No need to cry about it

What is your problem?

I’ve always found it odd that very young children cry. I think “What have you got to cry about? You have no responsibilities. You can play all day. You’re intellectually a simpleton, so there’s little chance of getting bored and the littlest things can keep you entertained. You have no concept of morality, and the normals haven’t even infected you with the misery they live with yet, so you can quite literally do whatever you want. Compared to this, the rest of your life is going to be a disaster zone. Wait until high school! Wait until mortgages and bill repayments and supermarkets and annoying coworkers. Wait until you’re mopping up the sick and poo of your own child, and wondering why they’re always fucking crying. Wait until you’re old, and your body and mind both start decaying before you’ve finished using them, and you keep putting baking soda in your tea and your cat in the dishwasher. These, your carefree days of childhood, are the good times. It’s all down hill from here. And yet, there you are – bawling like a, well, like a baby.”

Then someone was kind enough to point out: “they have no other way of communicating.” Of course! It’s obvious. Silly me. But that is true primarily of babies, and it does beg the question as to why psychopathic babies (God, is that even a thing? A little cherub from hell come to devour your life savings and personal freedom.) don’t cry. Psychopaths are good communicators, or at least they’re good at communicating their needs to others and getting those others to provide for them, so why don’t they cry? That’s not rhetorical. Hey, I don’t have all the answers!

Still, once we get into late toddlerhood, most kids have been talking for a couple of years and are getting quite good at it, and especially at asking questions. And we’re still in “Everything in life is great” territory, so what’s with the crying? Note that we’re talking genuine tears here, not tantrums or other such manipulations. Why do they cry with emotion?

Now, having met and spoken with at least one person claiming to be an “empath”, the answer to this puzzle might be teased. I am still skeptical as to the existence of empaths, i.e. people with an abnormally heightened empathy such that they can almost read minds (or certainly hearts, if hearts be the organ of emotion). To me, it all sounds a bit Star Trek, a bit Deanna Troi. But I’ve met and spoken with a self-proclaimed empath, and since I’m the one claiming to be something most people believe only exists in slasher films, who am I to judge?

Worst counsellor ever.

According to the empath, most people are noisy. She doesn’t mean that they’re loudmouths (although I would attest to that also being the case), but that they’re emotionally noisy. Apparently, most people give off a kind of aura of emotion and for this empath at least the aura manifests itself as noise. Maybe the ‘noise’ is just metaphorical and other empaths choose to use more visual or tactile descriptors of auras, or maybe it’s all bullshit. I don’t know, but what I do know is that I am apparently not noisy. I am very quiet. Being around me, says the empath, is calming. Being around me is like when she’s alone. She can just be who she is, and focus on her own mind and her own emotions, without a constant onslaught coming from other people.

I have never denied that I have emotions; all humans are by their nature emotional beings. But I have noticed over the years that mine are more level and altogether less bumpy than others’. I don’t get wound up easily, I don’t jump with fright, I don’t go to pieces under stress – indeed if anything adverse circumstances excite me and get me fired up. Knowing this about myself, and have it be recognised by this empath unprompted, does give a clue as to why, even in infancy, a psychopath may be far less prone to crying than others. The frequent crying of even children old enough to speak may not be nearly as much of a puzzle to others as it is to me; and indeed, given the apparently different emotional worlds we inhabit, this, I suppose, is to be expected.

Holding back the tide.

A reader asked:

“Do you think a psychopath could see the benefit of utilizing cognitive empathy……since we all live in this planet? Our governments and corporations are run by psychopaths and the abuse is rampant and detrimental to the species since trauma shrinks the brain and in all honesty those who lack empathy are a special kind of stupid. Why can they not see that it is to their advantage to give a shit about others even if it’s for the selfish reason of reducing the bullshit they get from people in the long term. Plus it would increase the average IQ and improve everyone’s living conditions. Why wouldn’t a psychopath want that? Can’t you learn to use your abilities for good?”

Thanks, ‘bunny foo foo’ (http://en.gravatar.com/hsousse), you’re right. Some of us are intelligent enough to realise this, and modify our behaviour accordingly.

However, sometimes old habits die hard, and we are only human. I have recently done some stuff which definitely wasn’t part of the plan to “be good” and in the longer run has proved destructive for myself as well as others; at the time, though, it was just fun to let loose and cause a bit of destruction. Yes, fun.

What you have to understand is the majority of psychopaths have, to a greater or lesser degree, a sadistic streak, and all crave regular stimulation and excitement. So, unfortunately, conflict is inevitable, even with psychopaths who have a desire to be more conscientious.

I’m not saying it’s not my fault. I still have a free will and the ability to make rational decisions, but when making decisions that are in the interests of everyone, I am fighting against my instincts and genetic programming.

If you want to understand what that’s like, try to imagine yourself doing something which you think immoral, say kicking a puppy while wearing heavy boots, or deliberately saying something to make your mother cry. If you have any sort of imagination, you can probably feel some sort of discomfort just at the thought, as though your body and mind are already resisting the actions which don’t come naturally to you. It’s difficult attempting to be something you’re not, even for a while.

None of this is an attempt to excuse past or present misdeeds, this is just a way of improving understanding, and breaking the empathy barrier that exists between you, dear reader, and me.

Perhaps you can recall a time when you tried to act in a way contrary to your nature, and found it more difficult than you thought. If you ever have, let us know in the comments. We might find common ground on which cognitive empathy can grow and flourish.

Mythbusting psychopathy (part the second)

Here we are again, back to kick more stupid myths into the long grass where they belong.

What myths or misconceptions about things would you like to bust, if only people would listen?

