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  • James 01:26 on March 18, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: bad parenting, blast from the past, , , , , daughter, , , evil kids, , , kids, , mother, , psycho kids, , , , shaming, , son   

    Interview with the mother of a psychopath 

    In which I interview Tina Taylor about her experiences as a mother of two (Pauleen, a psychopath and Marc, a neurotypical). What she talks about is as interesting as it is important to anyone reading who has a psychopath in the family. The interview was originally conducted last year. 

    Fox

    James Renard: Thank you for agreeing to do this. If I ask a question you don’t like, please just say so rather than making up an answer. Alright, could you briefly state the names and ages of your children, then tell us a little bit about their infancy? 

    Tina Taylor: My children are Pauleen, now 25, and Marc, now 18. Pauleen was a very easy baby. She only cried twice her whole life, and never as an infant. I just put her on a schedule for feeding because she might otherwise starve to death without a peep. I thought I was so lucky because of how easy I had it. She didn’t have terrible twos nor terrible threes. She only had one tantrum (because she wanted something in a store) but I didn’t give in. Starting at age two, she said, and did, some bizarre things out of the blue that stuck in my head – saying things such as, “Mommy, everybody thinks that I’m prettier than you.” I guess it was a competition. Other than that, I thought everything was smooth sailing until she hit age 6 when the lying was noticeable. Marc was a handful as a baby. He cried a lot during the first few months. He was very emotional during his twos and threes, but he did not stress me because he was so loving and cooperative. Starting from age two, he spoke truthfully, and I trust him completely. I did notice during their childhood that Marc’s behavior was markedly different from Pauleen’s. Marc was a difficult baby, but grew to be just such a joyful and helpful person. Pauleen was an easy baby but grew to complaining about everything and making offhand remarks.

    JR: I can imagine even psychopaths are terrible liars at 6. What was the most outrageously unbelievable lie that sticks out in your mind? Also, would you say that even while they were very young, you found it easier to get on with Marc than Pauleen?

    TT: I always had fun with Marc at every age. Pauleen switched from easygoing to impossible at age six. Her first grade teacher evaluated her and she was put on ADHD meds. It only partially helped. She pretended to take the meds and had us wondering why it wasn’t working. Did you know that psychopathy is a form of attention deficit, too? When Pauleen was 4 she said a man came in the apartment and put a knife to her belly. That was the whole story. It was very matter-of-fact, no hysterics, nothing. At the time, I did not know what to make of it.

    JR: No, I didn’t know that about attention deficit, and though I’m not surprised there’s a connection, it might be more a case of psychopathic behaviour being mistaken for ADHD.

    I’m sure it became noticeable to Pauleen that you were more easygoing with Marc. Do you think she may have ever felt less loved than her brother? Might she have been jealous of your closeness to Marc? So when she switched from “easygoing to impossible”, how did you react? Did you feel positive about your ability to overcome the problem or were you lost? How did the way you treated her change? 

    TT: When Marc was just newborn, Pauleen told her grandmother that I don’t love her anymore. Pauleen and I could never develop a closeness because what she did and said made me want to hide from her. Of course she noticed that I was more easy going with Marc as time went by. I was totally lost. I couldn’t understand why. I didn’t even realize how odd it was that she never cried, until she finally cried when she was a teenager and I was dumbstruck. She had never needed comforting her whole life. It looked fake because her face was not stressed, she just had tears. It gave me a weird feeling. The way I treated her was terrible. I could not handle her behavior and I did not know what to do at all. I went to counselling, but I still grew distanced from her every day. We used to sit and watch TV and say absolutely nothing to each other like strangers. This is why psychopathy badly needs to be identified in children. Parents could do a better job than I did at raising a psychopath. Psychopathic adults could advise what their needs were as children. I am very accepting of her psychopathy nowadays, but it is too late. Well, even though I accept that she has a condition that is not her fault, I don’t trust her at all. There is the matter of lying to me and stealing from me that makes me uncomfortable about having her in my home.

    JR: What can I say except thank you for having the courage to share that. It does take courage to admit screwing up as a parent. And gives a lot of context to your work and makes it very easy to see the motivation for your work. 

    So you were parenting from a position of ignorance, through no fault of your own, but you made those mistakes. That you have raised a well-adjusted son is evidence that you are a good mother, but you were completely unprepared to deal with a psychopath. Looking back, what would you have done differently? More importantly, what mistakes did you make that you would bunch together in a list of “don’ts” for other parents of psychopaths? 

    TT: Looking back, had I known that Pauleen had psychopathy, I would not have taken her biting remarks so hard. I would have seen her differently. For the most part, I believe I did a good job of making her mostly prosocial. I always believed in the positive reward system for children instead of punishment, and I did my best to do that. Pauleen especially was more motivated by rewards because the threat of punishment meant nothing to her. I hear now there are studies in the prisons on that philosophy for psychopathic antisocial criminals. I would not say that my son is well-adjusted. He has been living with his psychopath father since he was eleven. His father does rotten things to him and my son is a doormat, just like how I became from being raised by my psychopath father. I am not going into detail about why he lives there, but at the time he started living there, we only saw the mask of Harlan’s good-guy act. A list of don’ts is only one thing – don’t let distancing set in. I would say primarily to parents of psychopaths: Understand that your child is stuck at age 5 emotionally. This means that when the psychopathic child acts selfishly or impulsively, try to remember that it’s their permanent neurological condition.

