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  • James 10:02 on May 29, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , Billy Joel, Bruno Mars, Charlie Daniels, Elton John, Eminem, , , , Frank Sinatra, , Johnny Cash, , Metallica, , , , , , , Queen, Rihanna, , songs, Taylor Swift, , ,   

    Psychopaths in Song 

    It’s our sixth article in the space of 24 hours – which is insane. But if you can stomach one more, here’s a musical interlude… 

    Psychopaths, they’re everywhere. At work. In government. On the telly. And in music, too. There are many songs out there that were clearly written with psychopaths in mind – and many others which probably weren’t but which fit the theme nonetheless.
    The following is a list of ten very well-known songs by ten very well-known artists, from a variety of genres and eras, that – as I am going to argue – are all about psychopathy. You are invited to listen to them while reading and decide for yourself whether I am right.

    Blank Space – Taylor Swift (2014)

    Let’s face it, Taylor Swift basically admits to being a psychopath in Blank Space – especially if the rumours are true that this is actually how her relationships proceed. Among the best lines are: “I can show you incredible things: magic, madness, heaven, sin”; “Boys only want love if it’s torture”; “I can read you like a magazine”; “Love’s a game, wanna play?”; “I’ll find out what you want, be that girl for a month, but the worst is yet to come”, “You’ll come back each time you leave, cos darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream”. Even the title says it all: a blank space in an empty soul waiting to be filled by some unsuspecting sucker.

    Cry, Cry, Cry – Johnny Cash (1957)

    This one’s told from the perspective of an unhappy – and irritatingly moralising – husband of a female psychopath. The song is a warning about the consequences of the psychopath’s promiscuous and dishonest behaviour – the implication being that if she carries on as she’s going, she’ll end up completely alone:

    “When your fickle love gets old, no one will care for you
    Then you’ll come back to me for a little love that’s true
    I’ll tell you no and you’re gonna ask me why, why, why
    When I remind you of all of this and you’ll cry, cry, cry”

    Gee, that sounds horrible. Maybe I should listen to what Mr. Cash is saying and take heed.
    I probably won’t.

    Come Fly With Me – Frank Sinatra (1964)

    OK, so this one isn’t actually anything to do with psychopaths – but it could be. It reflects the initial seduction phase of our relationships down to a tee. The joy of infatuation, the beauty of the exotic Other, the ‘sky’s the limit’ promises, and the whisking away of the target from everyone she knows – it’s all here. Not surprising really; as a probable psychopath himself, Sinatra knew what he was talking about.

    Grenade – Bruno Mars (2010)

    In short, this is about being in love with somebody who couldn’t care less about you. The narrator has been manipulated to the point where he would do absolutely anything for the psychopath in his life – even though he knows the psychopath wouldn’t lift a finger for him. From the lyrics: “If my body was on fire, you’d watch me burn down in flames.” But Bruno Mars is probably not singing from personal experience: just look at that man; would you be able to hurt those sad puppy dog eyes? Mind you, his girlfriend’s pretty hot too, so she could do even better.

    I’m Still Standing – Elton John (1983)

    Though this is primarily a song about survival and recovery – and shows that people can grow enormously after dealings with a psychopath – there are a few lines that suggest the sort of person John was singing about, especially the first verse:

    “You could never know what it’s like
    Your blood like winter freezes just like ice
    And there’s a cold and lonely light that shines from you
    You will wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use”

    Despite the song’s joyful melody, I can certainly sense a deep bitterness behind the lyrics’ bravado. Much like the spiel of our good friends over at Psychopathy Awareness. Maybe it’s time they took a leaf out of Idina Menzel’s book.

    Killer Queen – Queen (1974)

    According to the band, the killer queen in question is a high class escort, but there are some strong psychopathic overtones about her character too. Not only is she “well-versed in etiquette” and speaks “just like a baroness” (when she needs to), she’s also “guaranteed to blow your mind”, “playful (or faithful, depending on who you believe) as a pussy cat” and has an “insatiable appetite”. So here we have the temptation of the ‘bad girl’ (or bad boy) psychopath laid bare, even after you know what she is.
    Wanna try?
    You wanna try.
    Special shout out to Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy as well, for showing the other end of the charm spectrum: the perfectly polished gentleman lover.

