What’s your opinion on psychopaths?

I recently asked a (neurotypical) friend of mine, Johann, who lives in Slovakia, the following question:

“I wonder, how do you personally feel about the fact that psychopaths exist? And what emotions do you feel toward them, as a group. Pity? Admiration? Indifference? Or something else?”

His reply is sensible, measured, and – I would argue – reveals a healthy attitude of tolerance we could all* benefit from emulating.

I don’t hold grudges against any one (though I can’t stand people who hurt and torture children) so I take them as other people. They just exist and there is nothing to be done about it. My friend and you are good examples of how they can fit in our society. Although somebody once said that it’s your thought that matters and not the action, I must disagree. Actions matter most. I can even understand why you need to lie and manipulate so much. It’s probably your way of survival and getting along with people (I would never have befriended my friend if he’d told me he was a psychopath, because of fear and not because of prejudice).

As for the ones who purposely hurt other people, well, one doesn’t have to be a psychopath to hurt others. I’ve read that all serial killers are psychopaths, but I don’t think so. There are a lot of lunatic people who actually empathise with others yet they enjoy hurting them. The most dangerous ones are those who feel pain and hatred in their hearts and seek revenge for something.

Slovenska or Slovenija? I guess it doesn’t matter. Just don’t mention Hungary.

I may feel a little pity, because you’ll never be able to experience genuine love. I admire a lot of people, so some may be psychopaths. I feel indifference to cruel people only. Knowing that yu exist, I try to be more careful with people, because I don’t want to end up as their target.

I hadn’t even thought about psychopaths before my friend told me.

The friend Johann refers to is somebody he lived with in Bratislava until recently, who ‘came out’ as a psychopath to Johann after being confronted over something naughty he’d done. This in itself is an unusual course of action.

And now, if any of you really care, here’s what I wrote in response:

For sure actions matter more than thoughts, because they are what actually have an effect on the world. But I do think people get a bit freaked out that psychopaths even exist, for what they are more than for what they do. I could be sympathetic to someone who said “I think psychopaths are evil because they hurt people”. I don’t happen to agree that is true, but it’s a valid enough claim. But hating psychopaths just for existing is prejudice. A form of speciesism, if those morons are right about us not being human!

Yes I have to lie and manipulate to survive, but you’d be mistaken if you thought I didn’t enjoy it. I love messing with people.

Ah yes, “love”. Genuinely mystified by everyone’s obsession with love, but I suppose that only serves to prove your point. But if it makes me sound any better, I am also baffled by hatred. I’ve never felt hate for any individual or group in all my life.

“I hadn’t even thought about psychopaths before my friend told me.” A think a big part of our success is people’s ignorance. They don’t know we exist, or if they do they think we’re (i) quite rare or (ii) all serial killers.

Personally, I think it’s amazing that psychopaths have – probably – been around for all of human history, yet their existence was only first ‘discovered’ less than one hundred years ago. Like penicillin. Or radioactivity.

I promise I’m not sponsored by ‘Visit Slovakia’, but just look at this gorgeous landscape.

Do you agree with Johann? If not, how would you respond to my question? Are you one of those who believe a lack of conscience is inherently evil regardless of how an individual behaves? I would love to hear from you in the comments section below. Be as rude as you like.

Thanks very much, Johann, both for your brilliant answer and for agreeing to let me publish some of our conversation. You’re the best. 

*Obviously I don’t need to learn to be more tolerant of psychopaths. But I could certainly improve my attitude to neurotypicals.

Online Harassment and Cyberstalking

A Real Life Problem

The Internet is a wonderful place to work, play and study. But don’t let that fact make you blind to its down side. The Net is no more and no less than a mirror of the real world, and that means it also contains electronic versions of real life problems. Stalking and harassments are problems that many people especially women, are familiar with in real life. These problems can also occur on the Internet, in what has become know as “cyberstalking” or “online harassment”.

If you thought that owning a computer and having an Internet account would make a person considerate and respectful; then think again. There are just as many predators in cyberspace as anywhere else. It is only their methods that have changed. Some predators might harass you by trailing around after you in live channels like lovesick puppies; unable to take NO for an answer and pestering you with email messages. In other cases this harassment may become a systematic campaign against you; where your harasser bombards you with threatening messages of hate and obscenities. Although distressful enough, the situation can even escalate to the point where your harasser traces your home address and telephone number; causing you to face not just emotional distress but also physical danger. It should come as no surprise to you that the “bad guys” are making use of this wonderful technology to harass people and prey on the innocent. Why wouldn’t they? Not all bad guys are street punks with no education. Some are university graduates with computers.

