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  • James 20:25 on March 23, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , empathy, , panic,   

    Ooh, terrorism, everyone panic! 

    Yesterday, there was a terror attack in my capital city.

    Let’s face it, only five people were killed. Okay, that’s slightly unusual in the UK, and in Europe, because the gun laws are more sensible here, so mass killings tend to be due to terrorism rather than local nutters playing around with firearms. All the same, 5 individuals out of 8 million (London’s population) is not really very many, is it? Far more Londoners die of natural causes every day.

    And yet, it’s still the top news story here. It accompanies the story of a tighter restriction of electronics (including laptops) entering the UK and USA on flights operated by certain Middle Eastern airlines. The timing is a bit suspect, isn’t it?

    If this seems a callous reaction to the ‘terror’, I apologise, but however you look at it, 5 deaths are negligible in the grand scheme of things (i.e. they fit well within the average daily mortality figures), and utterly disproportionate to the news coverage afforded to them. You might as well just turn international news into one long eulogy, if you’re going to mourn every death that happens in a city the size of London.

    My recommendation to Londoners, Britons and brothers and sisters around the world: get a grip. Ignore these feeble attempts at ‘terror’, and ignore the alarmist news stories that surround the acts and usher in ever more draconian ‘security’ measures. Get a grip on reality, and keep calm and carry on.

    Update: 24th March 16:40: Last week, the US Air Force accidentally destroyed a mosque in Syria. The target was apparently the building next door (funny how these laser-guided strikes never quite seem to get it right, when Google Earth can find an address anywhere in the world in seconds), but the Pentagon still claimed it managed to kill ‘dozens’ of Al-Qaeda members. Rather lucky for a bungled mission, don’t you think? Meanwhile, at least 45 worshippers were killed and around 100 others left injured, according to the London-based Syrian Observatory for Human Rights. If you want to see real terror, that’s what it looks like.

     
  • James 01:26 on March 18, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: bad parenting, blast from the past, , , , , daughter, , empathy, evil kids, , , kids, , , , psycho kids, , , , shaming, , son   

    Interview with the mother of a psychopath 

    In which I interview Tina Taylor about her experiences as a mother of two (Pauleen, a psychopath and Marc, a neurotypical). What she talks about is as interesting as it is important to anyone reading who has a psychopath in the family. The interview was originally conducted last year. 

    Fox

    James Renard: Thank you for agreeing to do this. If I ask a question you don’t like, please just say so rather than making up an answer. Alright, could you briefly state the names and ages of your children, then tell us a little bit about their infancy? 

    Tina Taylor: My children are Pauleen, now 25, and Marc, now 18. Pauleen was a very easy baby. She only cried twice her whole life, and never as an infant. I just put her on a schedule for feeding because she might otherwise starve to death without a peep. I thought I was so lucky because of how easy I had it. She didn’t have terrible twos nor terrible threes. She only had one tantrum (because she wanted something in a store) but I didn’t give in. Starting at age two, she said, and did, some bizarre things out of the blue that stuck in my head – saying things such as, “Mommy, everybody thinks that I’m prettier than you.” I guess it was a competition. Other than that, I thought everything was smooth sailing until she hit age 6 when the lying was noticeable. Marc was a handful as a baby. He cried a lot during the first few months. He was very emotional during his twos and threes, but he did not stress me because he was so loving and cooperative. Starting from age two, he spoke truthfully, and I trust him completely. I did notice during their childhood that Marc’s behavior was markedly different from Pauleen’s. Marc was a difficult baby, but grew to be just such a joyful and helpful person. Pauleen was an easy baby but grew to complaining about everything and making offhand remarks.

    JR: I can imagine even psychopaths are terrible liars at 6. What was the most outrageously unbelievable lie that sticks out in your mind? Also, would you say that even while they were very young, you found it easier to get on with Marc than Pauleen?

    TT: I always had fun with Marc at every age. Pauleen switched from easygoing to impossible at age six. Her first grade teacher evaluated her and she was put on ADHD meds. It only partially helped. She pretended to take the meds and had us wondering why it wasn’t working. Did you know that psychopathy is a form of attention deficit, too? When Pauleen was 4 she said a man came in the apartment and put a knife to her belly. That was the whole story. It was very matter-of-fact, no hysterics, nothing. At the time, I did not know what to make of it.

    JR: No, I didn’t know that about attention deficit, and though I’m not surprised there’s a connection, it might be more a case of psychopathic behaviour being mistaken for ADHD.

    I’m sure it became noticeable to Pauleen that you were more easygoing with Marc. Do you think she may have ever felt less loved than her brother? Might she have been jealous of your closeness to Marc? So when she switched from “easygoing to impossible”, how did you react? Did you feel positive about your ability to overcome the problem or were you lost? How did the way you treated her change? 

