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  • James 21:08 on January 1, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: 2018, Advance to Mayfair, , cheating, , , lying, , , , , , , new year, , , , , , Sorry!, The Old Kent Road - a nice little earner   

    Just being psychopathic 

    So, New Year’s Day, 2018. I spent it in the company of my mother for the most part, playing board games. It was nice to reconnect, nice to not have anything else to do but play a few games and enjoy spending time with the woman who birthed and raised me. It’s not often that there’s literally nothing else I’d rather be doing than what I’m currently doing, or that there’s nothing else that really has to be done.

    The way my mind works, it’s goal-oriented. Win this. Get that. Do such and such. Beat him. And when I have a goal, everything I do, every bit of effort is put into achieving that goal. You could say I have a sort of tunnel vision, a razor sharp focus on the prize, outside of which nothing else matters. When I’m trying to achieve a goal is when other people are most likely to be adversely affected. This single-mindedness is what causes me to manipulate and use people like tools. You see, people who have been hurt by psychopaths get it all wrong. They take everything personally. They act like there was always a plan on the part of the psychopath to ruin their life or to make them unhappy. This is rarely the case. The psychopath was just doing what he or she needed to do to get what he or she wanted. You just got unlucky, by being in the way or by being the key to achieving his or her goal.

    Sometimes, I am accused of deliberately hurting someone or of setting out to cause them harm. This is fair enough; people are inclined to take things personally, as they love to imagine themselves as more important than they really are, being at the centre of their own universe. I don’t blame people for feeling like shit when they’ve been cheated or taken an emotional battering. It’s not a good place to be in. But it’s when they call me cruel or sadistic, they’re wrong. I’m not cruel. I’m not sadistic. I don’t wish anybody harm. On the other hand, I am single-minded. I am selfish. I am ruthless.

    But not today. Today, there was nothing to do but play games and enjoy being with my mother. I suppose that was a sort of goal, and could be reimagined as an objective: ‘spend time with Mum and enjoy self’, which would require of me such behaviour as ‘be polite’, ‘be charming’, ‘be loving’, ‘be upbeat’ (yes, that is really how I think). However, there was nothing beyond this simplistic ‘goal’, no detailed planning or second-guessing required!

    And it was enjoyable. We both had a good time. We drank cups of tea, and later glasses of beaujolais. We played ‘Monopoly’ and ‘Sorry’, and I won four out of five games. I was probably thinking more strategically than Mum, because she was just having fun with her son, while I can never really ‘switch off’ one hundred percent. I manipulated and cheated my way into winning four times, but always with a cheeky smile, playful banter and a joke to make my parent laugh. She could see what I was doing most of the time, both when I was giving ‘advice’ on what move she should take next, and when I tried to bribe her with 500 Monopoly money, but she didn’t hold it against me because she loves me, and because I was on top social form. I like that kind of interaction. Being charming and having someone hang on to your every word – it’s a good feeling, even when it’s with someone who is pretty much biologically-programmed to love you.

    Still, the way I look at it is although my Mum can’t help but love me, the fact that she also likes me must count for something, and says something about our relationship.

    New Year’s Day 2018 – it was simple, but fulfilling.

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    • nowve666 09:22 on January 2, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      How does someone bribe another player in Monopoly? Give her the $500 to let you go twice? Have her buy a property she wasn’t going to buy? Fun game.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Amaterasu Solar 11:39 on January 7, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      James, You fascinate Me, and I do like You. Thanks for sharing this! I will surely not be trusting You, but I can grasp why Your mom likes You.

      Like

  • James 15:50 on April 4, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: arguments, coming out, , , , lying, , , , , , , step aside Mr Shakespeare, true story   

    Fessin' up 

    Pleased to meet you.

    Scene I: Friday evening, kitchen table

    JAMES’S FATHER (eyes narrowed): So, once again we find ourselves in this situation. For the fourth time, you’ve been lying to us.

    JAMES (in his head): Four times that you know of. (aloud) I don’t think it’s really been four times. What were the others?

    JAMES’S MOTHER outlines each of the three previous occasions. JAMES argues that at none of those times was he lying, and that this is a different situation. He wins 1 of 3 rounds.

    JAMES’S FATHER (exasperated): Three times, four times, what’s the fucking difference?! What matters is for the nth time, you have deliberately deceived us over months, and I don’t know why.

    JAMES: Neither do I.

    JAMES’S FATHER: No, that’s not going to fly anymore. You must know why you lie.

    JAMES (breathless) : It’s just an impulse. I don’t know why I do it. I can’t stop myself.

    JAMES’S FATHER: Don’t give us all this “it’s just an impulse” bullshit. You made a choice to lie each time you spoke to us and you did it comfortably.

    JAMES (internally admiring his father’s shrewdness): No! I didn’t do it on purpose-

    JAMES’S FATHER (cutting James off): You knowingly and comfortably lied to us over months. You deliberately hurt us.

    JAMES (truthfully): I did not lie to hurt you. (in head) I lied to benefit me. You didn’t come into the equation.