 

MYTH: Psychopaths have no emotions.

This is one myth psychopaths themselves (and narcissists) love to propagate to enhance their mystique, but it’s bullshit. Everyone has emotions. The only living people with no emotions are comatose or else so severely brain-damaged they can only live with the help of a life-support machine. Even dementia patients with little or no sense of self, a completely blank memory and utter dependency on caregivers show signs of emotion when properly stimulated.

Psychopathic emotions are selfish and inward-looking. In my experience, these emotions are often fleeting and can change rapidly. Some emotions are very blunted and don’t really cause much of a change in mood, while others can be so strong they temporarily obsess or enthral the psychopath. It can also be the case that the physical signs of an emotion are there (e.g. sweaty palms, quick heart rate, out of breath) but the psychopath feels calm in themselves, in their mind.

 

MYTH: Psychopaths are crazy, or ‘psychotic’

Psychopathy and psychosis are two different things. Just because a word looks similar, doesn’t mean they refer to the same thing. Psychotic people are people who have lost their grip on reality; they may hear voices, hallucinate or show magical thinking. They are very much not in control of their behaviour and generally need close medical attention for their own and others’ safety. Many otherwise healthy people suffer from psychotic episodes throughout their lives, and often recover with time or medication. Schizophrenia is an example of a psychotic disorder.

Psychopaths are fully aware of their surroundings, their behaviour and the consequences of that behaviour. Psychopaths do not have a conscience, and are not unwell in the normal sense of the word, nor will they ‘recover’ with time or medical help. As a personality disorder with roots in an individual’s genetic makeup, this is who they are for life. Both psychopaths and psychotic people can be dangerous and violent, but many are not.

“I’m not strange, weird, off, nor crazy, my reality is just different from yours.” – the Cheshire Cat

There is absolutely no reason I can see why a psychopath couldn’t develop a psychotic disorder separate to and unaffected by their psychopathy. This is called co-morbidity. In fact anyone can reach sub-clinical psychosis simply by staying awake for abnormally long periods of time (symptoms start kicking in beyond the 36 hour mark). I’ve tried it once or twice; it’s an interesting experience, though not an especially pleasant one. I heard shouting voices in my head and felt off balance when I tried to walk. Overall, my memory of the experience is fuzzy. Yay, temporary brain damage!

Oh, while we’re on this subject, unlike what certain pop psychology crackpots would have you believe, “psychopathology” is not the study of psychopaths, nor is it anything whatsoever to do with psychopaths. Psychopathology is the psychiatric version of pathology, therefore it is the study of all mental illnesses and psychological disorders / abnormalities. I repeat, similar-looking words don’t always have the same meaning!

 

MYTH: My psychopathic ex planned to ensnare, manipulate and abuse me from the start of our relationship

Psychopaths enter relationships in a very positive frame of mind; they often love everything about the other person and are so obsessed they want to learn every tiny little detail about them, know their entire history and the full spectrum of their emotions and thoughts. In extreme cases, the psychopath may have a painful urge to possess or climb inside their new partner. They try to please the other person by mirroring them closely and being the ideal mate for them.

After a period of time, this effort is exhausting and the other person starts to lose their appeal. Most psychopaths’ relationships stall at this point as the other person ceases to have any interest. It’s all just the same old person, same old stuff. Boredom sets in, and the psychopath either moves on without a backward glance (I prefer this), or else takes their anger and frustration out on the other person.

I have no citation for this and am just recounting from experience; you’ll just have to take my word for it (or not). If anyone can find actual research done in this field that contradicts me and not just pull up Lovefraud or similar bilge, that would be very welcome.

 

MYTH: Psychopaths are in all the positions of power and are the puppet masters behind an international conspiracy to bring about a new world order.

While there are undoubtedly psychopaths in high places, including bankers, businesspeople and world leaders, the idea of them all working together behind the scenes for not just years, but decades, is frankly absurd.

Listen, I don’t have any evidence to back this up, but psychopaths are not nearly co-operative enough for this to work. We don’t tend to get on well with each other, and are not known for our willingness to work in teams. Every single one of the conspirators would want the top job in the Illuminati and would be working to eliminate the competition, i.e. each other. The bloody thing would not get off the ground.

And of course, when you realise this is the exact same idea as the Evil Zionist conspiracy theory, the exact same poisonous garbage just with the word “Jew” switched for “psychopath”, you know what kind of beast you’re dealing with.

 

MYTH: Psychopaths are lizard men in skinsuits

No, just no. You are welcome to verify that by getting hold of your nearest psychopath and opening him up to check all his lungs and bones and whatever else you humans have inside you are in the right place. You might need the help of a surgeon, except she’ll probably be a psychopath too and will naturally be in league with one of her kind, so you see the flaw in the plan? But seriously, demonising people (even psychopaths) is, apart from being rather insulting, a lazy way out of trying to understand why others are different. Speaking of demonisation…

 

MYTH: Psychopaths are demons from hell

Hell is a fairy tale designed to scare the gullible into obeying the clergy – who as you’ll remember are all psychopaths of course. The idea of demons may well originate from uneducated mediaeval people’s encounters with illnesses they couldn’t explain, such as epilepsy and schizophrenia. In fact, enough ignorants are still unconvinced about this that there is a whole department of the Royal College of Surgeons dedicated to correcting idiotic superstitions among certain communities.

Despite the hysterical imaginations of cretins who swear they’ve seen a satanic glint in the eyes of their psychopath, I assure you I am not a demon, I am a liz-… human like you (I’m assuming here. If there are any non-humans reading this, I’d love to hear from you.)

Talk to me. Read part 1 here.