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  • James 10:25 on August 30, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , baby James, British bragging rights, , , , compassion, , fox news, , , , remember-remember, revenge, , skyfoogle,   

    Random musings of a psychopath II: childhood memories 

    Along the same lines as Part I, but I’ve ditched the freakier elements of the ‘stream of consciousness’ style, which I think was unpopular. Here are some select memories from my childhood (all 5 – 11 years old)

    • In primary school I waged war on another kid in my class just because he had the nerve to also be called Jamie (which was my ‘cute little boy*’ name growing up). He became the target of frequent bullying and turned into one of the weird loner kids in high school. At the same time, I insisted my cousin Jamie (who is a good seven years older than me so kind of already had the dibs) be called Jim at all times when I was present. Even nowadays, whenever I encounter other people with the names James or Jamie, I can’t help but feel a certain heightened antipathy toward them just because they are using ‘my name’. Stupid I know.
    • My birthday is 5th November, which is a holiday in England commemorating the thwarting of the Gunpowder Plot to blow up Parliament (and the king of the day with it, who incidentally was James I. Come to think of it, it’s the 410th anniversary of the whole shabang this year, reminding us all that England’s democracy is hella old). This means that each year my birthday is marked by fireworks displays and huge community bonfires up and down the land. You can imagine how this fed into the ego of a budding psychopath. I was 10 or 11 before I knowingly met someone with the same birthday, and I reacted in much the same way as with the name thieves. She was a bitch, and she had a stupid name; Ailsa Winter. Now I think of it years later, it’s a pretty name really isn’t it? Quite literary. I wonder if she’s pretty too. Time to look her up on Facebook.
    • *By all accounts I was a cute little boy. For the first six years of my life I was blond, hardly ever cried or had tantrums, had good manners and was irrepressibly talkative. I was apparently also very bossy and emotionally manipulative, but that’s by the by. At the age of six I discovered lying and from then until about eight or nine (when the other kids finally caught up) I never understood why nearly all of my classmates would own up to doing ‘bad things’, or dutifully go home and tell their mums they’d been punished. “What idiots,” I would think, “don’t they know they can get away with anything if they just keep their mouths shut or invent a story?”
    • The same year, we had a terrible class teacher (who had a nervous breakdown by Christmas and had to leave, not as a result of any of us I might add) followed by a brilliant one (the headmistress of the school). I’m sure we did actual learning too, but my abiding memory is of the headteacher reading us lots of poems by Michael Rosen. They were hilarious for any six year old to listen to, especially when our teacher substituted the characters’ names for kids in the class. If you know any children around that age, make sure they become acquainted with Rosen. If you / they can’t be bothered actually reading something, he performs all his poems on YouTube these days.
    villageofthedamned.jpg

    Me at age six.

    • Also at the age of six, I hospitalised my friend due to an experiment whereby I was trying to see how many pebbles from the sandpit would fit inside his ear. Not that many, it turned out.
    • There was this boy Cameron who had behavioural problems (looking back, possibly ADHD but I had no clue at the time) and whom I loved winding up, to get him into trouble, but also because ‘Cameron wound up’ was a spectacle to behold. Think tantrums that made the classroom look like a bomb had gone off. I especially liked doing this at lunch, because this really fat no-nonsense lunchtime supervisor would go nuts at him for anything, which would trigger him to lose control and run away in a rage. So I goaded him into hitting me, then went and told Mrs Fatty, which I think was her name. Of course, he ran off, so she would then have to chase him through the corridors, breaking objects and hitting students, catch him and physically restrain him on the floor with her flabby bulk while she waited for the teachers to help her. The memories of these ridiculous scenes still bring a smile to my face.
    • There was another boy, Michael, with far more serious problems than Cameron due to a brain defect which made him kind of thick as well as being unable to regulate his emotions at all. Any time a teacher raised her voice to anyone in the class, this would set Michael off crying hysterically. He even cried when his name featured in the Michael Rosen poetry readings. I took him under my wing for several years, treated him as a friend, defended him from any bullying he might have endured, and even comforted him whenever he was in tears (several times a day). He was a curiosity to me, so different, so unfathomable, I was fascinated. But as everyone grew up, Michael sort of didn’t, and by the end of Year 4 (nine years old) he was no longer interesting. The crying was old hat. What’s more, fear and intolerance toward disability (which I didn’t and still don’t share, but it is important to reflect societal norms in your outward behaviour, lest you yourself be an outcast) was turning most of the so-called empathetic children against him, so I let him go.
    • Despite being thin and nerdy for quite a few years, I was never the target of bullying. Or to put it more accurately a succession of would-be bullies tried to target me once and never dared to have a second go. I dragged one of them along the ground through a lot of stinging nettles and pushed him head first into a active fox den. He came out all scratched and a bit chewed. Another ‘slipped’ on a patch of ice at the top of some steps. He walked away with a dislocated shoulder and a weird neck.
    Cute Baby Fox