    JR: No matter how much in the dark you were, there was another person in your daughter’s life who should have understood her better: her father, a psychopath. Were there any signs that he recognised what Pauleen was and had a better idea of what he was doing with her?

    TT: Both Pauleen’s father and step-father are psychopaths. (They are completely different from each other.) Pauleen’s father refused to have anything to do with her until she was 16. That was after he had a stroke. Maybe it changed something. Harlan is Pauleen’s stepfather, and he oddly made her the scapegoat and butt of his jokes. At the time, I thought he was unkind because she was his stepchild. I subconsciously made excuses for him because I was raised in the same type of environment. I did not realize what a dysfunctional family I had until it was too late. Harlan told me, after our separation, that he could not recognize others like him. That was probably a lie.

    JR: We’ve clashed on this 5 year-old thing before (though I think last time you said 2 year-old, so it looks like I’m winning, forcing you to concede years of development!). But the essence of what you’re saying about the permanence of the state is excellent advice. Furthermore they should, as parents, accept and love their child regardless. Everyone else gets a choice. If your friend, colleague, brother, girlfriend etc is a psychopath and you want out, you know where the door is. If your child is a psychopath, tough. You stick with them for as long as they need you. Anyway, since I’ve gone all Fox News and am moralising at the interviewee (I’m thumping the desk as I type), let’s move on…

    TT: Your lack of empathy is quite apparent. What you did is very FOX, in that all of their employees are psychopaths, right? Telling me about how people should stick by their children no matter what is bizarre since you have no frame of reference. It would be considered abusive – it is called shaming. Psychopaths are famous for it. On top of that, you can’t possibly know anything about sticking with someone. You drop people all the time. I’m sure parents give their kids over to foster care all the time because they can’t deal with them. Your lecture on human behavior holds no water. I can’t be shamed anymore. If someone doesn’t like how I do things, that’s their problem, not mine.

    JR: You keep saying “until it was too late” as though someone went on a murder spree because you didn’t act quick enough. You’re not in that shitty relationship anymore, you’ve woken up to reality and nobody’s dead (I assume), so it’s more of a victory for you than some terrible defeat.

    TT: I said it’s too late for 2 reasons: If I had known about the psychopathy at the time that I was dealing with it, I would have tried different things. My daughter had a few neurofeedback sessions to treat her ADHD and that worked very well for improving her self-control. I would have had her continue the sessions longer, and made it a priority in spite of the hardships I was having at the time. My daughter and I might still have a relationship today. Secondly, if I had known about the psychopathy at the time, I would not have felt so bewildered and off-balance by my husband’s peculiar words and actions, and I would not have gotten divorced. I would have dealt with it differently and the kids would not have had to suffer the consequences. Those are things that can’t be undone.

    JR: “I believe I did a good job of making her mostly prosocial.” Tell me about that. What makes her prosocial? And how do you reconcile this confidence in your success with the complete lack of trust in her to not steal your belongings? 

    Pauleen is mostly prosocial. That is a contradiction of sorts because really no psychopath is truly prosocial. You all make your own rules and only pretend to be a part of society. I guess Pauleen plays her part, she works, she goes to college, and she is not a jailbird. But, she has lots of secret antisocial parts, too.

    JR: Don’t we all.

    Thank you, Tina, for taking the time to talk to me. I’m sure the readers will agree you’ve given a fascinating insight into the mind of a psychopath’s mother.

     
    • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 10:01 on March 18, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I just want to clarify that when I said “The way I treated her was terrible”, that did not mean abuse. I would do things like turn up the car radio when she was talking incessantly, or I would shut myself in my room for hours.

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    • Emily Court 11:43 on March 18, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I understand what it is like to raise a child with EBD or special needs, and how difficult it is for parents.
      My child had PTSD and severe emotional/behavioral struggles related to trauma, abuse, homelessness and developing an abusive attachment with father at a young age. My child struggled from a young age and father refused, and prevented, me from seeking help or support. We were totally isolated, and forced to keep my child’s behavior a secret… when what was really needed is open-ness, therapy and family support.
      It wasn’t until I fled the abuse that I could seek help.. and by then my child was near a breaking point. My child would bang his head on the wall and tell me he did that because “the pain makes the bad memories go away”. My child was also very violent, would swear at me (as his father did) and would lie, steal and even hurt others or pets. The abusive ex continued to attempt to prevent treatment and therapy by using the family courts… saying my child didn’t need treatment, he only needed to spend time with father.. and falsely accusing me of mental illness to block my attempts to get help. My child disclosed abuse in therapy as well, included being choked and witnessing his sister being inappropriately touched (therapist called CPS).
      What I learned – is that families need support and intensive help for the WHOLE family not just the affected child. I had to devote my time to seeking help for my child, but also had to deal with how the abuse affected me, and our family as a whole. Financial support is also important. My child needed intensive services that included in-home care, and as a parent I had to give so much to work with him.. that it was impossible for me to work. Caring for my child was a full-time job. I had to apply for public assistance and food stamps, and lived in the lowest level of poverty.. but that was what was needed.
      Another thing I learned is that when your child is acting out or having a tantrum or otherwise struggling.. you as a parent also need help or support. Especially if you are a single parent or have a history of abuse. There has to be an outlet for the parent to get non-judgmental, caring support. Or to take time to just take care of themselves. Or to get further educated on your child’s condition, and learning skills and techniques to work with the child. Or to talk and connect with other parents. Respite care or mentorship or support groups for children is really important. NAMI even offers a support group for siblings, that includes giving kids a few hours to play, enjoy a meal, and receive some extra TLC.
      And the last thing I want to say… the family court, CPS, social workers, therapists, educators etc need to be better educated and trained. To include learning from parents and adult children. The system is set up to assign blame, which is not healing and makes things worse. And if the system can not properly identify abuse, children’s lives are put at risk. Intervention is key and professionals can be instrumental in helping families… and assisting in the recovery and treatment of needy children. This may improve outcomes.
      In my situation, the family court awarded SOLE custody to the identified abuser. My child has never fully recovered… his behavior has improved but emotionally, mentally and socially he continues to struggle… but I believe that is because I did seek help, and fought with every breath in my body to address the issues… in my home my child and my family sought help. And for a time we were able to rebuild our lives, I hope he takes that with him.. as he now struggles to survive in an abusive, dysfunctional environment.
      Thank you for sharing! xx