    TT: When Marc was just newborn, Pauleen told her grandmother that I don’t love her anymore. Pauleen and I could never develop a closeness because what she did and said made me want to hide from her. Of course she noticed that I was more easy going with Marc as time went by. I was totally lost. I couldn’t understand why. I didn’t even realize how odd it was that she never cried, until she finally cried when she was a teenager and I was dumbstruck. She had never needed comforting her whole life. It looked fake because her face was not stressed, she just had tears. It gave me a weird feeling. The way I treated her was terrible. I could not handle her behavior and I did not know what to do at all. I went to counselling, but I still grew distanced from her every day. We used to sit and watch TV and say absolutely nothing to each other like strangers. This is why psychopathy badly needs to be identified in children. Parents could do a better job than I did at raising a psychopath. Psychopathic adults could advise what their needs were as children. I am very accepting of her psychopathy nowadays, but it is too late. Well, even though I accept that she has a condition that is not her fault, I don’t trust her at all. There is the matter of lying to me and stealing from me that makes me uncomfortable about having her in my home.

    JR: What can I say except thank you for having the courage to share that. It does take courage to admit screwing up as a parent. And gives a lot of context to your work and makes it very easy to see the motivation for your work. 

    So you were parenting from a position of ignorance, through no fault of your own, but you made those mistakes. That you have raised a well-adjusted son is evidence that you are a good mother, but you were completely unprepared to deal with a psychopath. Looking back, what would you have done differently? More importantly, what mistakes did you make that you would bunch together in a list of “don’ts” for other parents of psychopaths? 

    TT: Looking back, had I known that Pauleen had psychopathy, I would not have taken her biting remarks so hard. I would have seen her differently. For the most part, I believe I did a good job of making her mostly prosocial. I always believed in the positive reward system for children instead of punishment, and I did my best to do that. Pauleen especially was more motivated by rewards because the threat of punishment meant nothing to her. I hear now there are studies in the prisons on that philosophy for psychopathic antisocial criminals. I would not say that my son is well-adjusted. He has been living with his psychopath father since he was eleven. His father does rotten things to him and my son is a doormat, just like how I became from being raised by my psychopath father. I am not going into detail about why he lives there, but at the time he started living there, we only saw the mask of Harlan’s good-guy act. A list of don’ts is only one thing – don’t let distancing set in. I would say primarily to parents of psychopaths: Understand that your child is stuck at age 5 emotionally. This means that when the psychopathic child acts selfishly or impulsively, try to remember that it’s their permanent neurological condition.

    JR: No matter how much in the dark you were, there was another person in your daughter’s life who should have understood her better: her father, a psychopath. Were there any signs that he recognised what Pauleen was and had a better idea of what he was doing with her?

    TT: Both Pauleen’s father and step-father are psychopaths. (They are completely different from each other.) Pauleen’s father refused to have anything to do with her until she was 16. That was after he had a stroke. Maybe it changed something. Harlan is Pauleen’s stepfather, and he oddly made her the scapegoat and butt of his jokes. At the time, I thought he was unkind because she was his stepchild. I subconsciously made excuses for him because I was raised in the same type of environment. I did not realize what a dysfunctional family I had until it was too late. Harlan told me, after our separation, that he could not recognize others like him. That was probably a lie.

    JR: We’ve clashed on this 5 year-old thing before (though I think last time you said 2 year-old, so it looks like I’m winning, forcing you to concede years of development!). But the essence of what you’re saying about the permanence of the state is excellent advice. Furthermore they should, as parents, accept and love their child regardless. Everyone else gets a choice. If your friend, colleague, brother, girlfriend etc is a psychopath and you want out, you know where the door is. If your child is a psychopath, tough. You stick with them for as long as they need you. Anyway, since I’ve gone all Fox News and am moralising at the interviewee (I’m thumping the desk as I type), let’s move on…

    TT: Your lack of empathy is quite apparent. What you did is very FOX, in that all of their employees are psychopaths, right? Telling me about how people should stick by their children no matter what is bizarre since you have no frame of reference. It would be considered abusive – it is called shaming. Psychopaths are famous for it. On top of that, you can’t possibly know anything about sticking with someone. You drop people all the time. I’m sure parents give their kids over to foster care all the time because they can’t deal with them. Your lecture on human behavior holds no water. I can’t be shamed anymore. If someone doesn’t like how I do things, that’s their problem, not mine.

    JR: You keep saying “until it was too late” as though someone went on a murder spree because you didn’t act quick enough. You’re not in that shitty relationship anymore, you’ve woken up to reality and nobody’s dead (I assume), so it’s more of a victory for you than some terrible defeat.

