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  • James 19:15 on November 20, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , Crna Gora, , Kotor, Montenegro, , , , , , ,   

    Postcard to myself 

    20181120_200645

    There are venomous snakes in this box. You think it’s chocolates and that I’m sorry, but I’m not and it’s snakes.

    I have been going through some cards, letters and postcards from my life up until now. My old room is getting ripped out and replaced with something new, to cater to my parents’ obsession with decorating and modernising their house, so all these forgotten bits and pieces have been coming to light for the first time in 10, 15, in some cases 20, years. What can I say? I’m a magpie.

    And there’s this stash of old post, which has given me a new perspective on my upbringing. Because I was relatively late to become aware of psychopathy and specifically that it pertained to who I am (this I discovered at the age of 18; I’m now 25), I have been under the impression that other people in my life were similarly clueless about my nature. Not so.

    There’s the card in the picture, sent to me one Christmas by a school friend, who wrote that it “reminded me of you… happy Xmas, you weirdo.” There’s another card, sent by family friends, with reference to an atlas they bought me: “You always said you wanted to take over the world. Let this inspire you.” Rereading that today reminded me that, yes, I was a megalomaniacal motormouth at one stage of my childhood, and had evidently revealed some or all of my plans to this family – rookie Bond villain mistake. And that is why I will never get the chance to be tried for war crimes in The Hague.

    Then there was this bizarre Wallace and Gromit birthday card, sent to my grandad from all of my family, which read inside, in my mother’s spiky handwriting: “Happy birthday, Dad. This card was chosen by Jamie on the understanding that you’ll post it back to him.” It was dated 1997; I was three. Little control freak.

    Sure, so there’s no smoking gun. No “Ohhh my God, my baby’s a psycho, what do I dooo?” letter. But there’s knowledge – and acceptance – of my personality. I’m lucky to have parents who have never tried to deny who I am, and who have supported me from the start. It just goes to show that sometimes close friends and family know you better than you do yourself.


    Image result for kotor postcard

    In the same pile, I also came across a postcard from Montenegro, sent in 2008 by me… to me. It was postmarked and everything, sent par avion across Europe from the tiny Balkan state to my home in England. This is it, folks – peak narcissism:

    Dear future self,

    Ha! Ha! I’m on holiday, you’re not!

    Classy.

    It goes on –

    Hope the ol’ ear has cleared up by the time I get this.

    Oh, that’s right. I got an ear infection from the poorly-chlorinated swimming pool. I had to get some strange ear potion from the apothecary in Kotor. Yes, apothecary;  Montenegro’s a hell of a place.

    I am sitting on my apartment’s balcony. Jealous?

    Yes. Fuck you.

    Anyway, fuck you.

    Be you later,

    James

    Great, well thanks for that, 15-year old James.

    The moral of the story? Never meet your heroes, because they’re sure to disappoint.

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    • nowve666 20:53 on November 20, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      This is the weirdest post of yours I’ve seen. So you wrote a postcard to your “future self” and taunted your future self that you were on vacation and he (you) were not?

      Like

    • 1jaded1 21:42 on November 20, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      I laughed and I’m not ashamed. The first card with the snakes is just too funny.

      Liked by 1 person

  • James 19:02 on October 2, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: au bout de la terre, bereavement, cancer, , , , grief, , , RIP,   

    Grief 

    The way other people treat the deaths of celebrities is grief at its best, according to this psychopath.

    Related image

    My Aunt Teresa died on Friday. It was the end of a short and sudden battle with an aggressive cancer. Not a bad way to go all things considered, as you hear of people fighting a painful, drawn-out cancer over a number of years, with multiple remissions and recurrences before it finally getting the better of them.

    However, the speed and abruptness of this (just over eight weeks from diagnosis to death) has hit members of my family hard. Her husband, my uncle, is heartbroken. My grandfather, who celebrated his 90th birthday in May, is especially devastated, having already lost another of his children to alcoholism about seven years ago. My mother and my other aunt, who are the eldest and have always been closer to each other than to their other siblings, are in shock.