    Love The Way You Lie – Eminem (ft. Rihanna) (2010)

    We’re a long way from the gentleman psychopath here; instead this one’s barely keeping a lid on his rage. Luckily for him, Rihanna’s addicted and though she keeps leaving, she never stays away for long. In her refrain, there’s more “watch[ing] me burn” and we learn she loves the pain. Yeah, you take it.
    In Eminem’s bit, he fakes being sorry over the number of times he’s promised to change but lied (“Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her”), he blames his girl for being just as bad as he is (“Your temper’s just as bad… you’re just the same as me”) and then finally comes clean about his true self: “I know I’m a liar. If she ever tries to fucking leave again, Imma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire”.
    Girl, you’ve scored!

    Master of Puppets – Metallica (1986)

    A song all about control. There really are fewer things finer than exercising power over somebody else, either overtly or covertly, and here Metallica capture it perfectly. There’s the ecstasy of power, but there’s also its brutality and all-consuming addictiveness. And the song goes even further. For the more power you have over somebody, the less they cease to be an individual, more just an extension of yourself, a toy. A word of warning, for your current and future dealings with psychopaths: you’d better obey your master.

    She’s Always A Woman – Billy Joel (1977)

    Another female psychopath- you’re doing well here, ladies! But this one is a bit different. Here, the singer seems fully aware of what his lover is. He describes her in fine detail: she’s a liar, she’s a thief, she’s manipulative, she’s selfish, she’s cruel – but she’s also fragile, child-like, intelligent, persevering, charming and brings out the best – and worst – in you. And this is what the singer truly believes. Because, despite (or perhaps because of?) her psychopathic characteristics, he is head over heels in love. Could that stem from the realisation, with “the most she can do is throw shadows at you” (she can only hurt you if you let her), that really she’s harmless?

    The Devil Went Down To Georgia – The Charlie Daniels Band (1979)

    Here we are at the end, with the ultimate psychopath. It’s Old Scratch himself! There are two levels to my reasoning for this song’s inclusion – well, three, this song’s freaking awesome! But the two important levels are (i) the concept of soul-stealing, the Devil’s favourite hobby, is very similar to the topic I outlined above with Metallica’s help: total possession of somebody else. When I was a young kid, I convinced dozens of my classmates to ‘give me their souls’ à la Bart Simpson, and I treasured the power it gave me over them, both perceived (in my child’s brain) and real (the other kids bought into the fantasy too). Anyway, that’s a tangent. The other level to my reasoning is (ii) the cunningness of the devil. He ‘loses’ the game and plays a far inferior fiddle solo to the young boy Johnny. But that doesn’t matter, because he’s already played on the boy’s pride in order to trick him into gambling with his immortal soul – sacrilege, which is a carnal sin. The best part of all this? Johnny goes away thinking he’s won. He taunts the Devil, and tries to humiliate him further by replaying his winning solo. But when he dies, the Devil will get the last, cruel, delicious laugh. Because Johnny’s a sinner. And he’s going to burn.

    So there you have it

    What do you think, am I on the mark? Are there any I missed?
    (On that subject, here’s a list, some gleaned from online, others from off the top of my head, of some other well-known songs reportedly about psychopaths. Because I’m so generous, I’ve included a link to every song…  except one. Bonus prize for finding the dud!
    Oh and pretty much anything by Chris Brown. You know why.)
     
    • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 11:04 on May 29, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Sam Smith – I’m Not The Only One https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_-U6dcTEOg

      Liked by 1 person

    • Amaterasu Solar 15:14 on May 29, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Overall, I was enjoying the whole, agreeing, and really, I have no beef at all but on the side note of the perception that We breed school shooting here stateside. In fact, they have been psyops (Sandy Hook) and taking teen suicides and calling them “school related” to include them in a fabricated number. The number of REAL school shooting here? Zero.

      Like

    • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 16:06 on June 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      “tigerscomeatnight” on Reddit suggested these:
      Bob Dylan – positively 4th street
      The Zombies – She’s Not There
      Steely Dan – Reelin In The Years
      The Foundations – Build me Up Buttercup

      Liked by 1 person

    • James 14:25 on July 8, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Mercy – Duffy (remembered courtesy of Chart Day on Radio 1)

      Like

      • James 20:03 on July 9, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Please Don’t Leave Me – P!nk (from the same late 2000s cohort as Duffy)

        Like

    • James 16:39 on July 9, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Save Me – Queen. The lyrics http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/queen/saveme.html

      Liked by 1 person

    • James 17:37 on July 18, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Womanizer – Britney Spears

      Like

    • James 16:40 on July 19, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Bad – David Guetta & Showtek, ft. Vassy

      Like

    • James 21:53 on July 29, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      One beloved of the Psychofree lot: I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor

      Like

    • Oliver 16:56 on August 1, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Life in the Fast Lane – The Eagles

      Like

    • James 11:01 on August 6, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Where Is The Love? – The Black Eyed Peas

      Like

    • James 12:12 on August 6, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Left Outside Alone – Anastacia

      Like

    • James 11:59 on August 16, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Jar Of Hearts – Christina Perri

      Like

    • James 14:47 on December 2, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Pedestrian at Best – Courtney Barnett (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-nr1nNC3ds)

      Like

    • James 09:46 on January 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Heart Of Glass – Blondie (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGU_4-5RaxU)

      Like

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 19:51 on January 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        You have the option of editing your post to add songs, instead of making each one a comment.

        Like

        • James 05:41 on January 5, 2016 Permalink | Reply

          No. You have the option of editing my post. I don’t. There’s no way for me to edit my posts once they’ve been published.

          Like

    • James 15:22 on January 5, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Easy Lover – Phil Collins and Philip Bailey (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkRKT6T0QLg)

      Like

    • whatdoyouqantittobe 10:44 on January 11, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Iris – Goo Goo Dolls.

      People think it’s a love song, but it’s written from a perspective of a sociopath

      “And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming or the moment of truth in your lies”? “And I don’t want the world to see me because I don’t think that they’ll understand?” – just a few examples, but it couldn’t be anymore blatant

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 11:33 on January 11, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks for your contribution. I agree. Nice catch!

        Like

        • whatdoyouwantittobe 00:23 on January 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply

          My dear, thank you for the most interesting blog posts, been reading for a couple days now, very well written! I rarely comment on blogs but when I got to this topic “Iris” immediately popped up in my head and I just couldn’t resist lol.

          I was surprised when I listened to the lyrics for the first time – surprised because I didn’t expect that particular singer to have such an insight and surprised that more people didn’t cath on. “You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be and I don’t wanna go home right now” – I’m guessing most are hearing the first part but the emphasis is on “right now”. And then when he says “and all I can taste is this moment”…”and sooner or later it’s over”…That’s exactly how it feels when someone is in the moment, I was stunned! There were a few other songs when I listened and went like “yes!” but none of them as “in your face” as Iris.

          P.S. I see that I (of course) misspelled both my “name” and “any more” in my initial post ugh Sorry about that, it happens sometimes when I fire off a response in a hurry.

          Liked by 1 person

        • whatdoyouwantittobe 00:56 on January 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply

          P.P.S.

          Another song that fits the bill IMO is Doro – Love Me In Black.

          And then there are songs like “I am a liar” by Henry Rollins – they somewhat capture the essence, but don’t feel genuine. They try hard. It sounds like he read one too many “Beware of psychos, manipulators, liars and conmen!” articles, accompanied by that travesty that is PCL-R checklist (everyone is a psychopath according to that), then went and wrote a song lol. Okay, that’s enough commenting for me (for now) 🙂

          Like

          • James 04:48 on January 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply

            You are very welcome 🙂 Comment whenever you like, my dear. I had a listen to Love Me In Black, and it is very overt in describing that typical sadist who loves you just to torture you.

            Like

    • prettyvacantx 14:54 on January 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Panic! at the disco:
      Nicotine
      This is Gospel
      Miss Jackson

      Fall out boy:
      American beauty/American psycho (duh)
      Irresistible
      Novocaine

      Liked by 1 person

    • James 19:12 on January 13, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Love Yourself – Justin Bieber

      Like

    • James 07:02 on January 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Cheeky Bond trio:
      Goldfinger – Shirley Bassey (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fy_PJODH3p0)
      Thunderball – Tom Jones (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sT0x7QiJI1g)
      The World Is Not Enough – Garbage (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C5NLfYdZaE)

      Like

    • James 11:26 on January 23, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      You Don’t Own Me – Grace (ft. G-Eazy) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SeRU_ZPDkE)

      Like

    • James 16:39 on January 28, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Une femme battue chante de son “amoureux” psychopathe violent (en français) / A battered woman sings about her violent psychopathic “lover” (in French):
      Attila Marcel – Béatrice Bonifassi / Sylvain Chomet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUuLX4lMeo0)

      Like

    • nowve666 10:26 on January 29, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Another Stalker song, The Cars, “You Might Think.” Makes stalking look cute.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Laurie 02:27 on January 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Master of Puppets is about addiction.

      Like

      • James 05:53 on January 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Most of these songs have different interpretations to the one I have given, yes.