    Baby Swiper says: “Leave a comment below, or I’ll go through your bins  and find something to blackmail you with.”

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    • Amaterasu Solar 16:23 on August 30, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I was one of those kids everyOne picked on. I was nowhere near as assertive and uncaring of what Others think of Me then as I am now. In reading this, My heart went out to the Ones You provoked – a response I suspect You might struggle to identify with… Still, I appreciate Your (apparent) openness about who and what You are. I can also put Myself in Your shoes, as it were.

      Very interesting read.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Anonymous 08:50 on August 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, Amy. I can identity with your reaction, even if I don’t understand it. James.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Amaterasu Solar 21:59 on September 1, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          In truth, one of the most difficult things I battled with is accepting the fact that, no matter how much I want to impart a grasp of compassion to psychopaths, I cannot. Almost paradoxical, it is, for it is My compassion which drives My desire to impart… LOL!

          Liked by 1 person

    • James 04:05 on September 2, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Back as myself. How hard have you tried, Amy? With me, you haven’t done anything to impart a grasp of compassion. Try me.

      Like

      • Amaterasu Solar 11:00 on September 2, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Dear One, I reach out with My heart – for that is where compassion comes from. It is not in words that I try to impart. If I could touch Your breast, I would give it My best go. But I have tried this before with Others, and They feel nothing of what I give. Still, should any psychopath ask, I will surely try again. But over the web is more of a trick. [smile]

        Liked by 1 person

    • James 12:03 on September 2, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      There’s a bit of a poet in you, isn’t there? Perhaps to prove your point further, compassion comes from the brain, not the heart. Can you find it in your heart / brain to give details on your past experience?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Amaterasu Solar 08:48 on September 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Many have said I am a poet… I feel the compassion in My heart and My mind then contemplates action… Not much to tell – I had a friend who turned out to be a psychopath. I would try to impart the ability to feel compassion, including through direct contact, but He never caught any of it. Others I have tried at distances, though not as fervently. In none of the cases did My efforts amount to a hill of beans.

        Liked by 1 person

        • James 12:55 on September 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          Did you manage to maintain that friendship for a while? I disagree that there’s not much to tell, I am very interested to know what exactly you tried to do, how he reacted, whether he showed any sin of understanding what you were trying to do, and much more than I can list here. Please, if you can bear to impart more of your poetic wisdom to me, I am sure it would deepen our friendship (or stop me from bugging you, whichever you prefer 😊)

          Liked by 1 person

          • Amaterasu Solar 14:48 on September 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            He was a friend I met up with at a scifi convention years ago. We met at several and He confided to Me His difference. I do not know why He seemingly trusted Me, but He did. I suggested trying some energy workings of sorts. I reached out from My heart. My impressions were that I passed right through Him. I could feel Him there but there was no place to plug into and the energy kept going on.

            He seemed minorly disappointed and soon got bored of the experiments. We moved on.

            Liked by 1 person

            • James 15:13 on September 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              Trustworthiness; must be your face. I’ve got one too. My frank assessment of your attempts would be that your “energy ” doesn’t really exist 😊 You moved on from each other or you moved on to other things to do together? What scifi are you in to?

