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  • James 10:48 on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ahoj shipmates, comment bait, , , , Horalky, , nech žije král' Johann, , neurotypicals, opinion, pity, prejudice, , , , Tatra, tolerance   

    What’s your opinion on psychopaths? 

    I recently asked a (neurotypical) friend of mine, Johann, who lives in Slovakia, the following question:

    “I wonder, how do you personally feel about the fact that psychopaths exist? And what emotions do you feel toward them, as a group. Pity? Admiration? Indifference? Or something else?”

    His reply is sensible, measured, and – I would argue – reveals a healthy attitude of tolerance we could all* benefit from emulating.

    I don’t hold grudges against any one (though I can’t stand people who hurt and torture children) so I take them as other people. They just exist and there is nothing to be done about it. My friend and you are good examples of how they can fit in our society. Although somebody once said that it’s your thought that matters and not the action, I must disagree. Actions matter most. I can even understand why you need to lie and manipulate so much. It’s probably your way of survival and getting along with people (I would never have befriended my friend if he’d told me he was a psychopath, because of fear and not because of prejudice).

    As for the ones who purposely hurt other people, well, one doesn’t have to be a psychopath to hurt others. I’ve read that all serial killers are psychopaths, but I don’t think so. There are a lot of lunatic people who actually empathise with others yet they enjoy hurting them. The most dangerous ones are those who feel pain and hatred in their hearts and seek revenge for something.

    Slovenska or Slovenija? I guess it doesn’t matter. Just don’t mention Hungary.

    I may feel a little pity, because you’ll never be able to experience genuine love. I admire a lot of people, so some may be psychopaths. I feel indifference to cruel people only. Knowing that yu exist, I try to be more careful with people, because I don’t want to end up as their target.

    I hadn’t even thought about psychopaths before my friend told me.

    The friend Johann refers to is somebody he lived with in Bratislava until recently, who ‘came out’ as a psychopath to Johann after being confronted over something naughty he’d done. This in itself is an unusual course of action.

    And now, if any of you really care, here’s what I wrote in response:

    For sure actions matter more than thoughts, because they are what actually have an effect on the world. But I do think people get a bit freaked out that psychopaths even exist, for what they are more than for what they do. I could be sympathetic to someone who said “I think psychopaths are evil because they hurt people”. I don’t happen to agree that is true, but it’s a valid enough claim. But hating psychopaths just for existing is prejudice. A form of speciesism, if those morons are right about us not being human!

    Yes I have to lie and manipulate to survive, but you’d be mistaken if you thought I didn’t enjoy it. I love messing with people.

    Ah yes, “love”. Genuinely mystified by everyone’s obsession with love, but I suppose that only serves to prove your point. But if it makes me sound any better, I am also baffled by hatred. I’ve never felt hate for any individual or group in all my life.

    “I hadn’t even thought about psychopaths before my friend told me.” A think a big part of our success is people’s ignorance. They don’t know we exist, or if they do they think we’re (i) quite rare or (ii) all serial killers.

    Personally, I think it’s amazing that psychopaths have – probably – been around for all of human history, yet their existence was only first ‘discovered’ less than one hundred years ago. Like penicillin. Or radioactivity.

    Tatra Mountains, Europe, Beautifulo autumn sightview

    I promise I’m not sponsored by ‘Visit Slovakia’, but just look at this gorgeous landscape.

    Do you agree with Johann? If not, how would you respond to my question? Are you one of those who believe a lack of conscience is inherently evil regardless of how an individual behaves? I would love to hear from you in the comments section below. Be as rude as you like.

    Thanks very much, Johann, both for your brilliant answer and for agreeing to let me publish some of our conversation. You’re the best. 

    *Obviously I don’t need to learn to be more tolerant of psychopaths. But I could certainly improve my attitude to neurotypicals.

     
    • Amaterasu Solar 21:55 on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      There was a glitch in the system & I was unable to see a reply section on this page. So I made a blog post in response – this is what I said:

      I was moved to respond to James’ article, What’s your opinion on psychopaths?, but it seems that is the only page I do not get a reply box or even see replies on.

      What I wanted to add is that I don’t have an opinion of psychopaths, per se, but that I judge ALL, Each by whether They choose to remain Ethical. If They don’t break the three Laws of Ethics (also called Common Law), it’s not My business to impose, and if They are pleasant, I tend to like them a lot.

      In fact, I suggest this would be the approach statistically all of Us would choose in the abundance paradigm. [smile]

      Like

      • James 06:38 on July 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        I’m not sure why you were prevented from writing a comment, that’s odd.

        Like

        • Amaterasu Solar 08:51 on July 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          Seems it was just a glitch. Tina fixed it for Me. [smile]

          Like

          • James 09:42 on July 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            You shouldn’t be bothering Tina, she’s got a lot to do at the moment!

            Like

            • Amaterasu Solar 11:30 on July 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              Actually, I mentioned to a friend on twitter that had commented to both of Us, and so Tina saw My reply. She took care of the problem [smile]

              Liked by 1 person

              • James 11:47 on July 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                Isn’t she a wonderful human being? 🙂

                Please, see my post on ‘Ethics’ (I’ve forgotten the name of my own article…)

                Liked by 1 person

    • Frances Nowve 03:20 on July 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I am somewhat confused. So you ARE a psychopath. Since you wrote this under a heading “No Psychos, No Druggies, No Stooges” that you were AGAINST us. Well, in spite of that strange heading, I’m glad you are not. As a psychopath, myself, I think we are great. More interesting than most people. I am damned tired of people ragging on us, calling us “evil” and inhuman. I liked your friend’s response. Very even handed as you said. I liked what you said at the end about neurotypicals.

      Like

      • James 07:04 on July 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        That’s just cognitive dissonance you’re feeling.

        Neurotypicals are typically boring and irrational people, so it will take all of my willpower to improve my attitude.

        Like

      • James 07:17 on July 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Also, I see you’re an advocate for Slytherins. Now that’s an unfairly maligned group if ever there was one. They’re not even all psychopaths, just intelligent strategic people, and they’re constantly treated like the villains.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Frances Nowve 16:59 on July 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks, James. I would click “like” but I’m having password issues. How not unusual. 😉

      Like

    • Paola 08:59 on April 23, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “Coming out” is the term that is truest. One last drama/trauma night and there he was. It’s been a year now. The shock has wore off. Reality has come home to stay. Ignorance is bliss is no longer an option. In the end I don’t know what or how to feel for or about him , “the stranger” in our faux relationship”. I accept that I was genuine and honest. In the end it’s all that matters. This chapter ended. Life goes on…

      Like

    • andrew 10:12 on November 2, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Being called a psychopath is a form of moral judgement. It is not based on anything the person has, only what the society thinks he is. When you really think about it, it’s a label by a bunch of conformists for a person who does not conform. As a consequence, I can not accept the existence of this label.
      I grew around people, yet I was vastly different. I have my own personal code of ethics. And I have extremely high standards. Unfortunately, most dont try and fall very very short. It would make me mad when I had tondeal with others and see betrayal and lies and plain stupidity. I got told “to err is to human” and I would say, “if that is the case, then it sucks to be human”

      One day, someone studied me for a lengthy time, testing me without my knowledge, finally told me I was a psychopath. Then I had to dig this up and I have to disagree with a lot of that bunk.. Here’s why:

      She was hard working, extremely emotional and got upset by little things to a point where she could barely function. I am not ruffled no matter what happens. I prepare to pick up the pieces after the hurricane, as someone is bound to do, and it might as well be me as the next person. Things never work perfectlly, so one should always be proactive and a bit detached, while also working xooperatively with others.
      All human beings practise manipulation, its just that some have worked that into an art form of unparalled skill.
      Those who try to complqin about psychopaths are hypocrites who are looking to create a new group of people to hunt down as witches. What you think, is your own concern, what you do houkd be rewarded or punished. The basis of law, government, and human endevour is based on actions, not thoughts.
      What I am basically saying, is that the study of Psychopathy is an insidious trap that all people of unencumbered mind have to avoid. DO NOT FALL INTO THAT TRAP.
      It is a trap laid by the weak, to fetter the strong. You are not responsible for another person’s condition. Empaths, as they call themselves claim tonfeel another’s pain, but what exactly are they doing with theor life?
      Those who think they are psychopaths need to avoid blogs like a plague and study human history, and in doing so, you will find you have a place in it, a better place than 99.5% give you, an animal dressed like a human to be hunted down and shunned.

      Like

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 11:45 on November 2, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Hi Andrew, thanks for sharing. Since the label psychopath has a bad reputation, what do you want to be called?

        Like

      • James 18:26 on November 2, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I am inclined to agree with most of everything you wrote, Andrew. Other than checking in on comments occasionally (yours is an illuminating one), I’ve pretty much abandoned this blog, and through losing the desire to write about psychopathy, I’ve also moved a long way from thinking of myself as a psychopath, or as an anything. After a frankly miserable few years of consciously embodying psychopathy, I’m just going to be me, and fuck all labels, because none of them fit.

        Like

    • andrew 14:09 on November 29, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I don’t know what you should call them. But I know psychopath is not a good term to use. They lump all the corrupt politicians, serial killers, and all the misguided but powerful people being rebelled against,’psychopath”.
      And that’s ridiculous to the highest degree. The psychopath label comes with a lot of problems. I need not repeat them. A lot of sensationalism, no doubt pushed by the media, has pushed the narratives about psychopathy in the general population. The criminals, wishing a piece of fame, closet paranoids though they are, rejoice in committing crime, the grislier the better, for a slice of fame. And the public turns around and points, “a psychopath”.
      So the issue here is not that psychopathy has come out in the open at all, no. It is that the society has changed. The rules that worked in defining human behaviour no longer work, and the psychologists are trying very hard, unsuccessfully, to blame some people for their failures. The people who CAN commit crimes without feeling sorry for them. Operative word is CAN.
      After the study by Robert Hare, the cat is out of the bag. I have read enough history to predict the behaviour of groups of people, and the witch hunts will cone one day.
      Gone will be Innocent till proven guilty. Gone will be trial by incidental facts alone. The assumed fact of being a psychopath will be enough to get those who don’t pass the ball put away. This is the game, those who pass the Psychopathy buck are playing.
      We have , at this time, almost universal betrayal of populations by their elected officials, commerce controlled by those who can pay for the privilege to get the chance to deny the rest either opportunity or the fruit of their labor, we have drugs ravaging most neighborhoods, and i doubt most are certain they could keep their jobs if they dared to do what was right, rather than “follow the rules”.
      I pointed out very big, systematic problems, and we have not even started discussing the horrific school system.
      But apparently, that guy who lives next to you, that you might work with, who wants to succeed and wants nothing to do with you unless his life demands it, poses more problems to you than the systemic problems you face daily and you don’t even bother to do something to help yourself.
      For those who think they are psychopaths, think hard. There are consequences for others like you. If you are not a misguided person messing it up wholesale for others, don’t identify with those who do.

      For the NTs, at.the end of the day, we are people. We have laws. We have various systems we use. We have science. Being a victim does not make the other person evil. It does make you weak. You must assume responsibility for your behaviour, good or bad.