      Liked by 1 person

    • nowve666 13:44 on March 18, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Hey, guys! Nice to see you on the blogosphere again. Tina wrote, “When Marc was just newborn, Pauleen told her grandmother that I don’t love her anymore. Pauleen and I could never develop a closeness because what she did and said made me want to hide from her. Of course she noticed that I was more easy going with Marc as time went by.” My mother had a similar issue with me and my sister but I had no idea until I got access to an interview my mother had with a social worker in which she confided these things to her. I must say, it was a shock. My mom was very good at hiding her true feelings.
      Tina: “I would not say that my son is well-adjusted. He has been living with his psychopath father since he was eleven. His father does rotten things to him and my son is a doormat, just like how I became from being raised by my psychopath father. “His father has custody?” I don’t know the circumstances but, all things being equal, I think the mother should be the one with custody. Call me old-fashioned.
      James wrote, “We’ve clashed on this 5 year-old thing before (though I think last time you said 2 year-old, so it looks like I’m winning, forcing you to concede years of development!).” Oh, I remember that! “The girl I [was looking after at the time of the interview] will be 5 in September and I have considerably more emotional maturity than her [she will be 6 now].” You’ve been looking after a toddler, James? Of course, we are more mature than a five-year-old.
      Tina: “shaming. Psychopaths are famous for it.” So are NTs. I think NTs do it more than we do. “you can’t possibly know anything about sticking with someone.” But we know about sticking it to someone. Will that do? 😉
      Tina: “Pauleen is mostly prosocial. That is a contradiction of sorts because really no psychopath is truly prosocial.” I quite agree! I really don’t like that term.

      My father once said to me, “You didn’t turn out the way I wanted but you turned out the way you wanted and that’s what matters.” I think that was very cool of him.

      Thanks for this interesting discussion.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Amaterasu Solar 19:20 on March 18, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Excellent interview! Thank You both! I was fascinated.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Anon 16:06 on March 24, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Excellent interview.

      I was fascinated by the replies, and even more fascinated by how James was framing you as a ‘bad’ parent.

      ‘Do you think she may have ever felt less loved than her brother?’

      ‘It does take courage to admit screwing up as a parent.’

      ‘Furthermore they should, as parents, accept and love their child regardless.’ (Not true – I’ve read several accounts by parents of Ps about how they tried to feel love but it wasn’t there – no connection. Anyhow, James is just repeating words without understanding the emotions if he’s a P)

      ‘No matter how much in the dark you were, there was another person in your daughter’s life who should have understood her better: her father, a psychopath.’ (Yes, he would have understood exactly how to screw her up)

      Finally, he had fun with the tags, making sure that the very first one (low on the alphabet) was a completely new one, ‘bad parenting’ – oh, and ‘child abuse’ was the third one. Bit of dupers delight going on there I’m sure.

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 18:30 on March 24, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Hi, Anon. Thanks for reading. Your theories are interesting, but you’re clutching at straws. If I had as devious a mind as that, well then I guess I’d be you, since you came up with all that yourself.

        I don’t expect you to believe me, nor do I care since you’re just stirring the pot and possibly don’t even believe what you’ve written yourself, but Tina knows there’s been about a 18 month gap between this interview being conducted and published. If I were playing the sick little game that you suggest, it wouldn’t have dragged on that long.

        Incidentally, since you’re obsessed about the tags – which by the way are simply there to encourage more search engine hits – you’ll notice I also used “evil kids” and “psycho kids”. Both, along with “child abuse” and “bad parent” are the kind of sensationalist rot more people are going to Google than “Interview with the mother of a psychopath.” But no. You’re right. It’s all just a big nasty joke from the big nasty “P”.

        Liked by 1 person

      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 05:46 on March 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        I agree with your assessments. Psychopaths do psychopathic things. As I have observed my family, it seems to me that they don’t always intend to be awful to others, but they just are, incidentally/accidentally, in order to accomplish their task with blinders on. And, they are not sorry. I have ceased to be shocked or disappointed in “being victimized”, and say to myself, “Well, this is just something a psychopath would do.” I used to agonize over it years ago, before I started learning about psychopathy.

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        • James 18:43 on March 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

          That’s it, side with the troll. Might have known you wouldn’t back me up. No sense of loyalty at all, and yet I’m the “psychopath”…

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          • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 19:11 on March 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

            Weird

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            • James 19:19 on March 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

              What’s weird? That I am disappointed you seem to value the words of an anonymous stranger over those of someone you’ve known for over 2 years? The Anon shared its theory, I rebuked with evidence, but apparently the crazy theory is to be believed over the actual truth.