There have been many examples of cyberstalking crossing over to “IRL” stalking (In Real Life stalking). Sadly, those users who have been victims of cyberstalking, tell a similar story: That no one took the harassment seriously until it became “IRL”. Cyberstalking can be a devastating experience for a person online. As they discover that the difference between the “Brave New World” of the Internet and the Real World is that in the real world people listen when you tell them you are being stalked and harassed. In cyberspace people say things like “well just turn off your computer”. Such incomprehension is common. “You can’t be hurt on the Internet – it’s just words” is commonly heard and “If you can’t handle it, then you shouldn’t be online” is another commonly hear comment. The online stalking is just as frightening and distressing as off-line stalking, and just as illegal.

Men and women may be stalked on-line, but statistics show that the majority of victims are female. Women are the minority of the Internet population which means that their attention is generally a fierce competition between male users. This part of the Internet, resembles crude online single bars, with little in the way of politeness. Unfortunately the immediate and relative anonymity of live chat communications facilities enable users to be rude and insensitive. Cyberstalking and online harassment are also much easier to practice than real life stalking. In cyberspace, a stalker can harass their victim without ever have to leave the comfort of their own home, or have any witnesses to the incidents.

One reason for the lack of successful prosecution of cyberstalkers, is that there usually is a lack of sufficient evidence available for the officials to warrant “probable cause” in order to further investigate. Many law enforcement agencies are Internet illiterate, therefore unaware that the problem could and does exist. To date, the only legislation regarding cyberstalking is the Communications Decency Act, enacted by the US Congress on 2-1-96, and is still being challenged in the Supreme Court. The real life, anti-stalking laws deal with actual attacks, and until such an attack happens, are actually very limited in defending yourself, or preventing any progression of the stalker. There is very little done about threats or harassment in the early stages.

Online users are vulnerable to being targeted as cyberstalking victims in three areas.

1) Live Chats (Facebook, Yahoo, Skype, Messenger) or IRC (Internet Relay Chat): in which a user talks live with other users. This is the most common place for cyberstalking.

2) Message boards, Blogs, Reunion Sites, Support Groups and Newsgroups: a user interacts with others by posting messages, conversing back and forth.  Boards for emotional issues such as divorce; death; domestic violence are especially prone.  Disordered persons can track others they disagree with for years reeking all sorts of havoc.

3) Email box: a user has the ability to write anything and even attach files to the email.

Example: a user enables your email, via live chat or newsgroup postings, then emails you with obscenities, and attaches porno pictures. A common area regarding cyberstalking is at the “edu” sites, which are educational institutes, such as colleges and universities.

One user might know another user personally and interacts on the Internet anonymously, so starting the cyberstalk. One student can enter the Internet as easily as another student, therefore not letting his true identity be known. And since user names can be unknown alias, who would ever know the identity or be able to prove the identity. In such cases, the stalker usually has the ability to trace the victim’s phone number and sometimes the address of his victim. Another includes interpreting a posting you may have made on a message board regarding your opinion as an “attack” if it differs from theirs. The stalker then becomes fixated on proving you wrong.

Other forms of online harassment:

1) Unsolicited email

2) Live Chat

3) Hostile Postings about you, using a few “facts” to make an untrue picture

4) Spreading vicious, fabricated, untrue rumors about you (as opposed to telling the Truth at exposure sites)

5) Leaving untrue messages on site guestbooks

6) Impersonation of you online

7) Electronic sabotage, (sending viruses, trojans, etc)

8) Threatening phone calls

9) Threatening mail

10) Vandalism of property

11) Physical attack

12) Posing as you on groups, in emails or in postings.

There are many precautions that you can take NOW to protect yourself in advance from the unwelcome attention of a cyberstalker. Remember: The goal of a cyberstalker is CONTROL. Your task is to reverse this situation. Keep control of who you communicate with on the Internet. To do this, you may like to consider the advice below. Remember, the time to deal with cyberstalking is before you become a target.

CYBERSTALKING PREVENTION TIPS

If you are being harassed online by a cyberstalker, the chances are that you are not the first person they have stalked. Cyberstalkers, like other predators, are opportunists. They know what they are looking for and how to get it. “Stalking” is a “power” crime, the stalkers has the power to make you suffer and enjoys that power. Stalkers’ self-esteem rises when they attack your self- esteem. The more pain and suffering they can cause, the better they feel about themselves. The best protection against becoming a target of stalking is not to reveal anything personal that you might have in common. Often, stalkers are mentally unstable, paranoid, delusional, and extremely jealous, and have extremely low self-esteem. Stalkers may display selfishness, malice, sadism, be very cunning and arrogant. Most are anti-social, and to put it in layman’s terms, be a “control freak”, enjoying manipulating other people. They crave power over others, and enjoy the type power that hurts other people. harassment is common enough in live chat on the Internet.

