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  • James 21:08 on January 1, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: 2018, Advance to Mayfair, , cheating, , , , , , morality, , , , new year, , , , , , Sorry!, The Old Kent Road - a nice little earner   

    Just being psychopathic 

    So, New Year’s Day, 2018. I spent it in the company of my mother for the most part, playing board games. It was nice to reconnect, nice to not have anything else to do but play a few games and enjoy spending time with the woman who birthed and raised me. It’s not often that there’s literally nothing else I’d rather be doing than what I’m currently doing, or that there’s nothing else that really has to be done.

    The way my mind works, it’s goal-oriented. Win this. Get that. Do such and such. Beat him. And when I have a goal, everything I do, every bit of effort is put into achieving that goal. You could say I have a sort of tunnel vision, a razor sharp focus on the prize, outside of which nothing else matters. When I’m trying to achieve a goal is when other people are most likely to be adversely affected. This single-mindedness is what causes me to manipulate and use people like tools. You see, people who have been hurt by psychopaths get it all wrong. They take everything personally. They act like there was always a plan on the part of the psychopath to ruin their life or to make them unhappy. This is rarely the case. The psychopath was just doing what he or she needed to do to get what he or she wanted. You just got unlucky, by being in the way or by being the key to achieving his or her goal.

    Sometimes, I am accused of deliberately hurting someone or of setting out to cause them harm. This is fair enough; people are inclined to take things personally, as they love to imagine themselves as more important than they really are, being at the centre of their own universe. I don’t blame people for feeling like shit when they’ve been cheated or taken an emotional battering. It’s not a good place to be in. But it’s when they call me cruel or sadistic, they’re wrong. I’m not cruel. I’m not sadistic. I don’t wish anybody harm. On the other hand, I am single-minded. I am selfish. I am ruthless.

    But not today. Today, there was nothing to do but play games and enjoy being with my mother. I suppose that was a sort of goal, and could be reimagined as an objective: ‘spend time with Mum and enjoy self’, which would require of me such behaviour as ‘be polite’, ‘be charming’, ‘be loving’, ‘be upbeat’ (yes, that is really how I think). However, there was nothing beyond this simplistic ‘goal’, no detailed planning or second-guessing required!

    And it was enjoyable. We both had a good time. We drank cups of tea, and later glasses of beaujolais. We played ‘Monopoly’ and ‘Sorry’, and I won four out of five games. I was probably thinking more strategically than Mum, because she was just having fun with her son, while I can never really ‘switch off’ one hundred percent. I manipulated and cheated my way into winning four times, but always with a cheeky smile, playful banter and a joke to make my parent laugh. She could see what I was doing most of the time, both when I was giving ‘advice’ on what move she should take next, and when I tried to bribe her with 500 Monopoly money, but she didn’t hold it against me because she loves me, and because I was on top social form. I like that kind of interaction. Being charming and having someone hang on to your every word – it’s a good feeling, even when it’s with someone who is pretty much biologically-programmed to love you.

    Still, the way I look at it is although my Mum can’t help but love me, the fact that she also likes me must count for something, and says something about our relationship.

    New Year’s Day 2018 – it was simple, but fulfilling.

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    • nowve666 09:22 on January 2, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      How does someone bribe another player in Monopoly? Give her the $500 to let you go twice? Have her buy a property she wasn’t going to buy? Fun game.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Amaterasu Solar 11:39 on January 7, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      James, You fascinate Me, and I do like You. Thanks for sharing this! I will surely not be trusting You, but I can grasp why Your mom likes You.

      Like

  • James 12:25 on October 31, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , if you read this tag type 'banana' in the comments, , morality, , ,   

    Holding back the tide. 