    TT: I said it’s too late for 2 reasons: If I had known about the psychopathy at the time that I was dealing with it, I would have tried different things. My daughter had a few neurofeedback sessions to treat her ADHD and that worked very well for improving her self-control. I would have had her continue the sessions longer, and made it a priority in spite of the hardships I was having at the time. My daughter and I might still have a relationship today. Secondly, if I had known about the psychopathy at the time, I would not have felt so bewildered and off-balance by my husband’s peculiar words and actions, and I would not have gotten divorced. I would have dealt with it differently and the kids would not have had to suffer the consequences. Those are things that can’t be undone.

    JR: “I believe I did a good job of making her mostly prosocial.” Tell me about that. What makes her prosocial? And how do you reconcile this confidence in your success with the complete lack of trust in her to not steal your belongings? 

    Pauleen is mostly prosocial. That is a contradiction of sorts because really no psychopath is truly prosocial. You all make your own rules and only pretend to be a part of society. I guess Pauleen plays her part, she works, she goes to college, and she is not a jailbird. But, she has lots of secret antisocial parts, too.

    JR: Don’t we all.

    Thank you, Tina, for taking the time to talk to me. I’m sure the readers will agree you’ve given a fascinating insight into the mind of a psychopath’s mother.

     
    • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 10:01 on March 18, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I just want to clarify that when I said “The way I treated her was terrible”, that did not mean abuse. I would do things like turn up the car radio when she was talking incessantly, or I would shut myself in my room for hours.

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    • Emily Court 11:43 on March 18, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I understand what it is like to raise a child with EBD or special needs, and how difficult it is for parents.
      My child had PTSD and severe emotional/behavioral struggles related to trauma, abuse, homelessness and developing an abusive attachment with father at a young age. My child struggled from a young age and father refused, and prevented, me from seeking help or support. We were totally isolated, and forced to keep my child’s behavior a secret… when what was really needed is open-ness, therapy and family support.
      It wasn’t until I fled the abuse that I could seek help.. and by then my child was near a breaking point. My child would bang his head on the wall and tell me he did that because “the pain makes the bad memories go away”. My child was also very violent, would swear at me (as his father did) and would lie, steal and even hurt others or pets. The abusive ex continued to attempt to prevent treatment and therapy by using the family courts… saying my child didn’t need treatment, he only needed to spend time with father.. and falsely accusing me of mental illness to block my attempts to get help. My child disclosed abuse in therapy as well, included being choked and witnessing his sister being inappropriately touched (therapist called CPS).
      What I learned – is that families need support and intensive help for the WHOLE family not just the affected child. I had to devote my time to seeking help for my child, but also had to deal with how the abuse affected me, and our family as a whole. Financial support is also important. My child needed intensive services that included in-home care, and as a parent I had to give so much to work with him.. that it was impossible for me to work. Caring for my child was a full-time job. I had to apply for public assistance and food stamps, and lived in the lowest level of poverty.. but that was what was needed.
      Another thing I learned is that when your child is acting out or having a tantrum or otherwise struggling.. you as a parent also need help or support. Especially if you are a single parent or have a history of abuse. There has to be an outlet for the parent to get non-judgmental, caring support. Or to take time to just take care of themselves. Or to get further educated on your child’s condition, and learning skills and techniques to work with the child. Or to talk and connect with other parents. Respite care or mentorship or support groups for children is really important. NAMI even offers a support group for siblings, that includes giving kids a few hours to play, enjoy a meal, and receive some extra TLC.
      And the last thing I want to say… the family court, CPS, social workers, therapists, educators etc need to be better educated and trained. To include learning from parents and adult children. The system is set up to assign blame, which is not healing and makes things worse. And if the system can not properly identify abuse, children’s lives are put at risk. Intervention is key and professionals can be instrumental in helping families… and assisting in the recovery and treatment of needy children. This may improve outcomes.
      In my situation, the family court awarded SOLE custody to the identified abuser. My child has never fully recovered… his behavior has improved but emotionally, mentally and socially he continues to struggle… but I believe that is because I did seek help, and fought with every breath in my body to address the issues… in my home my child and my family sought help. And for a time we were able to rebuild our lives, I hope he takes that with him.. as he now struggles to survive in an abusive, dysfunctional environment.
      Thank you for sharing! xx

