A motto for psychopaths?

Ey up, me duck. ‘Ow do?

I spend part of my time living in Yorkshire, the largest county in England. Which is to say, it’s not very large, because England isn’t very large; but it’s still bigger than all the other counties. Yorkshire is the stereotypical ‘North’, home of grim industrial towns, bleak and desolate moors, green sheep-peppered dales, and flat cap-wearing locals with a love of whippets and clog dancing. Yorkshire has given the world stainless steel, Wensleydale cheese, annoying yappy dogs, club football (proper football, not that hand-egg nancy sport played by the Yanks), rugby league, ferret legging (look it up), Yorkshire pudding, white roses, Robin Hood, all three Brontë sisters and Sean Bean. That accent all the miserable northern bastards in Game of Thrones use? That there’s a Yorkshire accent. The eerie town Count Dracula first makes landfall in Britain at? Whitby, in fucking Yorkshire. Naturally.

Basically, the world owes an enormous debt to Yorkshiremen, and don’t they know it! The tongue in cheek motto for all Yorkshire folk between the Pennines and the sea, from Sheffield all the way up to Staithes is:

‘Ear all, see all, say nowt;
Eyt all, sup all, pay nowt;
And if ivver tha does owt fer nowt –
Allus do it fer thissen.

For those of you who don’t speak ‘God’s Own Tongue’, the English translation:

Hear everything, see everything, say nothing;
Eat everything, drink everything, pay nothing;
And if you ever do anything – always do it for yourself.

Now, I don’t know about you, but that to me sounds like a pretty great philosophy to live by. It boils down to take as much as you can without giving in return. Travel the world, and sample as many of its experiences as possible, but don’t sweat the small stuff and get bogged down in pleasing other people. Live for yourself, because nobody else matters. And on the odd occasions when prudence demands you give a little back – to save face, to flatter, to make sure everybody else keeps dancing your tune, then do so without taking your eyes off the ball. Do it for yourself.

So the humble Yorkshire tyke is really just advocating a form of philosophical psychopathy.

Flippin’ ‘Eck!

 

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Mythbusting psychopathy (part the second)

Here we are again, back to kick more stupid myths into the long grass where they belong.

What myths or misconceptions about things would you like to bust, if only people would listen?

 

MYTH: Psychopaths have no emotions.

This is one myth psychopaths themselves (and narcissists) love to propagate to enhance their mystique, but it’s bullshit. Everyone has emotions. The only living people with no emotions are comatose or else so severely brain-damaged they can only live with the help of a life-support machine. Even dementia patients with little or no sense of self, a completely blank memory and utter dependency on caregivers show signs of emotion when properly stimulated.

Psychopathic emotions are selfish and inward-looking. In my experience, these emotions are often fleeting and can change rapidly. Some emotions are very blunted and don’t really cause much of a change in mood, while others can be so strong they temporarily obsess or enthral the psychopath. It can also be the case that the physical signs of an emotion are there (e.g. sweaty palms, quick heart rate, out of breath) but the psychopath feels calm in themselves, in their mind.

 

MYTH: Psychopaths are crazy, or ‘psychotic’

Psychopathy and psychosis are two different things. Just because a word looks similar, doesn’t mean they refer to the same thing. Psychotic people are people who have lost their grip on reality; they may hear voices, hallucinate or show magical thinking. They are very much not in control of their behaviour and generally need close medical attention for their own and others’ safety. Many otherwise healthy people suffer from psychotic episodes throughout their lives, and often recover with time or medication. Schizophrenia is an example of a psychotic disorder.

Psychopaths are fully aware of their surroundings, their behaviour and the consequences of that behaviour. Psychopaths do not have a conscience, and are not unwell in the normal sense of the word, nor will they ‘recover’ with time or medical help. As a personality disorder with roots in an individual’s genetic makeup, this is who they are for life. Both psychopaths and psychotic people can be dangerous and violent, but many are not.

“I’m not strange, weird, off, nor crazy, my reality is just different from yours.” – the Cheshire Cat

There is absolutely no reason I can see why a psychopath couldn’t develop a psychotic disorder separate to and unaffected by their psychopathy. This is called co-morbidity. In fact anyone can reach sub-clinical psychosis simply by staying awake for abnormally long periods of time (symptoms start kicking in beyond the 36 hour mark). I’ve tried it once or twice; it’s an interesting experience, though not an especially pleasant one. I heard shouting voices in my head and felt off balance when I tried to walk. Overall, my memory of the experience is fuzzy. Yay, temporary brain damage!