        Like

    • Anonymous 12:36 on January 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Moves Like Jagger. I used to love the song (and still do but now only because it reminds me of what I DON’T want ever again:) But this was a great list!

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 13:25 on January 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Good spot! I think yours is the best user contribution to this article so far.

        Like

    • James 12:35 on March 5, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Me, Myself and I – G-Eazy x Bebe Rexha (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K533gW3boIY)

      Liked by 1 person

    • Bothorth 13:48 on January 17, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Liar (Motörhead).

      Liked by 1 person

    • Anonymous 07:38 on February 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Nomy – psychopath. I think it describes as the person is going crazy.

      Like

    • Setsuna 07:42 on February 15, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Nomy – Psychpath (I think it describes the prosessus of going crazy and as persone try fighting his awful desires.

      Liked by 1 person

    • hsantares 15:05 on March 17, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Animals – Maroon 5
      Puppet – The Saturdays

      Does anyone else fixate on certain songs, listening to them intensely and then getting bored of them and moving on to find another ‘addictive’ song? Definitely a habit of mine

      Like

      • James 00:29 on March 18, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Lots of people do that. Personally, my musical tastes are too wide (as you can probably see from this list) to tolerate just one song on repeat, even if only for a short time.

        Like

  • Barbara 06:55 on May 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , , , , , ,   

    TOXIC HOPE 

    Three Reasons Your Relationship
    Will Never Get Better

    L.A. couples therapist featured in Time Magazine uses unique approach to marriage therapy including the acceptance that things won’t change.

    There are three reasons that your relationship cannot improve, even though you keep thinking it will. These are primary problems that are so influential that they are an obstacle that must be cleared before real progress in the relationship is possible.

    #1 Someone is frequently dishonest and that person is unwilling to identify that behavior as an individual problem that he or she wants to work on. An ongoing affair whether it is known or secret.

    #2 Psychological or medical disorders that are not treated. (Or personality disorders that are untreatable)

    These include: depression, manic depression, or menopause disorders, post traumatic stress and anxiety disorders such as obsessive-compulsive or post-traumatic stress disorder. (Include narcissism, psychopathy, sociopathy or borderline personality in the personality disorders category)

    Post traumatic Stress is often a result of abusive, neglectful or violent experiences in childhood. These can experiences can profoundly affect how someone later experiences issues of trust and conflict in current relationships. If symptoms from any of these illnesses are present and the person is unwilling to get treatment for it then there is a much reduced prospect for significant change in the relationship. First things first.

    #3 One partner uses physical violence, verbal abuse, psychological manipulation or emotional intimidation and is unwilling to say that this is their individual problem that s/he wants to work on it separately from the relationship.

    Saying, “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” is a good thing to hear from your partner. More importantly though is whether the intimidation ceases. The frequency, intensity or duration should be getting better. If it doesn’t then you may have ‘Toxic Hope.’

    Toxic hope is waiting for someone to change when there is no realistic reason to believe that it will happen. Battered women, or men, who keep hoping something will change, perhaps even when their partner has never even admitted that they have a control problem; are in toxic hope. Even though there is a fair effort made; the frequency and magnitude of the continuing offenses are severe enough that the other partner does not feel safe enough to continue within the relationship.

    We emphasize ‘progress, not perfection’ so the issue isn’t that slips or mistakes are made. The important thing is does the person eventually recognize his or her responsibility in the conflict and can the person show some concern for how that affects you. Or, if one person is unable to reasonably follow the guidelines and is not willing to seek further help.

    What do I mean when I say “an individual problem that he or she is willing to work on separate from the relationship?” Or what is meant by getting ‘further help’? A person can work on the issues they struggle with alone by reading books on the subject of violence or lying but few people are able to do this without the help of others.

    Using the help of others could mean going to a professional therapist who specializes in the area that needs work or it can mean going to a self -help group for that particular problem. If physical violence is the problem then my recommendation is to attend a professionally led anger management or domestic violence group. Having worked for ten years in these groups I can say that the men are pleasantly surprised that they can learn useful methods that benefit their relationships. For most of the men it is the first time that they are exposed to the principle that being vulnerable will not result in being hurt.

    • One partner refuses to ever consider forgiving the other for some past wrong committed by the other, even when that partner has humbly asked for forgiveness.
    • Alcohol or drug dependence or abuse (prescribed medicines too!) Other addictions such as food, sex, spending, gambling or work are huge impediments to progress in a relationship which are sometimes overlooked or simply denied.