      Liked by 1 person

    • nowve666 13:44 on March 18, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Hey, guys! Nice to see you on the blogosphere again. Tina wrote, “When Marc was just newborn, Pauleen told her grandmother that I don’t love her anymore. Pauleen and I could never develop a closeness because what she did and said made me want to hide from her. Of course she noticed that I was more easy going with Marc as time went by.” My mother had a similar issue with me and my sister but I had no idea until I got access to an interview my mother had with a social worker in which she confided these things to her. I must say, it was a shock. My mom was very good at hiding her true feelings.
      Tina: “I would not say that my son is well-adjusted. He has been living with his psychopath father since he was eleven. His father does rotten things to him and my son is a doormat, just like how I became from being raised by my psychopath father. “His father has custody?” I don’t know the circumstances but, all things being equal, I think the mother should be the one with custody. Call me old-fashioned.
      James wrote, “We’ve clashed on this 5 year-old thing before (though I think last time you said 2 year-old, so it looks like I’m winning, forcing you to concede years of development!).” Oh, I remember that! “The girl I [was looking after at the time of the interview] will be 5 in September and I have considerably more emotional maturity than her [she will be 6 now].” You’ve been looking after a toddler, James? Of course, we are more mature than a five-year-old.
      Tina: “shaming. Psychopaths are famous for it.” So are NTs. I think NTs do it more than we do. “you can’t possibly know anything about sticking with someone.” But we know about sticking it to someone. Will that do? 😉
      Tina: “Pauleen is mostly prosocial. That is a contradiction of sorts because really no psychopath is truly prosocial.” I quite agree! I really don’t like that term.

      My father once said to me, “You didn’t turn out the way I wanted but you turned out the way you wanted and that’s what matters.” I think that was very cool of him.

      Thanks for this interesting discussion.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Amaterasu Solar 19:20 on March 18, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Excellent interview! Thank You both! I was fascinated.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Anon 16:06 on March 24, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Excellent interview.

      I was fascinated by the replies, and even more fascinated by how James was framing you as a ‘bad’ parent.

      ‘Do you think she may have ever felt less loved than her brother?’

      ‘It does take courage to admit screwing up as a parent.’

      ‘Furthermore they should, as parents, accept and love their child regardless.’ (Not true – I’ve read several accounts by parents of Ps about how they tried to feel love but it wasn’t there – no connection. Anyhow, James is just repeating words without understanding the emotions if he’s a P)

      ‘No matter how much in the dark you were, there was another person in your daughter’s life who should have understood her better: her father, a psychopath.’ (Yes, he would have understood exactly how to screw her up)

      Finally, he had fun with the tags, making sure that the very first one (low on the alphabet) was a completely new one, ‘bad parenting’ – oh, and ‘child abuse’ was the third one. Bit of dupers delight going on there I’m sure.

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 18:30 on March 24, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Hi, Anon. Thanks for reading. Your theories are interesting, but you’re clutching at straws. If I had as devious a mind as that, well then I guess I’d be you, since you came up with all that yourself.

        I don’t expect you to believe me, nor do I care since you’re just stirring the pot and possibly don’t even believe what you’ve written yourself, but Tina knows there’s been about a 18 month gap between this interview being conducted and published. If I were playing the sick little game that you suggest, it wouldn’t have dragged on that long.

        Incidentally, since you’re obsessed about the tags – which by the way are simply there to encourage more search engine hits – you’ll notice I also used “evil kids” and “psycho kids”. Both, along with “child abuse” and “bad parent” are the kind of sensationalist rot more people are going to Google than “Interview with the mother of a psychopath.” But no. You’re right. It’s all just a big nasty joke from the big nasty “P”.

        Liked by 1 person

      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 05:46 on March 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        I agree with your assessments. Psychopaths do psychopathic things. As I have observed my family, it seems to me that they don’t always intend to be awful to others, but they just are, incidentally/accidentally, in order to accomplish their task with blinders on. And, they are not sorry. I have ceased to be shocked or disappointed in “being victimized”, and say to myself, “Well, this is just something a psychopath would do.” I used to agonize over it years ago, before I started learning about psychopathy.

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        • James 18:43 on March 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

          That’s it, side with the troll. Might have known you wouldn’t back me up. No sense of loyalty at all, and yet I’m the “psychopath”…

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          • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 19:11 on March 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

            Weird

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            • James 19:19 on March 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

              What’s weird? That I am disappointed you seem to value the words of an anonymous stranger over those of someone you’ve known for over 2 years? The Anon shared its theory, I rebuked with evidence, but apparently the crazy theory is to be believed over the actual truth.

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              • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 19:21 on March 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                Um, ok. Just giving my view and experience and you take it as a personal threat, and taking sides.

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                • James 19:27 on March 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                  What I am saying is I would have thought that by now if I laid out my reason for doing something, you would accept is as true. No more or less.

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                  • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 03:01 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                    I do accept it as true. Take a closer look.