              Like

              • Amaterasu Solar 10:45 on September 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                Well, interestingly, many non psychopaths I reach out to have showed signs or even said They could feel something, and I don’t get a sense of passing right through, either. But try & convince a psychopath of that… [wink]

                We moved to other topics at the time, and I don’t think We saw each Other after that convention.

                I was very into the hard-core stuff – Heinlein, Asimov, Ellison, Forward, Silverberg, LeGuin, and so many more. Just now I am more fascinated with the scifi story the psychopaths in control are writing and performing in the world around Me.

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                • James 11:35 on September 4, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                  Well I have an open mind, so I accept there is maybe more to it than I understand, though it sounds a good deal like a “healing through prayer” experience or a ‘psychic’ con.
                  Hmm, that is hard-core, I won’t pretend to know about most of their works in detail. Isn’t the modern-day political story more fantasy than scifi? ☺

                  Like

  • James 16:25 on August 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply  

    Boredom 

    “Boredom. It’s a killer. Right now I’m the most bored I’ve been in a while. It’s fucking hateful bullshit, really the worst part of being alive.”myself (yes, I am really that arrogant)

    Fuck it, I’m too bored to write this.

     
  • James 09:34 on August 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , games, machiavellianism, , Mesdames et messieurs nous vous rappellons que la validation de votre titre de transport est obligatoire lors de la montée dans le tramway, , no homo, , , sexy italians, , that noise computers with dial-up internet make,   

    Psychopath meet psychopath 

    I am writing this in response to a comment from my favourite self-identified Human. If you want to suggest an article, you can! I’m super receptive, and shit. 

    In one of my most recent articles, I alluded to being able to spot other psychopaths in a crowd. Let me tell you about a recent time when just that happened. I was going home on the tram (like a true European), and two students got on and sat opposite me. The one on the right was grinning foolishly, his head slightly bowed even though he was by no means too tall for the tram. The one on the left was sitting straight and confident, clearly not listening to the chattering of his friend. His eyes were scanning the carriage like mine had been moments earlier, and they narrowed slightly when they noticed I was watching. He stared coldly for several seconds, until his friend cracked some sort of ‘joke’ and briefly shut up, clearly expecting some sort of reaction. The psychopath smiled at him mechanically and even let his eyes crinkle to show ‘genuine’ pleasure. You could practically see the mental pat on the back he had given his friend and the cheering effect it had on the latter’s confidence. Once again the psychopath made eye contact with me, no longer bothering to keep the contempt from his face. I looked pointedly at the friend then back at him before miming a yawn and in response he smirked. Soon after was their stop and they left, the joker trailing slightly behind.

    That what just a brief encounter. A silent, one-off meeting, with no further consequences. It is just one example of many moments of mutual recognition in my life, that are often followed by a mutual decision to keep a distance: “I’ll stay out of your way if you stay out of mine”.

    But what happens when two psychopaths actually interact? Well, the internet has no doubt made a huge difference. Being a 90s baby, by the time I was seven or eight we had a home computer, so  I don’t know how things went down before the internet, whether psychopaths would actually meet up to discuss being psychopaths, but since it doesn’t happen much these days I would assume probably not. By contrast, in 2015 there are several active online ‘communities’ of psychopaths that I know of and probably twice as many that I don’t. Psychopaths have websites and blogs that I visit on occasion; likewise other psychopaths sometimes stop by to comment here. This can have many mutual benefits; being able to communicate openly with like-minded people is one. Discussing things that only psychopaths would be interested in is another. Honing verbal sparring skills is one that is more personal to me. And yes, comparing notes on tactics occasionally plays a role too. One thing that is not usually a problem is staying out of each others’ way. We can tolerate each other precisely because we’re not targeting the same prey and do not pose a threat to one another’s existence. It can happen online, but not often enough to comment on.

    However, despite the internet’s ubiquity in the modern world, real life still exists and real psychopaths still come into real life, prolonged contact.

    Matt

    In my second year of university, I shared a house with nine other people (it was a big house in a poor city, so really easy for a bunch of broke students to rent). Apart from me and the six normal neurotypicals, there was an autistic person, a neurotypical with depression, and another psychopath. We’ll call the psychopath “Matt”, because that’s his name. He is from a rich family, he was enlisted in a weird officer version of the army cadets (which, if he ever joins up for real will elevate him straight through the ranks to Second Lieutenant) and there’s not much more I could say. His personality was bland, but that might just be because I could see through the mask.