      It is time to put this label away. It is a label that misinforms, and which has created a lot of misunderstanding.

      Like

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 15:21 on November 29, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        You think: “Being a victim does not make the other person evil. It does make you weak. You must assume responsibility for your behaviour, good or bad.”

        Anybody could be a victim, even you. Victims may be unaware, but they aren’t weak, and can’t “assume responsibility” for the antisocial behavior of the victimizer. The victimizer has ALL of the responsibility for forcing their own agenda on other people.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Amaterasu Solar 15:27 on November 29, 2016 Permalink | Reply

          Yeah, Tina. Victim-blaming. “I chose to screw You over. It’s YOUR fault what I chose to do because YOU’RE weak!” Pffft. The One who chooses the unEthical behavior is responsible.

          Liked by 1 person

    • andrew 12:55 on November 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      And you have a responsibility for your own existence. Never ever forget that, at the end of the day, your existence is your own responsibility, so choose wisely. Don’t take the wrong viewpoint on this, which is, you are getting blamed. The viewpoint is you must toughen up so you are not taken advantage of so you become a more effective person overall. A victim is someone in a condition of weakness. While victims should be protected, being a victim is not an ideal state of existence, being an effective person, is.

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      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 21:03 on November 30, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        People don’t need to “toughen up”. They need only learn. The only reason you feel superior to others is because you were taught some things before other people got the chance to learn it. You weren’t born with knowledge, yet you expect others to be on the same page? Being the first to learn something may put you in a better position in the game, but that doesn’t mean a weakness of the other players.

        Liked by 1 person

    • andrew 07:51 on December 1, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      You are weird. You are too busy trying to get into other people’s heads to really think for yourself. Where is this superiority crap coming from? Is it possible that your feelings already got involved and have already interfered with your ability to think? This is the proof you need to dump the psychopath label. Someone is seriously confused, and it sure isn’t the guy labeled a psychopath. But being right doesn’t guarantee success, being intelligent and capable does.
      The supposed psychopathic traits are subjective labels by people who are overwhelmed ny their feelings. Embracing their label means you give up your individuality, freedom, free viewpoint, in exchange for what?

      In exchange for being a pariah and being branded a monster and losing any benefits you have with no objective reason? Where is the empathic understanding here? I, for one, are not holding my breath. How can you do any thinking when your feelings are involved? What makes one human, the ability to think or the ability to feel? The good thing, is the real beast is out in the open. The real beast is people are giving up their ability to think, and embracing the ability to feel.
      This has nothing to do with stopping crime, indeed, it never did. It is a kind of manipulation whose goal is to force people into a collective mindset through manipulation. To stop crimes and all the problems we have to do, all you have to do is enforce the law and be unreasonable with criminal activities of any kind. This psychopath crap creates more problems than it solves.

      Like

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 20:34 on December 1, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        You said, “You are weird. You are too busy trying to get into other people’s heads to really think for yourself.”

        Everything you say indicates that you think you are superior. Then you contradict yourself quite often. First, you try to lambast me: ” Is it possible that your feelings already got involved and have already interfered with your ability to think…”

        AND THEN you complain, ” Where is the empathic understanding here?”

        Make up your mind.

        Liked by 1 person

    • andrew 07:58 on December 2, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Your opinions and your feelings are so damn important, so you think. You think I really care about your opinion and the truth is I care only so much as it has communication value, and that’s as far as it goes. As far as the inferiority complex, who cares what you think? If one could even call this, thinking. It’s difficult to be personal to do someone who has no “person” about them

      Like

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 09:43 on December 2, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        You are really going off the track. Yes, my opinions and my feelings are really damn important. Aren’t everybody’s?

        I don’t expect you to care. You are a psychopath, and by definition, you have a brain condition preventing you from caring about people. So, let’s go back to discussing why you’re here – to defend psychopaths from empaths. You actually made good points about societal flaws.

        People are generally controlled by their emotions – however, we can learn to put them aside with practice. Empaths have the ability to expand our views to see it from the other side. Psychopaths cannot learn to use emotion, and have completely one-sided viewpoints.

        I was made to be emotional and caring. I wouldn’t have it any other way. So, although I can see your side, and I wouldn’t like to live it.

        When you commented on this blog under the name of “Jul”, you wrote: “Only a stupid one would own up to being a psychopath. They are indeed not good people at all. Without a lot of internal effort, they can wreak havoc. One of these can make a terrible parent or a life partner. But there is a caveat….if you mishandle them. And Lucy, that’s how you messed up. You did not know the creature you married.”

        Well, you have been “branded a monster” by yourself. Where do we empaths go from here?

        Liked by 1 person

    • andrew 16:23 on December 2, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      You are as objective as they come, I observe rather sarcastically. The comments I wrote are meant to warn those who might not see the trap of being dumb enough to look at themselves through the eyes of such “an enlightened being” as yourself. My point is “enlightened beings” like yourself are setting the rules on who and what to do with a group of people you have decided you dont like. The only side that gets heard, is the empaths, the “harmed”, the “good”, the “sheep”, the angels, the “victims”.

      I don’t care for your crappy sense of ethics, or your sense of justice, or your sense of perception, because, truth be told, you can’t see past your face, and your feelings, and beyond your pathetic life. But that does not mean if you have enough dumb people, you can’t make life for others, because you can.

      Look at earth today, and all the misery you see around you, is not due to psychopaths, but due to evil people(being evil and a psychopath are not inclusive), and what can be called collective stupidity.

      Well, Tina, thanks for saying something. I got what you said, seriously, I did. Unfortunately, it doesn’t apply to the here and now so I’ve lost interest. My intention was to warn others of dangers looming in the background, and that, I have done in a few posts.

      The warning is: don’t identify with the psychopath label because it is a sure way to ruin your social life. Don’t identify with any of the criteria as they were done by NTs who had an axe to grind against someone. In any case, there is nothing flattering at all bout those traits. And lastly, there is absolutely no differentiation here. They lump big criminals, petty criminals, good people, crooked lawyers and politicians, all because “they have no conscience” which is a religious term and should have no basis in a scientific journal in that it can not be seen, much less measured.

      Psychological study at it’s very best.

      I have a good reason for not trusting NTs. I learnt the hard lesson not to, a long long time ago. I love people, you just have to prove your worth, and no man is truly equal to another, no matter how much Karl Marx says its true.

      Like

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 17:18 on December 2, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        You have never met anyone as objective as me in regards to living openly with psychopaths. You write with such contempt that it is an unwelcome read. Psychopaths have such a hard time with conversation. What is so pathetic about my life? Please give details. That you care not for my sense of justice or ethics makes no difference because you are stuck with us. Your very limited understanding of the disturbing feeling of conscience makes you disregard it as a religious term, when in fact it is a physical phenomenon of the NT nervous system. You are the one who comes across as dumb and trapped. It is best for you to hide because you are the weak one. And I say that without the slightest flicker of emotionality towards the subject. Now I’m bored.

        Like

    • Andrew 15:01 on December 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      This site is full of your responses to one thing or another. Can’t read a single post without your ridiculous comments about the wonders of feelings and empathy. Do you own this site? The way you act sort of reminds me of the you-go-girl culture prevalent in the west today.

      You have never met anyone as objective as me in regards to living openly with psychopaths-@GeneticPsycho (Tina) 14:18 on December 2, 2016.

      After forcing myself to read some of the snot that you post here, I am not so sure about that. You would give whatever group you were a part of, a bad name. Misery loves company, so I am pretty sure you won’t be lonely. There will be a lot of “victims” wishing for “protection” who will be a part of your group against “those without a conscience”

      James has made a mistake in engaging you in numerous times. I doubt you ever really read what he writes before you look for one thing to prove him, anyone else who vaguely disagrees with your tightly held beliefs about life.

      There are places where people like you are not allowed to comment on blogs. And it is precisely because of what you seem to have done here. You spam anyone who tries to discuss anything. You seem to give little thought to anything you say. Everything you say is calculated for effect value only. It has no purpose to inform or even to discuss. You distract attention from issues being discussed, back towards yourself.

      If anything Tina, you would be the real psychopath on this site. You try to terrorize anybody who doesn’t agree with you. In fact, I will now nickname you, PsychoTina. I have never met anyone as objective as PsychoTina about psychopaths, because you are the real psychopath here. You are the only one who fits all of these traits to a T.

      PsychoTina, you are the only actual Psychopath on this site.

      Like

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 05:37 on December 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        You don’t even realize how disordered your thoughts are. (Psychopaths contradict themselves.) You start out by saying I’m full of feelings and empathetic, then you end by saying I’m a psychopath. Typical psychopathic raving.

        Like

    • andrew 22:40 on December 11, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Your disordered and childishly simplistic thinking has been exposed for one and all to see. Thanks for illustrating why you must not submit to testing and whatawaits you if you put yourself in the hands of our “loving” and “empathic” brethren.
      One day we might have a world that runs on empathy, on that day, only the victims will have rights, and they will be entitled to everything because they “need it”-oh wait, we live in that world today. We have hell on earth today.

      Empathy as preached by Jezebels like yourself, not good forthis planet.

      Like

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 01:49 on December 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Ok, throw in a little name-calling and the expected psychopath tantrum. It is also a psychopathic trait to see the world as black and white. According to you, the world runs on empathy. Wrong. Regular people have empathy for their family, friends, and chosen group. Outside of that, there is little empathy, but it can be taught. As opposed to psychopaths who have no empathy, not even for family. People who are capable of destroying their own family are even more capable of destroying all of society.

        Someday, with awareness training, we won’t need MRI psychopath testing of politicians because everyone will see you psychopaths plainly.

        Like

    • andrew 03:08 on December 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Tina, you don’t get the point at all. This empathy stuff, ok. What does empathy have to do with dealing with criminal activity? Prosecute all crimes! You were obviously betrayed by someone, and it really stung. So what are you going to do now? Start a witch hunt on peoplr like him? Has it occurred to you how more fulfilled your life would have been had you simply moved on?
      Why are you so concerned with how people conduct their lives? It would make sense to help them when you have set your own life in order, and youndefinitely have some personal problems of your own from the looks of it.
      How much history have you really read? How much do you really know about government? About western civilization? About the last 2500 years of it?Do you know how and why those civilizations collapsed, amd what the politicians of those times did?
      You are taking a faulty study by Dr. Hare, and implementing the solution with absolutely no thought of practical comsequemces, or even real life practical merits, the ones that I point out, see you gross over, and you are too busy looking for the psychopath to see the truth.
      Until you employ some effort, and study the efforts employed by men in forming a civilization, you should not sit there with your holier-than-thou attitude bashing a small minority of people. All cilizations werenstarted by a single individual or a small group of people. All inventions weredone by single people who had to fight the minority to be given a voice. Get that right. Only individuals, figjting againt a majority of people, have ever built anything of value on this planet. Prove me wrongnTina. Go ahead.
      The study of psychopaths, as done today, is a faulty study. That’s not to say we don’t have a criminal element in society, but it is not who you think it is.
      Tina, do your homework. It might a while to do it. A person should understand what problem they are trying to solve, and I am challenging you to do it, for real. If you really care about people, find out for yourself the efforts they habe spnt creating civilizations in the last 2000 years.