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                    • James 11:54 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                      I would like to know where to look. If you accept Anon’s assessments as true, then implicitly my reply is false in your view, as my reply contradicts Anon’s statement. Either one is true, or neither are, but they can’t both be. Which is it?

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                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 11:58 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                        What my post says is that I agree with her assessments of your actions, but it was not intentional. Just like now, you are unintentionally aggravating me…I’m tired.

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                      • James 12:17 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                        Well?

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                      • James 13:17 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                        Well that’s slightly better, but still patronising. I am aware of how and why I do things, thank you. And your aggravation is certainly intentional (that’s what happens when you aggravate me, I hit back), just as you seem hell bent on winding me up every few weeks or so. You should just apologise for once in your life, and admit you were wrong.

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                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 14:53 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                        I knew it was intended , I was just checking by playing dumb. I will give you the psychopathic apology. I am so sorry that you were aggravated by whatever the hell I don’t even know nor care and I hope to never do the whatever whenever if I can help it.

                        Liked by 1 person

                      • James 16:22 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                        You’re funny when you’re angry.

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                      • James 16:24 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                        However, that was still fucking pathetic, and another low blow that wasn’t called for. You do know what aggravated me, and you’re not a psychopath. Even I give a proper apology when I understand why something was wrong. Apology not accepted.

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                      • James 16:28 on March 28, 2017 Permalink

                        Do you admit you got it wrong?

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              • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 03:03 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                You are disappointed? I can’t do am u thing about that.

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          • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 19:14 on March 27, 2017 Permalink | Reply

            It’s all about taking sides and “winning”.

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          • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 03:05 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

            A sense of loyalty? Here’s the shaming, to be expected. Weird, once again.

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            • James 12:01 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

              No, I expect loyalty to those who I have shown loyalty to. That’s very fair, I think. If you’re incapable of that, then just say so.

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              • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 19:34 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                This loyalty thing you want is stupid. I don’t understand loyalty, and I will never care about it. So take that to somebody else.

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                • James 20:31 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                  Which explains why your social life seems to be rather empty. No but seriously, if that’s true, you definitely have a personality disorder. Or maybe, as I’ve often suspected, you’re more of a psychopath than you care to admit not just “genetically”, but actually…

                  I am taking it to you, not someone else, and I need you to understand. Put simply, I have been friendly to / stuck up for you in the past, so I expect you to do the same, and not ‘side with’ (yes, I admit it!) the first person to come along and make up a story about me. Do you understand that or not?

                  Honestly, this is not some weird psychopathic demand, pretty much everybody expects a friend to take their side over that of a stranger. It’s not unnatural, and it’s not stupid. If you can’t wrap your head around that, you lose all of your friends pretty quickly (trust me, I’ve done it a fair few times. Now I use disloyalty as a quick way to get rid of someone I’m fed up with) Maybe you don’t care about that either.

                  As for not understanding loyalty, well how did it feel when one of the long-term husbands / whatever the men who gave you children were cheated on you? That was disloyalty to you, a betrayal in other words. How about loyalty to your children? Surely you would support them over pretty much anyone else, barring any games your daughter might be up to.

                  Now what we’re talking about here (your siding with Anon) is more minor than that, but it’s still hurtful.

                  So now have the information, what are you going to do? An apology seems pretty unlikely at this point, but other than that, where will you go? Minimising my feelings? Giving me some pseudo-psychological “that’s what psychopaths do” lecture? Telling me “this shows you don’t understand human emotion, bla bla.” Some non-sequitur like “eww”? Or another “I don’t care, leave me alone” as above? Go on, surprise me. Because at this point, you’re becoming predictable.

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                  • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 20:51 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                    Too bad for me, then.

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                    • James 20:52 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                      A non-sequitur then. Write a proper answer.

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                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 13:01 on March 29, 2017 Permalink

                        No shits given due to psyche problems developed from exposure to psychopaths. Understand yet?

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                      • James 19:46 on March 29, 2017 Permalink

                        I understand what you want me to believe of you, yes. As usual, blaming all your ills on psychopaths, but if an impartial observer were watching us now, who had to decide which one of us was behaving more psycho, I don’t think it would be me!

                        What are you so wary of, that you won’t engage with my previous long comment? You’re normally so keen to argue til the cows come home; that’s why psychopaths like you. If you’re numb and no shits are given, then what’s the worst that could happen? Just play along, humour me my little request to join the conversation.

                        Just as a reminder, because I’m thoughtful like that: “As for not understanding loyalty, well how did it feel when one of the long-term husbands / whatever the men who gave you children were cheated on you? That was disloyalty to you, a betrayal in other words. How about loyalty to your children? Surely you would support them over pretty much anyone else, barring any games your daughter might be up to.”

