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  • James 18:00 on April 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , death, dreams, , fun, hallucination, , , questions,   

    Do psychopaths dream? 

    Scary Painting

    Sweet dreams

    It is a question that is often posed by the victims of psychopaths, by people who have known them, and just by the curious. In fact, when you type “do psychopaths” into Google, the search suggestions are as follows:

    1. do psychopaths cry?
    2. do psychopaths feel fear?
    3. do psychopaths yawn?
    4. do psychopaths love?
    5. do psychopaths dream?

    The first four are boring questions, and very easy to answer by anyone who ever gave them any thought:

    1. Rarely
    2. Yes, but hardly. Fearlessness is one of the main criteria in the PCL-R
    3. You might as well ask, “do psychopaths need to breathe?” Yes, we yawn when we’re tired, just like you!
    4. Nah

    But the fifth question is interesting. Its answer isn’t immediately obvious a priori and it tries to delve into the inner worlds of psychopaths in a clever way. What’s more, it’s one question to which, despite its popularity among inquisitive souls, is difficult to find a satisfactory answer, amid tedious conversations that go nowhere, and threads where everyone says equally plausible but mutually contradictory things.

    Well look no further, because I am a psychopath, and I can confirm that yes, I dream. I don’t dream very often (or at least I don’t often remember my dreams), in fact more often than not I have the stereotypical “death sleep” of a vampire, unburdened by thoughts and concerns from the day. I don’t have sleepless or disturbed nights because of stress, and I don’t lie awake mulling over ‘bad’ things I’ve done. But I do, on occasion, dream. My dreams tend to be fairly weird, though nothing so surreal as to inspire artwork.

    One recent dream I had, there was a bird trapped inside my room, beating its wings pointlessly against the closed window. As I walked over to open the window and free it, it seemed to panic and fly at me, so I hit it to stop it pecking me and it fell to the floor, dead. A couple of nights ago, I dreamt the house next door was on fire. The family that lives there has three children and two dogs, and they were also trapped upstairs (noticing a pattern yet?) I dialled for the emergency services, but when the fire brigade arrived, they had brought the police and accused me of setting the fire, which as far as I can recall, I hadn’t. In both dreams, I tried to do the decent thing, but the other ‘characters’ in the dream had other ideas and did their best to throw my help back in my face. I’m not really into dream interpretation, but if anyone wants to have a go at figuring these ones out, be my guest.

    Most commonly, I’m not even in my own dreams. Or rather, I’m like a static observer or an omniscient narrator, and the other people in the dream are acting out a story in front of me. Usually they’re not people that I know in real life, just ‘characters’ that inhabit the dream world. Sometimes I can go in and out of different people and take control of them for a while, make them do what I want to do, see the dream from their perspective, and then fly out and go back to watching again. These dreams tend to be violent, and seem to be set predominantly in horror movies or wars, but there’s not really any emotional content to them or consequences for being in them. Like I said, I’m more of a bystander watching things happen. Even when I ‘take over’ the characters, what happens to them doesn’t really end up affecting me. If the person I’m inhabiting gets hacked to death, then I just fly out of them and look down on their mutilated corpse with detached interest.

    Scary Painting

    are made of this

    Very occasionally I dream of people close to me dying. In real life, this sort of event doesn’t cause much emotion in me. If I liked the person, I am sorry they’re no longer around for me to enjoy them, but the idea of crying about it is utterly foreign. However, in these dreams, I’m very upset, grief-stricken even, in a way I have never been in my waking life. I seem to imagine myself as an ordinary, empathetic person, crying about the death of someone I love, just like I’ve seen other people be around death, and being really cut up about their loss. Unlike the previous two types of dream, these are closer to what I would think of as a nightmare, in that they’re actually unpleasant to experience. I don’t enjoy feeling those emotions, or at least dreaming that I am feeling them, and I especially don’t enjoy losing control of myself. Then, when I wake up, I’m back to normal. My pillow is sometimes wet; whether with tears or sweat, I don’t know. But I just think “huh, that was weird”, and go about my day.

     

    I have no idea if these dreams bear any resemblance to the sorts of dreams other people have. I’d be interested to hear from you.

    Art credit goes to the extremely creative, extremely talented and extremely dead Zdzisław Beksiński.

    I wonder if he’s living his dreams now?

     
    • nowve666 18:37 on April 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      When I was a child, I had repetitive dreams. I had dreams of exploring. I dreamed I was on a beach. My favorite dream was I am on a beach and a giant tidal wave comes over the entire beach. There is no way to avoid it. I am swept out to sea. But I can breath under water.