    Well, what can I say? Ever since we got the news about the cancer, I have watched my family go to pieces in disbelief and shock, which has been quite alienating because I don’t feel the same way. I can’t say I was expecting the illness, and then the death, but equally it’s not as though these things are unheard of. Why shouldn’t it happen to someone we know?

    Over the years, I have spent a lot of time at Teresa’s house in the countryside near the coast. It is – or was – an ideal place to get away, as the house is big, and both my aunt and uncle liked their privacy so we only saw each other for an hour or two in the evening on some days. However, being well-educated they were interesting people to talk to. There is great hiking countryside around, so I could disappear all day doing that, or one of them would drive me into Eastbourne or Brighton so I could go hunting girls and/or guys with a wadge of their cash. She liked having me around as she had no children of her own and I could make her laugh.

    At about the five week mark of her illness, I visited Teresa in hospital to have what I expected – and turned out – to be our last conversation. I informed her that since she was dying, she might as well know I was a psychopath and didn’t love her, but that I had genuinely enjoyed my visits to her house and that I hoped she would consider leaving some money towards my future, the plans for which I divulged. She was all weak and drugged up so she didn’t say a great deal, but did tell me she loved me no matter what and had already written me into her will. I guess I’ll find out whether that’s true within a few weeks.

    A couple of days later, I went on a two-week holiday to Lanzarote and enjoyed myself immensely exploring the volcanoes, watching some rare birds, and eating seafood.

    I’d been home a week when Teresa’s husband phoned to tell us the news. That day I spent some time thinking about my aunt and what she had been to me, remembering the interesting conversations we had had and thinking it was a pity there wouldn’t be any more visits to her house now that she was dead. In other words, I mourned.

    The next day was Saturday, and I got on with my life. The sun was out and I had a book to read, and places to be that night. The phone calls from tearful relatives did somewhat test my patience, but overall it was a satisfactory weekend.

    The funeral is next Tuesday, but I need to be free for job interviews so am not going, and to be honest the job interviews are just an excuse because I’d rather attend my own funeral than bore myself at that emotional shit show. Should probably send flowers to make people think I mean well.

    At this point, I am seriously sick of the histrionic drama of my mother, grandfather, alive!aunt and all the rest of them, so am glad they will all be elsewhere for a couple of days. All this random crying and sullen silences is very dreary when you’re the only one feeling upbeat, and it’s all utterly pointless, because Teresa is gone and not coming back. I don’t believe in the afterlife, but maybe it really does exist and she’s been saved! More likely, she no longer exists and the fact that she’s dead matters not one jot to her because there is no “her”. Nothing.

    Now I know our brains are hardwired differently so they physically can’t react like me, but I honestly think it would be simpler for them if they could have just spent a couple of hours on Friday remembering/discussing the good times they had with Teresa, celebrating the life she had, and then paying someone to dispose of the corpse in a way that would be appropriate and that would give us all a good laugh – maybe donate it to the Wolf Conservation Trust (she loved those animals) or launch it with a trébuchet into the sea from the cliffs near her house. Alas.

    This blog post will, I hope, be the last time I give more than a second’s thought to my dead aunt, but I’m writing it specifically because French singing legend Charles Aznavour has also just died; they ran a 30 minute feature on the radio celebrating his life. It was brilliant – they summed up the sort of man he was, brought out Paul Gambaccini to recount the first time he met Aznavour, and played some of his biggest hits. It was short and to the point, giving those of us who knew of Aznavour a chance to feel sad he was gone and informing those who didn’t why they should care. Tomorrow, the news cycle will roll on, and that’s how things should be for all deaths, no matter who it is.

    In fact, since Monsieur Aznavour actually left behind some music that can still be enjoyed, perhaps he’ll be in my thoughts more often.

    Aunt Teresa, this is for you:

    Emmenez-Moi means “Take me away”. Off they go.

