How Can My Baby Boy Be a Psychopath?
He is 8 years old. I was in denial for a long time that he fit the description of a Sociopath. Even after the diagnosis, I struggled to find excuses which would invalidate this diagnosis. But I knew it was true, even if it took a long time to admit it to myself. A few months ago, I began to accept it. I started doing research, but most cases like his are deemed hopeless. I don’t think so.
My son is very intelligent. He has been nominated by his teachers into ‘gifted’ programs. His mind is not that of an 8-year-old child. I began to recognize the signs in him when he was around 4 years old. He’s now 8, and things are deteriorating for us as he gets older and smarter.
He taught himself how to write in cursive when he was 7. He has perfect cursive handwriting – much better than mine. And he has perfected my signature. He can forge anyone’s signature by simply watching them sign it one time. He has filled out credit card applications that came in junk mail. He can address a letter, put a stamp on it, and fill out all necessary information to obtain a credit card in my name. He has also used my credit card to order thousands of dollars worth of merchandise from Amazon including cell phones and tablets. Despite being banned from using the internet for this reason, he always finds a way. I change my passwords and pin numbers – but he somehow learns them again. He is seemingly unstoppable.
He has no regard for the safety or feelings for others. He will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. I do not mean in the same way that a child will manipulate a parent in order to get a cookie before dinner. I mean in a way that he would destroy a person’s life for a cookie, and think nothing of it. That is NOT an exaggeration.
I have tried to teach him what is right, what is wrong, and why it is so. I sit down with him, and I explain in depth all of the reasons for why it is not okay to steal my credit card and order merchandise from the internet. I spend hours upon hours with him, face to face, explaining how and why his actions are harmful, as well as the consequences of those actions. He can recite my words back to me and he can even explain it back to me in his own words. He understands what I am saying, but he will turn around and do the exact same thing 2 seconds later if he feels like it. If it means losing our house, if the consequences are that it would ruin our lives. If someone could die.. He truly does not care about those things whatsoever.
I’ve exhausted myself trying to reason with him. I’ve tried everything to get him to care about what he’s doing. I used to think that he did care and that he was sorry, but just could not control himself. I wanted to believe that. He was very convincing when it seemed he was expressing remorse. But I learned that his words are just that. Words. There’s no intention of keeping any promises. There’s no actual guilt or remorse. He simply goes through the motions of apologizing – but he is not actually sorry. Sometimes I felt like I didn’t know him at all. I could not distinguish what was real, what was pretend, what was mimicking.
He says things to purposely hurt me. He blames me no matter what I do, and no matter how hard I try to make him happy. When I try to stand up to him, he uses hurtful words and breaks my heart. When I try to stand up to his violence, he pushes even harder. He threatened me that if I reach out for help that he will lie and say that I do bad things that I don’t really do. He had me backed into a corner with no way out before I could even realize what was happening. I was left to decide: Do I ask for help and risk them believing him over me and lose everything including him? Or do I back down and continue to let him do these things? I was on the verge of suicide, and I reached out for help.
Despite everything he’s done, I love him. These details are just the tip of an enormous iceberg. Life has been truly horrible for a long time. He’s in a hospital now and in an environment that is controlled so that he can be helped and I can safely do what I can to help him, too. He’s my child, and I want him to be with me. I just need to be able to get to him. I can’t accept that this is all he’s capable of and I can’t accept that there’s no hope for him.
Excerpt from “How can I reach my child who’s a Sociopath?“
Image courtesy: Anake Goodall
For more information about psychopathy: TED-Ed Lesson “What is a psychopath?“
Search tem: Are there psychopathic children?
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insanitybytes22 09:49 on January 3, 2016 Permalink |
That’s a very sad and frustrating thing to read.
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James 10:00 on January 3, 2016 Permalink |
Really interesting article, this kid is a lot cleverer than I was. I wonder if being in a hospital will help him though. It may well change his behaviour to be more pro-social, but it will probably deepen the emotional rift between mother and son. He will see it as being abandoned rather than ‘helped’. She may get rid of the psychopathy (or at least the more overt symptoms) but also lose her son altogether in the process.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 21:19 on January 4, 2016 Permalink |
I don’t think it is yet possible to get rid of psychopathy. Maybe the overt misbehavior will be toned down so he is easier to live with – like you 🙂 I think you are right about the abandonment that the son will feel. One of my psychopath brothers accuses my mother of abandonment even though it is not her fault that she was stricken with severe illness. Nothing can convince him otherwise.