    JAMES’S FATHER (shouting): You lied knowing you would hurt us. You deliberately hurt us.

    JAMES (shouting back): NO! I didn’t lie to hurt you! I mean, I knew the consequences if you found out, but you weren’t supposed to find out.

    JAMES’S MOTHER: You may not have set out to hurt us, but that’s the result.

    JAMES (flatly): Yes.

    JAMES’S FATHER: So come on, why did you do it? I want an explanation.

    JAMES (long silence): I don’t know what to say. (another long silence) I have nothing to say.

    JAMES’S FATHER: Do you know right from wrong?

    JAMES (quickly) Yes. (pause) I mean I think I do. Who knows at this point? I don’t know. I feel bad for hurting you, if that’s the same thing.

    JAMES’S FATHER: Then why did you lie

    JAMES shrugs, but says nothing. After a whole minute:

    JAMES’S FATHER: Well I’m not going to sit here while you say nothing. If that’s the best explanation you can give, I guess we’ll have to take it. But I don’t know how we can trust you ever again, knowing how easily and convincingly you lie. We want to trust you, but there’ll always be a niggling doubt in the back of our minds. I want to believe you.

    JAMES (deciding now is not the time to make an ‘X Files’ joke): Yes, okay.

    JAMES’S MOTHER bursts into tears and runs from the room. JAMES looks at his father impassively.

    JAMES’S FATHER: You should go after your mother.

    JAMES: I don’t know what to say.

    JAMES’S FATHER (shouting again): How about telling her you’re sorry you hurt her?

    Exeunt

    Scene II: Monday lunchtime. JAMES’S MOTHER’S garden, where she has been chatting to her son and sitting on a bench

    JAMES’S MOTHER: I know you won’t like this, but I have to ask anyway. All those times you were telling me how useless [person] was and how she was so disorganised and feckless, that was all made up, wasn’t it?

    JAMES: Yeah, it was.

    JAMES’S MOTHER (gobsmacked): You had me stressed out and really hating that woman for putting you through so much, but it was all just fabricated.

    JAMES (half-smile): Well I was just describing myself, wasn’t I? I was the disorganised one, so I was just using her as a scapegoat.

    They sit in silence for a few moments. Then, JAMES’S MOTHER asks why JAMES told a lie a certain way, when he had told similar lies in a consistent, but different way.

    JAMES’S MOTHER: Why didn’t you just follow the same pattern?

    JAMES (genuinely stumped): Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe for variety? But it was back in December, so I’m really not sure. Interesting question.

    JAMES’S MOTHER (still disgruntled, but with a note of pride): You put a lot of detail into your lies, don’t you? A lot of unnecessary stuff, but you get really committed to the story, I’ll give you that.

    JAMES: Um, thanks, Mum.

    They smile at each other genuinely

     
    • nowve666 18:41 on April 4, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      “Pleased to meet you.” Where you been? I can show you incredible things.
      They sit in silence for a few moments. Then, JAMES’S MOTHER asks why JAMES told a lie a certain way, when he had told similar lies in a consistent, but different way.

      JAMES’S MOTHER: Why didn’t you just follow the same pattern?”
      Criminal versatility?

      Like

      • James 05:45 on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Nvm, I found it.

        Like

        • nowve666 09:28 on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

          I just copied it, selecting the text and Ctrl-C. The text of your blog has italics in it which I guess you put there by selecting the Italic icon in the editor or by just doing Ctrl-I.

          Like

    • nowve666 21:14 on April 4, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Hey! Do your parents know you’re a psychopath?

      Like

    • Amaterasu Solar 23:09 on April 4, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Interestingly, I find that I like You a lot, James. Would trust You as far as I could throw You…which, as an old, arthritic lady, is nil. But I like You.

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 04:28 on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Lol that is funny.

        Liked by 1 person

      • James 05:43 on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Most people who know me, like me. What I lack in trustworthiness, I make up for with personality 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • Amaterasu Solar 21:36 on April 5, 2017 Permalink | Reply

          Serves You well, no doubt. [smile]

          Liked by 1 person

          • James 08:33 on April 6, 2017 Permalink | Reply

            What do you like about me? 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            • Amaterasu Solar 09:08 on April 6, 2017 Permalink | Reply

              i like Your willingness to “fess up” (presuming it’s a true account, which I think it likely is). I like Your intellect and Your way of Self examination. I like that You do not resort to ad hominem (as witnessed in a previous exchange with anOther). I like the debonair quality You exude. I suspect that You would be fun to spend time with, provided One does not take anything You might say to heart. [smile]

              Liked by 1 person

              • James 07:45 on April 8, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                Thank you, that comment seems sincere, and altogether too charitable. You’re not half bad yourself 🙂

                The exact script is almost certainly wrong, such is the atrocious state of human memory, but the gist of the exchanges is all true.