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              • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 19:21 on March 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                Um, ok. Just giving my view and experience and you take it as a personal threat, and taking sides.

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                • James 19:27 on March 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                  What I am saying is I would have thought that by now if I laid out my reason for doing something, you would accept is as true. No more or less.

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                  • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 03:01 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                    I do accept it as true. Take a closer look.

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                    • James 11:54 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                      I would like to know where to look. If you accept Anon’s assessments as true, then implicitly my reply is false in your view, as my reply contradicts Anon’s statement. Either one is true, or neither are, but they can’t both be. Which is it?

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                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 11:58 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                        What my post says is that I agree with her assessments of your actions, but it was not intentional. Just like now, you are unintentionally aggravating me…I’m tired.

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                      • James 12:01 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                      • James 12:17 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                        Well?

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                      • James 13:17 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                        Well that’s slightly better, but still patronising. I am aware of how and why I do things, thank you. And your aggravation is certainly intentional (that’s what happens when you aggravate me, I hit back), just as you seem hell bent on winding me up every few weeks or so. You should just apologise for once in your life, and admit you were wrong.

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                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 14:53 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                        I knew it was intended , I was just checking by playing dumb. I will give you the psychopathic apology. I am so sorry that you were aggravated by whatever the hell I don’t even know nor care and I hope to never do the whatever whenever if I can help it.

                        Liked by 1 person

                      • James 16:22 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                        You’re funny when you’re angry.

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                      • James 16:24 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                        However, that was still fucking pathetic, and another low blow that wasn’t called for. You do know what aggravated me, and you’re not a psychopath. Even I give a proper apology when I understand why something was wrong. Apology not accepted.

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                      • James 16:28 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                        Do you admit you got it wrong?

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              • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 03:03 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                You are disappointed? I can’t do am u thing about that.

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          • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 19:14 on March 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

            It’s all about taking sides and “winning”.

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          • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 03:05 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

            A sense of loyalty? Here’s the shaming, to be expected. Weird, once again.

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            • James 12:01 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

              No, I expect loyalty to those who I have shown loyalty to. That’s very fair, I think. If you’re incapable of that, then just say so.

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              • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 19:34 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                This loyalty thing you want is stupid. I don’t understand loyalty, and I will never care about it. So take that to somebody else.

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                • James 20:31 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                  Which explains why your social life seems to be rather empty. No but seriously, if that’s true, you definitely have a personality disorder. Or maybe, as I’ve often suspected, you’re more of a psychopath than you care to admit not just “genetically”, but actually…

                  I am taking it to you, not someone else, and I need you to understand. Put simply, I have been friendly to / stuck up for you in the past, so I expect you to do the same, and not ‘side with’ (yes, I admit it!) the first person to come along and make up a story about me. Do you understand that or not?

                  Honestly, this is not some weird psychopathic demand, pretty much everybody expects a friend to take their side over that of a stranger. It’s not unnatural, and it’s not stupid. If you can’t wrap your head around that, you lose all of your friends pretty quickly (trust me, I’ve done it a fair few times. Now I use disloyalty as a quick way to get rid of someone I’m fed up with) Maybe you don’t care about that either.

                  As for not understanding loyalty, well how did it feel when one of the long-term husbands / whatever the men who gave you children were cheated on you? That was disloyalty to you, a betrayal in other words. How about loyalty to your children? Surely you would support them over pretty much anyone else, barring any games your daughter might be up to.

                  Now what we’re talking about here (your siding with Anon) is more minor than that, but it’s still hurtful.

                  So now have the information, what are you going to do? An apology seems pretty unlikely at this point, but other than that, where will you go? Minimising my feelings? Giving me some pseudo-psychological “that’s what psychopaths do” lecture? Telling me “this shows you don’t understand human emotion, bla bla.” Some non-sequitur like “eww”? Or another “I don’t care, leave me alone” as above? Go on, surprise me. Because at this point, you’re becoming predictable.

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                  • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 20:51 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                    Too bad for me, then.

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                    • James 20:52 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                      A non-sequitur then. Write a proper answer.

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                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 13:01 on March 29, 2017 Permalink

                        No shits given due to psyche problems developed from exposure to psychopaths. Understand yet?

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                      • James 19:46 on March 29, 2017 Permalink

                        I understand what you want me to believe of you, yes. As usual, blaming all your ills on psychopaths, but if an impartial observer were watching us now, who had to decide which one of us was behaving more psycho, I don’t think it would be me!

                        What are you so wary of, that you won’t engage with my previous long comment? You’re normally so keen to argue til the cows come home; that’s why psychopaths like you. If you’re numb and no shits are given, then what’s the worst that could happen? Just play along, humour me my little request to join the conversation.

                        Just as a reminder, because I’m thoughtful like that: “As for not understanding loyalty, well how did it feel when one of the long-term husbands / whatever the men who gave you children were cheated on you? That was disloyalty to you, a betrayal in other words. How about loyalty to your children? Surely you would support them over pretty much anyone else, barring any games your daughter might be up to.”

                        It’s just an extension to the interview really.

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                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 19:51 on March 29, 2017 Permalink

                        Loyalty means nothing to a psychopath. Stop pushing this loyalty thing because you look hypocritical and I no longer believe in it because of people like you.