      We spent a summer on a farm and there was a cross rooster who scared all the kids. One night, I dreamed I loved the rooster. After that, I wasn’t afraid of him but that same day, they slaughtered him. I cried and cried and swore I would never stop crying. However, later, they served him for dinner and I ate him. He was delicious.

      One more childhood dream. I dreamed I turned into a monster. I got very tall, I was all the way up to the ceiling. I knew if my parents saw me, they would know I was a monster and destroy me so I knew I had to kill them. The dream didn’t go any further however.

      As an adult, Vicki and I like to watch our favorite movies on our DVD player. I often fall asleep. I watch the DVD from my bed. I enjoy the kind of twilight state of sleeping and intermittently waking to see the screen. I almost always think I’m seeing the window at first. Then I realize it’s the TV. The movie and the dream kind of merge.

      As far as emotions in dreams go, I experienced a lot of euphoria, especially when dreaming of the beach. When I was in the nut house, I had a scary dream about a nurse who worked there. In my dream, she was evil and powerful. After I woke up, I still felt creepy about her until I talked to my shrink and we worked out the dream was about feeling unable to communicate. After that, she didn’t bother me.

      Oh! And I had a dream after I saw The Exorcist. That is the only movie that ever scared me. In the dream, In saw Regan’s head twisting around like it did in the movie and she had a really evil look on her face. Then I realized I can witness evil without being consumed by it and my fear went away both in the dream and in real life related to the movie.

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      • James 19:00 on April 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        You have a better memory for dreams than me. There’s no way I could remember such details from dreams years and years ago. Your subconscious is clearly more creative than mine. Interesting that you have had “scary dreams”. I don’t think I’ve ever been scared by a dream.

        Some pisshead just tried to scare me (in real life) by shouting “ALRIGHT, MATE!” at the top of his voice. He and his friend were drinking behind a tree in the shadows, so I hadn’t seen them, but I don’t jump or have any sort of fight / fight response, so I just called back “I’m great. How’s it going with you?” They were drunk enough to just laugh, so I left them to it.

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    • 1jaded1 23:48 on April 28, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Hi James. This is most interesting. The responses to the first 4 questions made me laugh. The response to the 5th…idk and am not a psychologist…iatrist…analyst or anything. Sounds like a battle though. Wanting to help and being pecked…Feeling upset in a dream where you wouldn’t be upset if you were awake.

      Since you asked….and not that you may care other than amusement.

      My dreams consist of paranormal. Entities want to eat me. They would starve bc I lost my soul at a very early age. Some want to protect.

      This week has been a cluster fk of nightmares. Tuesday, I dreamt that a lady wanted to kill me bc it should have been me. When I was allowed to make sense , I should have had my face peeled off at the pinball machine. I elected to use the washroom. Total made up dream. I didn’t see anyone’s face peeled off. Maybe a narcissist mask. Maybe I am one.

      The side by sides last night revolved around calls to 911. The leaser of the traumatic had the operator wanting me to verify my date of birth and a newspaper article on the date of me calling… My co-worker passed our.. I asked wtf any purpose that had.

      The more disturbing one had my ex who has NPD beating my parents to a pulp. My sister and I called 911 for2 assaults, but they only sent one ambulance. My dad (who is already deceased) told me he was dying and to have the amby take my mom. Then he died in front of me. I woke up traumatised and called my mom. Lol. It is still sticking hence my response. Subconscious is my ex wants to get back into my life and take agression out on family? Who knows? So disturbing . i want nothing more to do with him.

      Thank you for your post. TMI in my response? Okay. Question was asked..

      Like

      • James 11:06 on April 29, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Thank you for reading and for your comment. I wonder, do you feel at all better for having written all that? I got a certain cathartic pleasure from writing my dreams out, though yours seem to be more closely connected to the real world and your fears about things going wrong. Have you any reason to think your ex may be trying to get back into your life?

        Liked by 1 person

    • 1jaded1 20:28 on April 29, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      You are welcome. It sometimes helps to release the dreams through writing. My ex is trying to contact me and I am ignoring him.

      Like

  • James 20:25 on March 23, 2017 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , death, , , panic,   

    Ooh, terrorism, everyone panic! 

    Yesterday, there was a terror attack in my capital city.

    Let’s face it, only five people were killed. Okay, that’s slightly unusual in the UK, and in Europe, because the gun laws are more sensible here, so mass killings tend to be due to terrorism rather than local nutters playing around with firearms. All the same, 5 individuals out of 8 million (London’s population) is not really very many, is it? Far more Londoners die of natural causes every day.

    And yet, it’s still the top news story here. It accompanies the story of a tighter restriction of electronics (including laptops) entering the UK and USA on flights operated by certain Middle Eastern airlines. The timing is a bit suspect, isn’t it?