                        It’s just an extension to the interview really.

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                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 19:51 on March 29, 2017 Permalink

                        Loyalty means nothing to a psychopath. Stop pushing this loyalty thing because you look hypocritical and I no longer believe in it because of people like you.

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                      • James 10:42 on March 30, 2017 Permalink

                        Except I’m not hypocritical, as I conform to my own standards of loyalty and treat people how I expect to be treated. I can’t help how people have treated you in the past, nor am I responsible for their behaviour. You don’t know me, so you don’t know what kind of person I am, and you can’t say what means something to me or not. Speak for yourself.

                        If you point me to one occasion where I have betrayed you to a stranger, and taken the side of someone aggravating you, I will hold my hands up and admit to being a hypocrite. But I strongly believe that there has been no such occasion, and what’s more that over the years I have tried my hardest to be fair and friendly towards you, given you advice, gratefully received your advice, made jokes with you, attempted to understand you, though I admit we have had many disagreements and arguments. Like I said, if you can point out a single betrayal of you by me, I promise to drop this matter immediately. But if you can’t, I equally promise to keep pushing this, because you have done me an injustice and I will not accept anything short of an apology.

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                      • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 11:14 on March 30, 2017 Permalink

                        What is ridiculous is that speaking my own mind is considered a betrayal. You’re right, I don’t know you, leave off with the loyalty crap whoever you are.

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            • James 16:29 on March 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

              This remains unaddressed. Can I expect better loyalty in the future?

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    • GeneticPsychosMom (Tina) 19:54 on March 29, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      And for the record, no shits given about James’ childish rantings.

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      • James 10:28 on March 30, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        I may be childish and petty, but I’m hardly ranting. You come across as being stressed out.

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  • James 11:13 on November 18, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: #FuckYeahImAwesome, #IAmSoEnglightened, #memememe, #PrayForParis, Alfred, arrogance, Bataclan, Bates, boasting, , , empathy, , France, Hitchcock, , , , Je suis James, Jewish community, , la vie est lourde, , Norman, online media, , psycho, , satire, self-awareness, , , ,   

    Everyday narcissism 

    In which a psychopath laughs as some empathetic people show off their inner narc.

    And the award for most tactful photograph goes to…

     

    “We all go a little bit mad sometimes”, so said the totally non-psycho Psycho Norman Bates. I had managed to reach my 20th year without ever having the twist to Hitchcock’s horror classic spoiled, so was genuinely gobsmacked when ‘Mother’ finally showed up. If nothing else, Norm taught us that under every seemingly normal person’s façade, there could be some craziness hidden deep.

    Except sometimes it’s not very well hidden, and is not usually at the level of stabbing women in the bath, or similar depths of depravity. Most commonly, it shows itself as narcissistic dickishness.

    You know the type I mean, he takes delight in getting one over on you, and loves nothing better than a nice gloat, while cackling away like a horny witch. Or is that just me?

    The point is, we are living in an increasingly narcissistic society. We need to have the latest iPhone, the best clothes, the biggest, coolest / most environmentally-friendly car (depending on your clique); we take selfies, and our online worth is decided entirely on how many ‘likes’ we get. But there are still some instances of inflated ego that come from otherwise normal people, which can make even me stop and stare.

    Such as the people who take it upon themselves to talk badly about people they don’t know, judging others based on no evidence whatsoever except it feels good to tear them down. This can come in the form of cyberbullying (teenagers are actually killing themselves over comments from strangers online), street harassment (we’ve all seen the videos: ‘woman walks through NYC‘, ‘Jew walks through Paris‘), or even just a series of idiotic comments on social media (such as deciding to push a string of nonsensical, depraved and increasingly desperate arguments attempting to undermine the credibility of others, for two entire days, while allegedly being a busy young mother and student) that are all about one person putting another down in order to feel better about themselves.

    Or people who engage in ‘mine’s bigger than yours’ dick-swinging. At a recent dinner party, my father (not a narc or an ‘opath) made a bit of a fool of himself bragging about how much pension he is paid. He went on to say knowingly that for a good meal at a fancy restaurant, “we’re talking up to £40 per head”, which is about 57€ or US $61. Someone else chipped in that such an amount is “chicken feed” and that for his wife’s 60th birthday, he had forked out £150 (in total, so depending on the number of people the actual per head ratio might have been much smaller than 40 quid. Even £75 each for two of them, while on the expensive side, is not exactly going to get you the Ritz treatment). My dad, keen not to be outdone even though the guy was obviously just trying to mock him, spluttered “well the really good place near us, the hotel, I’ve taken Julie (my mum) and James there and I’ve often paid £300 for just one meal”, which is absurd and untrue.  How stupid and petty. But it is, nonetheless, a funny example of people trying to outdo one another over money.