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                      • James 10:42 on March 30, 2017 Permalink

                        Except I’m not hypocritical, as I conform to my own standards of loyalty and treat people how I expect to be treated. I can’t help how people have treated you in the past, nor am I responsible for their behaviour. You don’t know me, so you don’t know what kind of person I am, and you can’t say what means something to me or not. Speak for yourself.

                        If you point me to one occasion where I have betrayed you to a stranger, and taken the side of someone aggravating you, I will hold my hands up and admit to being a hypocrite. But I strongly believe that there has been no such occasion, and what’s more that over the years I have tried my hardest to be fair and friendly towards you, given you advice, gratefully received your advice, made jokes with you, attempted to understand you, though I admit we have had many disagreements and arguments. Like I said, if you can point out a single betrayal of you by me, I promise to drop this matter immediately. But if you can’t, I equally promise to keep pushing this, because you have done me an injustice and I will not accept anything short of an apology.

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                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 11:14 on March 30, 2017 Permalink

                        What is ridiculous is that speaking my own mind is considered a betrayal. You’re right, I don’t know you, leave off with the loyalty crap whoever you are.

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                      • James 19:41 on March 31, 2017 Permalink

                        OK, so our conversations meant nothing then. What was the point to them? Jack shit, it seems. I guess there’s no point whatsoever in trying to be your friend, as there’s nothing to be gained but snide comments and insincerity.

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                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 22:13 on March 31, 2017 Permalink

                        What is your real name?

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                      • James 14:12 on April 4, 2017 Permalink

                        James, of course. Why use a pseudonym when my real name is already perfect?

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                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 03:17 on April 7, 2017 Permalink

                        I still don’t know you. As eloquently as you speak, your disorder is glaringly obvious to me. The point of this blog is to psychopath test politicians, and you are the perfect example for why – their ability to appear sound of mind on the surface. Firstly you would expect my “loyalty”, and then you respond with disbelief in my answers. Insincerity and snide remarks? YOU are the one who owes me an apology. But, guess what, I don’t want one because I expect snakes to be snakes. And as a point of fact, I DO blame psychopaths for all my ills. It is my father who made me dysfunctional.

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                      • James 07:36 on April 8, 2017 Permalink

                        How old are you, late thirties, forty-something? You can’t blame your parents for all your problems forever, take responsibility for yourself and get help if you need it.

                        You can’t alter one nanosecond of the past, but we all have the power to shape our own futures. From my perspective, everyone else spends an inordinate amount of time looking back and ruminating about things that have already happened. I know guilt and difficult emotions get in the way for other people a lot, but surely sometimes it’s better just to draw and line in the sand and let go?

                        As for the rest, when you’ve pinned down just what I’m supposed to be apologising for other than the vague crime of being a psychopath and psychopath = bad, mmkay, do let me know. Third time of asking.

                        You’re often telling me my disorder is “glaringly obvious”. So…? What do you expect me to do with that information? You’ve known what I am, through my own admission, since the very first time we ‘met’, and you’ve been around enough psychopaths to know how I ‘should’ behave, so pretty much any time I do behave in the way you expect, a little bell probably goes off in your head, and you add that bit of behaviour to the list of past behaviour, while disregarding anything which doesn’t fit the mould. It’s called confirmation bias. So what is supposed to
                        be significant about you telling me how obvious I am? Genuine question.

                        Beyond that, you don’t have to ‘know me’; that’s pretty deliberate on my part anyway – as you know – but if you could just do the charitable thing and treat me in the same way I have treated you, that would be grand.

                        As a reminder, I am not your father; nor am I a surrogate onto which you can project all of the negative emotions you rightly feel toward your father.

                        Liked by 1 person

                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 11:54 on April 8, 2017 Permalink

                        You have no clue.

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                      • James 12:50 on April 8, 2017 Permalink

                        About…? Life in general, presumably 🙂 “The wise man knows himself to be a fool” – a better version of what Socrates may have said.

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                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 12:09 on April 9, 2017 Permalink

                        You said: “You can’t blame your parents for all your problems forever, take responsibility for yourself and get help if you need it.” Apparently, you think to blame someone is unhealthy. An abusive person is/was responsible for permanent damage to me physiologically. Me getting “help” does not eliminate his responsibility. Telling me to get help is like telling a homosexual to stop being gay. As for the apology, you don’t owe me because you are a psychopath. You owe me because you accused me. I won’t get one because you are a psychopath. I wasn’t telling you that you are bad, just that you are you. Also, I wasn’t giving you information about your psychopathy being glaringly obvious… I was giving it to the readers to know that they would not recognize it, and they need to conduct psychopathy testing. Treat you in the same way you treat me? What exactly did I do? And hell no, you are not my father. I just spent the last 2 weeks with him and everything was peachy. He’s a psychopath, so what. Just don’t vote him into office.

                        Like

                      • James 13:55 on April 12, 2017 Permalink

                        Let me respond to the bits of your comment I accept before moving on to being more argumentative.

                        I’ve clearly badly misread the situation with your father, so my wild theories can be ignored and scorned as you wish 🙂 Though I confess it’s odd to me that you can both simultaneously blame him for everything and want to spend a significant amount of time with him.

                        “Also, I wasn’t giving you information about your psychopathy being glaringly obvious… I was giving it to the readers to know that they would not recognize it.” Absolutely fine, that makes sense. Another good idea would be to spell out what ‘nefarious tactics’ I / another psychopath was using in a given written comment. That would give readers clearer practical examples, and may improve their analytical skills for navigating their own dealings with psychopaths.