    There was certainly some common ground, and we did team up to pick on the weaker members of the group on occasion, but we were both possessive over what each of us judged to be our house, our toys. To paraphrase a song, the house wasn’t big enough for the both of us.

    Psychopath philosopher = my kind of guy.

    From the start, I had the advantage. True, it wasn’t completely one-sided as Matt is just as intelligent as, if not more intelligent than, me. And he successfully forged a closer relationship to the autistic girl, Ginny, whom he tormented. But I was better at charming the group as a whole, am much less overtly anti-social (cleaned up after myself, involved myself in household organisation – really just a way of having influence over decision-making) and my nice guy mask was more firmly secured than his. Plus I had one significant advantage, I already knew what a psychopath is, and knew that was who I was, whereas he was either completely ignorant or just waking up. And he did stupid ‘I am obviously a psychopath’ things, like reading Machiavelli’s The Prince in the kitchen, talking openly about manipulating people and not taking much care to keep his ‘relationship’ with Ginny, and all its bizarre abuse, covert. In the end, he was his own undoing. Everyone in the house knew how he’d been treating the girl by the time I acted, orchestrating in a “worried about Ginny” meeting with the two most influential neurotypical housemates. All I had to do was casually mention I’d been reading about psychopaths and thought Matt fit the bill, and the rest clicked into place. Matt was immediately discredited among the entire house, and was forced to leave within days. I had won. The house was mine. Huzzah!

    And on that bombshell (RIP), it’s time to end.

     
    • luvlee 15:03 on August 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Hahahaha one up to the smarter psycho. B.

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 15:44 on August 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks, B. You’ve replaced the kid now have you? I was talking to her for ages yesterday.

        Liked by 1 person

        • luvlee 15:47 on August 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          I heard. I was like don’t fuckn talk to my friend but i seen you said the other day nobody is my property. Haha. I just like having my own fuckn friends away from her. She been around for a while cos she’s trying to keep us all safe. Fuck knows why. Get to go away for the weekend and i think she’s fucked that up by telling People I’m Guna hurt her. She makes me look nuts is fuckn annoying. If i could kill her i would but now you know what that would mean. B

          Like

          • James 15:56 on August 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            Yeah, that would be pretty fucking stupid, haha. So, do you think you’re a psychopath? The others seem to think you are.

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            • luvlee 16:02 on August 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              I have read about it and I have alot of the characteristics of being one. Problem being i have the others who are not. So that does not make the whole person one dammit. I torment her all the time it is fun. I recognize other psychopaths and pathetic people i can take advantage of. I’m actually excited we studying criminal justice because the best criminals make the best detectives. Or better criminals Hahhahaha and i can use my knowledge to my own personal advantage.

              Liked by 1 person

              • James 16:34 on August 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                I’d say you probably are. I plan to keep asking for criminology info, and if you don’t tell me, one of the other idiots will 😛

                How do you torment her? How is that even possible?

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                • luvlee 16:55 on August 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                  Easy i just say that she’s a whore slut and i cut her i had to put my name on her to remember that I’m here and don’t forget it. Brooke tried changing my name right. I’m the only fuckn one here with a half decent name. This lady got into my system and tried changing it. I can understand brooke just wanted a friend but you can’t fuckn trust anybody

                  Like

                  • James 17:50 on August 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                    But really what I was asking was how you manage to communicate with them and how they understand you. If Bitch really is your name, that is kickass. I’m guessing the lady is the therapist?

                    Like

                    • luvlee 18:17 on August 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                      I just think at them its thoughts. She doesn’t hear voices. It’s very hard to know who is in or thinking things but she generally is starting to notice who is who. The host i mean. We don’t communicate much with each other. I only knew of brooke and in the beginning i was in denial of her until i realised my job is to destroy her. Yes Bitch is my name and i have a twin sister brutal bitch. She is not around unless host is in extreme danger of being hurt by others. She don’t take it. Not from others outside of her family.