    A reader asked:

    “Do you think a psychopath could see the benefit of utilizing cognitive empathy……since we all live in this planet? Our governments and corporations are run by psychopaths and the abuse is rampant and detrimental to the species since trauma shrinks the brain and in all honesty those who lack empathy are a special kind of stupid. Why can they not see that it is to their advantage to give a shit about others even if it’s for the selfish reason of reducing the bullshit they get from people in the long term. Plus it would increase the average IQ and improve everyone’s living conditions. Why wouldn’t a psychopath want that? Can’t you learn to use your abilities for good?”

    Thanks, ‘bunny foo foo’ (http://en.gravatar.com/hsousse), you’re right. Some of us are intelligent enough to realise this, and modify our behaviour accordingly.

    However, sometimes old habits die hard, and we are only human. I have recently done some stuff which definitely wasn’t part of the plan to “be good” and in the longer run has proved destructive for myself as well as others; at the time, though, it was just fun to let loose and cause a bit of destruction. Yes, fun.

    What you have to understand is the majority of psychopaths have, to a greater or lesser degree, a sadistic streak, and all crave regular stimulation and excitement. So, unfortunately, conflict is inevitable, even with psychopaths who have a desire to be more conscientious.

    I’m not saying it’s not my fault. I still have a free will and the ability to make rational decisions, but when making decisions that are in the interests of everyone, I am fighting against my instincts and genetic programming.

    If you want to understand what that’s like, try to imagine yourself doing something which you think immoral, say kicking a puppy while wearing heavy boots, or deliberately saying something to make your mother cry. If you have any sort of imagination, you can probably feel some sort of discomfort just at the thought, as though your body and mind are already resisting the actions which don’t come naturally to you. It’s difficult attempting to be something you’re not, even for a while.

    None of this is an attempt to excuse past or present misdeeds, this is just a way of improving understanding, and breaking the empathy barrier that exists between you, dear reader, and me.

    Perhaps you can recall a time when you tried to act in a way contrary to your nature, and found it more difficult than you thought. If you ever have, let us know in the comments. We might find common ground on which cognitive empathy can grow and flourish.

     
    • Amaterasu Solar 11:17 on November 4, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Sorry it took so long to get to reading this – life has a penchant, it seems, for getting in the way. LOL! I do admire You, James, for Your awareness, if not for choices of a psychopathic nature You make.

      I can honestly say that I have never chosen to do anything that was not of My nature – but I can envision it well – the idea of kicking an innocent creature hurt My heart, and I don’t know what I might say to make anOther cry… I cannot imaging WHY I would want to, and motivation would be the birth of ideas on things to say.

      Still, (ironically) I can empathize with Your dilemma. Being sadistic at times and having to choose between that and something that would keep seas calm would add conflict within.

      Like

    • bunny foo foo 07:10 on November 6, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you for writing this. I am trying to figure out what exactly I am. I think I am something like “Dexter”. I didn’t start out as a sociopath but due to extreme trauma and repeated abuse I sorta became one and as I was growing up I realized what I was becoming and would think about my funeral and how people would respond to my death ( I was 10 at the time ). I didn’t want to become a serial killer it seemed kinda lonely and not what I wanted. So I set about redesigning my personality and character. Later, as the years passed I had learned to practice cognitive empathy on a daily basis almost as a religion. After 23 years of trying to undo the damage that was done to me and return to my original self I finally felt authentic empathy. I began to see the world differently and my relationships improved. I began to see abuse towards others whether by me or someone else or even an apath condoning the abuse as abuse against me. I started to understand our interconnectedness more clearly. I eventually became an empath as I was likely always one but the trauma had rewired my brain towards sociopathic tendencies. Yes I used to do cruel things and had difficulty relating to people’s emotional world due to emotional numbing……..not a problem now. The problem with being an empath is that they are often targets to psychopaths, typically because in an unhealthy state they are codependent (covert narcissism) but as I became emotionally healthier I become more of a realist and had to make a conscious decision to raise my level of narcissism in order to protect myself but only to a point where is was for self protection and not to a level of becoming the thing I had come to despise ( an abuser ). Now after vacillating between the two extremes I find myself somewhere where I would imagine law enforcement often falls. I want to hunt the bad guys (abusers) and end them. Granted people in law enforcement and setting governmental policies for the supposed betterment of society are often psychopaths and narcissist themselves I am not quite like them either. I don’t want to abuse the abuser nor do I find enjoyment at the thought of killing them off. I really just want to sterilize them and lock them away and treat them kindly if they earn it if they don’t earn it then solitary. If no hope of them to be nothing but a detriment to their own species then regretfully yes kill them. I’m thinking of the most violent and destructive the rest would be interesting to study and perhaps rehabilitate. Humanity is a really dumb monkey species and they will be the cause of their own extinction……if we don’t rein in the destructive members and evolve bringing empaths in charge then we are doomed to extinction. What is the psychopath’s place in our social ecosystem…….what is their purpose but to be a parasitic virus that needs excising. So while I’m not sure what to call what I am as I’m more of a hybrid, people like me are probably like society’s immune system and not a detriment.