    If this seems a callous reaction to the ‘terror’, I apologise, but however you look at it, 5 deaths are negligible in the grand scheme of things (i.e. they fit well within the average daily mortality figures), and utterly disproportionate to the news coverage afforded to them. You might as well just turn international news into one long eulogy, if you’re going to mourn every death that happens in a city the size of London.

    My recommendation to Londoners, Britons and brothers and sisters around the world: get a grip. Ignore these feeble attempts at ‘terror’, and ignore the alarmist news stories that surround the acts and usher in ever more draconian ‘security’ measures. Get a grip on reality, and keep calm and carry on.

    Update: 24th March 16:40: Last week, the US Air Force accidentally destroyed a mosque in Syria. The target was apparently the building next door (funny how these laser-guided strikes never quite seem to get it right, when Google Earth can find an address anywhere in the world in seconds), but the Pentagon still claimed it managed to kill ‘dozens’ of Al-Qaeda members. Rather lucky for a bungled mission, don’t you think? Meanwhile, at least 45 worshippers were killed and around 100 others left injured, according to the London-based Syrian Observatory for Human Rights. If you want to see real terror, that’s what it looks like.

     
  • James 11:38 on May 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: boredom, death, , , , , incoherent rambling, , , , , , , ,   

    Random musings of a psychopath (I) 

    A picture from an advertising campaign I like, “doggy dentures”.

    Boredom. It’s a killer. Right now I’m the most bored I’ve been in a while. It’s fucking hateful bullshit, really the worst part of being alive. Fortunately tomorrow I have a change of scenery. Strasbourg for a week, gonna pop in and see the Germans, maybe do a Hitler salute and get arrested. I’m not a nazi, but I find it fucking hilarious that the entire nation of Germany has banned a gesture that’s been in use since before the Romans.

    My grandfather is in the hospital, he’s been in there over a month now. He had a stroke which has completely wiped his mind clean. Most old people, they start by forgetting minor details of their lives and get steadily worse until they leave the oven on all day and burn the house down or are found wandering the aisles of Tesco naked and are then taken off to be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Then they’re put in a special care home where the nurses hit them and leave them lying in their own shit all day and everyone’s surprised by how quickly they go downhill and become completely helpless. My grandfather skipped all that bullshit and went straight from bitter old schemer to semi-conscious puddle of brain matter in a few minutes. He’ll be dead soon, he doesn’t even know his own name, and still he manipulates his sons into caring for him. Apparently he gets them to smuggle in booze and treats, to convince the nurses to give him preferential treatment and when he’s got what he wants for the day, he tells them all to fuck off home. Psychopathic resilience: his brains are mashed potato and he still knows how to make people jump and do his bidding.

    Have you heard the one about Vincent Van Gogh? No, neither has he.

    Have you ever eaten a tagine? It’s a Moroccan stew of meat, usually lamb, with a load of vegetables and exotic fruit. I had one the other day and it was quite simply one of the tastiest meals I’ve ever had.

    The last girl I fucked was Moroccan. She failed at being a student and is now “taking a sabbatical” at Buffalo Grill. But she was hot and she really digged my good old-fashioned English charm so we fucked.

    I thought I was going to get it on yesterday with a girl I know from New York City. It was her last day in France before moving home and she called me to ask a favour. She had rented a flute for the year (yes, apparently that is possible) and wanted me to take it back to the shop for her which was closed all week because France is a whiney bitch about May Day. So she asked me to meet her at this café near her hotel, and I was all ready for a nice date but COCKBLOCK! Her father had just flown in from the States and was there in the café with her. Like a true Manhattanite, she offered me 20 € “for my trouble” but I ain’t no flute whore, so I said the favour was on the house, since we were “friends” and all. Anyway, she’ll be waiting to get her 250 € deposit back once I’ve returned the flute to the shop but the trouble with that is I snapped the thing in two and chucked it in a dumpster.

    Did you know psychopaths say ‘um’ and use connectives like “and” and “so” a lot more than normal people? Apparently that’s one of our most diabolical traits. People are fine with the dishonesty and the occasional murder, but as soon as we know how to tell a story a bit more logically than Average Joe Loser, we’re hated. It’s all true, bitchez.

    If this all seems like the delusional ramblings of a crazy person to you, it’s because I’m writing stream of consciousness. You should try it, see how you look on paper, you fucking judgmental piece of shit. This is perhaps the most honest it is possible to be, since I’m just typing anything that occurs to me straight away. No charm, no lies, no manipulation, just thought. Anyway, I’ve enjoyed this post and am no longer bored, so if it gets published I will certainly write another one like it in the future.

     
    • Amaterasu Solar 13:32 on May 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I do not judge by anything but Ethics, James. I could see the stream easily. [smile] I grasp the ease at which You shift from a dying kin to the food You like. I might even think there was a deliberate switch there, consciously or not, to hammer the point.