      Like

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 08:52 on December 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        You assume a lot by saying: “You were obviously betrayed by someone, and it really stung. So what are you going to do now? Start a witch hunt on people like him? Has it occurred to you how more fulfilled your life would have been had you simply moved on?
        Why are you so concerned with how people conduct their lives? It would make sense to help them when you have set your own life in order, and you definitely have some personal problems of your own from the looks of it.”

        None of that microfiction makes any sense since you don’t know anything about me. I grew up in a family of psychopaths. I personally know well a large number of psychopaths. That is where my study comes from, not Dr. Hare. What I want is a level playing field where everyone knows what psychopaths really are – not psychotic serial killers – but, just people who think that the rest of us are their weak little playthings. I have said nothing about psychopaths being the criminal element of society.

        This is me – personal problems and all, moving on happily, setting my life in order. Get over it.

        Like

    • andrew 11:22 on December 13, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I don’t know about you, but I know what personal info I have gathered from a cursory look at your site. I did get that info from your site. The raison d’etre of your site. Thanks for the info on how you think and how you arrive at your conclusions.
      I could complain about the prejudice you, and a lot of others have, but I am glad to have the info so I am forewarned about those who have had their feelings hurt,and base their life’s mission on negative episodes. Nothing wrong with that, of course.
      Keep up with the good work, I will visit to check up periodically. It’s always a good thing to check up on different places to see how things are getting along.
      As a human being to another, I wish you success in your life’s mission as far as YOU are concerned. As far as anything else, it’s up to you.
      The road to evil is paved witj good intentions…….TOWARDS OTHERS

      Like

  • Barbara 06:45 on May 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , comment bait, , , ,   

    Online Harassment and Cyberstalking 

    A Real Life Problem

    The Internet is a wonderful place to work, play and study. But don’t let that fact make you blind to its down side. The Net is no more and no less than a mirror of the real world, and that means it also contains electronic versions of real life problems. Stalking and harassments are problems that many people especially women, are familiar with in real life. These problems can also occur on the Internet, in what has become know as “cyberstalking” or “online harassment”.

    If you thought that owning a computer and having an Internet account would make a person considerate and respectful; then think again. There are just as many predators in cyberspace as anywhere else. It is only their methods that have changed. Some predators might harass you by trailing around after you in live channels like lovesick puppies; unable to take NO for an answer and pestering you with email messages. In other cases this harassment may become a systematic campaign against you; where your harasser bombards you with threatening messages of hate and obscenities. Although distressful enough, the situation can even escalate to the point where your harasser traces your home address and telephone number; causing you to face not just emotional distress but also physical danger. It should come as no surprise to you that the “bad guys” are making use of this wonderful technology to harass people and prey on the innocent. Why wouldn’t they? Not all bad guys are street punks with no education. Some are university graduates with computers.

    There have been many examples of cyberstalking crossing over to “IRL” stalking (In Real Life stalking). Sadly, those users who have been victims of cyberstalking, tell a similar story: That no one took the harassment seriously until it became “IRL”. Cyberstalking can be a devastating experience for a person online. As they discover that the difference between the “Brave New World” of the Internet and the Real World is that in the real world people listen when you tell them you are being stalked and harassed. In cyberspace people say things like “well just turn off your computer”. Such incomprehension is common. “You can’t be hurt on the Internet – it’s just words” is commonly heard and “If you can’t handle it, then you shouldn’t be online” is another commonly hear comment. The online stalking is just as frightening and distressing as off-line stalking, and just as illegal.

    Men and women may be stalked on-line, but statistics show that the majority of victims are female. Women are the minority of the Internet population which means that their attention is generally a fierce competition between male users. This part of the Internet, resembles crude online single bars, with little in the way of politeness. Unfortunately the immediate and relative anonymity of live chat communications facilities enable users to be rude and insensitive. Cyberstalking and online harassment are also much easier to practice than real life stalking. In cyberspace, a stalker can harass their victim without ever have to leave the comfort of their own home, or have any witnesses to the incidents.

    One reason for the lack of successful prosecution of cyberstalkers, is that there usually is a lack of sufficient evidence available for the officials to warrant “probable cause” in order to further investigate. Many law enforcement agencies are Internet illiterate, therefore unaware that the problem could and does exist. To date, the only legislation regarding cyberstalking is the Communications Decency Act, enacted by the US Congress on 2-1-96, and is still being challenged in the Supreme Court. The real life, anti-stalking laws deal with actual attacks, and until such an attack happens, are actually very limited in defending yourself, or preventing any progression of the stalker. There is very little done about threats or harassment in the early stages.

    Online users are vulnerable to being targeted as cyberstalking victims in three areas.

    1) Live Chats (Facebook, Yahoo, Skype, Messenger) or IRC (Internet Relay Chat): in which a user talks live with other users. This is the most common place for cyberstalking.

    2) Message boards, Blogs, Reunion Sites, Support Groups and Newsgroups: a user interacts with others by posting messages, conversing back and forth.  Boards for emotional issues such as divorce; death; domestic violence are especially prone.  Disordered persons can track others they disagree with for years reeking all sorts of havoc.

    3) Email box: a user has the ability to write anything and even attach files to the email.

    Example: a user enables your email, via live chat or newsgroup postings, then emails you with obscenities, and attaches porno pictures. A common area regarding cyberstalking is at the “edu” sites, which are educational institutes, such as colleges and universities.

    One user might know another user personally and interacts on the Internet anonymously, so starting the cyberstalk. One student can enter the Internet as easily as another student, therefore not letting his true identity be known. And since user names can be unknown alias, who would ever know the identity or be able to prove the identity. In such cases, the stalker usually has the ability to trace the victim’s phone number and sometimes the address of his victim. Another includes interpreting a posting you may have made on a message board regarding your opinion as an “attack” if it differs from theirs. The stalker then becomes fixated on proving you wrong.

    Other forms of online harassment:

    1) Unsolicited email

    2) Live Chat

    3) Hostile Postings about you, using a few “facts” to make an untrue picture

    4) Spreading vicious, fabricated, untrue rumors about you (as opposed to telling the Truth at exposure sites)

    5) Leaving untrue messages on site guestbooks

    6) Impersonation of you online

    7) Electronic sabotage, (sending viruses, trojans, etc)

    8) Threatening phone calls

    9) Threatening mail

    10) Vandalism of property

    11) Physical attack

    12) Posing as you on groups, in emails or in postings.

    There are many precautions that you can take NOW to protect yourself in advance from the unwelcome attention of a cyberstalker. Remember: The goal of a cyberstalker is CONTROL. Your task is to reverse this situation. Keep control of who you communicate with on the Internet. To do this, you may like to consider the advice below. Remember, the time to deal with cyberstalking is before you become a target.

    CYBERSTALKING PREVENTION TIPS

    If you are being harassed online by a cyberstalker, the chances are that you are not the first person they have stalked. Cyberstalkers, like other predators, are opportunists. They know what they are looking for and how to get it. “Stalking” is a “power” crime, the stalkers has the power to make you suffer and enjoys that power. Stalkers’ self-esteem rises when they attack your self- esteem. The more pain and suffering they can cause, the better they feel about themselves. The best protection against becoming a target of stalking is not to reveal anything personal that you might have in common. Often, stalkers are mentally unstable, paranoid, delusional, and extremely jealous, and have extremely low self-esteem. Stalkers may display selfishness, malice, sadism, be very cunning and arrogant. Most are anti-social, and to put it in layman’s terms, be a “control freak”, enjoying manipulating other people. They crave power over others, and enjoy the type power that hurts other people. harassment is common enough in live chat on the Internet.

    The three most common ways it can start are:

    1) sexual harassment (or innuendo);

    2) a flame war (argument that gets out of hand);

    3)users that show their technological power by attacking innocent users, channels or even networks.

    Those who regularly start flame wars online are rude and obnoxious people, often having poor social and communication skills. Their idea of fun is throwing obscene abuse at another just to upset them. These kind of harassers are often loners who don”t have a companion and their attempts to attract your attention is often clumsy and crude. Care should always be taken when turning the away, as the are highly sensitive to rejection and humiliation, and could cause a vendetta to start against you. Understand that although clumsy and crude in most cases, the stalker is not stupid, they are very organized and usually experienced in their war against you.

    Stalking is a form of obsession. The difference between a normal cyber harasser and a cyberstalker, is this: harasser moves on to others and forgets you and a stalkers will come back to stalk you another day.

    The Internet enables the stalker, his powers, in most cases, merely a knowledge of the technology is all required to have the ability to stalk another user. Most stalkers, having been rejected desire to instill fear in users, therefore, upsetting the normal enjoyment of the Internet.

    Note that educated, smooth talking, responsible people also can be stalkers, appearing to be a perfect gentleman or lady with perfect manners. The major “clue” to cyberstalking, is when the stalker pushes for information regarding you personal life, private life, or life away from the net. Rule of thumb, as it may be referred to is: “NEVER GIVE ANY PERSONAL INFORMATION ACROSS THE INTERNET!”

    Online meetings should stay online, the individuals are, in fact, strangers. Online, the physical warning signs usually in the “body language” are missing. Also the clues of personality within the voice and eyes are missing. All there is to determine a personality is the skill in which they type there messages. There is no code of honor in protecting privacy on the Internet. Each user should therefore take steps to protect their privacy online.

    1) never specify gender

    2) use neutral-gender names

    3) change your password often

    4) edit your online profiles often

    5) review your email headers and signatures often

    6) use secure chat programs that do not permit tracking of your isp#

    7) use a good chat network

    8) use standard names, passive names to as to not draw attention to you

    9) use anonymous remailers

    10)use an anonymous browser

    11)use encryption to authenticate email

    12) discuss privacy with your server.

    And last: learn your technology. REMEMBER: PROTECT YOURSELF!

    GRAFX-SPECS DESIGN & HOSTING

     
  • James 13:15 on April 30, 2015 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: comment bait, , objectification, , , , villain clichés   

    How a psychopath views you 

    One of the reasons I’m allowed here is the extent to which I am able to ‘reveal’ or illuminate the psychopathic condition through not only what I say but how I say it. Some posts, through their subject matter, will reveal more than others. That is not something which especially interests me, but since it’s important to someone, it is fair to say that this is probably one of those extra-revelatory posts.  

    People are resources to be used like any other. But they’re not all the same, they are individuals. I don’t need to label them in order to interact with them. All the same, for the people I come into contact with, I categorise them into four different groups based on their value to me. I say “I categorise them”, it’s not something I’m overly conscious of, but when I interact with a specific person I conceptualise and treat them based on their group. And like I said, I’m not talking about people’s objective value, just their value in relation to my needs and wants.

    So enough waffling already, what are the groups?

    • Useful – people to be used for something of value they have. They’re a pretty common type. Analogous with tools.
    • Entertainment – people with whom I interact for pleasure. Not too many at the minute, though obviously their number goes up and down as people come and go. Analogous with toys, and in some favourable cases, pets.
    • Threat – people who may cause problems for my wellbeing. The least common group by far.
    • Unimportant – people who have no value, either positive or negative, to me. Basically most people on the planet.