                        And now to where we still disagree. I still don’t understand what I’m supposed to be apologising for. My “accusation” was an angry response to your agreement with Anon’s untrue accusation that I was playing a manipulative game with this article (this is “what you did”). I would have thought that my general behaviour and treatment of you thus far (i.e. in the past 2 years) would give you enough of an idea of my character that I wouldn’t stoop to such a tawdry level of trivial games, even (as you speculated) unintentionally. I felt betrayed that you sided with a troll writing lies over a friend’s account of what he was doing. At least, I consider you an online friend. Maybe it’s not mutual. Note that any answer to this with “But you’re a psychopath, so clearly you were manipulating, and now you’re lying to get out of it” is not a convincing answer, as that would be allowing the concept psychopathy as a condition to supersede what I have actually done and written, looking at the label and not the person. To reiterate, I did not do any of the things Anon accused me of, and I would appreciate your recognition of this fact.

                        “Apparently, you think to blame someone is unhealthy.” – not as such. To blame someone for absolutely everything wrong with your life, and by virtue of that belief abdicate all present and future responsibility to change your life, is irrational and absurd. Of course seeking help doesn’t absolve your father’s responsibility, but you don’t seek help in order to punish others, you seek it to enrich yourself.

                        As for your analogy with gays, it doesn’t hold water. Telling a gay person to get help is a form of prejudice, telling someone with mental health problems to get help is common sense.

                        Let’s look at this in a bit more detail. Gay people don’t have a problem, the problem is with certain societal attitudes. The LGBT community doesn’t need help to change who we are, other people need to change their prejudices about us.

                        On the other hand, your psychological damage is a problem, at the very least for you, and possibly for others around you. You’re not responsible for there being a problem, but you do suffer from the problem, so I would have thought you would grasp at any chance you could to try and get out. You can claim it’s “permanent damage” and just leave it at that without even exploring any opportunities for change or consulting doctors with rather more knowledge on the subject of brains than you, but if it were me, I would try everything I could to get help. For example, I don’t just let my brain fuck me over with depression, I have been seeking help from various sources for over a year.Though if you would rather be miserable, that is your privilege 🙂

                        Sorry for the delay, I have lots of work on. I enjoy talking to you.

                        Liked by 1 person

                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 04:45 on April 13, 2017 Permalink

                        I won’t be discussing my problems, or even try to explain love and family dynamics, so don’t worry your pretty little head. We disagree with each other on your intent to weird me out with your questions. No apologies needed. Maybe you should get help with your anger over trying to control my thoughts on the matter.

                        Like

                      • James 05:57 on April 13, 2017 Permalink

                        Alright, no need to be so bloody patronising and rude about it. That’s exactly what I’m talking about! I write a friendly, polite, well-reasoned, albeit certainly overlong comment, and you reply with more provocation and crazy suggestions, which my pretty little head has had enough of.

                        Like

                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 07:14 on April 13, 2017 Permalink

                        I thought you knew ME by mow.

                        Like

                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 07:26 on April 13, 2017 Permalink

                        In fact, you have driven me to the crazy. I would speak my mind more on the matter, but it would only infuriate you further because I would be my usual blunt self. Thanks for shutting this thread down already.

                        Like

                      • James 10:26 on April 13, 2017 Permalink

                        Have I? That sounds an awful lot like blame shifting. You were making the crazy statements about me long before I pointed them out as such, and I don’t see how I can be held responsible for what you write and say. That’s a textbook manipulative tactic of abusers if ever there was one. “If I act badly, it’s only because you did x, y and z to drive me to misbehave.” Classic.

                        I’m not infuriated, though I will add that your “usual blunt self” is not as incidental as you claim, nor should the people on this blog be forced to endure your bluntness on the pretext of “that’s just who you are”. You would not be “blunt” (i.e. rude) to your customers, colleagues, business associates, otherwise you wouldn’t be in business for long. Presumably you also stay your acid tongue for the most part when with friends, otherwise once again you would be friendless, and I’m sure you’re not that. There is a measure, therefore, to which you choose to be rude and snide to me, and that is unfair, and from my view unwarranted.

                        All I’m asking is a fair exchange of respect among equals; if I’m able to adhere to basic decency in our discussions, then you are too, not being (as I am) afflicted with an overwhelming selfishness and lack of intuitive grasp of morality. It should be a piece of cake, in fact. Mmm, cake.

                        By all means, speak your mind. But there is no reason to be rude as you do it. If you think this is an unreasonable request, then by all means say so, but be prepared to justify yourself.

                        Liked by 1 person

                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 11:00 on April 13, 2017 Permalink

                        I told you some time ago that I was aggravated, and to leave off, but to no avail. I apologize for unleashing my foul mood upon you and the readers.

                        Liked by 1 person

                      • James 13:37 on April 13, 2017 Permalink

                        Thank you, this is appreciated.

                        Like

            • James 16:29 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

              This remains unaddressed. Can I expect better loyalty in the future?

              Like

    • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 19:54 on March 29, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      And for the record, no shits given about James’ childish rantings.

      Like

      • James 10:28 on March 30, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        I may be childish and petty, but I’m hardly ranting. You come across as being stressed out.