     
    • nowve666 10:33 on October 3, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      It’s great that you are blogging again. This post is awesome! Ah! The voice of sanity! The way most people deal with death of someone close to them is a shame. I remember one Thanksgiving when I had cooked dinner and had Vicki’s sons and granddaughters over and we were having a lovely time. Then the phone rang with the news that the second wife of Vicki’s father had just died. Boom! The whole party was blown. Everyone had to go around with really sad looks on their faces. There’s a movie called “Devil Dog: The Hound of Hell” in which this family’s dog had been run over. It was the little girl’s birthday and the place was decorated for a party which the little girl cancelled. Her brother picked up some nuts from the table and she said, “Charlie! How can you eat at a time like this?” He apologized and said he wasn’t thinking. LOL!

      But, say, if you hate the histrionics of grief, you would love this movie, “Fatso.” It starts with a funeral and the hysterics would gag a hyena.

      ” I informed her that since she was dying, she might as well know I was a psychopath and didn’t love her, but that I had genuinely enjoyed my visits to her house and that I hoped she would consider leaving some money towards my future, the plans for which I divulged.”

      NO! YOU DIDN’T! I was in the dining room when I read that and I just started laughing. You really told her that? What chutzpah! And to ask for money too?

      I’m not at all sure the way the media deals with the death of celebrities is any better. They can get pretty stupid too. And the way people react to the news! I remember I was at work when the news came of Princess Diana’s death. These people who didn’t even know her went on and on.

      Liked by 1 person

    • nowve666 10:10 on October 4, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      People are always talking about how our brains make us “unable” to feel this or that or process information the way they do. That’s why I loved your saying, “Now I know our brains are hardwired differently so they physically can’t react like me…” LOL! Two-way street, after all. If we “can’t” react like them, they can’t react like us. I wonder how many readers picked up on that.

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 11:35 on October 4, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        All of them, now you’ve pointed it out.

        Like

  • James 15:23 on April 23, 2018 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: A Current Affair, adventure, airport, Aussie, Australia, Bali, boy, , , , clever kids, current affairs, , funny story, G'day mate, genius kid, Indonesia, , , , Nine Network, Perth, plane, police, , , , , , runaway, Sydney, The Merry Old Land of Aus,   

    A young psychopath? 

    “It was great. Cos I wanted to go on an adventure.” – the kid

    “He just doesn’t like the word no.” – Mum

    Take a look at this story: a 12 year old Australian boy steals his mother’s credit card, cons his grandmother into handing over his passport, then catches a flight from Sydney to Bali, in Indonesia, by himself, lying and charming people all along the way. A psychopath in the making? See what you think:

    The clip, uploaded to YouTube by Screen Tower 2, is from an Australian programme called A Current Affair, broadcast on the Nine Network on 23 April 2018.

     
    • nowve666 16:00 on April 23, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Spunky kid. He certainly had his charm on too. I had a friend who was hitch-hiking in the South at the age of 14. He was busted for truancy. They put him on a chain gang. The bitch of the thing was that when they let him go after he completed his term, the cops came along and busted him all over again. He said they would just act like they had never seen him before. And there were old men who had fallen for this scam. Chuck cut through the woods to escape.

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      • James 13:15 on April 24, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Lol, spunk mean semen in the UK. So “spunky kid”, uhhh…

        Liked by 1 person

    • Critter 16:52 on April 27, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Very good observation. That kid does not have many behavioral brakes, not to mention a fairly practical way to approach to things. He is pretty much cream of the crop, con man material, lol.

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 21:52 on April 27, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        What’s a behavioural brake? The thing that cemented it for me was not the kid himself, but the relatives. Dad didn’t even appear, despite being part of the story. Mum deflects blame to “the system” which let her son do what he wants. And granny, when she says that he’s a good kid, is lying. “Ah no, there’s no problem with him. He’s just…” (eyes go up to the right as speech falters) “…too intelligent for himself at the moment.”