    One issue with this list is it could be argued that entertainment is just a more specific form of usefulness; the person’s utility lies in their entertainment value.  People whose entertainment value is very great may become my friends. I’ll have to talk about friends in another post.

    So which are you? Well, you’re reading this so I guess you’re helping to support one of my hobbies, which makes you a cause of my entertainment. On the other hand, most of you are silent readers and for all I know you’re not the same crowd from week to week, which would make the individual reader rather unimportant. Nevertheless, that status belies how I really feel about you who read my posts; I greatly value your continued interest in what I’ve got to say – why else would I write?

    Should you leave a comment, you’d certainly stand a good chance of an upgrade. And you’d be able to tell whether it worked from my reaction. If I reply, you’ve become entertainment in yourself. It doesn’t take much, just a comment that isn’t completely unintelligible or boring. Who knows, you may even share information so valuable that you become useful, for a while.

    You can of course be more than one thing at a time; people I make use of may also be people I like. It’s when you’re just the former but you think you’re the latter where problems are generated – for you. So if you had a really charming friend or lover who left you one day without a backward glance, and whom you now believe to be a psychopath, it was almost certainly the case that you were only being used for whatever your ‘friend’ or ‘lover’ wanted at the time. When they left, it was because they decided that – what is that phrase again? – your usefulness was at an end. Still, at least they didn’t snap you in half on their knee.

    Unimportant or not, your views are bound to interest someone. So leave a comment! 

     
    • Human 14:40 on April 30, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Thanks for sharing! See reblog here: http://psychopathresistance.wordpress.com

      Liked by 1 person

    • James 14:46 on April 30, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Sorry about that delay, folks. Comments are now open for business!

      Like

    • totallytea1 17:59 on April 30, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      LOL

      Liked by 1 person

    • Amaterasu Solar 16:29 on May 2, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      James, I note You give no regard to how We might classify You. [smile] On My scale, You are a source of perspective and One in whom I find amusement, as well. I wish You well, which perhaps is a wish for Others You don’t think to make? Anyway, thank You so much for Your perspective.

      Like

      • James 17:05 on May 2, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Yes, that is true, I hadn’t given other’s opinions any thought, nor do I wish anybody well (or ill). Empathy, huh! May I ask what you find amusing?

        You don’t need to thank me every time you speak to me.

        Like

        • Amaterasu Solar 17:31 on May 2, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          I thank You because I appreciate very much that You have chosen to offer Your perspective. Was unsure whether hoping for the best for Others fell inside or outside empathy. I wish everyOne well, and discourage highly unEthical behavior choices.

          From the standpoint of watching You making Your case and following Your motive… It amuses Me. [shrug] [smile]

          Liked by 1 person

          • James 17:52 on May 2, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            So you think my case is laughable? 😀 What is my motive?

            Like

            • Amaterasu Solar 19:36 on May 2, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              Perhaps I should better have said “TRYING to follow Your motive.” [smile] I’m still working that out, James. [smile]

              Like

    • Grace 18:44 on May 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Your perspective is enlightening. It lifts the veil for those of us who have no idea why psychopaths behave as they do. It gives us knowledge we need to protect ourselves from being ” useful” to someone like you.

      Liked by 2 people

      • James 23:19 on May 3, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Glad to be of use to you, Grace 🙂

        May I suggest it’s not necessarily a bad thing to be useful. It means you have desirable assets: intelligence, wealth, beauty, expertise… the attention should be flattering. Doesn’t mean you have to meekly let yourself be used. If on the other hand the psychopath ignores you, it is likely the case there is nothing worthwhile about you.

        Like

        • Kodiak 16:25 on December 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply

          Well, I’m late to this party (got here somehow through Quora). This is an interesting read. I’m intrigued how much I agree, as I’m rather the opposite of a psychopath. I’m a passionate, empathic artistic personality, but also logical and raised to esteem self-reliance and wisdom. I view my emotions as my best friends and worst enemies, and try to cultivate more in-between to cope. I’ve had to learn in most painful ways that the deep, life-affecting emotions towards humans need to be reserved for a small group of people that closely influence me. Though I care greatly about humankind and this earth, the general public deserves only my politeness and at times acts of kindness, until they’ve earned more.There’s nothing wrong with being useful, we should be a resource on this earth. An empathic person like myself can use the people around me without hurting them. It’s been in my interests to do more of that. I’m not hurting most people when they are useful to me, and there’s many ways others can use me without detriment. I can stand up for myself if it steers towards harmful. Even as a deep-feeling person, I cannot have deep, meaningful relationships with more than a small group of the humans around me, and can get hurt by not recognizing that. Frankly, I’m happy and more healthy to have learned this lesson, happy to be used when it takes nothing away from me, and happy to use others similarly. It’s not personal.

          Liked by 1 person

          • James 18:22 on December 27, 2016 Permalink | Reply

            Thanks for your comment, Kodiak! It was interesting to read, no matter how late 🙂

            Like

    • Lisa 15:58 on June 7, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I have come into contact with a psychopath, been fooled for a short time, surprised them & confronted them in a public setting after they were spreading lies (no one could hear us but they could see the conflict). Then because of the rift between us and the fact we share some friends in common, the psychopath attempted several times to reconcile by appealing to the shared friends and talking about how unreasonable I was, but I refused (and some of the friends although they didn’t believe at first, now see my side of things when the psychopath discarded them and stopped giving them attention).

      I now treat that person like an inanimate object and ignore them (because it takes less energy, and I don’t want to give them any emotional hold on me) and go about my life, but I am now wondering how to prevent other people from being fooled by them. Spreading the truth about them seems the only way to go but I am loathe to sink to that level. I would guess I’m viewed as unimportant / a mild threat by the psychopath.

      What is the best course of action? I feel helpless to help other people.

      Liked by 1 person

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 16:27 on June 7, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Hi Lisa,
        We are not taught these dangers in school. It’s unfortunate you learned the hard way. For future protection against the 4 percent of the population who are not what they seem; learn the red flags, and suggest to other people that they “would benefit from learning these signs, especially in the case of Mr.X” Here is a list of habits- https://www.facebook.com/notes/psychopathy-genetics/how-to-spot-a-pro-social-psychopath/781795738538803

        Additional red flags: https://www.psychopathfree.com/content.php?212-30-Red-Flags

        Like

        • nowve666 22:12 on September 12, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          Hi, Tina. I’m puzzled about something. You are clearly among those who are anti-psychopath, But your user name is GeneticPsycho. Are you born with a psychopath brain wiring and just reject it through the power of will?

          Like

          • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 23:58 on September 12, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            I am not anti-psychopath. I simply don’t want them in policymaking positions. Psychopaths don’t follow their hearts, they follow their wallets, and are completely self-serving. That disqualifies a person from being a Public Servant. Other than that, I just want to know who I’m dealing with. I have a lot of psychopaths in my life. I am not one.

            Like

            • James 11:24 on September 13, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              But I barely have anything in my wallet, and I just let a 2000€ grant slip through my fingers. Reckless, maybe. But I didn’t need or want it, so there it goes down the drain. Adieu, mon argent ! Adieu !

              Liked by 1 person

      • James 19:13 on June 7, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        If I were you, Lisa, I would leave well alone. If the psychopath even suspects you of sabotaging their plans, they will come down on you like a ton of bricks. What is currently a brief unpleasant memory can easily turn into a long-term nightmare for you.

        But I suspect you’re not going to let this one go. So go with your gut and don’t specifically target this one person, be subtle. Share Tina’s stuff on your Facebook / Twitter, tell the friends you’re most concerned for about the signs of a psychopath, but let them make the connection themselves (i.e. do NOT say anything about “the case of Mr. X”, that’s stupid. You’re not stupid, are you?) and the people in your life should gradually break apart from the psychopath.

        Like

        • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 20:39 on June 7, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          (Hi James, you make a good point about being general.) Lisa, people should not follow my lead because I am very confrontational – for example, I have a website using the name of my ex – harlantaylor.com For 2 years, he has been silent about it. I set it up because my only concern is that people not fall for his scams / fake love. I fully expect him to come of out nowhere and give me hell some day. If you want to be completely done, then leave it anonymous.

          Like

    • norwegiannoodles 07:13 on July 13, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Great blog.

      Liked by 2 people

    • positivagirl 01:11 on July 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I have to laugh how your site is called ‘no psychos’ yet you are a psycho!! The irony, did you forget? 🙂 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • James 06:03 on July 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        It’s not my site. positivagirl, I just write here. The name is down to Genetic Psycho (Tina), the owner.

        The irony is not lost though, haha 🙂

        Like

    • Stephanie 01:17 on July 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Would you consider narcissists and sociopaths as a classification of psychopathy, a trait, or would this be a breed of their own?

      Like

      • James 06:06 on July 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        It doesn’t really matter what I think, as narcissist is set out as a disorder in the DSM-V whereas sociopathy and psychopathy aren’t. Psycho/sociopathy are listed as antisocial personality disorder. For what it’s worth, I think sociopaths and psychopaths are the exact same thing and narcissists are something different, though there can be overlap.

        Liked by 1 person

        • nowve666 22:06 on September 12, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          James, I used to use the word sociopath and psychopath interchangeably but I’m beginning to see a usefulness to keeping them as separate concepts. Everyone is always saying psychopaths’ have a different brain than nons. I think we can call those who act psychopathic but who have normal brains sociopaths.

          Like

          • James 11:19 on September 13, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            I don’t like any definition that uses the word “normal”, so you can count me out of the “we”. And don’t bother messing around with the wording because I don’t agree and that’s it 🙂 If there was no difference between the brain of a socio and that of the average schmuck on the street (or the “man on the Clapham Omnibus” if you like), there would be no socios to begin with.

            Like

            • nowve666 11:51 on September 13, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              When I say “normal ” I always have imaginary quotation marks around the word whether I type them I. Or not. So you think all sociopaths have different brains?

              Liked by 1 person

              • James 13:03 on September 13, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                They have to. The mental can’t exist without the physical (which I am aware is a philosophical statement of belief, rather than fact, but the body of evidence is mainly on my side)

                Like

    • Anonymous 01:27 on July 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      So I’m just curious have u always been like this or did something trigger it? Have u ever cared about losing anyone?

      Like

      • James 06:07 on July 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        If I knew that, I probably wouldn’t be here writing. Let’s find out together 🙂

        Like

    • Chad 02:05 on July 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I appreciate your post. I really do. And from a non psychopaths perspective is hard because being with a psychopath I noticed you over shadowed the “threat” catagory. Which is the difficulty of being with someone with this condition. Whenever you are threatened, which everyone is threatened at times, a childish response comes up. As much as there seems a proactive approach to want you want I feel there’s a more reactive reality. Being that you are trying to be helpful I will say yay everyone goes through some fears and threats. That people don’t learn to be adults until they find things that they can live without

      Like

      • James 06:18 on July 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Thanks for the feedback, Chad. I write the sort of things I think people want to read about, and there’s limited educational and entertainment value for you guys in reading about dark stuff all the time. It just gets tedious and doesn’t serve any purpose except to gross people out. I have written posts that I’ve not published because they’re just extended bouts of bragging and don’t offer the reader anything.