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Allie 10:11 on January 3, 2016 Permalink |
This is heartbreaking to read. I’ve read the famous book “Without conscience and her story seems to fit. Prayers.
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C-PTSD Awareness 06:06 on January 4, 2016 Permalink |
Empathy. Mom’s who have kids with Childhood Conduct Disorder know.
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lucy 15:01 on January 4, 2016 Permalink |
Hi! I feel for you.
Maybe first solution is by starting to seriously not being scared of him. Learn him what boundaries are, and not softly and apologizing, but clearly and efficiently. If you feel helpless, get help from an educator.
This kid needs authorities and clear boundaries to hold his -apparently strong- anxiety. Hence for now you get anxious and he gets even more anxious too and so abuse you even more… and its a never ending toxic circle. Until you react.
It’s tiring and he might be very manipulative, but you are powerful and, as his mother, much stronger than him; at least morally. Hope it will give you some hope. You are not a victim and he has no power (well, the only power you let him have). Take care!!
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James 06:00 on January 5, 2016 Permalink |
Not only is what you say mostly incorrect, you are also not writing to the mother in question. This article is an excerpt from “https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-reach-a-child-whos-a-Sociopath”. Take it over there.
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Gretchen 21:43 on January 4, 2016 Permalink |
Children can not know that what they say hurts their parents. I have an overly empathetic child, so she becomes very upset if she thinks she has hurt me. For my friend… His son was diagnosed at ten. He is now a young adult. He wreaked havoc on their lives. False molestation charges. Almost caused his parents to divorce over it. Stolen money, small animals captured and dissected- it was horrifying. Upon speaking with my friend, he emphasized that if he could have done anything differently, it would be to assert his authority more. Pyschopathic children cannot be parented the same way. They are without a moral compass and work only with logic.
I am glad that he is getting help. It must break your heart to have a child that you know is mentally incapable of loving you back. I cannot even fathom that pain.
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James 06:40 on January 5, 2016 Permalink |
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I guess the ‘pain’ is akin to grief. Grief which may be misplaced, I might add. Your child can still make you proud, even if s/he is a psychopath, and you can still have a relationship with them.
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 07:21 on January 5, 2016 Permalink |
The grief/pain is unavoidable. Even if a parent is proud and has a relationship with a psychopathic child, the pain from the palpable absence of love is ever present.
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James 08:53 on January 5, 2016 Permalink |
Yeah, I understand that. I don’t think my parents experience “a palpable absence of love”, in fact I think they accept that I do love them. The most either have said on the matter is lamenting a lack of care shown toward them. But as far as I know, they don’t know anything about psychopathy.
Actually, come to think of it, I have a bad memory from when I was very young (certainly a pre-schooler, and now so long ago that it may be a dream or a mis-remembered event) of my dad saying “I don’t think you love / like* me” and leaving me alone in my dark room (it was bedtime).
*Can’t remember which he used.
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James 08:55 on January 5, 2016 Permalink |
Is “enough love for the both of us” a myth then?
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@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 11:30 on January 5, 2016 Permalink |
Yes. That sounds like a movie line.
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James 13:29 on January 5, 2016 Permalink |
Naturally 🙂
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madken 03:59 on January 28, 2016 Permalink |
Put a gun to his head and blow it wide open…. now seriously… I think you’re exaggerating.
You are the psychopath!
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Laura 23:36 on March 3, 2016 Permalink |
For you to think anyone is exaggerating without loving it makes you an ignorant, insensitive ass. As for the article, you are being codependent. If your son is truly without a conscience, he is not going to grow one because of your love. You are wasting your time with that, and he is exactly where he needs to be: where he can’t hurt others. I hope he stays there for good. All sociopaths needs to be separated from the population permanently.
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Laura 23:43 on March 3, 2016 Permalink |
This child is where all sociopaths need to be: separated from the population. To “love” him like he is going to change because of that love is waste of energy.
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Postcard to myself | No Psychos, No Druggies, No Stooges 19:15 on November 20, 2018 Permalink |
[…] so there’s no smoking gun. No “Ohhh my God, my baby’s a psycho, what do I dooo?” letter. But there’s knowledge – and acceptance – of my personality. […]
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