                Liked by 1 person

    • Amaterasu Solar 12:32 on April 8, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I surely did not expect a verbatim recounting. I figured it was a general portrayal. [smile] Indeed, I always express from the heart, and I meant every word I said. “Charitable?” Not at all. It is what I pick up from You. And thanks. For a conspiracy analysis, I guess I do ok, eh? [grin]

      Like

    • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 11:13 on April 13, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you for this from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for all you have contributed. I am truly sorry that I have neglected you in this regard.

      Liked by 2 people

    • bloodyfuckingdiatribe 14:32 on June 2, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      “Life of James: A Heart-Worming Tale”

      Liked by 2 people

  • James 10:53 on January 14, 2016 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , charm, , , just for fun, , lying, M.E. Thomas, , Parlez-vous bullshit?, , , , social mores are so moreish, , , When this baby hits 88mph..., Ziggy played guitar :(   

    The Psychopath Translator 

    Decoding the bullshit

    It’s true. Psychopaths (and sociopaths, if you like) aren’t the most straight-talking people in the world. Almost everything we say has some subtext or hidden layer to it, in which we say one thing but mean another. There I go doing it again. What I meant to say is we lie a lot.

    This can render effective communication with a psychopath very difficult, but no longer! Now you too can access your very own Psychopath – English dictionary, fully tailored for all your present and future dealings with God’s chosen people.

    We’ll start with a smirkingly good contribution, courtesy of M.E. Thomas over at Sociopath World:

    The Empath’s Cheat-Sheet for What a Sociopath Really Means

    1. I love you: I am fond of your companionship and put you above most, but never above me. Consider it an honor.

    2. I’m sorry, forgive me: I really do not enjoy the fact that your mood has altered. Please revert back to normal.

    3. I’d do anything for you: I’d do plenty to keep you right where I want you to be

    4. My condolences for your loss: *crickets* … It’s just a body. See you later when you aren’t being an emotional train-wreck.

    5. S/he fills my heart with joy: I haven’t had this much fun playing in a long time, and the sex is more than acceptable.

    6. I love my family: They’re mine.

    7. That’s simply shocking: You’ve touched my morbid bone. No need to stop now…

    8. Deep down, I feel I’m a good person: I’m not in prison and I stopped abusing animals, mostly. What more can you possibly demand of me?

    9. I’m not a monster, I’m a human too: I’m trying to seem human, give me a break. It’s not like this is particularly natural for me.

    Thanks, M.E.!

    I’ll continue the list myself:

    • 10. “How are you?” – Reply with something interesting or don’t bother.
    • 11. “Please could you…? / Would you mind…? / If it isn’t too much trouble…” – DO IT NOW!
    • 12. “Thank you” – Ha, sucker.
    • 13. “Thank you very much!” – You may be useful later.
    • 14. “Thanks ever so much, mate / buddy / love / dear / baby / hun etc…” – You will be useful later.
    • 15. “I hate you” – Your reaction to hurtful things amuses me.
    • 16. “Yeah, that’s really interesting!” – I stopped listening a while back and am now planning what I’m going to say to you when you finally stop.
    • 17. “It sure was nice meeting you” – I have plans for you.
    • 18. “The pleasure was all mine” – One day that will be true.
    • 19. “Yes, Sir / Madam / Mr X / Mrs Y” – You like getting your arse licked, don’t you? That slight tickle, deep in your anus? That’s the tip of my tongue.
    • 20. “Wow, you’re really [e.g. funny]” – I have recognised that you think you are [e.g. funny] so I will validate that belief and pretend to like it too in order to get you to like me.
    • 21. “Were you close to [deceased relative / pet]?” – All this crying is tedious. How long until you become fun again?
    • 22. “Allow me / Let me help you” – I haven’t got all day, so stand aside, human scum.
    • 23. “Have you thought about…? / Why don’t you try…?” – Are you really this stupid?
    • 24. “I’m really passionate about x” – I don’t give a shit about x, but for some reason you do, so…
    • 25. “Oh no! That’s terrible news!” – Ha! Tell me more! Wait, let me just grab some popcorn and a beer, then I’m all ears.
    • 26. “I’ll be in touch” – I may be in touch, if I can be bothered, or I need something.
    • 27. “I promise” – For as long as you continue to please me, you have nothing to worry about.
    • 28. “It’s my fault” – It’s your fault.
    • 29. “Sorry to change the subject, but…” – You’re boring, shut the fuck up.
    • 30. “I’m bored” – I am really, really, really fucking bored. Rustle me up some entertainment, quick!
    • BONUS! *Winks or pulls stupid face while looking into your eyes* – Either I don’t know what emotion to do, or I’m worried you caught me staring.

    Like that

    If you have anything to add to the list, or if there other phrases you’d like the Translator to decode, put them in the comments down below.

     

     
    • Rita 07:48 on January 15, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Hey, did you have to buy a new tire?

      How much of my money have you spent?

      You are more interested in someone who loves you than material things?

      I hear wedding bells.

      Translation from the other side:
      I’m sorry you’re feeling bad.
      Ha ha ha — well, see, you can too feel pain.

      Like

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