        If there are any topics you would like me to cover, you only have to ask.

        Like

    • A 03:17 on July 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I have some topics..
      Talk about the children brought up in a abusive situation such as this. Talk about the constant new masks having to be re-made and molded for the next source of supply, and then the next and then the next. Talk about the mundane routines of life you get so easily bored with, the numerous hearts you break, the lives you shatter with your lies. Talk about you never getting tired of filling your empty shell with stolen dreams. Talk about the lack of conscience, the lack of remorse, the inability to feel the way “useful, entertainment, unimportant people” feel–which is all a threat to your very existence. Talk about the way you disregard life and despise anyone and everyone who can love, the way God intended it to be, because the love you define, is fleeting, is passing, and will need a new mask, and a new audience.
      A

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 06:55 on July 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        The disdain is strong in this one.

        “Despise anyone and everyone who can’t love” would appear to describe you, A. I hope you can overcome that, because hate is never the answer.

        “An abusive situation such as this.” Such as what? I didn’t mention abuse in any shape or form. I have cared for children in the past, example: https://nopsychos.wordpress.com/2015/06/20/infiltration-by-psychopath/ In short I really don’t know anything about inflicting child abuse, merely what it’s like to be on the receiving end.

        “The constant new masks having to be re-made and molded…shatter with your lies” Yes, okay. Those are all legitimate topics of discussion that I shall write. I hope to read your comments there when I do.

        “Filling your empty shell with stolen dreams.” Hmm, that’s a whole lot of metaphor which doesn’t really mean anything. Luckily I don’t get offended easily.

        “Which is all a threat to your very existence.” You people are not a threat to my existence, you complement my existence. Life would be rubbish without you.

        “The way God intended it to be” Religious people are always so sure they know what God thinks about all manner of things, when all it really is is people using God’s name to peddle an agenda. Well two can play at that game: there’s probably no God, but if there is He made me as I am. So why not respect and love all of God’s creation, instead of just the bits you personally like?

        “The love you define, is fleeting, is passing” Oh really? Are you sure you’re not talking about someone else, someone in your life? Because I don’t recall defining love in any of my posts and since we don’t know each other in person, you can’t possibly be talking about me,

        Thank you for your comment; it’s good to be challenged like that and it’s good for you guys to know that you can say whatever you like here. I hope you find my response satisfactory.

        Liked by 2 people

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 21:55 on July 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Hi A,
        It’s hard to deal with disordered people when they are at their worst. Psychopaths have different brains than we do, and they absolutely see and do everything different from the norm.

        Like

        • James 22:03 on July 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          Hopefully that can be seen as far from my worst. I was trying to be diplomatic.

          Like

          • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 22:08 on July 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            I was not talking about you. I was trying to address the concerns raised by A regarding abusive psychopaths.

            Like

            • James 22:10 on July 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              But isn’t everything about me? 🙂

              Yes, that’s quite clear now. Hope to have your support.

              Liked by 1 person

      • sally 00:47 on February 2, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Well stated. Summed up how pathetic James’ existence is. It has no value. He’s a parasite.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Jacey 08:33 on July 25, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      James , interesting read , Yes I can see how one does not have to take offense t being ” Useful” and could perhaps see it as a compliment. perhaps my Sociopath was ‘Useful ” to me too. Best sex ever for one , I was addicted to it . The problem is that I loved the one side of him, he was also very very verbally abusive and if he fear he was about to loose to me then the cycle goes back to the idealization stage . I could go back right now if I wanted ( truthfully it’s hard to stay away) sadly I am always much happier with my sociopath. The unfortunate part is I love him and naturally he does not love me , he can not. There is no question that for him too I am best sex , most fun , ( we have a lot of fun) he can show me off like a regular trophy and does ( yes I like it, of course I love being made to feel I am most desirable and most beautiful) BUT then those eyes of his go black and glassy and his mouth becomes only a slit across his face I know I am about to endure any horror imaginable, He never lets m ego or walks away , that is up to me . He even says I am second to none , first on the list. That is not really a true loving relationship, A LIST !!!! I don’t want a list 😦 I can stay with him, I know how to deal with him but it is way to sad knowing I will never ever hear ” I love you” I will always have to be ready for his mood to sway and be a verbal punching bag and on my game because the game is his and one ca never play fair when the other is the one who makes and changes the rules without the other knowing. The verbal abuse takes layers off a person . In the end not really worth it is it.

      Like

      • James 09:12 on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Jacey, hi. Sorry for the delay, your comment was caught up in the spam folder.

        It seems strange that you’re telling me any of that, when you should really let him know. Or not, I can’t work out if you’ve broken up or not yet. If you have, then move on to something else. Remember the good times with fondness.

        Like

    • Robert Larson 00:09 on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Quick question; how is this any different from the way neurotypicals form relationships?

      Like

      • James 03:58 on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Good question, Robert. Maybe it isn’t very different at all and this is proof we are more alike than not.

        Like

    • Rita 23:48 on July 27, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      Come down on me like a ton of bricks? What the hell does that mean? I’ve been married to a sociopath for 26 years. I find the games and manipulations and cons and lies the most stupid form of life there is. I don’t care which category I fall in. I don’t care about something somebody got away with for many years. I don’t care if 90% of the human population believes a smear campaign against me. What the hell, if they are silly enough to listen to talk behind someone’s back, it’s fine by me if their brains are filled with fantasy. Will I EXPOSE the sociopath? Maybe. Am I afraid? Hell no. You gamers crack me up. A non-gamer is always superior to a gamer. Do you know why? A non-gamer means every word they say, and the gamer is always too stupid to know it. I’m the one who can walk away and not look back. My sociopath has just been served with divorce papers and he is mad as hell over it. Yawn.

      Like

      • James 06:42 on July 28, 2015 Permalink | Reply

        Then you are the exception to the rule. Pity it took you a quarter of a century to realise that. Haha, you wasted your life.

        Like

        • nina 17:36 on October 19, 2015 Permalink | Reply

          So, james you attacked the lady mocking her that she wasted a quarter of her life married to a sociopath becouse the superiority of him and you simultaneously was challenged by her leaving him..? And how do you know anything about her life to make this assumption? bad thing when a psyco is served with shit i suppose so he has to immediately restore his pseudosuperiority. Well, in my case, after years of having passed good times with a psycopath being i suppose less useful and more entertaining, he screwed thing up with a grand stupidity and i dumbed him. Three years now he vacillates between silence and brief efforts to lure me back again. He of course has an official new woman but he probably sees her more useful than entertaining. I am supposedly his true love as he calls me when he appears from time to time. Me, i am having my life of course and when he appears depending on my mood i play the game briefly and of course i leave finally. My question is: is there any possibillity that in his own distorted way he could somehow love me? becouse trully i think that he says these things in order to manipulate me and use me for fun and i do not believe him. But all this is going on almost a decade now, soon thankfully will be over as our proffessional cooperation hopefully is soon to be finished. What the hell he mesns when he says he loves me? that i am a challenge to him? by the way i diagnosed him and he accepted it, he is high functioning self aware psycopath and all the time he praises my intellectual capacity. WTF?

          Like

          • nowve666 20:42 on October 19, 2015 Permalink | Reply

            Nina said, “Me, i am having my life of course and when he appears depending on my mood i play the game briefly and of course i leave finally.” So he isn’t the only game player here, is he? “My question is: is there any possibillity that in his own distorted way he could somehow love me?” Sounds like you still love him. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so interested in whether he loves you. ” he is high functioning self aware psycopath and all the time he praises my intellectual capacity.” Yeah, I think you are both hooked into each other. Have fun.

            Like

            • nina 05:26 on October 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

              Thank you very much for your answer. Of course i love him, i never denied it to myself ,why to do it? It dosn’ mean though that becouse i am empathic and i love him ( whoever ‘him’ ) i am also a moron to let him destroy me. I can love him and i can love other people also. It is understanding that i seek here becouse for somenone who has empathy and consciense it is not comprehensible what a psycopath means when he says during years ‘i love you’, ‘ you are my true love’ while i know that by definition he is incabable of this feeling-state. So i conclude that it is manipulation all these love declarations but in a strange way that i cannot fully explain logically, i intuitively sense that maybe there is something i miss in the whole equation. BTW empaths can very well play games when they decide to , it is not a psycopath’s unique ability. What it is needed for me is to use a little more my logical part of my brain and cease for as long it is necessary the emotional. Once i realised what he is i have advantage over him becouse his blind emotional state is a severe handicap when he deals with me. Neverthelles, i do not see any true meaning for me in such a gaming situation as i certainly prefere genuine relationships and it is a matter of time and life contitions for all this to be ended. But my brain always seeks plausible explanations for what i experience. That’s why i am asking. Any input will be welcomed .

              Liked by 1 person

              • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 09:43 on October 20, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                HI Nina,
                There are plenty of folks going through the same thing as you are. There is a name for it – hoovering. That is when the psychopath keeps coming back to see if s/he can suck you into their fake world again. You will find a lot of answers on the forum at PsychopathFree.com

                Like

                • nina 06:09 on October 23, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                  Thank you Tina for your answer.

                  I searched the link you suggested me. I found a lot of things which resonate with my experience.

                  But i do not like the way they present the whole theme in general. I find it too cultish -like for my critical thinking.

                  Nina

                  Like

              • James 20:35 on October 21, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                I apologise for the delay in getting back to you, Nina.

                One bit of advice. Big blocks of text with long-running sentences are hard to read.

                Another bit of advice: Yes, I think there is a real and distinct possibility that your psychopath loves you. As for what that could mean, maybe you are just a fun game to him. Or maybe there is something deeper that he struggles to express in anything deeper than manipulation, but nonetheless it is still there.

                I hope for your sake that you find a way to resolve your situation without too much fuss or emotional trouble.

                Like

                • nina 13:38 on October 22, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                  Thank you for the advice James, I hope you are genuine.

                  Nina

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • James 07:07 on October 23, 2015 Permalink | Reply

                    It was genuine advice, sure 🙂

                    My apology and wish that it all works out were not, however.

                    Liked by 1 person

    • nowve666 11:34 on August 31, 2015 Permalink | Reply

      I an proud to be a source of your entertainment as you are to me.

      Liked by 1 person

    • JJ 03:28 on January 12, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I’m bored. Entertain me.

      Like

    • Flora 07:28 on January 13, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Do you see sociopaths as inferior or equal-ish to psychopaths?

      Like

      • James 14:32 on January 13, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        They’re the same as far as I’m concerned. How do you see it?

        Like

        • Amaterasu Solar 18:03 on January 14, 2016 Permalink | Reply

          The way I see it, a sociopath will pretty much choose Ethically but will offer no more of Themselves as is required to get what They want. A psychopath will take the step into any and all unEthical choices if it will get Them money/power/energy.

          Like

    • Tara 07:34 on March 19, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I found your article interesting. I am wondering if players (not athletes but men or women who use people and then dump them) if they would be considered pyschopaths?

      Like

      • James 19:44 on March 19, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Yes, I think they would. And thank you.