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      • James 13:11 on November 6, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        People like you should terrify society. Your final solution “for the greater good” has been tried before by others like you who were convinced they were right. Thank G-d you are not in power.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Amaterasu Solar 11:14 on November 7, 2017 Permalink | Reply

          My solution has everything to do with removing the tools to power over Others. We just now have the technology to do that, historically speaking. One of the key technologies is hidden and suppressed, but I personally know it’s there…

          Anyway, if the tools to power over Others are removed, though We cannot solve for Individuals choosing unEthical behaviors, We are then dealing with Individuals who have to do Their dirty work personally, as opposed to being able to pay Others in huge numbers to do it.

          I do not advocate any “precrime” – like genetic discrimination – and only advocate for the Ethical solving of any problem any Individual chooses to create.

          I will be posting My latest video to the end of solving for the psychopaths in control on Our planet shortly.

          Like

          • James 07:14 on November 8, 2017 Permalink | Reply

            Deleted this nazi shite from our rabbit friend. Yes, there is no freedom of speech on my blog posts. Sue me.

            Like

            • Amaterasu Solar 15:49 on November 8, 2017 Permalink | Reply

              NAZI??? Me? The Nazis want to be in control of the planet. What I propose is Individuals in control of Self, within three Laws of Ethics. But thanks for the delete, dear One. I’m sure the psychopaths in control are happy that You deleted it. LOLOL!

              Like

              • James 13:26 on November 9, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                Not you, the comment you replied to, from Bunny Foo Foo. But yours got deleted as well, because it was a reply.

                Liked by 1 person

          • James 07:15 on November 8, 2017 Permalink | Reply

            Amy: leaving a whole week between posts is perfect. Thanks for addressing my earlier concerns.

            Like

  • James 10:34 on November 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , daily good deed, , , , I was listening to 'Hungry Like The Wolf' by Duran Duran when writing this, intuition, kindness, , morality, , nihilism, , , , selflessness,   

    Doing something nice for no reason 

    Three times this week I have done good deeds for strangers. I’m not bragging or looking for praise; none were exceptionally kind or selfless, indeed each time the cost to me was minimal. But all three improved the lives of the three strangers in some way or other.