        Liked by 1 person

  • James 15:58 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: alcoholism, , , , , , , , , mother, , , , , , PTSD   

    Meet the parents of a psychopath 

    Since I’ve just spent the week in the company of my parents, and had the intention to write about them anyway, what better time than right now?

    My father was one of these.

    They primarily came to move some of my belongings home to England (I won’t be here for much longer) but out of that they gained a vacation in France with their beloved son. On top of that, further gains for me were: free accommodation in a pleasant rural setting and free food and alcohol for a week including several restaurant meals, which are unspeakably good round these parts.

    As I write, they are still in the country but are driving up to the coast to catch the ferry. They left about 3 hours before the time of writing, and although I spent about 20 minutes mourning their departure, I no longer miss them. Instead, I’m looking ahead to the next month or so and the plans I have.

    Anyway, my parents. I still have two of them, though at nearly 60 years old they’re getting on a bit. My mother is a geographer, loves gardening, books and I struggle to think of a third thing. She’s a pushover. My father is a former guard of the Queen, war veteran, and retired police officer. He’s also an alcoholic, a PTSD sufferer and has a very nasty temper. I have a mixed relationship with my dad; we can go from joking to fighting to cold silence in the space of an afternoon. The relationship between my mother and I is much more stable and as a consequence is closer, though I lie to and manipulate both of them equally.

    Because I don’t miss them for long when they’re not around, I don’t keep in touch as often as they’d like, in fact one of my favourite games is to set a specific time to call or skype and then not show up, subsequently ignoring all texts, phone calls and emails for weeks until they think I’ve died or am in trouble.

    My mother likes these.

     

    In general, however, it pays to keep them on my side:

    • Parents are the biggest supporters you’ll ever get and perhaps the only people you can rely on to be selfless most of the time.
    • They do all sorts of useful favours and jobs and expect little or nothing in return. And they can’t replace me! A psychopath’s dream…
    • They teach life lessons. From my mum, I have learned patience, co-operation, negotiation and temper control. Thanks to her, I will (probably) never go to prison. From my dad, I have learned manipulation, persuasion, cooking and all sorts of interesting tips for criminal activity, as well as physical and psychological torture. Thanks to him, I will (probably) be successful in life.
    • They give me money, almost without question. And the Bank of Dad doesn’t recall its debts.
    • Despite everything, I do love them. Not in the same way as you love your parents and certainly not in the way they love me. While my dad would “walk over hot coals” and mum would “do anything” for me, I would, to quote myself like a true narcissist, “greatly inconvenience myself to save my mother’s life”. That probably doesn’t sound like much, but it’s more than I would do for anyone else. What is love anyway?

    P.S. While I was finishing this off, I got a quick phone call to say my folks have arrived at the ferry port. It was good-natured and polite. I lied at least twice in the 2 minutes we were talking. 

    How would you feel if you had a psychopath for a son? How would you mould and guide him? Would he make you proud of his success or ashamed of his crimes? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

     

     
    • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 16:00 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      James, why did you tag your post “child abuse”?

      Like

      • James 16:03 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        “He’s also an alcoholic, a PTSD sufferer and has a very nasty temper.” – You do the maths, sweetie.

        Liked by 1 person

        • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 17:05 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          My daughter (a psychopath) tells people she was abused at home. She gets people to sympathize with her based on lies. People don’t bother to ask the parents about it, do they? When my daughter was in high school, she would write papers about herself that were complete fabrications. At the time I didn’t know she was a psychopath, and it was bewildering – why would she paint her family in such a bad light? Now I know. People are easier to use if they feel sorry for you.

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          • James 17:19 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            What your daughter does / did is no concern of mine. If I wanted sympathy, I would have made a big thing out of it. Everything I just wrote is true, except that being nearly 60 is not really “getting on a bit”, that was a light-hearted remark.

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            • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 18:05 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              Did not write that part for you. I was not suggesting that you want sympathy from this article. I also was not suggesting that you were lying. I was simply writing my experience since I had nothing else to say.

              Liked by 1 person

              • James 18:08 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                Leaving your comment in reply to mine indicated you were in fact talking to / about me, but since that was not your intention it was just a misunderstanding.

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            • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 18:22 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              This comment is for you. You said what my daughter does/did is no concern of yours, yet your question at the end of the article asks about people’s children. Are you specifically looking for hypotheticals? You know I find it funny when you contradict yourself.

              Liked by 1 person

              • James 18:34 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                And please do continue to point it out when I do, won’t you? 😀

                Yes, I am specifically looking for hypothetical sons, NOT daughters…

                In all serious, what I meant by “is no concern of mine” was “has nothing to do with me”. I was attempting to distance myself from your daughter’s blatant lack of respect for you because, as you know, I thought you were implying I was lying. Now we have established you were doing no such thing, the comment about your daughter can be recognised as relevant to the questions I posed.

                Any more knots to tie me up with? 🙂

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                • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 18:50 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                  I don’t have a psychopath son, but if I did, he would get my love just the same. I have no thoughts on moulding and guiding psychopaths specifically. It appears nothing can be done about the lying.

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                  • James 19:00 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                    It’s fine, you don’t have to have an opinion on everything! But childhood is no doubt a critical phase in anyone’s life, so it stands to reason a properly-guided psychopath will be more successful and less destructive later in life.

                    Of course this thread is open to anybody with any manner of real or imaginary children; I shall have to give up making jokes if nobody can understand them.