        Like

    • Amelia SleepAllDay 21:41 on March 20, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Your bluntness made my day, not that you care whether my day was a good one or not but I’m here saying that it did so plz don’t polish your texts to please the audience, more than you already do. How will we ever get near the truth if we keep saying what is expected to be said? wait, does that make any sense….-_- Bah I bet it doesn’t but too bad what has been said cannot be unsaid, time is money and I’m too lazy to erase so bear with my poor English xD

      P.S: Do you even care if one says “please” when asking you something or “Thank you” when you give them something? As time goes, even neurotypical people became desensitized to those empty often ill intended words so I guess to you they are nothing more than syllables used on a daily basis in the name of “manners” ?

      P.P.S: “you’d certainly stand a good chance of an upgrade.” This sounds like a pills add to enlarge your coughs coughs XDDDD

      Like

      • James 16:20 on March 24, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        I prefer it when people are polite to me. I like to be respected. If I ever write another article, I’ll bear what you wrote about bluntness in mind.

        Like

    • Anonymous 05:02 on May 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      “If the psychopath even suspects you of sabotaging their plans, they will come down on you like a ton of bricks.” They’ll TRY to, anyway…right, my little friend?

      Like

      • James 11:09 on June 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Try, and sometimes fail, yes 🙂

        Like

    • DA 00:43 on June 9, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Hi James,

      Do you think it is possible (and if so could you advise an approach) to form some sort of allegiance with a psychopath for mutual interest/entertainment?

      I can very clearly see my most recent fling being a psychopath and the first person I’ve ever encountered to fall so far on that spectrum (atleast to my knowledge) but I found the whole experience rather fascinating and exciting once I removed myself from the self imposed hurt. Her personality and intellect, much like yours, would just be an absolute gem of wisdom and creative inspiration.

      She is constantly trying to “reel” me back in, I assume just to know that she can and to replay the game with me, but is there a way to flip the script so to speak, so that she would be able to accept my probing of her real self (well as real as she is willing to show) without her wanting to destroy me and instead become some sort of weird allies?

      I’m an artist, I want to see the world through her eyes for a while at least haha.

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 11:06 on June 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Really interesting proposition, DA. Not knowing your friend, it’s nigh on impossible to give really good specific advice, because as you’ll know as an artist, individuals are all very different and behave in weird and unpredictable ways.

        The first thing is to recognise that even if you’re the psychopath’s favourite person (and who’s to say you’re not, but I wouldn’t rely on it!), your needs, wishes and desires are still a very distant second place to her own. Why is that relevant? It means that what you’re proposing will only work if your friend actually wants to be “probed” and form an alliance. If it’s something that interests her, you can expect enthusiastic participation and no half-assing, if not the proposals could be met with indifference or vicious ‘counter-attack’ (based of course on the false assumption you’re attacking her to begin with).

        So, how to approach this in a way that will maximise your chances of a favourable outcome? For a start, don’t bring up psychopathy. Don’t babble about a “lack of empathy” or “shallow affect”. Don’t mention it. Not all psychopaths know what “psychopath” means, and those that do won’t appreciate someone asking personal questions while tossing around vaguely threatening shrink talk!

        Do focus on in something. Notice a manipulative or devious act that she just did (or bring to mind one from the past if nothing presents itself in the present), or another bit of behaviour you find is unique to her, and bring it up in conversation. Praise her a bit – nothing too heavy like you’re worshipping her, that’ll seem trite – and try to communicate a tone of approval, admiration and shared enthusiasm.

        Now if she’s as intelligent as you say (noting your own brightness, I have no reason to doubt hers), she’s not going to actually believe any flattery. But she might well be drawn by your attitude, and even if your apparent enthusiasm is fake, she should be intrigued by this different side to you. You may find that she wants to relate another story of an exploit she’s proud of. Take it from there. Perhaps you will become her confidant, a vantage point from which you can get to know her worldview from the inside and perhaps develop it to the point where you wish to participate in her fun 😉

        If you find this advice to be useful, why not try it out? I would love to know what the outcome is, if you can be bothered to come back and report it.
        Just one other thing, your mentioning of “self-imposed hurt” intrigues me. Do you mean to say you view yourself responsible for any emotional harm you picked up when around your friend? Many thanks for your comment, and for allowing me to advise you in what promises to be a fascinating artistic experiment.

        Like

    • Andrea 19:54 on July 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Hey James,
      Thank you for the article, as it was rather informative and quite entertaining as usual.. I was rather intrigued by your post and found it somewhat comical in the sense that psychopaths/sociopaths almost come off as comedic with their self righteous comments when speaking of themselves. It almost sounds like it is natural when you’s are referring to oneself to come off as if no one in the world (except your so called chosen few) has any importance or purpose on this earth but as if you (and all other psychopaths/sociopaths) should and will in some way matter to everyone else, as if it is a privilege to be accepted into one of your “groups”. I, however am stuck in limbo right now.. (with my emotions that is) Yes I am unfortunately an empath so I do possess those annoying things we call feelings.. But I have been dating on & off (ok.. let’s not kid myself here, I should say “friends with benefits”) I’ve been on & off “friends with benefits” with a sociopath for the past 2 years now.. I did not know he was a sociopath right from the start.. In fact, I didn’t even know what one was when first meeting him.. I did, however find his behavior rather strange in a sense that it intrigued me to want more.. I could see that he was not like any other guy I have encountered and so that made him “special”. Even after all of the yo-yoing of emotions and the back and forth and up and down and even sideways sometimes, enough was never enough for me. I guess you could say that this sociopath had met his match. I, myself am a Gemini, he’s an Aries and I have a rather high level of determination and I’m not willing to back down easily from anything. Especially, when it’s something I want.. Plus I’m a little crazy myself, being that I have severe adhd, ocd and bipolar.. I know.. however, that my determination is absolutely not the reason why I’m still around 2 years later because let’s face it, in the end the sociopath/psychopath runs the show, calls the shots as you would say.. I believe that along with my good looks, I have a very interesting personality myself.. I am what you would call ever-changing, I am constantly changing, attitudes, personalities, behaviors.. So you never know what you’re going to get from me (it all depends on how I feel at that moment and how much control I’m able to possess over my behavior and/or mouth), and also my adapting capabilities are phenomenal. So I am able to sustain my sanity during times of abandonment or a rather large withdrawal of interest, concern or priority on his part; whenever he has had his fill of me. So basically, what I’m saying is, I know how to keep things interesting enough to keep grabbing his interests in order for him to keep coming back. Now that I have beyond educated and familiarized myself with who and what sociopaths/psychopaths are, I now have come to understand that it is not just my good looks and charm that keep him wanting more but that I am of great use to him for many things (sex and entertainment mainly) and he’d be a fool to fully dispose of me. I don’t know what is worse though honestly.. The fact that I am aware of what use I can be to him or the fact that I try to trick myself into believing that just because I am aware of my use to him that I am in control, when deciding and agreeing to hang out and do whatever.. I don’t know if and when I’ll ever have enough. His lack of information sharing and darkness behind his eyes are an ongoing mystery to me and I’m forever trying to solve it. Like as if I think one day I am going to be able to get through to him and he’s just going to fully understand and tears of excitement and joy are just going to come pouring out of his eyes.. haha.. Yea right! A girl can dream though, right? But anyway, who knows where this is headed and who knows where this will end up.. I’m not thinking about all that. I’m just enjoying being brought along this whirlwind of a journey that he has taken me on. I believe in a way him and I are a perfect match for each other.. haha actually the polar opposite but I think that’s why we’re a good match, I have what he lacks and his brilliant, complex mind keeps me forever interested and on my toes ready for the next obstacle, adventure, whatever it may be.. This is the exact individual that I desire. Nothing is more boring and more unattractive then a man that can be figured out in a weeks time. I crave the unknown and feign the mystery behind it. Meeting him has changed my life in so many ways and has opened up my eyes to a whole other part of society in which I’m grateful for..

      Again, thank you for the article, keep them coming..
      Hopefully this comment was intriguing enough for you.. 😊 Take care, Andrea

      Liked by 1 person

    • nowve666 10:46 on July 5, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Would you really want “to be able to get through to him and he’s just going to fully understand and tears of excitement and joy are just going to come pouring out of his eyes?” I’ve been in two intense, all-encompassing relationships with psychopaths even though I’m one, myself. I can relate to about 90% of what you are saying. I just would never have wanted mine to have ever relinquished their mystery and power. Maybe trying to “break” him is part of the game, a game you would never want to “win.” Or is this just my masochism speaking?

      Like

    • Dawn Simmons 16:18 on July 10, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Is there a way to get a psycho/sociopath to open up and expose their real self, like pour their heart out, especially if the person is a teenager? If so, can you tell me the secret of how?

      Like

      • James 12:14 on July 14, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        If by that you mean “Is there a way to get my son (daughter?) to open up and talk to me honestly for once instead of lying and manipulating me with contempt?”, then my answer is no, probably not. If you don’t understand your own child enough to get him / her to trust you, what hope do the rest of us have? That said, I will try to enlist the help of fellow blogger Tina, who is herself the mother of a psychopathic daughter. Maybe she’ll have some insight.

        Liked by 1 person

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 13:41 on July 14, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Hi Dawn,
        I got my ex-husband talking about it on a car ride. I asked him if he always had no feelings, or did he have feelings when he was a child and they went away. He answered that he never had feelings. I then began to ask a number of other questions, and his answers relieved a lot of the mystery.

        I was jokingly going to say: Tell them that you admire the way they lie so easily, and you wish you could do it.

        However, I have not tried that one!

        As for my daughter (a psychopath), I have not tried to get her to open up. Once I understood psychopathy, I just let her be. It’s a pain in the ass to put forth your efforts to get to the truth when they won’t give up, no matter if they are caught red-handed.

        Like

    • Anonymous 19:31 on July 31, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Why is everyone so on edge with these things?

      Like

    • Forgiven 18:59 on November 13, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      How would you view a BPD?
      Thank you

      Like

      • James 17:32 on November 14, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Fun 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • Forgiven 17:56 on November 14, 2016 Permalink | Reply

          Is this a blog where we come and chat with you, like on HG Tudor Blog? I am sorry, but I’m always somehow not sure what’s going on in life. Are you a Sociopath, Psychopath, or Narcissist? I haven’t read enough yet, of your posts to know what’s going on. I have been entangled with several Narcissists.

          Like

    • Chris Flore 05:47 on December 4, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Do you ever tell people how you really feel? See if they have something to respond with? You say you have no feelings but do you ever think you’re just not ready for feelings because YOU would be upset then. But you would only be upset until things get ‘sorted out’ I believe….this is only kind of a theory…if in reality you have no feelings then it says something about people who do as well (not just you) so you don’t really have to call yourself a psychopath unless you wanna, you can just acknowledge that you do not feel much for people compared to other people.

      Like

    • Alicia 15:26 on December 18, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Hi. I appreciate you sharing and find it very inciteful. I do have a couple of questions, though. How did you first learn that you were a psychopath? Also, I thought that psychopaths and sociopaths were similar, except for the fact that a psychopath is someone who would hurt you. Why do you consider yourself a psychopath and not a sociopath?