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        • Critter 21:20 on April 28, 2018 Permalink | Reply

          If he’s half as intelligent as they give him credit for then surely, he wont have any problem anticipating his parents reaction if he run off with their credit card and passport. He tested their reaction twice before when they picked him up at the airport before, lol. He knows they will be pretty angry, probably stressed out and generally upset for a good while afterwards. None of that seem to bother him and any potential threat of punishment is not a problem either. Judging from the interview it doesn’t seem like he feel guilty or shameful for what he did. In short, he doesn’t seem have much respect for other people.

          He’s good at finding the answers the interviewer will like, even though the guy doesn’t even try to hide his scepticism. The tv host compared him to Frank Abagnale a famous con man, that’s a bit manipulative of him. That’s a bit like suggesting the kid only managed to pull it off because he has the same abilities, not necessearily true, there could be more to that story.

          The relatives come off as a bit shallow, hard to disagree on that. Granny is exaggerating the positive stuff, “he’s kind, he’s generous, he’s got a heart of gold and..Eh..Uhm.. Nah, there is no problem with him. He’s just.. He’s just… Too intelligent for his own self at the moment” she is excusing him and it doesn’t even make sense. She avoids saying anything that can be interpreted as negative. She knows he’s a selfish brat alright.

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          • James 09:56 on May 1, 2018 Permalink | Reply

            I agree with all of that, except I think the reporter and host were both taken in by his charm. Sure, they still saw what he had done, but sometimes that doesn’t matter compared to how someone makes you feel. Of course, there’s always more to the story, that we will never know (it would have been easier for me to make a judgment if I had got a look at the boy’s face, but that’s neither here nor there…)

            Tell me, what do you think of the boy saying that when he watched his parents walking towards him everything slowed down? That struck me as fake as fuck, taken right from some soppy movie (possibly one of the Home Alones!), but then I don’t know whether ‘slow motion’ is actually a thing people experience.

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            • Critter 12:31 on May 2, 2018 Permalink | Reply

              The reporter does seem pretty captivated, he wasn’t hiding that. His face and voice give me the impression that there is an element of conflict between what the knows and what he wants to believe, lol. He looks like he recognise the behavior.

              To me time dilation or slow motion type of experiences is more like something I reccon people would experience in critically dangerous situations (or possibly when certain drugs are involved). For him to experience everything slowing down when his parents show up simply sounds like an incredibly weird reaction. Even wierder when considering all the other stuff he managed to pull off without much restraint. I find that claim difficult to take seriously. It’s like something a drunken sailor would say to flesh out a story, or any teenager to impress his/her friends. He’s mother and granny were exaggerating stuff too, so he probably picked got that habit from home.

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              • James 14:30 on June 13, 2018 Permalink | Reply

                Have you experienced time dilation? I have stepped in front of moving vehicles more times than I should’ve – nothing remotely interesting happened, apart from the people around me getting scared. A couple of times, I said “my life flashed before my eyes”, because I’ve heard others use that one before.

                Like

                • Critter 10:03 on June 22, 2018 Permalink | Reply

                  Can’t say I have experienced anything close to “slow motion”, but time definitively feel like it moves slower if fear is involved. Which can be pretty usefull, for slow people like me, lol.

                  It’s not that I’m the type of person that takes most/everything people say literally, but phrases like “my life flashed before my eyes” kind of sound a bit overly dramatic. Then again some people just have a lot of dramatic stories, which can have entertainment value without having to be 100% believable.

                  Liked by 1 person

    • Critter 11:09 on August 27, 2018 Permalink | Reply

      Have you seen this talk by Frank Abagnale?

      He did most of his crazy stuff when he was in his late teens to early twenties. That guy has a “grifty” intuition like few others. He talks swiftly and fairly highly articulated, what parts of his story do you find believeable and which parts do you think he added because they make people get a better/useful impression of him?

      Just to be clear, I haven’t concluded anything about Frank Abagnales personality.

      Like

      • James 09:03 on August 28, 2018 Permalink | Reply

        Haven’t got time to spend an hour watching that right now, but thanks for sharing. I enjoyed the film adaptation of his life with Leo DiCaprio.

        Like

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