Oh, while we’re on this subject, unlike what certain pop psychology crackpots would have you believe, “psychopathology” is not the study of psychopaths, nor is it anything whatsoever to do with psychopaths. Psychopathology is the psychiatric version of pathology, therefore it is the study of all mental illnesses and psychological disorders / abnormalities. I repeat, similar-looking words don’t always have the same meaning!

 

MYTH: My psychopathic ex planned to ensnare, manipulate and abuse me from the start of our relationship

Psychopaths enter relationships in a very positive frame of mind; they often love everything about the other person and are so obsessed they want to learn every tiny little detail about them, know their entire history and the full spectrum of their emotions and thoughts. In extreme cases, the psychopath may have a painful urge to possess or climb inside their new partner. They try to please the other person by mirroring them closely and being the ideal mate for them.

After a period of time, this effort is exhausting and the other person starts to lose their appeal. Most psychopaths’ relationships stall at this point as the other person ceases to have any interest. It’s all just the same old person, same old stuff. Boredom sets in, and the psychopath either moves on without a backward glance (I prefer this), or else takes their anger and frustration out on the other person.

I have no citation for this and am just recounting from experience; you’ll just have to take my word for it (or not). If anyone can find actual research done in this field that contradicts me and not just pull up Lovefraud or similar bilge, that would be very welcome.

 

MYTH: Psychopaths are in all the positions of power and are the puppet masters behind an international conspiracy to bring about a new world order.

While there are undoubtedly psychopaths in high places, including bankers, businesspeople and world leaders, the idea of them all working together behind the scenes for not just years, but decades, is frankly absurd.

Listen, I don’t have any evidence to back this up, but psychopaths are not nearly co-operative enough for this to work. We don’t tend to get on well with each other, and are not known for our willingness to work in teams. Every single one of the conspirators would want the top job in the Illuminati and would be working to eliminate the competition, i.e. each other. The bloody thing would not get off the ground.

And of course, when you realise this is the exact same idea as the Evil Zionist conspiracy theory, the exact same poisonous garbage just with the word “Jew” switched for “psychopath”, you know what kind of beast you’re dealing with.

 

MYTH: Psychopaths are lizard men in skinsuits

No, just no. You are welcome to verify that by getting hold of your nearest psychopath and opening him up to check all his lungs and bones and whatever else you humans have inside you are in the right place. You might need the help of a surgeon, except she’ll probably be a psychopath too and will naturally be in league with one of her kind, so you see the flaw in the plan? But seriously, demonising people (even psychopaths) is, apart from being rather insulting, a lazy way out of trying to understand why others are different. Speaking of demonisation…

 

MYTH: Psychopaths are demons from hell

Hell is a fairy tale designed to scare the gullible into obeying the clergy – who as you’ll remember are all psychopaths of course. The idea of demons may well originate from uneducated mediaeval people’s encounters with illnesses they couldn’t explain, such as epilepsy and schizophrenia. In fact, enough ignorants are still unconvinced about this that there is a whole department of the Royal College of Surgeons dedicated to correcting idiotic superstitions among certain communities.

Despite the hysterical imaginations of cretins who swear they’ve seen a satanic glint in the eyes of their psychopath, I assure you I am not a demon, I am a liz-… human like you (I’m assuming here. If there are any non-humans reading this, I’d love to hear from you.)

Talk to me. Read part 1 here.

Everyday narcissism

In which a psychopath laughs as some empathetic people show off their inner narc.

And the award for most tactful photograph goes to…

 

“We all go a little bit mad sometimes”, so said the totally non-psycho Psycho Norman Bates. I had managed to reach my 20th year without ever having the twist to Hitchcock’s horror classic spoiled, so was genuinely gobsmacked when ‘Mother’ finally showed up. If nothing else, Norm taught us that under every seemingly normal person’s façade, there could be some craziness hidden deep.

Except sometimes it’s not very well hidden, and is not usually at the level of stabbing women in the bath, or similar depths of depravity. Most commonly, it shows itself as narcissistic dickishness.

You know the type I mean, he takes delight in getting one over on you, and loves nothing better than a nice gloat, while cackling away like a horny witch. Or is that just me?