    1. I was approached by a homeless person begging for money. He claimed to need £40 for cheap hostel accommodation for the night and told me a story about how due to mental illness, the council had evicted him from social housing. It wasn’t a very likely story, as such an eviction on those grounds would be illegal pretty much anywhere, and I am the last person to be moved by another man’s tedious sob story. But the man clearly needed the money more than me. He may have been too proud to say what he actually needed was food (he certainly looked half starved). Even if he just wanted drugs or alcohol, who am I to say he can’t
      get what he wants just because he’s poor? So I gave him £5, and told him he just needed to approach seven more people and he’d have his £40 target.
    2. I was walking through a dodgy part of town late afternoon on Hallowe’en when I heard someone shouting for help. At first, I thought it was probably a Hallowe’en prank. But, I couldn’t see where the noise was coming from so I was intrigued. I heard it again, more frantic than before, and pinpointed the cry to one of five ground floor windows on a block of flats (the Britishisms are strong in this one!). Figuring it must be the one open window, I climbed up the fence to see in properly and sure enough, there was a young man lying on his bed in a filthy hovel of a room shouting “help!”. I asked him if he wanted the police and he managed to slur out “ambulansss”. He’d clearly overdosed on something or other, as he wouldn’t respond to any of my other questions except to shout “HELP!” again as though nobody was there. So, I phoned the ambulance, having to explain where I was even though I didn’t know the name of the street or the house number. Fortunately a neighbour had been drawn by the noise and was able to give me those details and the paramedic arrived about three minutes later. By this time, the man had vomited all over his bed and had stopped speaking or moving. The paramedic arrived, amusingly bungled his attempt to climb the wall as I had done and decided to go round the front. At that point I went on my way.
    3. On a busy street in the centre of town, I saw an old man looking slightly bewildered and confused. I see people like that all the time, my senses home in on them. This one was trying – and failing – to hail a taxi. I approached him and offered to get a taxi for him. I had the app on my phone and knew that they typically arrived in the same amount of time as the ambulance in the second story. On this occasion, the man politely refused my help and said he was just going round the corner anyway and could possibly get the bus instead. “Well the buses sure are cheaper” I told him “In fact they’re free for senior citizens”. “Are they now?” the old man asked, practically licking his lips at the prospect of a free ride “thanks for your help, kiddo”.

    All three of these are minor good deeds at most. I don’t really feel anything, nor do I think of moral considerations when doing them. If I were to try to justify them, I would say that being able to respond to human need and improve someone else’s day with little or no real effort or sacrifice on my part is a logical win win, but in the moment I don’t even think of this. In truth, I did them for no reason at all.

    I wonder how many of you empathically gifted people can truthfully say you’ve done something nice for a stranger in the past week, something that has gone beyond everyday politeness that is. I am not judging – the number may be high, it may be low, but what I am saying is when the so-called “worst” of humanity are capable of helping a stranger for no reward, then surely we all are. If it’s been a while since you helped anyone, why not give it a try this week? Why not do something nice for no reason at all?

     
    • Anonymous 16:17 on November 15, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      James, let’s not forget that psychopaths are also narcissists so this makes sense. You have a superior sense of self that is being served in doing these things. Normal people do these things everyday out of the goodness if their heart and don’t feel the need to brag about it on the internet. Now let’s see you be a true hero and sacrifice your own well-being for another. That would be true altruism which I’m certain you’re incapable of.

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 17:17 on November 15, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Already said I wasn’t bragging, nor am I saying that doing these things makes me better or superior than others. However, I would agree with your last sentence, with one caveat. True altruism doesn’t exist. Empathetic people enjoy doing nice things for others, so their ‘selfish’ reward is feeling good for helping.

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    • Tj 19:08 on November 18, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      My concern is that you, lacking moral compass, instinctively helped three psychopaths. I agree with Anonymous. You should sacrifice yourself.

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      • James 20:04 on November 18, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Possibly 🙂 But I don’t favour psychopaths over anybody else.

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      • James 20:05 on November 18, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        And would it be a problem if I did help psychopaths?

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    • prettyvacantx 19:08 on December 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I don’t know how I got here and now I’m scared..

      Liked by 1 person

    • prettyvacantx 11:41 on December 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Do you mind me asking you questions about psychopathy? 🙂 (this blog has made me very curious)

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      • James 11:57 on December 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Sure, you can ask. I might not answer though.

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    • prettyvacantx 12:10 on December 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Are psychopaths born or made and how do they differ from sociopaths?

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      • James 12:18 on December 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        I need to set up an FAQs, that’s one that gets asked a lot. The short, but honest, answer is nobody knows what causes psychopathy and there is no consensus on where sociopaths fit in to the whole thing.