The three most common ways it can start are:

1) sexual harassment (or innuendo);

2) a flame war (argument that gets out of hand);

3)users that show their technological power by attacking innocent users, channels or even networks.

Those who regularly start flame wars online are rude and obnoxious people, often having poor social and communication skills. Their idea of fun is throwing obscene abuse at another just to upset them. These kind of harassers are often loners who don”t have a companion and their attempts to attract your attention is often clumsy and crude. Care should always be taken when turning the away, as the are highly sensitive to rejection and humiliation, and could cause a vendetta to start against you. Understand that although clumsy and crude in most cases, the stalker is not stupid, they are very organized and usually experienced in their war against you.

Stalking is a form of obsession. The difference between a normal cyber harasser and a cyberstalker, is this: harasser moves on to others and forgets you and a stalkers will come back to stalk you another day.

The Internet enables the stalker, his powers, in most cases, merely a knowledge of the technology is all required to have the ability to stalk another user. Most stalkers, having been rejected desire to instill fear in users, therefore, upsetting the normal enjoyment of the Internet.

Note that educated, smooth talking, responsible people also can be stalkers, appearing to be a perfect gentleman or lady with perfect manners. The major “clue” to cyberstalking, is when the stalker pushes for information regarding you personal life, private life, or life away from the net. Rule of thumb, as it may be referred to is: “NEVER GIVE ANY PERSONAL INFORMATION ACROSS THE INTERNET!”

Online meetings should stay online, the individuals are, in fact, strangers. Online, the physical warning signs usually in the “body language” are missing. Also the clues of personality within the voice and eyes are missing. All there is to determine a personality is the skill in which they type there messages. There is no code of honor in protecting privacy on the Internet. Each user should therefore take steps to protect their privacy online.

1) never specify gender

2) use neutral-gender names

3) change your password often

4) edit your online profiles often

5) review your email headers and signatures often

6) use secure chat programs that do not permit tracking of your isp#

7) use a good chat network

8) use standard names, passive names to as to not draw attention to you

9) use anonymous remailers

10)use an anonymous browser

11)use encryption to authenticate email

12) discuss privacy with your server.

And last: learn your technology. REMEMBER: PROTECT YOURSELF!

GRAFX-SPECS DESIGN & HOSTING

How a psychopath views you

One of the reasons I’m allowed here is the extent to which I am able to ‘reveal’ or illuminate the psychopathic condition through not only what I say but how I say it. Some posts, through their subject matter, will reveal more than others. That is not something which especially interests me, but since it’s important to someone, it is fair to say that this is probably one of those extra-revelatory posts.  

People are resources to be used like any other. But they’re not all the same, they are individuals. I don’t need to label them in order to interact with them. All the same, for the people I come into contact with, I categorise them into four different groups based on their value to me. I say “I categorise them”, it’s not something I’m overly conscious of, but when I interact with a specific person I conceptualise and treat them based on their group. And like I said, I’m not talking about people’s objective value, just their value in relation to my needs and wants.

So enough waffling already, what are the groups?

• Useful – people to be used for something of value they have. They’re a pretty common type. Analogous with tools.
• Entertainment – people with whom I interact for pleasure. Not too many at the minute, though obviously their number goes up and down as people come and go. Analogous with toys, and in some favourable cases, pets.
• Threat – people who may cause problems for my wellbeing. The least common group by far.
• Unimportant – people who have no value, either positive or negative, to me. Basically most people on the planet.

One issue with this list is it could be argued that entertainment is just a more specific form of usefulness; the person’s utility lies in their entertainment value.  People whose entertainment value is very great may become my friends. I’ll have to talk about friends in another post.

So which are you? Well, you’re reading this so I guess you’re helping to support one of my hobbies, which makes you a cause of my entertainment. On the other hand, most of you are silent readers and for all I know you’re not the same crowd from week to week, which would make the individual reader rather unimportant. Nevertheless, that status belies how I really feel about you who read my posts; I greatly value your continued interest in what I’ve got to say – why else would I write?

Should you leave a comment, you’d certainly stand a good chance of an upgrade. And you’d be able to tell whether it worked from my reaction. If I reply, you’ve become entertainment in yourself. It doesn’t take much, just a comment that isn’t completely unintelligible or boring. Who knows, you may even share information so valuable that you become useful, for a while.

You can of course be more than one thing at a time; people I make use of may also be people I like. It’s when you’re just the former but you think you’re the latter where problems are generated – for you. So if you had a really charming friend or lover who left you one day without a backward glance, and whom you now believe to be a psychopath, it was almost certainly the case that you were only being used for whatever your ‘friend’ or ‘lover’ wanted at the time. When they left, it was because they decided that – what is that phrase again? – your usefulness was at an end. Still, at least they didn’t snap you in half on their knee.

Unimportant or not, your views are bound to interest someone. So leave a comment!