The point is, we are living in an increasingly narcissistic society. We need to have the latest iPhone, the best clothes, the biggest, coolest / most environmentally-friendly car (depending on your clique); we take selfies, and our online worth is decided entirely on how many ‘likes’ we get. But there are still some instances of inflated ego that come from otherwise normal people, which can make even me stop and stare.

Such as the people who take it upon themselves to talk badly about people they don’t know, judging others based on no evidence whatsoever except it feels good to tear them down. This can come in the form of cyberbullying (teenagers are actually killing themselves over comments from strangers online), street harassment (we’ve all seen the videos: ‘woman walks through NYC‘, ‘Jew walks through Paris‘), or even just a series of idiotic comments on social media (such as deciding to push a string of nonsensical, depraved and increasingly desperate arguments attempting to undermine the credibility of others, for two entire days, while allegedly being a busy young mother and student) that are all about one person putting another down in order to feel better about themselves.

Or people who engage in ‘mine’s bigger than yours’ dick-swinging. At a recent dinner party, my father (not a narc or an ‘opath) made a bit of a fool of himself bragging about how much pension he is paid. He went on to say knowingly that for a good meal at a fancy restaurant, “we’re talking up to £40 per head”, which is about 57€ or US $61. Someone else chipped in that such an amount is “chicken feed” and that for his wife’s 60th birthday, he had forked out £150 (in total, so depending on the number of people the actual per head ratio might have been much smaller than 40 quid. Even £75 each for two of them, while on the expensive side, is not exactly going to get you the Ritz treatment). My dad, keen not to be outdone even though the guy was obviously just trying to mock him, spluttered “well the really good place near us, the hotel, I’ve taken Julie (my mum) and James there and I’ve often paid £300 for just one meal”, which is absurd and untrue.  How stupid and petty. But it is, nonetheless, a funny example of people trying to outdo one another over money.

Sweet obliviousness

Or the people who exploit worthy causes to make themselves look better. You know the type I mean. They share and re-share the same viral posts from ‘social justice warriors’ and hate on and shame those with differing opinions. Feminism, anti-racism, sexual and gender freedom… equality in general, these are good things, but they become tainted when they are hijacked by people who care not about the issues, but about showing how enlightened and superior they are.

That is why some of these ‘progressives’ are so aggressive to anyone with differing opinions, because to argue with them causes narcissistic injury that must be dealt with. Would anybody who really cared about equality and diversity viciously attack people who see things differently to them? They’re the same idiots whose profile pictures are now overlayed with a transparent version of the French flag to show how much they ‘care’ about “Paris’ suffering” (not, you know, the suffering of people who were caught up in the attacks, but the imagined suffering of an inanimate city, the idealistic Gai Paris of schmaltzy stereotype), when in reality they only care about boosting their own image by claiming to empathise with the current in vogue ‘problem’. Want proof? Here’s two for the price of one:

(1) Few or none of them said anything about what happened to the Russian passenger jet which was shot down over Egypt, and no-one turned their profile pic into a Russian flag. Think of any other recent tragedy, and repeat.

(2) The Tricolore of solidarity is superimposed over these people’s own faces. They are saying not “Vive la France et à bas la tyrannie*”, but rather “look how sensitive and in-touch I am, and blue, white and red goes really well with my hair, I wonder how many likes this will earn me?”

Are these people self-aware? Some probably are; they are the true narcissists of this world. The bulk, just ordinary people, are not. They genuinely believe their own shit smells sweeter, because they have never stopped to think about their actions.

Even worse are those smug superior people who view themselves as above it all, specifically making fun of delusional types, for cheap ‘likes’, ‘shares’ and an ego boost of “At least I’m not like that. I don’t take myself so seriously. I have taste. I have standards. I am so much better than everyone else, and just to prove it I’m going to write a fine old diatribe, a rant if you will, against everyday narcissism. Then I’m going to put it on my blog about psychopaths, and show everyone how totally cool and non-hypocritical I am. I wonder how many of my little pawns will read it…”

Chers lecteurs, chères lectrices, avant de laisser vos commentaires, veuillez vous détendre un peu avec Monsieur Joe Dassin, et penser à ceux qui ont souffert aux mains de mal :

*”Long live France and down with tyranny”, in case you were snoozing in French class.

NB: I have been to Auschwitz and never once thought of taking a selfie. Do I get to brag about that too?