      I learned a bit about psychopaths I did not know – the and and um part – though I might tend towards that Myself and I am not a psychopath.

      As far as the flute incident, that fails the Ethics test. You chose to do that specifically and willfully, only because it would create problems for Others. That kind of behavior is unEthical – and I’m sure You’re bright enough to grasp the clear lines drawn by the three Laws and choose to choose Your behavior within those parameters? Or do Ethics ask too much of You?

      Liked by 1 person

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 15:30 on May 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Psychopaths can’t be bound to any set of rules.

        Like

        • Amaterasu Solar 15:40 on May 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          I would not set Them to be bound by anything They don’t choose Themselves. I really want to know if a psychopath could grant Others the willingness to choose Their behavior within three very clear Laws. James says that He is intellectually aware that there are Others, each a Being of Consciousness (maybe not in those terms but I think that was the gist), if He does not feel it. I wondered if a psychopath would feel a thrill at being so…noble, perhaps.

          I’m very curious.

          Like

        • James 16:41 on May 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          I could set my own rules and follow them. You could also motivate me to follow rules if they were in the framework of a contract for specific situation I benefited from

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          • Amaterasu Solar 16:55 on May 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            Fair enough. What do You consider to be the things that benefit You. Again, very curious.

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          • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 18:18 on May 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            My understanding of your position is that as long as you are in control of the rules, you will follow them. (Rule #1, the maker of the rules may change the rules without reason, and without warning.)

            Liked by 1 person

      • James 16:32 on May 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        No, it’s just that I don’t feel the need to follow your Ethics Principles; they don’t have any significance in my life.

        The food switch wasn’t intentional, it was just a delicious meal I really liked. Though I do see what point you thought I was hammering (callousness, right?). I think the speech detection thing is bullshit, who doesn’t ‘ummm’ occasionally and use words such as “and” and “so”?

        Liked by 1 person

        • Amaterasu Solar 17:06 on May 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          I agree with the assessment of the and and um. I see about the issue of Ethics. The Laws are ancient, You know. I didn’t make them up. It’s sad to Me and meaningless to You, I suppose, that the value of Ethics as a seed parameter in choice of behavior choices eludes You. I must say I was hoping.

          The only thing I can offer as a “benefit” is My respect to the psychopath who consciously chooses to choose that One’s behavior within Ethical parameters. Hardly worth a thought, I might suppose. [smile]

          Like

      • James 07:22 on May 5, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Amaterasu Solar (that’s such a cumbersome title, can’t I please call you by something else?), I’ve given a lot of thought to ethics and morals (and their potential differences) and am very satisfied with where my thoughts led me. So I will be making a post about ethics in the near future, which you will appreciate no end. Just to whet your appetite, the words “universal” and “cultural” will both be appearing.

        Tina, prepare to meet the philosopher I previously claimed to be without providing any proof.

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        • Amaterasu Solar 10:58 on May 8, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          People call Me Amy. [smile] Do feel free. I look forward to Your thoughts on Ethics.

          Liked by 1 person

          • James 15:07 on May 8, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            Do they indeed? That’s not very kind of them, unless that’s your name 🙂

            Like

    • James 16:56 on May 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      You know what, this isn’t working out. The wifi in my current location (I really am in Strasbourg) is too poor to continue this conversation. You all leave whatever comments and questions you like, and I’ll get back to you in a few days’ time.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Kathi 02:39 on May 6, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      James i liked reading UR thots and UR replies to comments. The few I read (just found this) were easy ones. U know wat I mean? I’ll call it the ‘easy’ category. Sweet but pitiful attempts to set u straight failed. I see thru u like glass. U remind me of my pussy brother who got away w running his mouth cuZ my mommy let him. Wat does a punk like u do wen a woman like me brings a man (a real one) to punch u in ur face as many x as I say? Hm? I’m a borderline hav no doubt I can manipulate but a coward like u using UR mouth to show women how cruel and clever u r? It be my pleasure to show those same women how easy it is to make cool cowards like u run like a bitch. Thanks I feel better already !!

      Like

    • nowve666 10:14 on December 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Loved this blog. Did you know Judge Judy gets very mean when litigants say “um?” She says “‘Um’ isn’t a word.” Your comments on the joys of old age made me LOL. Vickie couldn’t understand why I was laughing. Doesn’t she know that all humor is graveyard humor? This place takes most of my money and I just learned that the fees are $115.00 more than I thought. But the unit for severe Alzheimer’s costs an unbelievably high fee. Just so as not to be hit and left in one’s own shit all day. I’m counting on my psychopath’s resilience to see me through.

      Like

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