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 19:42 on May 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                      I understood your joke about the gender, etc… I thought it would be funny to proceed with a response anyway. 🙂

                      I would like to go further into the topic of what you consider to be successful, and what is your view of destructive, since I think that our views don’t coincide. Maybe that topic will require a separate article.

                      Like

                      • James 20:05 on May 16, 2015 Permalink

                        Yes, it would. Perhaps a debate article, or something co-written by the two of us?

                        Liked by 1 person

    • Amaterasu Solar 11:04 on May 17, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Without reading above comments, I will give Mine… Sorry if any of this is covered above.

      I note some pride in the fact that You chose to lie twice. This leads Me to ponder on what the basis of that pride is. [smile] You gave no detail, so I ask Myself… What? Did His parent(s) ask a question and He thought, Gee, I can lie here! I’ll make something up! Hahaha! Or was it a matter of being asked about something where an Ethical issue was involved and He lied to cover that up…?

      Or is there something I’m missing? I still do not grasp that pride. Care to illuminate? [smile]

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      • James 12:14 on May 17, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Actually you’ve just read into it wrong, there was no pride attached to the statement. I said it because I thought it would further illuminate our relationship.

        “Gee, I can lie here! I’ll make something up! Hahaha!” This made me laugh, if only it were that simple 🙂

        Like

    • Amb 09:19 on August 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I have to admit that I have a hard time relating to your blog, however, it is interesting. This post made me think of a word in Buddhism called bodhicitta, which is essentially a term that describes the compassionate or “soft spot” that every human being has. It implies that even the cruelest of human beings have this-just in varying degrees. So for instance, you may have a complete disregard for “morality” in regards to 99% of the people you encounter, but for your mother you’d greatly inconvenience yourself to save her life, thus confirming that you do in fact have bodhicitta. I was just intrigued by this application of the theory that I’d been on the fence about when reading this post. I hope you’re well.

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 09:31 on August 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Ah fuck, I’m busted.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Amb 09:49 on August 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          It’s just an interesting concept. If accepted, it doesn’t allow us to accept the fact that some people are just “bad.” If everyone has bodhicitta then it means that everyone is in part “good,” even if it’s just to smaller degrees than what we believe is “acceptable.”

          Like

    • nowve666 09:45 on December 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      This is the worst Christmas in my life. Reading a new blog by a psychopath was the best Christmas present I could have received. It’s comforting. Soothing. Unlike you, I would not have “greatly inconvenienced myself” to have saved my mother’s life. But I agree with you that parents are the biggest boosters one will ever have although grown children can do a lot for one too. I never had one but many partner, Vickie, has a soon and daughter-in-law who do a lot for us. We didn’t get an invite for Christmas dinner this year. I feel quite abandoned. Maybe I AM borderline after all. (I’m reading “I Hate You. Don’t Leave Me.”)

      Like

      • James 18:16 on December 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Yeah, I’ve been thinking Borderline. Especially in light of all the love I’ve been getting from you today.

        Like

        • nowve666 13:54 on December 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          I have just taken about five tests for personality disorders. I always score low for Borderline. My highest is Narcissistic. I plan to write a blog comparing Borderline with Psychopathy and examine the similarities and differences and discuss how they pertain to me.

          Like

          • James 14:02 on December 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            The trouble with the way you do it is that you are biased. You want to be a psychopath or narc and don’t want to be borderline. And of course having true self-awareness is very difficult. Before you point it out, yes the same problems apply to me, which is why I don’t bother taking these sorts of personality tests. You would really like to just go and get a formal diagnosis from a psychologist, wouldn’t you? Well then you should.

            Like

            • nowve666 14:16 on December 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              But I did that. They gave me two diagnoses. One was for “my life as a whole” and the other was for present time. The one for my life as a whole was ASPD. The one for present was NOS (not otherwise specified). I looked this up and found this grab bag includes Depressive, Passive Aggressive, Sadistic, Self-Defeating and Psychopathic. This came from Wikipedia. ” You’re right about the overlap, but that also means that the polar opposites (I would say the continuum goes Borderline – Histrionic – Narc – Antisocial) are very different from one another. And Antisocial shares some similarities with Cluster A, while BPD is similar to Cluster C.” This shows how flaky psychology is. I do see some aspects of Borderline in myself but I also see qualities I don’t have at all. I do plan to examine the differences as well as the similarities.

              Like

    • nowve666 21:39 on December 26, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I certainly hope not if it’s what the book I’m reading is accurate. I recognize some of their traits in me but not enough. Do Borderlines tend to love you? Cluster B has so much overlap, I sometimes think it should be one “disorder.” But the brain scans are different. Borderline brains look very different from psychopathic brains. I’ll just have to get a brain scan. Maybe Tina will spring for it. 😉

      Like

      • James 14:07 on December 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Do Borderlines tend to love me? Well I’ve only ever known two close enough to realise they were Borderlines, and one of them loved me (as in she was actually in love with me), the other was indifferent. Scientifically speaking, that’s inconclusive data! You’re right about the overlap, but that also means that the polar opposites (I would say the continuum goes Borderline – Histrionic – Narc – Antisocial) are very different from one another. And Antisocial shares some similarities with Cluster A, while BPD is similar to Cluster C.

        Like

    • nowve666 14:20 on December 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      What similarities does Antisocial have with Cluster A? I can see what the similarities are between BPD and Cluster C.

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      • James 18:40 on December 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Mainly the distance from emotional connections.

        Like

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