        Liked by 1 person

    • prettyvacantx 12:28 on December 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Okay thank you 🙂 I have a friend who I think could be a psychopath and I’m unsure of what I should do, do you have any general advice?

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      • James 12:37 on December 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        No, not really. Why do you have to do anything?

        Just treat him or her like a human being. If they haven’t given you any reason to be suspicious or doubt your friendship, then there’s nothing stopping you from enjoying each other’s company. Bear in mind most people would advise you to run a mile (and I think I know one person who might come on here with a much harder line than me), but when you start to treat people differently based on what you think you know about them, that’s when the problems start.

        I am happy to offer more specific advice based on an actual question, if you want to pose one. For example, why do you think your friend is a psychopath?

        🙂

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    • prettyvacantx 13:05 on December 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      It’s a hard situation to explain. If she had done nothing then I wouldn’t be here. But she’s been acting different lately, when we originally started becoming friends she was overly nice, excessively so. I didn’t think much of it but then when we became proper friends she started to be more controlling(telling me who I could and could not talk to) and bad tempered, I was constantly walking on egg shells. She criticized every single thing I did and ridiculed my opinions if they didn’t match hers. I’m naive and young and dismissed it as her being stressed but it just continued to get worse. She purposely centered our entire friend group around her and would create tension between all of us so we didn’t feel like we could trust anyone but her (she had no motive that I could find). I became increasingly distraught by this and decided to talk to people that used to be her friends. They all said the exact same thing happened with them, that she got herself into their group, completely annihilated their friendships and then dropped them and moved on. She’s been in a new group every year for the past 6 years. She found out that I had been talking about her behind her back to these “ex friends” and got really angry about it but did nothing but ignore me. She’s been ignoring me for awhile until this week and is now back to acting worryingly nice. I’m scared that she’s going to do something. (I’m so sorry for how long this is!)

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      • James 14:10 on December 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Right, see that is what you should have written in the first place. Answer on its way.

        Like

      • James 14:23 on December 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        I think we’re actually the same age, more or less, so I’m not really the wise sage you might be looking for.

        Well, since I am self-interested, when someone in my friendship group is causing problems for me, I cut them out. There is no need for people who drag you down. She’s pretty obviously manipulating you, perhaps just for pleasure, and has plainly had a lot of practice and doing so. So why not follow the lead of 6 years’ worth of friends and dump her? Easier said than done, you might say, well I say just do it.

        Don’t enact revenge, stop talking about her behind her back, don’t even mention her. Just move on, and she will more than likely do the same, like she’s done before. If you mark yourself out by standing up for yourself or even worse by causing problems for her, you can expect some kind of retribution. And, be boring. Psychopaths hate boredom so if you’re not interesting them, they will move on. Understandably for you that will be hard, but do your best 🙂

        Importantly, don’t think we’re all like that. Some of us are more than capable of holding friends and relationships down for years and feel fulfilled and engaged without allowing people to catch on that there’s anything ‘wrong’ with us. I won’t deny that I use people entirely for my benefit, but I do it in such a way that they like me and want to hang out with me. No point causing pain and pushing useful people away, is there? One day, your friend might learn that, or she might not. So be open-minded about future encounters; we’re more common than you think.

        Liked by 1 person

    • prettyvacantx 14:48 on December 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Yeah that’s what most people have been saying. But she’s tricky to let go of, she’s literally everywhere I go. I don’t think she enjoys being ignored. It doesn’t help that I took lots of her friends with me I guess. thanks anyway for the advice!

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 14:54 on December 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        She’ll get over it. Just hold your nerve. Don’t react.

        Liked by 1 person

    • prettyvacantx 15:08 on December 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      It’s nearly impossible not to react, she’s good at riling people up. I’ll try though, I just hope I can be done with her forever after this. I’m still not entirely sure if she’s a psychopath or not but I only have one other experience to compare it to so I’m working on practically nothing :/

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