    Sweet obliviousness

    Or the people who exploit worthy causes to make themselves look better. You know the type I mean. They share and re-share the same viral posts from ‘social justice warriors’ and hate on and shame those with differing opinions. Feminism, anti-racism, sexual and gender freedom… equality in general, these are good things, but they become tainted when they are hijacked by people who care not about the issues, but about showing how enlightened and superior they are.

    That is why some of these ‘progressives’ are so aggressive to anyone with differing opinions, because to argue with them causes narcissistic injury that must be dealt with. Would anybody who really cared about equality and diversity viciously attack people who see things differently to them? They’re the same idiots whose profile pictures are now overlayed with a transparent version of the French flag to show how much they ‘care’ about “Paris’ suffering” (not, you know, the suffering of people who were caught up in the attacks, but the imagined suffering of an inanimate city, the idealistic Gai Paris of schmaltzy stereotype), when in reality they only care about boosting their own image by claiming to empathise with the current in vogue ‘problem’. Want proof? Here’s two for the price of one:

    (1) Few or none of them said anything about what happened to the Russian passenger jet which was shot down over Egypt, and no-one turned their profile pic into a Russian flag. Think of any other recent tragedy, and repeat.

    (2) The Tricolore of solidarity is superimposed over these people’s own faces. They are saying not “Vive la France et à bas la tyrannie*”, but rather “look how sensitive and in-touch I am, and blue, white and red goes really well with my hair, I wonder how many likes this will earn me?”

    Are these people self-aware? Some probably are; they are the true narcissists of this world. The bulk, just ordinary people, are not. They genuinely believe their own shit smells sweeter, because they have never stopped to think about their actions.

    Even worse are those smug superior people who view themselves as above it all, specifically making fun of delusional types, for cheap ‘likes’, ‘shares’ and an ego boost of “At least I’m not like that. don’t take myself so seriously. have taste. I have standards. I am so much better than everyone else, and just to prove it I’m going to write a fine old diatribe, a rant if you will, against everyday narcissism. Then I’m going to put it on my blog about psychopaths, and show everyone how totally cool and non-hypocritical I am. I wonder how many of my little pawns will read it…”

    Chers lecteurs, chères lectrices, avant de laisser vos commentaires, veuillez vous détendre un peu avec Monsieur Joe Dassin, et penser à ceux qui ont souffert aux mains de mal :

    *”Long live France and down with tyranny”, in case you were snoozing in French class.

    NB: I have been to Auschwitz and never once thought of taking a selfie. Do I get to brag about that too?

     
    • nowve666 13:01 on November 18, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Good one, James.

      Liked by 1 person

      • alpheuswilliams 19:12 on November 18, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Mea Culpa. I’m one of those who posted my photo with the Tri-Colour diaphonized over it. Gees, never realised what a self-indulgent and narcissistic prick it made me. But then again, maybe I can use it against those I know who I think are genuinely nice people simply expressing their support for Paris because FB made it easy for them to do so and not so when the Russian plane was shot down. I guess there is some defence in the fact that the details about how the plane went down were not really revealed until a few days later. And wow…I am one of those who blogged about the psychopathy in corporate executives. Sorry James, I’m not having a good day…I’ll just walk out for a moment gaze in the mirror and swing my dick. That should make me feel better! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • Marney Ogle 22:45 on November 19, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Yeah, I’m pretty schmaltzy and superficial by having the French flag on my idiot profile picture. I also happened to have majored in that language in college because I love languages and was fortunate enough to study in France, work there and marry a very nice Frenchman to whom I was a really lame wife. I had innumerable wonderful cultural and social opportunities replete with indescribably delicious educational and experiential delights which I recognize I am quite privileged to have lived. The French people I encountered and came to know and love, through work, through my in-laws and friends enriched my life, changed me for the better, expanded my view of things and have left me with unforgettable, amazing memories that I now treasure. But yeah, I’m probably just throwing that flag up there to make myself look cool and trendy. Yeah.

      Liked by 1 person

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 23:27 on November 19, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Why does nobody care about the hundreds of drone bomb beheadings and innocent lives taken by the 8,296 airstrikes this year?

        Liked by 1 person

        • James 00:46 on November 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          My point. It’s all very well caring about Paris, but it means nothing when you don’t give a fuck about Beirut or Ankara or Gaza, or any other place having the shit bombed out of it.

          Liked by 1 person

          • NINA 07:08 on November 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            dear James,

            You claim that the people that put the french flag in their fb profil are narcissistic. How do you know this? you know their personal history , their soul and the emotions of each one ? i do not think that you are aware of their motivation.
            isn’t it an assumption this that you make? and in the same time a generalisation? personally i do not consider assumptions and generalisations neither fair nor intelligent.