      Like

    • Rob R 10:22 on December 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      James,
      If I repeat any sentiments or points previously made, this would be the result of only skimming responses so while I make no apologies I’m simply giving you explanation. With that said, what you wrote would unfortunately describe approximately 90% of the people on this planet (not to mention most life on this planet). For those who might happen to read this and immediately and strongly deny they in fact have the same exact rhetoric as you described, let me tell you how I see the world (minus the label of psychopath). What you described is merely the glaringly obvious reality of life! To put it simply, there’s not 1 person who can rationally or logically proclaim they have a genuine concern for anyone else greater than they do for themselves. Anyone who does protest is either mentally incapable of intelligent thought or have their head so far up their ….. that they give “talking out your a$$” a too literal visual! Why do I say this? In any situation where individuals happen to intermingle, there comes a moment of decision. WHAT AND HOW CAN THIS PERSON, THING, PLACE, CIRCUMSTANCE BENEFIT “ME?” Now, it’s at this point where people tell me how awful I am to think that that’s the way every single human being on this planet behaves and thinks. So, I simply laugh and respond with the following question and I invite everyone to play along and answer once you read the entire question but before reading any further than that. Question: Would you befriend a deaf, dumb mute?

      NO CHEATING. ANSWER HONESTLY!

      Inevitably, the answer is a always a defensive and resounding, “We’ll of course I would!” To which I calmly reply,

      “Why?”

      DON’T SPOIL THE SURPRISE BY READING AHEAD BEFORE ANSWERING WHY YOU SAID YES!

      I’ll spare you all the answers I get as they are never anything other than reactionary, thoughtless tantrums of denial about a person’s true motives as to why in fact they may very well become friends with the DDM, but the antecdote to this riddle is there is no possible way any one with any sense of reality or sensibility can argue that their assumed “selfless” gesture of befriending the DDM, is in fact yet another example of assocation solely for the purpose of self gratification. In this case, the person who only had the DDMs interest at heart is in fact glad to bestow their “gift” of friendship to this poor being if for no other reason than to get a chest full of emotional righteousness they’ve now been entitled to receive… Ummmm, maybe we’re all psychopaths…. the moral of the story was not to piss anybody off, which I’m sure I have, but merely to hopefully give a few people a bit of a reality check. Depending on others is not a weakness nor is it malicious to need or even want something from someone. Ironically, my definition of psychopath would be someone who believes that there’s no benefit to be had of other people. Just another perspective from someone who is not a psychopath. Thanks for letting me share some space James.

      Liked by 1 person

      • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 11:23 on December 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        It’s pretty obvious that you don’t know the definition of friendship or love.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Rob R 17:08 on December 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

          You’re a 1/4 right. I don’t know the definition of love as I’ve experienced nothing so magical, however since I know the definition of friendship I can honestly conclude my perception of the “idea” of love seems quite a bit more complicated then the definition implies. Friendship however is exactly what I just described.

          Like

      • Amaterasu Solar 13:11 on December 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Well, I took Your test, and here’s what I would answer. Yes, in a sense, We ALL are motivated by Self-interest. The difference is that, the reason I would befriend a disadvantaged Other has to do with My being able to put Myself in that Other’s place, experience the loneliness that such a condition is likely to create. And yes, while I get Self-gratification from alleviating that loneliness in anOther, it is because I CARE that I can get such satisfaction.

        On the other hand, a… What label is better than “psychopath?” Since You don’t seem to like that commonly used label for One who DOESN’T care… Who CAN’T care. Who might see no purpose in befriending One who cannot offer Them any material gain… On the other hand, the genetically handicapped (is that better?) cannot care.

        Like

      • Chris Flore 05:33 on December 25, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        lol…My response to “Would I befriend a deaf dumb mute”? is maybe. Yes, sometimes a human being is just befriending the physical presence of another but there is obviously more senses in this person than the fact they can’t speak anything intelligibly or hear anything. And I see your point, but you can’t say anyone in particular is a psychopath any which way in a reality of infinite everythings but yes reality always seems to present you with finite challenges and things are very different in that space for everyone. They may or may not actually befriend this theoretical DDM. They may or may not SAY they would or would not befriend this deaf dumb mute. I’m not exactly sure what it says that most people say that of course they would about how “most people” are… still I don’t think it exactly means that there aren’t cases where people would & do make genuine sacrifices…sometimes it requires quite a bit of what we call intelligence maybe…but when one does make a genuine sacrifice, that could also seem stupid…until larger horizons are revealed and you see you simply made another decision which had its positives & negatives overall to your self & the fact that there really is no self in certain posits.

        Like

      • Anonymous 14:55 on December 26, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        My answer, before reading further: Does the deaf/dumb/mute need or want my friendship? Am I able to enrich their life and/or mine with that friendship? They’re human beings, not furniture, it’s arrogant and stupid to assume they want or need me. Most of us will deal with huge challenges in life, it doesn’t make us charity cases, and it doesn’t mean we need the help/”friendship” of every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes along. I’ve faced serious loss and problems in my life, and have highly valued the true friends and kind people that actually did help me. I’ve also been cursed with “do-gooders” that don’t have the insight or personality traits to properly assist or befriend me. None of us is Jesus Christ Superstar, we don’t have the traits or ability to help everyone, or be good for everyone. When I can, if I can be a true friend or bring a genuine kindness, I want to pay it forward and backward with appreciation for what others have done for me. I don’t know or care what that is labeled, I label it kindness, and it’s beneficial to myself as well as others. It’s not motivated by guilt or appearance. And as I write, I realize I already have befriended someone who is deaf, dumb and mute. He has Angelman syndrome, and I forgot that he “qualifies”. I know that I make his day better when we meet, I know that his family appreciates that from me. There is true kindness out there, it’s not mindless or guilt driven, it is actually intelligent and well-thought out, respectful of others, not afraid to receive benefit in return, and good-hearted. It looks like some here don’t know what that is, I’m happy to be part of family and friends who do. Fun discussion. I think genuine kindness is not afraid to benefit in return, knowing we all need benefits to come our way. Assessing benefits that can come from others, nothing wrong with that part of a psychopathic approach in my view, although I highly value the emotional attachments that I experience not being one.

        Liked by 1 person

    • nowve666 14:16 on December 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Rob, I know someone who is mute (but not deaf). He is autistic. Although he can’t talk, he can write very articulately. And he plays the piano really beautifully. In answer to your question about a deaf-mute, I would say it would depend on the person. He or she would have to have something to offer. I’m not a social worker. I disagree with your definition of a psychopath as “someone who believes that there’s no benefit to be had of other people.” James has already said one of the classifications of people he encounters is those who can be useful. If we never used people, who is there so much whining by “victims” claiming to have been used. If you change your definition of a psychopath, you could possibly be one. Amaterasu, why would you want to “experience the loneliness” of a deaf mute?

      Like

      • Rob R 16:30 on December 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Allow me to clarify a few points above. By no means was I trying to insult any person. My use of a DDM was an extreme scenario to invoke a response that would in fact be a defensive one.
        Congratulations Solar! Your response perfectly supports my point (to a rather disturbing degree).
        Nowvee, your response is appreciated and deserves further explanation.
        First: my reasoning for using a DDM is two-fold. If I would have said “severely, mentally challenged, individual who could not hear or speak, I would not get the response I was fishing for to make my example clear. The other reason was to emphasize the simple truth of how a so-called psychopath’s motives and agendas aren’t all that unusual and the defining difference of a psychopath from Tom, Dick and Harry is they make no excuses, ask for no apologies, and for the most part are aware and accept their unique attribute and I believe perceive life in a different reality (a reality that is outside the zeitgeist of their existence). In other words, I think Solar did a brilliant job demonstrating how a non psychpath’s reality is to contradict the way things really are because of a false sense of what they believe to be socially or personally acceptable when in practice they are actually subversely and in Solar’s case, aggressively using a person to further their own agenda all in the name of compassion. I know that was deep but let me simplify it like this. Solar’s response was ultimately one that focused specifically on attributes of a person that she accused me of labeling with what I would assume would be unacceptable in today’s society. Her response to why she would befriend this DDM is an absolute contradiction of the point I am guessing she’s trying to make. Solar, what exactly did the DDM tell you that you believed you would be of benefit to them by being able to emphathize with the lonliness their “condition is likely to create?” Hmmmm. My guess is he probably didn’t say anything. Furthermore, being he’s of less than average intelligence, mentally challenged or whatever other politically correct term you want to call dumb, it’s likely that he may be lucky enough to be in ignorant bliss. Now this is what I find despicable: according to the way you answered you would take it upon yourself to assume they were lonely insisting how you would be of use to them by imposing your self actualized empathy of their nonexistent loneliness because you are talented enough to put yourself in a place where misery is abundant. So you’re doing him good by having him accompany you to the pitty party?

        I never said the DDM had nothing to offer. Those were your words. The point that you seem to have clearly missed was the only person that benefited or will benefit from the DDM is you. In fact you did an amazing job of rationalizing, defending, and making excuses for your motives of gratifying yourself by alleviating a lonliness (in who)? The most disgusting realization here is that at least when a psychopath uses somebody that person has the ability to get up and walk away or at least say stop.

        Nowvee…. I know that was really in-depth, but does that explain a little better of why I would change the definition of a psycho path? Interesting that you mention that my changing of definitions would possibly classify me as a psychopath as that is something I do wonder about myself daily. However, I’ve noticed a theme in reading some of these posts in terms of empathy. While, I’ve just recently discovered I do lack empathy in many scenarios and situations, I’m not so convinced that alone would classify me as a psychopath in the sense that empathy in itself is usually gained as something we can relate to because of an experience where we had that same emotion if we’re not lucky enough to have it come to us naturally, however I’m usually passionate about trying to understand why somebody feels that way they do and I certainly can and do sincere moments where I sympathize. In summary, you’re stating exactly what it was that I was describing above.

        Like

    • Rob R 16:55 on December 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Also keep in mind, those who have posted on here to describe their discovery of someone who is a psychopath have admitted to being intrigued or felt betrayed. In either instance something very valuable is being derived from both sides. A psychopath is so because they have the ability to take advantage of those who they find are beneficial to them. Unfortunately some are unwitting victims, but the perception of those who are intrigued is one of a learning or dare I say a growing experience. Conceptually, instead of trying to come to a psychopath’s level or play their game, why not observe with unbiased scrutiny just exactly how they interact, and you might be suprised, while they may not have empathy for you, you might actually empathize with them and even gain an entirely new perspective about what you were so damn convinced was real or even moral! So in a really long novella type style, I’m merely trying to point out to those who choose to stay associated or in contact with a psychopath are just experiencing a different perspective of reality. Yes, reality whether you subscribe to it it not, the fact remains that each individual’s reality is determined, changed, counted and ultimately chosen by the perception they alone conceive.

      Like

    • Amaterasu Solar 16:59 on December 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I am not surprised that You missed My point, there, Rob. The point is that there is a caring symbiosis in such Self-serving behavior. There is a connection. In the psychopathic Self-service, it’s not a reciprocal thing. There is no connection. It’s always a use and discard when no further use can be had. In One who gets Self-service by connecting, loving, caring, there is no discard phase. The benefits are mutual and enhance both parties. BIG difference, dear One.

