way you do it is that you are biased. You want to be a psychopath or narc and don’t want to be borderline. And of course having true self-awareness is very difficult. Before you point it out, yes the same problems apply to me, which is why I don’t bother taking these sorts of personality tests. You would really like to just go and get a formal diagnosis from a psychologist, wouldn’t you? Well then you should.

            Like

            • nowve666 14:16 on December 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              But I did that. They gave me two diagnoses. One was for “my life as a whole” and the other was for present time. The one for my life as a whole was ASPD. The one for present was NOS (not otherwise specified). I looked this up and found this grab bag includes Depressive, Passive Aggressive, Sadistic, Self-Defeating and Psychopathic. This came from Wikipedia. ” You’re right about the overlap, but that also means that the polar opposites (I would say the continuum goes Borderline – Histrionic – Narc – Antisocial) are very different from one another. And Antisocial shares some similarities with Cluster A, while BPD is similar to Cluster C.” This shows how flaky psychology is. I do see some aspects of Borderline in myself but I also see qualities I don’t have at all. I do plan to examine the differences as well as the similarities.

              Like

    • nowve666 21:39 on December 26, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I certainly hope not if it’s what the book I’m reading is accurate. I recognize some of their traits in me but not enough. Do Borderlines tend to love you? Cluster B has so much overlap, I sometimes think it should be one “disorder.” But the brain scans are different. Borderline brains look very different from psychopathic brains. I’ll just have to get a brain scan. Maybe Tina will spring for it. 😉

      Like

      • James 14:07 on December 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Do Borderlines tend to love me? Well I’ve only ever known two close enough to realise they were Borderlines, and one of them loved me (as in she was actually in love with me), the other was indifferent. Scientifically speaking, that’s inconclusive data! You’re right about the overlap, but that also means that the polar opposites (I would say the continuum goes Borderline – Histrionic – Narc – Antisocial) are very different from one another. And Antisocial shares some similarities with Cluster A, while BPD is similar to Cluster C.

        Like

    • nowve666 14:20 on December 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      What similarities does Antisocial have with Cluster A? I can see what the similarities are between BPD and Cluster C.

      Like

      • James 18:40 on December 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Mainly the distance from emotional connections.

        Like

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