    • Leaving a psychologically violent or abusive relationship. If you feel scared that you will be hurt, pursued or injured if you leave then trust your feelings and seek help from a women’s shelter or hotline before taking action. Talk with them and consider the advice or recommendations that is given to you. The most dangerous time, physically, for the abused wife (or husband) is at the time of separating. There were armchair quarterbacks saying Nicole Brown Simpson should have left O.J. and divorced him. She was leaving him! It was then that she was killed.

      If you are physically abused by your partner call 1 800 978-3600 FREE to talk to a domestic violence counselor to learn about resources in your area. You are not alone!

    If violence is occurring in your home then break the isolation. And for the person whose anger is out of control, please seek the competent help of anger management specialists. Why wait for a neighbor’s phone call to initiate your criminal record? Do something courageous and positive NOW! Seek the help of professionals who can help you. Stop saying “I’m sorry.” and take some real steps toward repeating what probably happened in the family you grew up in.

    Checklist Before You Leave:
    If you have done these things then you can leave knowing that you did everything you could before deciding for sure to leave. These do not apply if there is violence, addiction, continuing adultery or unrepentant lying in the relationship. Things to think about when you consider ending a relationship:

    • When your partner apologizes does s/he mention both what s/he did and how s/he’s hurt you?
    • If any form of physical control, intimidation or violence occurs, does it get justified (ie. “I wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t….”)?
    • If apologies are made is there reference made to the person’s intention about changing future behavior, or is there further justification for the disrespectful behavior?
    • Are you growing in this relationship?
    • Does this person have all the signs of having a personality disorder (they can not be fixed or cured)?
    • Is the other person growing in this relationship? Is there improvement? It’s a process. Is there an expressed willingness to grow? Or are you wishing & assuming your partner wants to change his/her behavior and attitudes. Remember we’re looking for ‘Progress and not Perfection’.

    Marc Sadoff, MSW, BCD
    PACIFIC SKILLS TRAINING CO.

     
  • Barbara 06:54 on May 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , ,   

    POLICE: Slow to Respond to Domestic Violence? 

    IN the 1989 movie, A Cry for Help: The Tracy Thurman Story it all happened in St. Petersburg, Florida when Tracy met Buck. After they got involved, Tracy realized that Buck had a gambling problem. Tracy confronted Buck about him losing money while gambling in front of his friends. Buck became furious and punched the door working his way around Tracy.

    Buck starts yelling and saying how his mother put a gun to his head and asked Tracy never to leave him. Thinking she was seeing his vulnerable side, Tracy felt sorry for him. This duped Tracy into thinking that Buck had a shattered soul and a sense of humanity.

    Not too long, Tracy found out she was pregnant. After telling Buck the news, he beat her for the first time. Tracy then leaves for Connecticut, her hometown and stays with a close friend. Buck follows her to Connecticut and pleads, begs, and promises that it will never happen again. They get married, stayed in Connecticut, and had a baby boy.

    Buck is unable to find work and convinces Tracy to move back to Florida. After losing a game of cards, he goes into a rage and beats Tracy again leaving her with two black eyes. Tracy moves back to Connecticut, only to have Buck follow her and take the baby away from Tracy.

    Tracy gets a restraining order against Buck and he is not allowed in the State of Connecticut or near Tracy’s home. She sees Buck standing in front of her home and calls the cops. The cops cannot find the court order. When the cops come to the house they tell her that he has the right to stand in the street and it would be easier if they weren’t married.

    A couple of days later, Buck is outraged. He shows up at Tracy’s house again screaming for her to come out of the house. This time he doesn’t let up. Tracy calls the cops and tells them that Buck is at the house and asks for a cop car to come by. The cop takes forever to get there. The cop that was assigned to come decides to make a detour and go back to the station for a pit stop.

    When he finally gets there he finds Buck beating Tracy to a pulp. Stabbing her several times, Buck then stomps on her face leaving her paralyzed (paraplegic). The cop with fear in his own eyes doesn’t know how to control Buck. Finally, the cop is able to take the knife away from Buck and puts it in the trunk of the cop car.

    The cop doesn’t handcuff Buck. Buck is screaming at everyone while holding his son. Finally, after the ambulance came, Buck was finally cuffed and taken away.

    Tracy sued the city of Torrington, Connecticut for failing to protect her and Tracy won.
    Today many police departments still ignore Domestic Violence Policies and Protocols.

    “Why is it that when you DO go to the police about someone or something, they treat you like an overwrought woman? tell you its somehow YOUR fault? or patronize you? – Anonymous Abuse Survivor

     
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