      Like

      • Rob R 17:35 on December 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Wow…You are indeed blissfully ignorant. The benefits are mutual…. Hmmmm…. maybe, just maybe your self-serving connecting, loving, caring, enhancing agendas may also be perceived as enabling, aggressive, unwanted, unwarranted, and it’s a slight possibility that your conviction to your self-service Deeds may actually be over shadowing the real needs of what a person might truly benefit from you. Like understanding or compassion or critical thought or space, separation, ability to perceive a different point of view, or something that doesn’t involve you. I’m not really clear as to why you think I’m not getting your point. I get it. It’s about you. And as long as it’s about you the other person will benefit. Because there is no discard phase when you love them and care for them and do for them as long as its gratifying to you and your perfect ideals and flawless powers of other perceptions. Point made silly one!

        Like

        • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 21:48 on December 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

          You speak like a psychopath. If that is the case, then you are missing the brain circuitry that would enable you to understand Amy’s point. If you can’t experience love, then you can’t experience friendship, then you can’t understand Amy.

          Liked by 1 person

          • nowve666 22:24 on December 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

            And I suppose you think you understand us. I’ll bet you do. Think so, that is. Ah. We each live our own truth, don’t we?

            Like

            • @GeneticPsycho (Tina) 22:40 on December 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

              Remember that I grew up in a family of psychopaths. Maybe I don’t understand you, but I know you.

              Liked by 2 people

              • nowve666 10:28 on December 23, 2016 Permalink | Reply

                For sure. And I grew up in a family of empaths. We “know” each other to a point. Which makes life interesting.

                Like

        • Amaterasu Solar 08:24 on December 23, 2016 Permalink | Reply

          ROFL! “Agendas!” Oh, dear One… We don’t go out seeking to force Our love and caring on Others to bolster Our “good feelings!” There is a CONNECTION We make when the caring flows. We might not always choose the perfect actions, but We WANT to. Because bringing happiness and comfort to Others is what Our Self-servingness is all about. When Others are happy is when those feelings are fulfilled. A psychopath has no connection and the Other’s happiness, comfort, etc., is of no use to Them.

          Like

    • Melanie 22:12 on December 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      I wrote an incomprehensible question, so I don’t deserve an answer.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Rob R 23:34 on December 22, 2016 Permalink | Reply

      Awwww, it’s almost endearing to see you all grasp at the need to insist you’re somehow unique or too complex to be understood. I’ve spent enough energy on this and apologize for the audacity of challenging your oh so crucial need to make certain you keep babbling in your bubbles of BS. I’ll spare you all any further thoughts or consideration. Peace to you all.

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 05:30 on December 23, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Oh well. At least that means I don’t have to read your comments or talk to you.

        Liked by 1 person

      • nowve666 10:41 on December 23, 2016 Permalink | Reply

        Aw! No more comments from you, Rob? But we are all “beautiful and unique snowflakes.” But perhaps you are projecting just a bit about the “need to insist (one is) somehow unique or too complex to be understood.” I think everyone on this thread is struggling in our own way to make ourselves understood. Cryptic has such a limited shelf life.

        Liked by 1 person

    • alameme 17:43 on January 3, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      So I love a psychopath madly and as one can u advise me how to make a successful relationship with him other than constantly attempting to be useful any advice?

      Like

      • James 19:06 on January 4, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        I am very flattered you think I may have had any successful relationships, but I can assure you I have not. My advice is to go seek the help of an agony aunt.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Alice 17:00 on January 31, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I work in computer security, and both in school and professionally, I’m pretty sure several of my colleagues have had AsPD. It sucks when people try to give armchair diagnoses to others, but I’m comfortable with my own hypocrisy 😀

      Of course, I didn’t know until something happened that made them* stop hiding, like they didn’t get a promotion or got rejected by someone. Then I got pretty weirded out. I’m really glad I’ve never gotten attached and been a target like that.

      But, man, they can be fun to hang out with. And I’ve learned tons from each one. I have somewhat opposite emotional issues (my therapist argued with someone about me, in front of me, and said I’m the exact opposite of a psychopath lol.) I have extreme overwhelming sympathy, but my empathy circuits are seriously repressed. Seeing how those people act in relationships really opened my eyes to things I was doing that hurt people I love. (Like, I’m still trying to figure out how things I’ve done have been “disrespectful” to some of my exes… And I do super manipulative things, on purpose, but I’d never admit it even to a therapist.)

      Oh, and they are awesome to just get beers with. Some stuff they say when there’s nothing to lose is, to me, shockingly wtf hilarious.

      Anyway, hi!

      *Maybe it’s not cool to say “them” but I don’t know what else to use.

      Liked by 1 person

      • James 21:21 on January 31, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Hi Alice! Welcome to the forum. Here I go with an armchair diagnosis, might you be borderline? It’s amazing how much intelligent people can learn from psychopaths, even about themselves. Like you said, it opens your eyes, and it’s always good to be well-entertained along the way.

        Totally not cool to say “them”. I don’t know how you have the fucking audacity, taking liberties with pronouns like that. Deeply offended.

        Yeah, nah.

        I need therapising too. Can I ask your advice? As a super manipulator, do you get any benefit from therapy? Does your therapist help you, or do they only help the side of yourself you present to him/her?

        I ask because I have found my inability to be honest about certain things a barrier to effective therapy (duhh, who’da thought it?), and I have found therapists hopelessly out of their depth with me. Not a boast (I wish it were), but their therapy ‘techniques’ are too transparent, and generally aimed at the sort of ‘touchy feely’ emotional person they’re used to treating.

        If you have any insight, that would be awesome. Ciao for now.

        Liked by 1 person

        • nowve666 21:36 on January 31, 2017 Permalink | Reply

          What do you want with therapy, James?

          Like

          • James 10:48 on February 1, 2017 Permalink | Reply

            Depression, my dear.

            Like

            • nowve666 11:09 on February 1, 2017 Permalink | Reply

              Shit! That sucks. How long have you been depressed?

              Like

              • James 11:38 on February 1, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                Oh, a couple of years. I actually have mentioned it on the blog before, but I don’t bang on about it. Yes, overall (on balance) it sucks, but in some ways, it has been good for me – I have a more realistic / mature view of myself than I did. Narcissism is delusory, while depression is a big dose of reality.

                Liked by 1 person

                • nowve666 12:07 on February 1, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                  If having a “realistic” view of oneself means being depressed, who needs it? I prefer grandiosity/narcissism. Of course, we all have a side or a view of ourselves that focuses on what we don’t like, what we find regrettable about ourselves. But that’s no more “real” than our grandiose view. I guess it’s optimism vs. pessimism. Sure, looking at our flaws can help us aspire to become better. I remember once I mentioned my noticing that you are as hard on yourself as you are on others (me). The ability to self-critique can certainly help us correct what we don’t like. But if it doesn’t result in your feeling better about yourself in the long run, what good does it do you? Being “better” probably helps the world more than it helps you. For myself, I prefer to see myself through rose-colored glasses of grandiosity. The glass has just as much water whether it is half-empty or half-full. So seeing it as half-full looks like the most advantageous way to go. I know you’re not supposed to tell a depressed person how great he is because that denies his feelings. So I hope I’m not trespassing by writing this. I do find you awesome.

                  I just read Amaterasu’s comment and your reply. I see you didn’t choose depression but, at the same time, you think it has been “good” for you and made you more mature and realistic. But I question the idea that your depressed view of yourself is more realistic. What good is it to not have a conscience if you are still going to pick at yourself?

                  Like

                  • James 16:20 on February 1, 2017 Permalink | Reply

                    You’re definitely not trespassing, so no fear.

                    Who said I had a depressed view of myself? Answer: you did! Yes, it’s true. Yes you did, just then – I saw you 🙂

                    Question: why do you assume that just because I have depression and am no longer as narcissistic that it must mean I have low self-esteem? That actually couldn’t be further from the truth, as my self-esteem is now grounded in who I really am, rather than a grandiose fantasy of myself.

                    And of course none of that gives an “a-Okay” label to depression, of course I want to overcome it, and I will 🙂

                    Liked by 1 person

    • Amaterasu Solar 11:50 on February 1, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I don’t know if I have offered My method for handling depression… I used to choose to depress often. A while ago now I learned to accept that I was choosing My emotions. One thing I learned was, when I started to feel the depression coming on, to ask Myself why I was choosing to depress. Sometimes I get answers, other times I do not, but either way, I then ask: is there a better choice? At first I was asking these questions of Myself a couple or three times a day, even though every time, the depression abated for a while. A few months in and the depression had lessened to once or twice a week. After a year, I was seldom having to ask this, and now, a decade or more in, it is extremely unusual for Me to even start to depress. And then, as soon as I ask the first question…the depression goes away.

      Hope this helps, James (and any Others who struggle with depression).

      Like

      • James 12:02 on February 1, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        It sounds like you were practising mindfulness, though were perhaps unaware of the term. I agree that it can be a help, but generally I don’t choose to feel depressed, happy or anything else. It’s ironic, because I can manipulate others’ emotions quite easily 🙂

        Like

        • Amaterasu Solar 12:17 on February 1, 2017 Permalink | Reply

          I used to think I did not choose My feelings… I fought that idea, in fact. But I, as I have said, learned that I do – by what I think about, and how I think about what I choose to think about. Once I learned that, I found i had no issues choosing the best feelings. [smile] Look into Choice Theory by William Glasser. That’s where I was introduced to this.

          Liked by 1 person

    • Isabel 11:53 on February 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I have recently come to the conclusion that my ex boyfriend is either a narcissist or a psychopath but I am having trouble figuring out what category he belongs to . What are some differences between the two?

      Like

    • isabelmm92 18:31 on February 20, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you for your response and link . It has been a year since my ex broke it off with me but we still remain “friends”. He texts me a few times a week and we even see each other for a short time about once or twice a month to smoke .I believe that he is a malignant narcissist from being in a long term relationship with him. I am just confused by his frequent texts and asking to hang out. I find it hard to believe that he truly regards me as a friend but I don’t understand why he would bother reaching out to me.

      Like

    • Chip 18:51 on April 26, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      I have always been very curious how a relationship between two psychopaths would be. Have you ever had an encounter with someone psychopathic? If so, could you easily distinguish them from normal (non-psychopathic) humans? Also, would you ever do something for someone else’s personal gain if you didn’t get anything in return?

      Like

    • sandra silverman 21:58 on July 8, 2017 Permalink | Reply

      what is the pyschological reason narcs developed no empathy, no emotions and fear of it intimacy. how did that charaterisic evolove?

      Like

      • James 03:58 on July 10, 2017 Permalink | Reply

        Sandra, your comment is fundamentally flawed. Everyone has emotions, and everyone has capacity for empathy, even the coldest, most calculating psychopathic murderers! Have a read of another of my articles, Mythbusting Psychopathy, which addresses both of these points (and more!), with psychologist-backed evidence. Many, if not most, if the points apply to narcissists as well.

        Fear of intimacy is not a trait of narcissism that I have ever heard, though as I am not an expert on narcissism, I won’t fully commit to discrediting it. It doesn’t ring true with my understanding of the condition, but I could be mistaken.

        Liked by 1 person

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