                      Liked by 1 person

                      • James 18:25 on August 28, 2015 Permalink

                        OH my god, ‘Brutal Bitch’. That’s awesome. I want to meet her. The host knows about you, though. And about Brooke. I don’t know of any of the others, though they might have already talked to me.

                        Like

                      • luvlee 18:40 on August 28, 2015 Permalink

                        The host only knows about me and brooke. She knows there many others and she has a list that was revealed to her but we are the only 2 at the moment she remembers slightly as having been here. I only know brooke brooke knows quite a few of the others. She’s an inner self helper. I am a persecutor apparently. Haha fuck that. They must likely have not talked to you. And then there are fragments. Have you looked up any of this crazy shit. I can’t believe how fuckn dumb it is.

                        Like

                      • James 18:54 on August 28, 2015 Permalink

                        Looked it up? No, I learn lots talking to you and the others. Haha, you ‘persecute’ them, meaning you keep them on their toes. But Brooke is a challenge to speak to, she’s guarded. What do you say to the host’s plan to exorcise you from her body? You gonna die, Bitch >:)

                        Like

                      • luvlee 19:20 on August 28, 2015 Permalink

                        I fuckn get angry as fuck. How did you know about that. I was thinking about this before. Brooke and the therapist are against me. They don’t want me having any fun. They make me go away to these retreats to rest and all i wanna do is play up and I’m not even allowed out

                        Like

                      • James 19:26 on August 28, 2015 Permalink

                        I know lots of things. You cause trouble, you’re going to get burnt. Unless the therapist were to no longer have so much control over your life. Now how might you make that happen? 😉

                        Like

                      • luvlee 19:37 on August 28, 2015 Permalink

                        By stopping going to her. I tell her i ain’t coming back and she says she’ll leave the appointment open in case others change their minds. If i had control of them all i would stop going. I nearly did the other day but half an hour late brooke made me go. But i took the session time. Hahhahaha told the t to fuck off

                        Liked by 1 person

                      • James 19:45 on August 28, 2015 Permalink

                        Or, you could try something more permanent… when you know a bit more criminality , uh I mean, -ology 🙂

                        I’m going to bed, then afterwards to Spain. Bye, bitch. Bye, Brooke. And Anna of course. Play nice.

                        Liked by 1 person

                      • luvlee 19:47 on August 28, 2015 Permalink

                        Oh you lucky bastard have lots of fun. I know i would.

                        Liked by 1 person

                      • James 19:49 on August 28, 2015 Permalink

                        Have fun with no kids around!

                        Like

                      • luvlee 19:50 on August 28, 2015 Permalink

                        Fuck Yeah. Hope the Bitch hasn’t penned to brooke to much otherwise i won’t be allowed to much fun

                        Like

                      • James 19:52 on August 28, 2015 Permalink

                        Ooh, who are you?

                        Like

                      • luvlee 20:15 on August 28, 2015 Permalink

                        It’s Bitch. I hope the therapist hasn’t Listened to brooke

                        Like

    • Rivka 16:22 on August 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Wicked interesting reading.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Lucy 11:35 on August 21, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Hey, I’ve always had a burning interest and desire for a psychopath. I only rate 25 on hares test but I think I can get better. Does anyone fancy talking?? I’m 23 year old woman.

      Like

    • Anonymous 14:12 on September 2, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      got to say I disagree with you James saying that you can spot a Psychopath in a crowd even if you proclaim to been one Yourself. If there’s one thing I know about Psychopaths is that they can read people better than most Non Psychopaths can. They can even fool other Psychopaths. Robert Hare the Godfather of Psychopathy gets asked this question a lot and he said he is No better than anyone else at spotting Psychopaths it can take weeks , months , even years before the mask slips. In Britain 1 in 100 people have a Psychopathic personality but need to score 30 out of 40 on the Psychopathy checklist to be Identified as a true Psychopath whereas the rest of the population only scores 1 or 2 on the test!

      Like

    • Ranpo 11:05 on November 20, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      haha 🙂

      Like

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