            Also , about your argument that if someone puts the french flag it means nothing if he doesnt care about Beirut or Ancara or Gaza.
            Firstly, you do not know if anyone cares or doesnt care about other regions of the planet where atrocities happen just becouse he put only the French flag in his profil. He might very well care.

            But , even if he does care less where exactly it is the problem? maybe somebody identifies more with the Paris attack becouse he happen to be European or nevouse he has visited Paris or becouse he likes French culture or becouse he has friends there. Humans who have empathy happen to connect with each other in variable degrees according to the emotional connection they feel. It is normal i think and common in human race.
            i am more sad when my kid suffers than when a stranger. Some individuals who develop and evolve so much their souls may feel the same connection with everything alive!! this is marvellous but rare. This doesnt mean that the majority af the people are to be convicted as liars or narcissist becouse they have variable degrees of empathy.

            If so , what about you that you have no empathy at all and you do not really care about anybody as it is the definition of a psycopath that you claim that you are??
            we should convict or blame you? i do not think so.

            NINA

            PS, Sorry for the possible errors in grammar and syntactic, i am not a native speaker for english.

            Liked by 1 person

            • James 12:40 on November 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              Hi Nina. Thanks for your comment. Of course it’s a generalisation, I know not every single person putting up a French flag is a hypocrite or a narcissist. I also have faith in my readers’ intelligence that they will not mistake a generalisation for a fact.

              My point was that the majority of people making a big noise about the Paris attacks have not done the same about previous attacks, recent or otherwise have taken place in less ‘important’ parts of the world, and will not do when the next big attack comes that is not on American or European soil.

              I am European. I love French culture; I used to live in France and I will move back when I get the chance. I have visited Paris. And I have friends there. But none of that makes what happened in Paris any more of a tragedy than what happened in Beirut, Ankara and Egypt.

              There is also a certain amount of satire in my article which perhaps you didn’t pick up on since English isn’t your native language. I have a hard time understanding humour in French, my second language, so I understand it can be difficult. I am not calling for these people to be convicted as anything, I’m just making fun of what I see as hypocrisy and as otherwise empathetic people showing their narcissistic side.

              P.S. your English is very good; I hardly noticed any mistakes at all.

              Like

              • James 12:43 on November 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                Speaking of mistakes:

                “My point was that the majority of people making a big noise about the Paris attacks DID NOT DO the same OVER previous attacks, recent or otherwise, THAT have taken place in less ‘important’ parts of the world, and will not do AGAIN when the next big attack not on American or European soil STRIKES.”

                Like

      • James 00:44 on November 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Me and you both, Marney (though I didn’t find a French hubbie, more’s the pity). I wonder why you take this article so personally, when I’m quite sure we’ve never met. Surely you recognise that I am not talking in absolutes here?

        Like

    • ameliasleepallday 01:10 on March 21, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Est-ce que tu parles français ou c’est juste Google Translate? But anyways as an African, you grow accustomized to people not giving a shit about you mostly. Africa was exploited for centuries and then left into shadows for the world to forget. I’m not here to whine about it, the strong will always survive no matter what situation they are confronted with they will find a way out, but those kind of attacks are almost daily stuff now in my home country Nigeria. Women and girls are kidnapped then forced to become wives or sex slaves by Boko Haram, an Islamic group from the north who wants to take over Nigeria for its oil. Universities, Malls, primary schools exploded with hundred of deaths but we had our moment of ”glory” only for a few announcements on the TV when an American tourist was involved. People don’t really care about others they mostly care about what is thrown upon them to care about. They are so easy to manipulate, I wonder if they even have a spine to stand for themselves. #prayforparis #LetMeTakeASelfie #LoveMyself……Les gens suivent, ils suivent n’importe quoi qui leur semble être en vogue pour le moment mais le pire dans tous ça, c’est qu’il croivent que c’est leur ‘personnalité, ‘leur propre choix, leur propre fashion et qu’ils sont tellement unique et originale. I’m not here to insult people but i’m mostly dissapointed to see what evolution has brought us to.

      Like

      • James 16:35 on March 24, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Bah oui, je parle français; j’ai vécu en France pendant une année.

        Je n’ai jamais suivi la mode, et ceux qui en font me dégoûtent… ben, un petit peu… Tout le monde se croit unique, bien qu’ils soient tous les mêmes.

        Et toi, tu n’es pas tentée d’accepter la vie selon les Boko Harams ? Ca pourrait changer des choses, non ?

        #PrayForBrussels, hahahahaha!

        Like

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